Willie Mays Hayes
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Quotes for
Willie Mays Hayes (Character)
from Major League (1989)

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Major League (1989)
[the Indians are on a plane during a thunderstorm]
Willie Mays Hayes: Call the stewardess, Vaughn. I need one of those bags.
Rick Vaughn: There aren't any stewardesses.
Willie Mays Hayes: I wonder if they are any pilots.

[sliding into home plate in a tux]
Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express Card. Don't steal home without it.

[Dressed in tuxedos, every team member, except Willie, stands behind Home Plate and looks at us]
Everybody: Hello. Do you know us?
[Everybody, except Rick, puts on their caps]
Everybody: We're a Major League Baseball team.
Jake Taylor: But since we haven't won a pennant in over 30 years, nobody recognizes us - not even in our own home town.
Eddie Harris: That's why we carry the American Express card.
Rick Vaughn: No matter how far out of first we are, it's cool. You know, it keeps us from getting shut out at our favorite hotels and restaurant-type places.
Pedro Cerrano: [pointing to us] So if you're looking for some Big-League clout, apply for that little green home-run hitter.
Roger Dorn: Look what it's done for US. People still DON'T recognize us but...
[Roger snaps his fingers]
Lou Brown: We're contenders now.
[Also dressed in a tuxedo, Willie slides into home plate and holds up a green credit card]
Willie Mays Hayes: The American Express card: Don't steal home without it.

Jake Taylor: That's my wife...
Willie Mays Hayes: Does she know that?
Jake Taylor: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?
Willie Mays Hayes: I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.
Rick Vaughn: Want me to drag him outta here, kick the shit out of him?

Willie Mays Hayes: Don't you guys go anywhere. I plan to put on a hitting display.

[Introducing himself]
Willie Mays Hayes: Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

Willie Mays Hayes: [looks over Jake's shoulder and see's him reading] Moby Dick? What you reading that for?
Jake Taylor: This happens to be a masterpiece of American Literature.
Willie Mays Hayes: [chuckles] Lynn turn you on to that?
Jake Taylor: Yeah... a long time ago.
Willie Mays Hayes: Well listen, if we ever get out of here, me and the other guys are going to a club later on tonight. You want to come with us?
Jake Taylor: [frustrated] Oh, I can't, I got some reading to do.
Willie Mays Hayes: [rolls his eyes] What man, you got a test or something? Jake, man why don't you just go over there and see her. Maybe she'll let you slide on a couple of these.
Jake Taylor: Well I would if I knew where she lived.
Willie Mays Hayes: That's easy! Just tail her home from the library.
Jake Taylor: You mean sit in my car and wait for her to get out of work and then follow her? That's kind of juvenille don't you think?
Willie Mays Hayes: [ponders it for a split second] Yeah!

Willie Mays Hayes: What the hell league you been playing in?
Rick Vaughn: California Penal...
Willie Mays Hayes: Never heard of it. How'd you end up playing there?
Rick Vaughn: Stole a car.

Heywood: [Hayes has just reached on an infield single] You really knocked the crap out of that one.
Willie Mays Hayes: Oh, I plan to get at least a double out of this.
[shows Heywood his black gloves]
Willie Mays Hayes: I bought a hundred of these. One for every base I'm gonna steal. Excuse me while I take my first step toward the Hall of Fame.
Heywood: My ass.
Harry Doyle: [Hayes takes his lead off first base] We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a hell of a job.
Heywood: Real hard to steal second with your shoe untied.
Harry Doyle: [Hayes looks down, then gets thrown out by the pitcher] Throw to first... Hayes is picked off! Personally, I think we got hosed on that call.

Willie Mays Hayes: [to Jake] Cerrano's looking for some extra power for tonight. He's looking to sacrifice a live chicken. Man, we can't have people puking in the locker room before the game!

Heywood: Going somewhere, meat?
Willie Mays Hayes: About 90 feet.

Lou Brown: [at a team meeting] Can I have your attention, please?
[picks up a bat and leans on it like a walking stick]
Lou Brown: I have something I think you all ought to know about.It seems that Mrs. Phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth. She put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knocking attendance down to the point where she could move the team to Miami... and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
Roger Dorn: Even me?
Lou Brown: Even you, Dorn.
Eddie Harris: What if we DON'T finish last?
Lou Brown: She'll REPLACE you with somebody who WILL. After this season, you'll be sent back to the minors or given your outright release.
Jake Taylor: [Jake stands up] Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do.
Roger Dorn: What's that?
Jake Taylor: Win the whole fucking thing.
[long pause]
Willie Mays Hayes: [Willie stands up] Yeah.
Pedro Cerrano: [Pedro pounds his hand] YES!
[everyone talks amongst themselves]

Willie Mays Hayes: We should've got the live chicken.

Willie Mays Hayes: [waking up to find himself outside with the others already running] Shit! I've been cut already?
[runs in his pajamas along with the two players already being timed]
Pepper Leach: Who the hell is that?
[Hayes overtakes the other 2 players despite their head start. Leach shows his time on the stopwatch to Lou Brown]
Lou Brown: Get him a uniform.

Eddie Harris: [looking at Vaughn's new glasses] Hey, man, they look nice. I had a pair just like them.
Rick Vaughn: Well, after the game I'm gonna go pick out a pair that's more me.
Eddie Harris: Good luck.
Lou Brown: They look good. Besides, seeing is the most important thing, son.
Willie Mays Hayes: I don't think it's that important.
Rick Vaughn: [looking back into mirror] Fuck...

Lou Brown: Well, you can run like Hays, but you hit like shit. With your speed, you should be hitting the ball on the ground and be legging them out. Everytime I see you hit one in the air, you owe me 20 push-ups.
Willie Mays Hayes: Hey, no problem!
[pops a ball up]
Willie Mays Hayes: Shit.
[does push-ups]


Major League II (1994)
[Jake and Rube are discussing Rube's problems as a catcher]
Jake Taylor: What exactly is your problem?
Rube Baker: Well, uh...
[a limo's horn sounds and the limo pulls up]
Rube Baker: Well, uh... hell that's the biggest damn car I ever saw.
Willie Mays Hayes: [an entourage of eleven people gets out of the car, followed by Willie] Say Jake! Oh-hooo! Ha-ha!
Rube Baker: Who are they?
Jake Taylor: [stunned] They are our centerfielder.

Willie Mays Hayes: Told you I wasn't gonna slide!
Jack Parkman: You got a long way to go peckerhead
Willie Mays Hayes: That's Mr. Peckerhead to you, PAL!

Willie Mays Hayes: [talking about the promo for his film] That spot didn't show the real dramatic parts, like when they kill my boa constrictor and I vow revenge.
Jake Taylor: Oh.

Jake Taylor: [Seeing Vaughn coming back into the dugout] Hey, didn't I tell you to go to the bullpen.
Rick Vaughn: We're down by 10 runs, Jake.
Jake Taylor: Well you can still get some work in.
Rick Vaughn: I've had enough of that maniac out there.
Jake Taylor: [after seeing Rube Baker get hit with a pitch] Hayes, go run for Rube.
Willie Mays Hayes: My legs hurtin'.
Roger Dorn: [Stands up] I'll run.
[Jake sits him down]
Jake Taylor: Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there.
Willie Mays Hayes: The Gutless Wonder doesn't have to pitch. Why should I have to run?
Rick Vaughn: Who you calling a Gutless Wonder, Tin Man?
Willie Mays Hayes: Tin Man? I got genuine leg injury here, pal.
Rick Vaughn: That limp is the best acting you've done all year.
Willie Mays Hayes: [Grabs Vaughn by the arm] Well at least I don't have some Cover Girl dragging me around by my Johnson.

[Willie is in his first at-bat and points his bat to the left field fence]
Harry Doyle: And look at this. Willie Mays Hayes is calling his shot.
Johnny: All right Willie! Right here!
Rube Baker: What's he pointing at? Does he know somebody out there!
Harry Doyle: Hayes steps in and gets his pitch. There's a swing and it's going toward left. And it is...
[Willie hits the ball and the left fielder catches it at the warning track]
Harry Doyle: Not quite gone.
Willie Mays Hayes: That had to be the wind.
Johnny: It must have been the wind.

Jake Taylor: [after Rube get's hit by a pitch] Hayes, go run for Rube.
Willie Mays Hayes: My leg's hurtin'.
Roger Dorn: [stands up] I'll run.
Jake Taylor: [sits Dorn back down] Rube's hurting worse than you. Now get in there!
Willie Mays Hayes: [pointing to Vaughn] If the gutless wonder doesn't have to pitch than why should I have to run?
Rick Vaughn: [gets up] Who are you calling a gutless wonder, tin man?
Willie Mays Hayes: Tin man?
[gets up limping]
Willie Mays Hayes: I got a genuine leg injury here, pal.
Rick Vaughn: And that limp is the best acting you've done all year.
[turns around to leave]
Willie Mays Hayes: [turns Vaughn around] Well at least I don't have some cover girl dragging me around by my johnson.
[Vaughn tackles Hayes as he walks away, starting a brawl]

Willie Mays Hayes: [sees that Rube's injured] Lucky son of a gun. At least you ain't gotta hang around to play the second game, right?
[walks away]
Rube Baker: Hey, Willie. Willie! I can't believe you said that. Shit! I talked to a boy in the bleachers the other day who hales from downtown. He told me the most grass he's ever seen in his whole life is the patch that we get to play on everyday.
[to the team]
Rube Baker: We're in the goldarn major leagues, boys. I don't know about any of you, but I've been waiting my whole life to get here. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna act like my best pig died just cuz we ain't doin' so good. I love to play baseball and I'll bet, somewhere along the line, you all did too.
[turns to Jake]
Rube Baker: I'm ready to play ball if you need me. My Dad figured I wouldn't amount to much except... well, I never came up with anything, but I know I can play ball a little. And a day of playin' ball is better than what most people have to do for a living. So just put me in someplace.