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Quotes for
Phil Leotardo (Character)
from "The Sopranos" (1999)

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"The Sopranos: Stage 5 (#6.14)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: How was Florida?
Phil Leotardo: Hot and sticky, like my balls.

Phil Leotardo: Leonardo was a great Italian and that was our name originally, Leonardo. But many years ago, when my grandpa came over from Sicily, they changed it at Ellis Island from Leonardo to Leotardo.
Boy #3: Why'd they do that for?
Phil Leotardo: Because they're stupid, that's why. And jealous. They disrespected a proud Italian heritage, and named us after a ballet costume.
[girl raises her hand]
Phil Leotardo: Marissa.
Girl #2: That's for modern. In ballet, you wear tutus.
Boy #2: It doesn't make a difference.
Phil Leotardo: That's right, it doesn't.

Phil Leotardo: That cocksuckin' piece of shit Tony Soprano's cousin - I can't even say his name - murdered Billy. And what did I do about it?... My weakness. Sometimes I think it's in my DNA. My family took shit from the Merigans the minute we got off the boat.
Butch DeConcini: Come on, the fuck you talkin' about?
Phil Leotardo: Leotardo. That's my fuckin' legacy... No more, Butchie. No more of this.

"The Sopranos: Chasing It (#6.16)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: Marie Spatafore came to see me. She wants a hundred grand to relocate on account of Vito, Jr. already has his own social worker.
Phil Leotardo: Patty told me there was doin's. I guess the turd doesn't fall far from the faggot's ass

Phil Leotardo: [talking about Vito Spatafore's son Vito Jr] I guess the turd didn't fall far from the faggot's ass.

Phil Leotardo: [to Vito Jr] What the hell's wrong with you? You look like a Puerto Rican whore. You make me sick.

"The Sopranos: The Second Coming (#6.19)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: When you were sick in the hospital, we talked. We shared a, uh... an understanding about life.
Phil Leotardo: This is business, Anthony.
Tony Soprano: Yeah, I know. But I'm talkin' to you here on a human level. There's a limit, Phil. C'mon. A point where business bleeds into other shit. Feelings make things financially unfeasible.
Phil Leotardo: [chuckles] Charles Schwab, over here.
Tony Soprano: So that's it. No leeway, no compromise, just stupid fuckin' jokes.
Phil Leotardo: You want compromise, how's this? Twenty years in the can I wanted manicott', but I compromised. I ate grilled cheese off the radiator instead. I wanted to fuck a woman, but I compromised. I jacked off into a tissue. You see where I'm goin'?

Phil Leotardo: [to Tony, from his window] That's right, cocksucker! Go back to New Jersey!
Little Carmine Lupertazzi: Phil, what are you doin'?
Phil Leotardo: Take that piece of shit and get off my stoop!
Little Carmine Lupertazzi: But we just talked about this.
Phil Leotardo: Well, cooler heads prevailed.
Little Carmine Lupertazzi: Uncle Philly!
Phil Leotardo: Uncle Philly, my ass!

"The Sopranos: Long Term Parking (#5.12)" (2004)
Phil Leotardo: Take your fuckin' sorrys and stick 'em in your ass.

Phil Leotardo: Anybody ever die in your arms, you cocksucker? A family member, somebody you love?
Tony Soprano: No.
Phil Leotardo: Well, give it time. See if I can't make that happen for you.

"The Sopranos: Where's Johnny? (#5.3)" (2004)
Phil Leotardo: Next time there won't be a next time.

Lorraine Calluzzo: No! Please! I'll suck your cock! All your cocks!
Phil Leotardo: Suck our cocks?
Lorraine Calluzzo: Yeah.
Phil Leotardo: [to her boyfriend] She any good?... What am I askin' *you* for? You probably showed her how.

"The Sopranos: The Blue Comet (#6.20)" (2007)
Phil Leotardo: Historically, Carmine always said the Sopranos are nothing more than a glorified crew. Plain and simple. We decapitate and we do business with whatever's left.
[to Albie]
Phil Leotardo: What?
Albie Cianflone: Nothin'. I agree in spirit but I gotta counsel.
Phil Leotardo: This thing shoulda been done during John's era.
Butch DeConcini: They got redundant upper management, bleeds off half the kick. We take 'em out, absorb the whole fuckin' thing.
Albie Cianflone: Take out an entire fuckin' family?
Phil Leotardo: Let me tell ya a couple of three things: Forget Coco, forget Fat Dom who goes over to Jersey and never comes back, forget my brother Billy.
Albie Cianflone: Phil, Phil, that's not what I'm sayin' at all.
Phil Leotardo: Anthony Soprano has no respect for this thing. He's never been in the can, not really. Here's a guy who stepped over his own uncle to grab the big seat, his father's brother.
Albie Cianflone: Please, huh?
Phil Leotardo: I'm embarrassed. I let him come to the hospital last Christmas, and I took his fat, fuckin' hand in friendship.
Albie Cianflone: Philly, ya had a heart attack.
Phil Leotardo: Listen to me. They make anybody and everybody over there. And the way that they do it, it's all fucked up. Guys don't get their finger pricked. There's no sword and gun on the table...
Albie Cianflone: Phil...
Phil Leotardo: No, Alb, either it has meaning or no meaning. And the Vito thing, the man harbors a faggot.
Albie Cianflone: It's true.
Phil Leotardo: Five fuckin' Families and we got this other pygmy thing over in Jersey... There's no scraps in my scrapbook... Make it happen.

"The Sopranos: Members Only (#6.1)" (2006)
Vito Spatafore: [Phil walks in] Oh! Finally! Startin' to grow mushrooms out my ass.
Phil Leotardo: There's an image.

"The Sopranos: Made in America (#6.21)" (2007)
Butch DeConcini: [walking up the street in Little Italy, over the phone] But I know you're disappointed, Phil. I can hear it in everything you're sayin'.
Phil Leotardo: [on a pay phone] Fuckin' A, I'm disappointed!
Butch DeConcini: I'm thinking... I dunno... Maybe...
Phil Leotardo: What? You're talkin' about reachin' out? We can't go back! Are you outta your fuckin' mind?
Butch DeConcini: No, I know.
Phil Leotardo: Then what'd you say it for?
Butch DeConcini: I didn't, Phil, you did.
Phil Leotardo: Listen, kid. When this is over, we're gonna sit down, me and you.
Butch DeConcini: I hope so.
Phil Leotardo: [rolls eyes] I can't hear ya, you're breakin' up.
Butch DeConcini: I said I hope...
[Phil hangs up]

"The Sopranos: Kaisha (#6.12)" (2006)
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: [In little Carmine's living room] As you all know, Phil asked me to arrange this meeting after the fire in the Wire Room
Phil Leotardo: Correction, you asked me to attend and I agreed
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: Fair enough, I'm not going to call this a "sit-down" because of the negative implications, let's think of it as "a meeting of minds". So, for whatever reasons, certain incidents have expired lately, in addition to being dangerous, it could have an adverse impact on our businesses, that's bottom line.
Phil Leotardo: I know Vito's bottom was "impacted" if that's what you're referring to
Tony Soprano: Call him what you will, but you're talking about one of my captains
Phil Leotardo: Captain? "The Ship Lollipop" right?
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: Phil, please
Phil Leotardo: Please my ass, the man was a fucking disgrace
Tony Soprano: Before he came out of the closet he worked for me and put a lot of paper in my pocket, yours too
Phil Leotardo: Talk about earners? How about "Fat Dom" Gamiello?
Silvio Dante: What about him?
Tony Soprano: So what fuck would I know about that?
Phil Leotardo: As coincidence would have it, he was last seen in New Jersey
Tony Soprano: So was the Hindenburg, maybe you should look into that too
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: Tony, Phil, please we're going off point. Remember, I grew up in all of this and I just lost my friend Rusty and if there's one thing my father taught me was this: "a pint of blood is worth more than a gallon of milk". My business, all of our businesses... this fighting is costing money.
Tony Soprano: I'm willingly to move forward, let the past be bygone
Phil Leotardo: Fine with me.
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: A Wise decision, on both your parts. I love to see a truce, wipe this day clean. The no-shows, The Wire Room, Vito, put it all behind us.
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: [to Phil] your brother Billy, whatever happened there.
Tony Soprano: [standing up] Alright then
Phil Leotardo: "whatever happened there.?"
Carmine Lupertazzi Jr.: the shooting
Phil Leotardo: [raising his voice] "whatever happened there.?"
Phil Leotardo: [Stands up and points at Tony] I'll tell you what happened: this piece of shit's cousin put six bullets without any provocation, what so ever.
Tony Soprano: [to Carmine] Jesus Christ, why would you possibly bring that up?

"The Sopranos: The Test Dream (#5.11)" (2004)
Angelo Garepe: Jesus, don't! Phil, please! Philly, you know me.
Phil Leotardo: You couldn't fuckin' retire?
Angelo Garepe: Philly, for God's sake, you know me!
[Phil shoots Angelo twice in the head]

"The Sopranos: All Due Respect (#5.13)" (2004)
Phil Leotardo: We're friends of your son, from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Joanne Moltisanti: What's your name?
Phil Leotardo: We're anonymous.

"The Sopranos: Mr. & Mrs. John Sacrimoni Request (#6.5)" (2006)
Phil Leotardo: [after Johnny Sack bursts into tears after being arrested by the FBI in front of everyone] I'll tell you this, my estimation about John Sacrimoni as a man, just fucking plummeted.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Give him a break, will ya? It's an emotional day.
Phil Leotardo: To cry like a woman? It's a fucking disgrace!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's fucking coach turned into a pumpkin.
Phil Leotardo: Even Cinderella didn't cry!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, when it comes to daughters, all bets are off. I've seen tougher guys than John cry at weddings.
Phil Leotardo: OK, but let me ask you this: if they can make him cry, and if he's that weak, what the fuck else can they make him do?
Christopher Moltisanti: I gotta agree with Phil, Tone.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [angrily] Oh you do, do ya?
Wedding Guest: Terrible out there, huh?
Phil Leotardo: He's an emotional man. LOVES his daughter.