Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri
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Quotes for
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri (Character)
from "The Sopranos" (1999)

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"The Sopranos: Soprano Home Movies (#6.13)" (2007)
[playing Monopoly]
Janice Soprano: [reading card aloud] "Second prize in a beauty contest collect $10." Go ahead, make your stupid joke.
Tony Soprano: I got nothing to say.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Think I'll buy a railroad.
Tony Soprano: A German shepherd's shaved asshole won first prize.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Oh! You're talkin' about my wife.
Tony Soprano: You married her.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: It's my home. No more talkin' like that.
Janice Soprano: It's OK, Bobby.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Stay outta this! You Sopranos. You go too far.
Tony Soprano: Alright, you know, Jan, he's right. I'm sorry. I crossed the line. I apologize. Won't happen again.
Tony Soprano: [quietly begins singing "Under the Boardwalk"] Under the Boardwalk. With a schlong in Jan's mouth. Under the...
[Bobby punches Tony in the face. The two have a fistfight]

Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: My pop bought this place 'cause it was close to Canada. He had ties to Montreal. You know, Tone. And his father, my grandpop, come into the country originally through Montreal illegally.
Carmela Soprano: No kidding. He wasn't Ellis Island, your grandfather?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Nah. Got mixed up in some shenanigans on the other side. Anti-government or somethin'. Had a police record... They oughta build a wall now though. I'm tellin' ya.
[everyone nods]
Carmela Soprano: Amen.

Tony Soprano: My estimate, historically? Eighty percent of the time it ends up in the can like Johnny Sack. Or on the embalming table at Cozzarelli's.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Don't even say it.
Tony Soprano: No risk, no reward.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I mean, our line of work, it's always out there. You probably don't even hear it when it happens, right?
Tony Soprano: Ask your friend there on the wall.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [laughs] Listen to us. Morbid fucks.
Tony Soprano: You know, come to think of it, you never popped your cherry in that regard, right?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Nah.
Tony Soprano: Your old man was the fuckin' Terminator.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I come close. I done other shit but... no.
Tony Soprano: A salut. A big fat pain in the balls.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Especially now with DNA evidence. My pop never wanted it for me. Said there were times, with all the worry, that he wished he coulda just stayed in the shop full-time, just cut hair.
Tony Soprano: To be honest, I'd rather he fuckin' shot me than cut my hair.
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [laughs]

Janice Soprano: You want to swap family stories Tone? How about the time when Mom and Dad were coming back from the Copa?
Tony Soprano: That's enough Janice!
Janice Soprano: [laughing] Mom's hair!
Tony Soprano: That didn't even happen! And anyway, it's not for public concern!
Carmela Soprano: What? Oh my God! What?
Janice Soprano: They were driving back from Manhattan, with Uncle June and his goomar. Oh! What was her name?
Tony Soprano: Your ass!
Janice Soprano: That's how we heard the story through her...
Janice Soprano: Rosemary. My father's driving, and she's ragging on his ass. You know how she gets. He's been drinking, I guess. And he takes out his gun!
Carmela Soprano: Oh my God!
Janice Soprano: BOOM!
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Holy shit!
[Tony looks embarrassed]
Janice Soprano: Fuckin' blew right through her beehive hairdo!
[Carmela, Janice and Bobby burst out laughing]
Carmela Soprano: [laughing] I can't believe you never told me that story!
Janice Soprano: Yeah! What's the big deal!
Tony Soprano: 'Cause it makes us look like a fuckin' dysfunctional family!
Tony Soprano: Jesus Christ!
Janice Soprano: My turn!
Tony Soprano: [to Carmela] And don't you ever tell the kids that about their grandfather!
Carmela Soprano: Of course not!

"The Sopranos: Do Not Resuscitate (#2.2)" (2000)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: If I were you, I would seriously consider salads!
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Why won't you take a look in a mirror, you insensitive fuck!

Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: To the victor goes the spoils!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Now, get the fuck outta here before I shoved that quotation book up your fat fucking ass!

"The Sopranos: The Second Coming (#6.19)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: Talk about a trip. I met this girl, fuckin' beautiful. We did peyote.
Silvio Dante: Come on!
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Really?
Carlo Gervasi: Bobby did mushrooms once. Stuffed mushrooms, a whole fuckin' platter.

Tony Soprano: [Tony enters the room and everybody becomes quiet] alright let's dispense with the five hundred pound elephant in the room, my kid tried to off himself we all fucking know, that's it? Nobody's got nothing to say?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: How's he doing?
Tony Soprano: They got him "under observation" whatever the fuck that means
[to himself]
Tony Soprano: stupid fuck, where did I lose this kid?
[to everybody]
Tony Soprano: what did I do wrong?
Silvio Dante: Don't blame yourself
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: A lot of pressure on kids today
Tony Soprano: It's enough for him to try to kill himself?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: It happens
Tony Soprano: [to Bobby] did it happen to your kids?
[to patsy]
Tony Soprano: or yours?
Patsy Parisi: They're all different my son Patrick I love him to death but he can be a moody prick sometimes
Silvio Dante: When heather was fifteen she went through a rough patch
Patsy Parisi: Jason same thing, his got the hyperactivity to boot
Carlo Gervasi: My son too, the older one James
Paulie Walnuts: He tried to kill himself?
Carlo Gervasi: No, I don't know he gets the blues
Silvio Dante: The important thing is AJ is getting the help he needs, whatever it is I'm sure it's just a chemical imbalance
Paulie Walnuts: If you ask me it's all these toxins the kids are exposed to, it fucks with their brains, between the Mercury in fish alone, it's a wonder why there's even more kids jumping off bridges

"The Sopranos: For All Debts Public and Private (#4.1)" (2002)
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Mom started going downhill after the World Trade Center. You know Quasimodo predicted all this.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who did what?
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: All these problems - the Middle East, the end of the world.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nostradamus. Quasimodo's the Hunchback of Notre Dame.
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Oh right. Notre Damus.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nostradamus, and Notre Dame. Two different things completely.
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: It's interesting though, they'd be so similar, isn't it?" And I always thought okay, Hunchback of Notre Dame. You also got your quarterback and halfback of Notre Dame.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: One's a fucking cathedral.
Bobby "Bacala" Baccalieri: Obviously. I know, I'm just saying. It's interesting, the coincidence. What you're gonna tell me you never pondered that? The back thing with Notre Dame?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No!

"The Sopranos: Mayham (#6.3)" (2006)
A.J. Soprano: [In the hospital] what's up?
Christopher Moltisanti: You were at South Mountain Arena yesterday trying to buy a gun from that asshole that works in the snack stand?
A.J. Soprano: Who told you that?
Christopher Moltisanti: We know how you feel but you can't do this.
A.J. Soprano: I can't believe you know this, who told you this?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: If my father was laying in there shot I'd be thinking the same thing.
Christopher Moltisanti: But you can't go this.
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, well why the fuck not?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Listen to me, I'm your uncle Junior's in federal lock up, no one's getting to him in there.
A.J. Soprano: It's difficult but not impossible.
Christopher Moltisanti: Trust me your dad does not want you to get involved
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: You've got to channel that rage elsewhere, like golden gloves
Christopher Moltisanti: Dumb bells or some shit, fuck your girlfriend more

"The Sopranos: University (#3.6)" (2001)
Ralphie Cifaretto: Oh one nod, not even a hello?
Tracee: Fuck you, asshole.
Ralphie Cifaretto: Oh that's very nice. That's how you talk to a man in front of his friends?
Tracee: Yeah, right. What man?
Christopher Moltisanti: Oh a double!
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: You tell him, sweety!
Gigi Cestone: [clapping] I like this girl!
Ralphie Cifaretto: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why wasn't I born hansome instead of rich?

"The Sopranos: Cold Cuts (#5.10)" (2004)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony storms into Janice and Bobby's home after he saw a news report that showed Janice was arrested for fighting with a parent during a children's soccer game] Where is she?
Janice Soprano: It wasn't my fault.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My name was all over the TV because of your bullshit!
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: It's not simple, apparently that woman's kid was picking on Sophia.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Bobby and Janice] Why didn't they collar her then?
Janice Soprano: I am suing the township for "wrongful arrest."
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No you're not! What you're going to do is, you're going to call my lawyer, plea it down, pay the fine and not turn this into one of your cause célèbres.
Janice Soprano: You'd take anybody's side but mine, that bitch is lucky I didn't kill her.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: we know that
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [Confused] What?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [To Janice] You and your temper
Janice Soprano: [to Tony] Get out!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Bobby] This is the end of it.
Janice Soprano: [yelling louder] Get out!
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [Tony goes outside and Bobby follows him] I know this looks bad, but on the other hand, she called Sophia her daughter.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't give a fuck., OK I do give a fuck. How many times do I have to tell you? Get control of your wife!

"The Sopranos: Irregular Around the Margins (#5.5)" (2004)
Dante Greco: [Over the phone with Silvio] Tony walked away without a scratch but Adriana suffered a severe blow to the head
Silvio Dante: [Over the phone with Hesh] Adriana got caught giving the big guy a blow job
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: [Over the phone with Paulie] when the paramedics found her, she still had his cock in his mouth
Hesh: [Over the phone Hesh] statistics show that most single car fatalities are the results of guys "popping their loads" behind the wheel
Junior Soprano: [Over the phone] apparently, he came all over the sun visor
Agent Deborah Ciccerone-Waldrup: [Over the phone with her colleague] guess who "went down" on Tony Soprano?

"The Sopranos: Where's Johnny? (#5.3)" (2004)
Tony Soprano: Free spirit Janice! Rebel without a cause! While I sit here mired in her bullshit, trying to be a good son, while you're off dropping acid and blowing roadies!
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Roadies?
Tony Soprano: Oh, you don't wanna know!

"The Sopranos: Chasing It (#6.16)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: [about Hesh] Did you see that pissy attitude? Come all the way out here to pick him up. Not to mention, give him his fuckin' vig in person. I mean, you believe this fuckin' guy?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: You should tell him to go fuck himself and his 200K. And what's he gonna do about it?
Tony Soprano: And not pay my debts? Head of the family? How's that gonna look?
Carlo Gervasi: Who's gonna know? It's like Eddie Valentine.
Tony Soprano: The guy from Philly? With the polio leg and the built up shoe?
Carlo Gervasi: Nah, from the fuckin' "Twilight Zone". You musta seen that one. He's a small time hood, he gets shot...
Tony Soprano: Maybe you should start sucking cock instead of watching TV Land 'cause Vito brought in three times what you do on construction! Yeah! And I didn't have this fuckin' problem!

"The Sopranos: Live Free or Die (#6.6)" (2006)
Carlo Gervasi: [Asking Finn what he saw Vito was doing with the security guard] ,"catching" not "pitching"?
Finn Detrolio: [Nods] his not going to know I told you?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're going to have no problem from Vito, believe me
Finn Detrolio: [Nervously] what are you going to do?
Christopher Moltisanti: It'll be ok, we'll get him into therapy
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Giving Finn money] why don't you go out front get yourself a sandwich and a soda, any kind you like when we're done here somebody will drive you back
[Finn takes the money and leaves]
Christopher Moltisanti: [laughing] I want to kill the fat fagot myself it'd be a fucking honor cut off his pishadeel and feed it to him
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to everybody] there's no mistake now
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Yelling] I can't believe I stuck up for him I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: We can't have him in our social club anymore that much I do know
Carlo Gervasi: "Social club"? He's got to go
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I want to think about it
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I don't know
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Stands up yelling] what the fuck is there to think about?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to paulie] sit down
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Yelling] fuck that I'll say it again, what the fuck is there to think about?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Yelling] are you going to take care of his kids? When his gone?
Christopher Moltisanti: That's true, they didn't do anything poor little guys
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to tony] I'm sorry if I yelled it's just how much betrayal can I take?
Christopher Moltisanti: Vito a fag, big construction tycoon, when he was always talking about "greasing the union who knew that's what he meant?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to everybody] this stays in these four walls