Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri
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Quotes for
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri (Character)
from "The Sopranos" (1999)

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"The Sopranos: Made in America (#6.21)" (2007)
Patrick Parisi: [to Paulie, in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] Ay, we were discussing Dreamgirls. You see it?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: You people are fucked. You're living in a dream. And you still sit here talking about the fucking Oscars? "What rough beast slouches toward Bethlehem to be born?"
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Huh?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Yeets.
Meadow Soprano: A.J...
Tom Giglione: Yeats?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: The world... Don't you see it? I mean, Bush let Al-Qaeda escape...
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Oh!
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: ...in the mountains? Then he has us invade some other country?
Jason Gervasi: Let's join up, go kill some fuckin' terrorists.
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: It's more noble than watching these jack-off fantasies on TV of how we're kickin' their ass!

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] "In the midst of death, we are in life", huh? Or is it the other way around?
Meadow Soprano: I think it's the other way around.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Either version, you're halfway up the ass.

[the cat jumps on the table in main room in Satriale's]
Walden Belfiore: He was at the safe house. We brought him over.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Get him the fuck out. These are snakes with fur. The old Italians'll tell ya, you can't even put 'em around a baby. They suck the breath right out.
Benny Fazio: Well, you're the only baby here, so we're ahead of the game.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Ya wanna be wearin' his fuckin' pelt on ya head?

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [talking privately on two table in out front of Satriale's] I'm no spring chicken no more. I don't wanna have me dyin' on you and leavin' ya worse off than before.
Tony Soprano: Oh, you with the dead thing! Ya got the arms and upper body of a 20-year-old.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I gotta work at that. And I had the prostate.
Tony Soprano: Alright, sure. Go ahead. I'm a little miffled but yeah, sit with it.

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [talking privately on two tables in out front of Satriale's] Tone, I never told this to another livin' soul but...
Tony Soprano: Yeah?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: One time at the Bing, I was alone to meet Eddie Lind. I saw the Virgin Mary.
Tony Soprano: Why didn't you say somethin'? Fuck strippers, we coulda had a shrine. Sold holy water in gallon jugs. Coulda made millions.

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Waiting in a van] "Half an hour" he says, fucking hour and a half already.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: He is busy, enjoy the music.

Meadow Soprano: [in the dinning area of Nuovo Vesuvio] She had one American Idol
Barbara Giglione: No
Tom Giglione: Jennifer Hudson? Absolutely
Jason Parisi: Jason G was winner of Italian American Idol he could say "fuck" in one sentence than any other contestant
Meadow Soprano: Uncle Paulie come sit down
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah I'll sit with you I'm young at heart right? Who are you dear?
Tara Zincone: Tara Zincone Bobby's niece
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [gently rubs her hand] My condolences, I've lost two dear friends
Jason Parisi: Sil's hanging on
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I lost Ma last month you can take 2007 and give it back to the Indians
Meadow Soprano: I'm sorry
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What are going to do? Life goes on
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: It's like America
Jason Parisi: What about it?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: This is still where people come to make it, it's a beautiful idea and what do they get? Bling? Come on's for shit they don't need and can't afford?
Tara Zincone: You're all over the place I don't know what you're trying to say

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [over his cell phone, inside the Bada Bing strip club after business hours] I had a meeting down here with Carlo this morning we're supposed to see Butch and them on a couple of items, Carlo didn't show and he don't answer his phone neither
Tony Soprano: [over his cell phone at home] What are you thinking?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: That maybe we were had that this Butch has taken out another ranking guy
Tony Soprano: What if he flipped?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Who? Carlo?
Tony Soprano: Well? You there?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: His kid the imbecile
Tony Soprano: Jason?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Patsy told me he got picked up yesterday for selling Ecstasy

Walden Belfiore: [Paulie walks into the main room in Satriale's and sees the cat staring at the photo of Christopher] yeah, he does that all the time, sometimes he spends most of the day just staring at his picture you know their funny that way, I had an aunt her cat would only sit at exact corners of the table staring out or the intersection of two walls staring in
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: The fuck? This animal is history today, pick him up
Walden Belfiore: You pick him up
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Tony enters the room] T, you see this shit?
[Referring to the cat]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: he says he does it all time
Tony Soprano: [Referring to the cat] Oh yeah? Leave him, his a good guy
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Look at him staring at that dead kid, it gives me the fucking creeps
Tony Soprano: [to Walden] give us some privacy
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to Walden] what the fuck kind of name is that for an Italian?
Walden Belfiore: I was named after Mr. Bobby Darin, Walden Robert Cassotto
[Walden picks up the cat and leaves]
Tony Soprano: The Cifaretto crew, it's like a Chinese fire drill over there, especially now Carlo's absent
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I know
Tony Soprano: I want you to skipper that thing
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Really?
Tony Soprano: Fucking thing is like one big ATM machine, it's all in construction with New York, it falls right into your kick
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah
Tony Soprano: Jesus Christ I thought you'd be pleased I didn't just hand you a diagnosis of the clap
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: With all due respect I'd just like to mellow it a little

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [talking privately on two tables in out front of Satriale's, turning down Tony's offer of a promotion] with all due respect and I mean that from the bottom of my heart I'm going to pass
Tony Soprano: I don't fucking believe this, why?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Every guy that ran that crew died prematurely
Tony Soprano: Oh come on
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I beat cancer once you got no idea what that does to you
Tony Soprano: Yeah I know
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Richie Aprile, Ralphie, M.I.A, Vito and who knows with Carlo and Gigi
Tony Soprano: Gigi died taking a shit
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Doesn't mean it's not part of an overall pattern
Tony Soprano: You're going to die yourself you should leave a "package" to leave your niece who has MS, it's like your bullshit with the cat the fucking animal catches mice for us and you'd drown it
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I would
Tony Soprano: His not looking at Christopher a rat died back in the wall or some shit
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I moved the picture, the fucking thing came to the new spot and stared
Tony Soprano: The abstract shapes or something, I'll tell you this, since Christopher's death my gambling luck's turned a one eighty
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Oh, it's fine for you to believe that shit but I can't worry about a jinx? I tell you something from my heart and you laugh it off?
Tony Soprano: I'm not saying there's nothing out there for you but not live your life? What are you going to do? Alright you don't want the job? Then you don't want the job I could put Patsy in there his going to be a part of my family now, it'll be good
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Prick, you always know what to say to me don't you?
Tony Soprano: I'm serious
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I live but to serve you my liege


"The Sopranos: Pine Barrens (#3.11)" (2001)
Christopher Moltisanti: Russians? They're not all bad.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: How 'bout the Cuban Missile Crisis? Cocksuckers flew four nuclear missiles into Cuba, pointed them right at us.
Christopher Moltisanti: That was real? I saw that movie, I thought it was bullshit.

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: C'mon, Chrissy. All the shit we been through, you really think I'd kill ya?
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, I do.

[Paulie and Christopher botched a killing and are now stranded in the woods]
Christopher Moltisanti: For all we know, he could be out there stalking us.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: With what? His cock?

Christopher Moltisanti: We shoulda stopped at Roy Rogers.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah and I shoulda fucked Dale Evans but I didn't.

Tony Soprano: [over the phone] It's a bad connection so I'm gonna talk fast! The guy you're looking for is an ex-commando! He killed sixteen Chechen rebels single-handed!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Get the fuck outta here.
Tony Soprano: Yeah. Nice, huh? He was with the Interior Ministry. Guy's like a Russian green beret. He can not come back and tell this story. You understand?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I hear you.
[hangs up]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're not gonna believe this. He killed sixteen Czechoslovakians. Guy was an interior decorator.
Christopher Moltisanti: His house looked like shit.

[Paulie is getting a manicure]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to manicurist] Let's go with the satin finish.

[Christopher is urinating outside on Paulie's side of the van]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Ohhhh! Go do that by your own window! I don't wanna have to smell your piss all night!
Christopher Moltisanti: Fuck you, Paulie.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What'd you say?
Christopher Moltisanti: You heard me.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Don't make me pull rank on you, kid!
Christopher Moltisanti: Fuck you, Paulie! Captain or no captain, right now we're just two assholes lost in the woods.

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: First place I'm hittin' is Denny's!
Christopher Moltisanti: I know. Get like 5 of those Grand Slam breakfasts.


"The Sopranos: Remember When (#6.15)" (2007)
[Tony and Paulie are driving through Maryland]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Chevy Chase. Fuck ever happen to him?

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [about Beansie] Oof, Madon'! He pisses in a bag now? Jesus Christ, fuckin' kill me now. Huh!

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Hey, Tone. Remember when we all rented that house down the Shore? With the bedbugs? Heh, heh.
Tony Soprano: [nods]
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: Summer of '78. Carlo, Silvio, Frankie Napoli.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Place up the beach. Sonny Spits from the Bronx rented it? That's where that hippie kid "mysteriously" drowned during that party. Heh, heh.
Tony Soprano: [glares at Paulie]
Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: Hey, Tony. You OK?
Tony Soprano: Yeah, yeah.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You sure, T? You're being kinda quiet.
Tony Soprano: Well, it's 'cause, uh, "remember when" is the lowest form of conversation.
Tony Soprano: [gets up and leaves]

Peter 'Beansie' Gaeta: [about Paulie] Back in the day, 70's, fuckin' 80's, you didn't make a move in North Jersey without this one up your ass.
Anika: [laughs] I wasn't even born yet.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Please. Wanna talk about stand-up guys?
[points to Beansie; everyone is quiet because Beansie is wheelchair bound]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Sorry, Beans.

Tony Soprano: You know, no offense but you ever had yourself checked for Tourette's?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What?
Tony Soprano: Tourette's Syndrome. Seriously. "Heh, heh. Heh, heh." Maybe you got a tic or somethin'?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I don't know. Like some people grind their teeth. When I'm nervous, tense or somethin'.


"The Sopranos: I Dream of Jeannie Cusamano (#1.13)" (1999)
Tony Soprano: Okay. I need to tell you something and I want you to hear it from me, not from some asshole on the street. About four, five months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist. I was passing out, and they couldn't find nothing. She's been helping me with that... Okay, c'mon, give it to me. Give it to my face. C'mon.
Silvio Dante: Well, I'm sure you did it with complete discretion. And speaking for Pussy, if he's still alive, I'm sure he would agree.
Tony Soprano: Business was not discussed, no names were mentioned. Junior knows. He's decided to use it against me. Ask now. 'Cause we're not discussing this again.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's not the worst thing I ever heard. I was seeing a therapist myself about a year ago. I had some issues. Enough said. I learned some coping skills.
Silvio Dante: Look, this thing of ours, the way it's going, it'd be better if we could admit to each other these painful, stressful times. But it'll never fucking happen.
Tony Soprano: What about you? You got a problem with this?
Christopher Moltisanti: It's like marriage counseling?
Tony Soprano: Yeah. Like that. Sort of, yeah.

[Paulie and Christopher chase Mikey into the woods, until he finally twists his ankle and falls]
Mikey Palmice: Please, please, come on! No!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuckin' poison ivy all over me.
Christopher Moltisanti: My friend Brendan, you shot him in the bathtub, naked. No chance to run.
Mikey Palmice: I swear to god, it wasn't me! It was Junior! He fucking hated that kid!
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah, right. It was Junior. Mr. Magoo!

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Altieri's wake is tonight.
Christopher Moltisanti: I phoned in a bomb scare.
Silvio Dante: See, now that's over the top.

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Mingia, T. I'm sorry. Your own uncle.
Tony Soprano: Let's do it right. Act normal. Plan things out. Make no mistakes.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: If I'm your uncle, I got to finish what I started. He could strike first.
Christopher Moltisanti: And, this time, he won't use Boyz II Men.

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: The Skip seeing a psychiatrist, how does that sit with your ass?
Silvio Dante: I usually do sit with my ass. Why don't you sit with yours?


"The Sopranos: 46 Long (#1.2)" (1999)
[about DVD players]
Tony Soprano: I hear there's not as many titles available as on laser.
Brendan Filone: You know, there's more coming, though.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: My internist told me the picture's not that different from laser either, Tone.
Brendan Filone: But the sound, way improved.
Tony Soprano: Good. 'Cause nothing beats popping up some Orville Redenbacher's and listening to "Men in Black".

Christopher Moltisanti: You remember that Princess Di? You think the Royal Family, uh, had her whacked?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Heh, heh. Last time I take a fuckin' limo in Paris.
Christopher Moltisanti: Like you were ever in Paris, Paulie.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I went over for a blow job. Your mother was working the bon-bon concession at the Eiffel Tower.
[to Silvio]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Sil, did you hear what I told him? Told him "I went over for a blow job. Your mother was working the bon-bon concession at the Eiffel Tower."

[Pussy and Paulie are in a coffee shop franchise]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuckin' Italian people. How did we miss out on this?
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: What?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuckin' expresso, cappuccino. We invented this shit and all these other cocksuckers are gettin' rich off it.
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Yeah, isn't it amazing?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: And it's not just the money. It's a pride thing. All our food: pizza, calzone, buffalo moozarell', olive oil. These fucks had nothin'. They ate pootsie before we gave them the gift of our cuisine. But this, this is the worst. This expresso shit.
Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero: Take it easy.


"The Sopranos: Fortunate Son (#3.3)" (2001)
Tony Soprano: [to Christopher and Eugene during their making ceremony] you know why we're here, if you have any or reservations now is the time to say so, no one will think less of you this family comes before anything else EVERYTHING before your wife and your children and your mother and your father it's a thing of honor and God forbid you get sick and something happens to you and you can't earn we'll take care of you because that's part of it
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: If you have a problem you just have to let somebody know
[turns to tony this man right here]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: his like your father it doesn't matter if it's somebody here or the outside you bring it to him and he'll solve it for you
Tony Soprano: You stay within the family, give me your hand
[tony takes a needle from Paulie and pricks a finger from Christopher and Eugene]
Tony Soprano: that's St. Peter, my family's saint as that card burns so may your soul burn in hell if you betray your friends in your family
[puts the burning St. Peter card in Christopher and Eugene's hands]
Tony Soprano: now rub your hands like this and repeat after me: May I burn in hell if I betray my friends
Christopher Moltisanti: May I burn in hell if I betray my friends
Eugene Pontecorvo: May I burn in hell if I betray my friends
Tony Soprano: Congratulations
[everyone applauses]

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Advising Christopher] You're a "made guy" now, it's your turn to make a little extra money and I get to relax a little. Your only problem in life, is that you give me ten points of your take, every settle up day, other than that you've got no problem. My problem is I've got to kick up my points to Tony and on we go with "this "thing of ours". But, ten points, that can be a lot or a little. It all depends on you and how much business you bring in. When you think of all the headaches most people go through in life, ours is all boiled down to one. Not a bad deal right?

Christopher Moltisanti: [Talking to each at other in the restaurant] my heart's still pounding
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're doing real good year with the sports book
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah it's been good
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I'm going to give it to you, it's yours
Christopher Moltisanti: I was wondering when it was going to be
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: The only thing is: there's a 6 grand minimum every week. I've got to get something out of this, but 6 grand, that can be a lot or a little, it all depends on you and how much business you bring in
Christopher Moltisanti: I love you Paulie, we're in it together now
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I love you too kid


"The Sopranos: The Strong, Silent Type (#4.10)" (2002)
Adriana La Cerva: [at Christopher's intervention] But when you killed Cosette, that was the last straw.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Killed the dog? What'd you do that for?
Christopher Moltisanti: It was an accident!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What, was it barking?

[at Christopher's intervention]
Dominic Palladino: Paul, you wanna read your statement?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I don't write nothin' down, so I'll keep this short and sweet. You're weak. You're outta control. And you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.

Dominic Palladino: [During Christopher's intervention] Christopher, this won't be easy for any of us I want you to know we're here today because we care about you all we ask is that you listen
Christopher Moltisanti: [to Adriana] was this your idea?
Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] would you like to begin?
Adriana La Cerva: [to Christopher] I love you very much, my only dream is that we have a happy life together for the last few months things have gotten very bad because you're using drugs all the time, your high all the time and I can't take it
Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] be specific.
Adriana La Cerva: When we first started going out we made love all the time now because of the drugs...
Christopher Moltisanti: Jesus, is this fucking necessary?
Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] go ahead
Adriana La Cerva: You can no longer function as a man, last week when I came and found you killed our dog that was the final straw
Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to the dog] I fell asleep, she got suffocated
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You killed little Cosette, I ought to suffocate you, you little prick
Dominic Palladino: Tony, we're going in order
Christopher Moltisanti: [after Silvio reads his statement] I told you I had the flu, I can't even defend myself now?
Dominic Palladino: No one's attacking you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, it doesn't change anything but I can verify he was sick for a little while, still this thing with the dog, how could you not see it on the chair?
Dominic Palladino: You're getting emotional tony
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's because I know what it's like to lose a pet!
Carmela Soprano: I happen to know you were high at my mother in law's wake, you were talking nonstop for twenty minutes, nothing but gibberish
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Shaking his head in disappointment] my mother's wake, Jesus Christ
Dominic Palladino: [after Paulie reads his statement] whoa, guys we said "non-judgmental"
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuck that, let him take his medicine
Christopher Moltisanti: Seriously Paulie, you want to talk about "being up"?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Watch it Chrissy
Christopher Moltisanti: What? I thought we're honest here, you got some balls you know that? All of you, you want to talk about "self-control", how about you Sil? Fucking every slut you got working for you when you got a wife and kid at home how about you Paulie? You remember last year in the woods with the Russian guy?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Christopher I am fucking warning you!


"The Sopranos: Walk Like a Man (#6.17)" (2007)
Christopher Moltisanti: [raises glass] To business.
Paulie Walnuts: You're goin' to jinx me? Toast with water?
Christopher Moltisanti: Club soda. What's your problem?
Paulie Walnuts: You got the problem, my friend. You're a real fuckin' drip lately.
Christopher Moltisanti: When I was usin', I was a disgrace; now I'm sober, and I'm a drip. The fuck you want from me?
Paulie Walnuts: How's about bein' normal? That so fuckin' hard?
Christopher Moltisanti: Actually, yeah, Paulie, for some of us it is.
Paulie Walnuts: Don't get cunty, I'm breakin' your balls... What do ya say we take a ride? A little prime rib, on me.
Christopher Moltisanti: Maybe next time.
Paulie Walnuts: What are you watchin' your cholesterol now too?
Christopher Moltisanti: Yeah. Fuckin' hilarious.
[gets up and leaves]

Christopher Moltisanti: You know, and I know, they were there to boost that shit.
Paulie Walnuts: It couldn't wait, OK? I promised a load to Lenny down the Joint Fitter's Union.
Christopher Moltisanti: What do I give a fuck? It ain't my union!
Paulie Walnuts: Lower your voice, I got neighbors.
Christopher Moltisanti: Fuck your neighbors! When are you gonna pay me?
Paulie Walnuts: When you suck the money out of my ass! Now get the fuck out!

Christopher Moltisanti: I look in her eyes, man, and she looks back at me...
Paulie Walnuts: How the fuck do I put myself up for adoption?
Christopher Moltisanti: What?
Paulie Walnuts: Nothin'. Go ahead.
Christopher Moltisanti: She ain't adopted Paulie.
Paulie Walnuts: I'm kiddin'. What were you sayin'?
Christopher Moltisanti: My point... What the fuck?... It's babies. They're the future. You realize by the time Caitlin's outta college it'll be like the year 2027 or somethin'.
Paulie Walnuts: She takes after you she won't be outta fourth grade by then. 'Course by that time she'll be workin' here so who gives a shit.


"The Sopranos: The Second Coming (#6.19)" (2007)
Paulie Walnuts: I got dosed with acid once, back in '68.
[to Tony]
Paulie Walnuts: I was with your dad and them at the Copa. Fuckin' BOAC stewardess put it in my drink. Jerry Vale's singin' and I look over. Your Uncle Jun's got laser beams shootin' out his eyes!

Tony Soprano: [Tony enters the room and everybody becomes quiet] alright let's dispense with the five hundred pound elephant in the room, my kid tried to off himself we all fucking know, that's it? Nobody's got nothing to say?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: How's he doing?
Tony Soprano: They got him "under observation" whatever the fuck that means
[to himself]
Tony Soprano: stupid fuck, where did I lose this kid?
[to everybody]
Tony Soprano: what did I do wrong?
Silvio Dante: Don't blame yourself
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: A lot of pressure on kids today
Tony Soprano: It's enough for him to try to kill himself?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: It happens
Tony Soprano: [to Bobby] did it happen to your kids?
[to patsy]
Tony Soprano: or yours?
Patsy Parisi: They're all different my son Patrick I love him to death but he can be a moody prick sometimes
Silvio Dante: When heather was fifteen she went through a rough patch
Patsy Parisi: Jason same thing, his got the hyperactivity to boot
Carlo Gervasi: My son too, the older one James
Paulie Walnuts: He tried to kill himself?
Carlo Gervasi: No, I don't know he gets the blues
Silvio Dante: The important thing is AJ is getting the help he needs, whatever it is I'm sure it's just a chemical imbalance
Paulie Walnuts: If you ask me it's all these toxins the kids are exposed to, it fucks with their brains, between the Mercury in fish alone, it's a wonder why there's even more kids jumping off bridges


"The Sopranos: University (#3.6)" (2001)
[Bobby Baccalieri and Vito Spatafore are standing next to each other in Bada Bing. Paulie sees them]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Look at this! It's like an advert for weight watchers! Before... and way before!

Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Cocksucker was way out of line!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: 20 years old, this girl!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: That too.


"The Sopranos: Live Free or Die (#6.6)" (2006)
Finn Detrolio: It was the other way around. Vito was blowing the security guard.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Son of a bitch!

Carlo Gervasi: [Asking Finn what he saw Vito was doing with the security guard] ,"catching" not "pitching"?
Finn Detrolio: [Nods] his not going to know I told you?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're going to have no problem from Vito, believe me
Finn Detrolio: [Nervously] what are you going to do?
Christopher Moltisanti: It'll be ok, we'll get him into therapy
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Giving Finn money] why don't you go out front get yourself a sandwich and a soda, any kind you like when we're done here somebody will drive you back
[Finn takes the money and leaves]
Christopher Moltisanti: [laughing] I want to kill the fat fagot myself it'd be a fucking honor cut off his pishadeel and feed it to him
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to everybody] there's no mistake now
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Yelling] I can't believe I stuck up for him I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: We can't have him in our social club anymore that much I do know
Carlo Gervasi: "Social club"? He's got to go
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I want to think about it
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: I don't know
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Stands up yelling] what the fuck is there to think about?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to paulie] sit down
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Yelling] fuck that I'll say it again, what the fuck is there to think about?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Yelling] are you going to take care of his kids? When his gone?
Christopher Moltisanti: That's true, they didn't do anything poor little guys
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to tony] I'm sorry if I yelled it's just how much betrayal can I take?
Christopher Moltisanti: Vito a fag, big construction tycoon, when he was always talking about "greasing the union who knew that's what he meant?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to everybody] this stays in these four walls


"The Sopranos: To Save Us All from Satan's Power (#3.10)" (2001)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to Bobby Baccalieri] The Boss of this Family told you you were going to be Santa Claus. You're Santa Claus, so shut up about it!


"The Sopranos: Mayham (#6.3)" (2006)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Talking to Tony while Tony's in a coma] I've got to wear a jock, the doctor says it will help keep my testes elevated, of course it'd be a lot worse. They gave me an ultrasound, there's no rupture. The good news is, I did it when I made a big score in business and I saw a little action.


"The Sopranos: Funhouse (#2.13)" (2000)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Tony, Paulie and Silvio are about to execute Pussy,sadly] you were like a brother to me.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [teared up] to all of us.


"The Sopranos: Watching Too Much Television (#4.7)" (2002)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's a great girl, you don't want to lose this one
Silvio Dante: T's right, you could have more kids than the Kennedys, if you're married to some twat what good is it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You've got to have balance in a relationship
Christopher Moltisanti: I know all that, what if the kid thing never happens?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Come on, medicine today, technology
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: This isn't about Ade or anyone else, stay single as long as you can
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What are you saying?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: But marriage and our thing don't jive
Silvio Dante: Everybody we know is married
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Not everybody
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You want to end up like my Uncle Junior?
Silvio Dante: Or worse, Paulie?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Exactly
Christopher Moltisanti: Alright I've got to think about it


"The Sopranos: Mr. & Mrs. John Sacrimoni Request (#6.5)" (2006)
Phil Leotardo: [after Johnny Sack bursts into tears after being arrested by the FBI in front of everyone] I'll tell you this, my estimation about John Sacrimoni as a man, just fucking plummeted.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Give him a break, will ya? It's an emotional day.
Phil Leotardo: To cry like a woman? It's a fucking disgrace!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: It's fucking coach turned into a pumpkin.
Phil Leotardo: Even Cinderella didn't cry!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, when it comes to daughters, all bets are off. I've seen tougher guys than John cry at weddings.
Phil Leotardo: OK, but let me ask you this: if they can make him cry, and if he's that weak, what the fuck else can they make him do?
Christopher Moltisanti: I gotta agree with Phil, Tone.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [angrily] Oh you do, do ya?
Wedding Guest: Terrible out there, huh?
Phil Leotardo: He's an emotional man. LOVES his daughter.


"The Sopranos: Employee of the Month (#3.4)" (2001)
Silvio Dante: Ginny told Gabriella she needed a bigger house.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Ginny Sacrimoni, what she needs is her own zip code.
Gigi Cestone: Jersey's a small state. She moves in, she could tip it over.
Furio Giunta: I like a woman you can grab onto something.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You grab onto Ginny Sacrimoni, your fuckin' hands will disappear!
Silvio Dante: She's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: She's so fat, she goes campin', the bears have to hide their food.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: When Ginny hauls ass, she's gotta make two trips.
Gigi Cestone: Two guys could fuck her at the same time, and still never meet!
Johnny Sack: [John walks in] Fuck who?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody, we're just talking about one of the girls
Johnny Sack: Is that all you dead beats talk about?, Pussy?


"The Sopranos: From Where to Eternity (#2.9)" (2000)
Christopher Moltisanti: I'm going to hell, T.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're not going anywheres but home.
Christopher Moltisanti: I crossed over to the other side.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You what?
Christopher Moltisanti: I saw the tunnel. And the white light. I saw my father in hell.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Get the fuck outta here!
Christopher Moltisanti: And the bouncer said that I'd be there, too, when my time comes.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What bouncer?
Christopher Moltisanti: The Emerald Piper. That's our hell. It's an Irish bar where it's St. Patrick's Day every day forever.


"The Sopranos: The Happy Wanderer (#2.6)" (2000)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Rolling down his window after having been pulled over] What'd ya hear what'd ya say
Cop: License and registration please
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Pulls out a gun] how about I give you one of these instead?
Cop: I'm wearing a vest
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Oh yeah, if I shoot, it's going into your bragiole
[laughs]
Cop: You're a real sick fuck, you know that?
[laughs]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: How's your family?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Not bad, I had to move my father to another old folk's home...
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I got my own fucking problems
[laughs]
Cop: You're a real fucking hard on, you know that? How many times am I going to fall for that?
[laughs]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Hands him a wad of money]
Cop: Do me a favor your friends and players, they don't fuck with the tourists and the employees, and no gun shots otherwise we've got to take the call
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah, yeah, go play cops and robbers


"The Sopranos: Kennedy and Heidi (#6.18)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: You alright?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [referring to Christopher] I know I had my differences with that kid, but maybe I didn't do right by him, neither. If you were his dad, I was his Dutch uncle. And what the fuck did I do but get pissed off? Fight with him over cocksuckin', fuckin' money? And break his balls when he tried not to have a drink or a little taste of snow.
Tony Soprano: it's over Paulie


"The Sopranos: Where's Johnny? (#5.3)" (2004)
Salvatore 'Sal' Vitro: [regarding Feech] What did I ever do to this guy?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: They release these fucks from the can. Obviously, he wasn't rea-bull-ated.


"The Sopranos: Commendatori (#2.4)" (2000)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [when it becomes clear that Don Vittoria, boss of the Naples family, is senile] Ton', you give this guy a golf club, he'll probably try to fuck it.


"The Sopranos: Eloise (#4.12)" (2002)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're a wormy cocksucker, you know that?


"The Sopranos: Denial, Anger, Acceptance (#1.3)" (1999)
Ariel: See, I sweated blood into this place and he owes me. And, uh, I intend to get what's mine. So please, don't embarrass yourself any further. Just leave.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I'm not embarrassed.
[to Silvio]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You embarrassed?
Silvio Dante: [shakes head]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [slams Ariel's head against the front desk] Listen to me, you weirdo fuck! You give Shlomo whatever the fuck he wants and you forget this 50% shit. You got nothin' comin' to ya. Nothin'! You understand me? Nothin'!
Ariel: Fuck you!
Silvio Dante: Bupkis. Say "bupkis", Paulie.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: What?
Silvio Dante: That's how they say "nothin'".
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [grabs desk bell] Fuck that. This is how I say nothin'.
[bangs the bell against Ariel's head repeatedly]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: How's that for nothin'?
[continues banging]


"The Sopranos: Mergers and Acquisitions (#4.8)" (2002)
[In the nursing home, where his mother lives]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I don't understand. All the money I put in this place, and my mother is getting picked on by the others. I want it stopped.
Nursing home supervisor: You'll have to excuse these girls. Sometimes they think it's a high school with wheelchairs.


"The Sopranos: Stage 5 (#6.14)" (2007)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [misquoting "Spinning Wheel"] Ride the painted pony, let the spinning wheel glide.


"The Sopranos: Second Opinion (#3.7)" (2001)
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [after playing pool] are you wearing a wire?
Christopher Moltisanti: Are you fucking crazy?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [to Patsy] pat him down
Christopher Moltisanti: If he fucking touches me...
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Then make it easy on us all, take everything off.
Christopher Moltisanti: [Christopher takes off his pants]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [Referring to his underwear] I said "everything"
Christopher Moltisanti: Go fuck yourself
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Before I was breaking balls now you're beginning to worry me
Christopher Moltisanti: [Christopher takes off his underwear]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I guess you can call that a dick
[laughs]


"The Sopranos: The Legend of Tennessee Moltisanti (#1.8)" (1999)
Christopher Moltisanti: You ever feel like nothin' good was ever gonna happen to you?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Yeah. And nothin' did. So what? I'm alive, I'm survivin'.
Christopher Moltisanti: That's it. I don't wanna just survive. It's says in these movie writing books that every character has an arc. Understand?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [shakes head]
Christopher Moltisanti: Like everybody starts out somewheres. and they do something, something gets done to them and it changes their life. That's called an arc. Where's my arc?


"The Sopranos: The Fleshy Part of the Thigh (#6.4)" (2006)
Nucci: You didn't go to your mothers funeral? It's a sin.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Some mother! Even a rat don't abandon its own children.
Nucci: Now you should feel sorry for her. Now she's going to have to face St Peter with the stain on her.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: I hope she rots in hell!
Nucci: Don't say that!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: And you, I was your meal ticket. The goose with the golden eggs. Look at this place, who set you up here? Not that fucking brother of mine! Or Rose! They never provided you with shit! Well, your real children can start now. I went without, so you could have. The mink coat, the massage chair from Sharper's Image. The flat screen TV!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: [moves towards the TV] Two thousand bucks for a woman I don't even know!
[he picks up the TV and throws it out of the window]
Nucci: Paulie! Paulie... please...
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: You're on your own. I never want to see you again.
[leaves]


"The Sopranos: Whoever Did This (#4.9)" (2002)
Christopher Moltisanti: [on Ralph] That poor fucking guy.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuck him and his alligator tears.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Please, his kid's in a hospital, a little fucking sympathy!
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: That gives him a pass? I don't care if he's got a hundred kids in the hospital with arrows in their heads, he's a piece of shit! You know it, and I know it.


"The Sopranos: The Ride (#6.9)" (2006)
[Father Jose calmly extorts Paulie over the usage of a statue's solid gold hat]
Father Jose: Given the tenor of this conversation, I sense there's a possible criminal element in this neighborhood that could endanger this precious piece of local history.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: But for 50 grand... you wouldn't have that sense!
Father Jose: It would demonstrate to me that you take this feast as seriously as the people who began it.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Okay Father. Nice meeting you.
[Paulie walks up to the statue and yells at it, as if to hurt its feelings]
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Forget the hat!