Jane Harper
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Quotes for
Jane Harper (Character)
from Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)

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Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)
Jane Harper: We might be in a little bit of a pickle, Dick.

Dick Harper: Son of a bitch!
Jane Harper: That fucker!
Dick Harper: Hon, language.

Dick Harper: [after watching the news saying he is going to be indicted] Indicted?
Jane Harper: Dick?
Dick Harper: [screaming] Indicted!
Jane Harper: Dick, its gonna' be alright.
Dick Harper: [starts running around house screaming] Indicted, Indicted, I'm being Indicted!
Jane Harper: [Yells to him in a different room] Dick calm down.
Dick Harper: [Runs back in to bedroom]
[In pitiful voice]
Dick Harper: I can't calm down, I'm being indicted...

Jane Harper: I went to this Botox Experiment, and I had a little accident... does it really look that bad?
Dick Harper: No. Just... different.
Day Laborer: Hey Dick, can we talk about these some other time?

Dick Harper: [holding McCallister at gunpoint] I've been terminated, bankrupted, deported and blackmailed because of you, and I'm not leaving here without your money.
Jack McCallister: What are you gonna do, Dick? Shoot me if I don't approve that form?
Dick Harper: Write me a check.
Jack McCallister: You are kidding me.
Jane Harper: Dick, it's not going to do us any good. He's just going to cancel it the minute we walk out of here.
Dick Harper: I don't care... I don't care. I'm not walking out of this bank empty-handed.
Jack McCallister: ...Alright. Alright, Dick, I'm gonna write you a check. I'm gonna need my hand back though.
Dick Harper: Gladly.
[releases grip]
Jack McCallister: Alright, yes sir, I'm gonna write you that check, and what's more I'm not gonna cancel it as soon as I leave the bank because I think it takes alotta cojones to do what you two have done here today, and I admire that. So, here you go. Just a little something to show you what I think you're worth.
[hands him a check for $100]
Jack McCallister: Y'all take care now.

Jane Harper: [posing as a Jeet Kun Do instructor] My name is Jane and I'll be your instructor here today for beginners' Jee Kum Pow.

Jane Harper: Our lawn was repossessed today. I didn't know they could even do that.

Jane Harper: [sees her lawn getting repossessed] Hector, what's going on? What, what happened?
Hector: Your check go bouncy-bounce. But it's okay, I heard what happened to your husband. Not everybody can afford landscaping like this.
Jane Harper: Hector, please!
Hector: I am sorry, Miss Jane.
Jane Harper: [sees her neighbor] Oh, no. No, no, no, no, NO! This is all- everything is all WRONG! I want this out. Roll it all up! I ordered Kentucky Bluegrass! This! Is! GREEN!

Fun with Dick and Jane (1977)
Jane Harper: Interesting that the only two jobs you think I am qualified for are a secretary and a prostitute.
Dick Harper: You're not qualified to be a secretary.

Dick Harper: Do you mind if I kiss you in a public place?
Jane Harper: I'd mind if you kissed me in a private place with all these people around.

Jane Harper: What kind of lunatic spends $1000 on lunch when he's out of a job and deeply in debt?
Dick Harper: The kind that knows you can't get a job if you look like a loser.
Jane Harper: If I was Diners Club, I'd your stomach bronzed and put it in the Hall of Fame.