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: You were checking me out, weren't you? Kate
: Yes, I was. You got a problem with that? Tom
: Twelve kids later and we still got the heat. Kate
: Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse for excessive force has been lifted, so you're going today. Sarah Baker
: Yes! Kate
: Henry, you have band practice, all right? I cleaned your clarinet. Please don't play with food in your mouth again. Kim and Jessica, your teacher called and has made a request that you do not correct her in front of the class. Mike, you have show-and-tell today. And please, honey, remember that body parts do not count. Kyle and Nigel, you have a dentist's appointment at three o'clock, so you're going to work with Dad. Nigel Baker
, Kyle Baker
: For the record, I am so over Nora's hand-me-downs. Kate
: All right. You look gorgeous in anything, Lorraine.
: Is Jake your only child? Kate
: Oh no. We have 12. Tom
: I couldn't keep her off of me.
: Look alive.
: My book's getting published. Tom
: Did I tell you we're going to have it all? Kate
: You've never said that. Tom
: [Sweeping Kate onto the bed
] I'm telling you now, baby. Lorraine
: [Rushing from the room
] Oh my god, can you guys just please wait till I leave the room? Tom
: [Between kisses
] Can you hurry?
: It's gettin' so as I can hardly go out in public any more. I mean, really, between the autograph hounds and the paparazzi... Kate
: Autographs and everything? I mean, just the one commercial, and you have paparazzi? Hank
: Yeah. I've never actually seen them, but, you know, they hide in the bush and... they get their shot.
: Dude, two words: need new skates. Kate
: Dude, three words: paper route.
: [to another person while Kate is in the room
] Well, I guess the wife just answered our question. Kate
: The Wife's name is "Kate", Shake.
: She says she will help us out if they can stay in the same room. Kate
: No. No way. No, she knows the rules.
[Talking to the kids
: She wants to have her own room when she's here isn't that sweet,
: Like you said, twelve's a big number...
: You need a paramedic? Tom
: No, just a pair o' knees.
: [seeing Nora making out with Hank on the couch in front of the family
] Nora, sweetie, want to help me in the kitchen?
[after Nora doesn't respond, she claps
: NORA, STOP!
[Nora breaks away from Hank
: Yeah, uh huh. Kate
: Wanna help me in the kitchen? Get a pie, look at a picture of Grandma, say the rosary. Come on, kids. Here we go. Everybody out.
: [referring to Hank
] He's not a doorknob. Jake
: He irons his jeans, Mom. Kate
: Yeah that's weird.
: Okay, I'll stay a few extra days, but call me if anything's wrong. The house blows up, the kids stage a coup, I'm home.
: Put the kids on, let me talk to someone. Tom
: [huddled in the closet
] Oh, well, they're studying, and it's the tri, trigo, trig stuff we aren't all that good at, and they've formed a study group, it's like a little Think Tank thing.
[an axe blade breaks through the door of the closet
: I... I'd just hate to break that up. Kate
: Okay, well, I gotta go honey, bye. Tom
] Nigel Baker
: C'mon Dad, don't hide in the closet! Kyle Baker
: Take it like a man!
] I guess you could say that when Tom and I left Midland we had a mess of theories about how to raise children. We still have a mess of children, but no theories. Sure, 12 is still our number. It's the number of months my book was on the bestseller list. It's the number of job offers Tom turned down before we found one close to home. And each day it's the number of times I'm thankful there's such a thing as family.
] Kate 'Mom' Baker
: Honey you actually bought that shirt? Tom Baker
: Hey every dad is entitled to one hideous shirt, and one horrible sweater. It's part of the dad code.
: Winnetka? That's my middle name. Kyle Baker
: And Lake is mine. Tom Baker
: That's because you were conceived there. Nigel Baker
: What's that mean? Jessica Baker
: It means mom and dad had... Kate 'Mom' Baker
: ...a conversation, that we would discuss it much later when everybody could understand!
Kate 'Mom' Baker
: She couldn't even come to me and tell me she wanted to wear make up!