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Quotes for
Freddy Bender (Character)
from Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

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Intolerable Cruelty (2003)
Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor: strangling the witness.
Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it.

Miles Massey: Were there any other specifications?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: [in outrageous French accent] She spe-cif-i-cated a silly man.
Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor!
Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: She spe-cif-i-cated a man who, though clever at making money, would be easily duped and controlled.
Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor!
Miles Massey: Shut up, Freddy. She's allowing it.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: She spe-cif-i-cated a man with a wandering pee-pee. How you say? A philanderer whose affairs would be transparent to the world.
Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor!
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: Finally, a man whom she could herself brazenly cuckold until such time as she might choose to, uh - We would say, "faire un coup de marteau sur des fesses." You would say, "make hammer on his fanny."
Freddy Bender: Your Honor, objection! I-Irrelevant!
Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it!
Miles Massey: Tell us, Baron - Did you introduce her to such a man?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: Sir, I am the concierge!
Miles Massey: And to whom did you introduce that calculating woman?
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: I introduced her...
[points to Rex Rexroth]
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: to that silly man.
Freddy Bender: Your Honor, objection!
Miles Massey: Let the record show that the Baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!

Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: [in outrageous French accent] She said she wanted a very rich husband. She wanted to know the businesses and the wealths-s - the wealths-s-s - Can I say this? Wealths of our various eligible guests.
Miles Massey: And did she have any other specifications?
Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor. Inflammatory.
Miles Massey: What's good for the gander, Your Honor.
Freddy Bender: Is this a legal argument - What's good for the gander?

Miles Massey: I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.
Marylin Rexroth: Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.
Freddy Bender: No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.
Wrigley: Hear, hear.
Freddy Bender: Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.
Wrigley: Miles's house.
Freddy Bender: Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.

Miles Massey: "Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery..." Mrs. Rexroth, do you know those lines?
Freddy Bender: Objection, your honor.
Judge Marva Munson: Grounds?
Freddy Bender: Uh... poetry recitation.

Freddy Bender: If you have a proposal to make, let's hear it.
Miles Massey: Well, at this point, my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation.
Freddy Bender: My client's ruled that out.
Miles Massey: My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution to the marriage without prejudice.
Freddy Bender: That's a fart in a stiff wind.
Miles Massey: My client proposes a 30-day cooling-off period.
Freddy Bender: My client feels sufficiently dispassionate.
Miles Massey: My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order.

Miles Massey: All right, so much for the ice-breakers. What are you after, Freddy?
[takes a drink of water]
Freddy Bender: My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets.
[Miles spits out some water]
Miles Massey: Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred? While we're dreaming, why not 150? Are you familiar with "Kershner"?
Freddy Bender: "Kershner" does not apply.
Miles Massey: Bring this to trial, we'll see if "Kershner" applies.
Rex: What's "Kershner"?
Miles Massey: Please, let me handle this.
Freddy Bender: "Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey: "Kershner" was in Kentucky?
Freddy Bender: "Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey: All right, Freddy, forget "Kershner". What's your bottom line?
Freddy Bender: Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets.
Miles Massey: What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten "Kershner"?

Miles Massey: Your Honor, I call Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.
Bailiff: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy.
Guard #1: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Guard #2: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Guard #3: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Freddy Bender: Problem?
Marylin Rexroth: Puffy.
Guard #4: Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy!
Wrigley: Tenzing Norgay.

Miles Massey: A husband? That's an unusual request. Did she specify what kind of a husband she was looking for?
Freddy Bender: Objection!
Judge Marva Munson: Grounds?
Freddy Bender: Uh... Hearsay.
Miles Massey: On second hand, Your Honor, this is direct testimony about the Baron's own conversation.
Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it.
Heinz, the Baron Krauss von Espy: She said she wanted a very rich husband. She wanted to know the businesses and the wealthses... wealthses... can I say it... wealthses of our various eligible guests.