Carmela Soprano
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Quotes for
Carmela Soprano (Character)
from "The Sopranos" (1999)

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"The Sopranos: Made in America (#6.21)" (2007)
Carmela Soprano: [about A.J] Oh, I didn't tell you. He spent $200 on a set of CDs that teach Arabic.
Tony Soprano: Jesus Christ, c'mon! Shish-kabob. What else do ya need to know?

Tony Soprano: [Final scene] Tony enters the restaurant and sits down
Carmela Soprano: [Carmela enters the restaurant and sits down the song "Don't Stop Believin' by Journey starts playing] Hey
Tony Soprano: Hey
Carmela Soprano: [Reading the menu] What looks good tonight?
Tony Soprano: I don't know, where's the gagootz?
Carmela Soprano: He just called his on his way, Mead's coming separately she had to go to the doctor
[Tony looks up]
Carmela Soprano: switch birth control
[Tony nods]
Carmela Soprano: you talk to Mink again?
Tony Soprano: It's Carlo, he's going to testify
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [AJ enters the restaurant and sits down] onion rings
Tony Soprano: Best in the state as far as I'm concerned
Carmela Soprano: [Waitress brings them their drinks] How was work today?
Tony Soprano: It's an entry level job so bug up
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: right, focus on the good times
Tony Soprano: Don't be sarcastic
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Isn't that what you said one time? Try to remember the times that were good?
Tony Soprano: I did?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Yeah
Tony Soprano: Well, it's true, I guess
Tony Soprano: [the waitress brings a bowl of onion rings to the table] I went ahead and ordered some for the table

Carmela Soprano: [in their safe house, to Meadow as she leaves] See you Thursday
Meadow Soprano: [kisses and hugs Tony] Hi
Tony Soprano: [to Meadow] Where you going I just got here
Meadow Soprano: I'm really late meeting Patrick in the city,
Carmela Soprano: She smelled that odor too
Tony Soprano: your remodeling will fix all that
Carmela Soprano: Maybe it's toxic maybe we shouldn't be breathing it
Tony Soprano: It's not toxic, the odor is what? 90 years old? Its piss
Carmela Soprano: I've got to get home
Tony Soprano: I'm working on it
Carmela Soprano: I went to see Sil and Gab,oh my God
Tony Soprano: Yeah
Carmela Soprano: [Watching walk AJ walk Rhiannon to the door] Are you being careful? This kind of bothers me
Tony Soprano: What's she going to do? She should use the back door, wouldn't kick her out of bed for purging cookies
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Real funny, we're just friends
Tony Soprano: I know, nice work
Carmela Soprano: She's a model
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: She's doing some modeling, she's a junior in high school
Carmela Soprano: What?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: She's quitting modeling anyway she's tired of being exploited
Tony Soprano: Did you help your mother take the carpets outside? Put them in the sun?
Carmela Soprano: He did
Tony Soprano: Uncle Bobby's funeral is finally set, Thursday we're going to be there
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: How's that supposed to work? We're all in DEFCON 4, living in separate houses, we're going to stand out in the open at a cemetery?
Carmela Soprano: There's always a large FBI presence

Tony Soprano: [in their safe house] How many fucking times I've told you it's an SUV watch where you park off road the Cadillac converter and the dry vegetation
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: I didn't see the leaves
Tony Soprano: [shouting at AJ] You can grill fucking steaks on that converter, I told you!
Carmela Soprano: If there was children playing in those leaves, you'd run them over?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [confused] I guess?
Tony Soprano: You're going to get cute now?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: I was just answering her question
Meadow Soprano: [trying to defend AJ] Dad, he wasn't being funny
Tony Soprano: You mind your own God damn business, unless you want some of this too
Meadow Soprano: [Meadow leaves the room] Mr. Fat mouth
Tony Soprano: [shouting to Meadow] What'd you say?
Carmela Soprano: What was going through your mind?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: What do you want from me? I am depressed, I'm supposed to be looking for piles of leaves?
Tony Soprano: You want to get depressed? Thirty thousand dollars for that car
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Isn't that what we have insurance for?
Carmela Soprano: Excuse me? You're not getting another one
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Actually that's good it'll force me to take the bus
Carmela Soprano: What?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: We have to break our dependence on foreign oil

Carmela Soprano: [Carmela enters Meadow's room] Miss Hunter, long time no see, oh my God when was it?
Hunter Scangarelo: [they shake hands] How are you Mrs. Soprano?
Carmela Soprano: It was right around when you "quit college"
Hunter Scangarelo: Your being kind I was kicked out for partying and drunk driving
Carmela Soprano: I didn't want to say but that was always you, so what are you up to now?
Hunter Scangarelo: I'm in my second year of med school
Carmela Soprano: [Surprised] oh
Hunter Scangarelo: Yeah I completed under grad at Purchase got my act together

Donna Parisi: [in the living room of the Soprano home] A man took his horse to a vet and the vet says to him, "Why do you have a long face?"
Patsy Parisi: The horse asks, there's no vet.
Donna Parisi: Right, a horse goes to a vet and the vet looks at his face and says to him, "My friend."
Patsy Parisi: A horse goes to the doctor, the doctor asks, "Why the long face?" She can't tell jokes
Tony Soprano: Speaking of jokers, where's that other son of yours today?
Donna Parisi: I didn't think he was invited.
Carmela Soprano: I just think with all the wedding talk.
Tony Soprano: That pal of his, the other Jason I heard he ran into some trouble, Carlo's Jason.
Donna Parisi: He's a mess.
Patsy Parisi: Alright.
Tony Soprano: Well, he's got no shortage of lawyers here, only this one here would only take the case for free.
[referring to Meadow]
Patrick Parisi: That's why we want her there at Groupman, Groupman and Kerseyo, actually Med and I had some conversations and we may still snag her at the firm when she's done with law school.
Carmela Soprano: No kidding?
Meadow Soprano: We went out to dinner Steven Groupman and the subject came up.
Patrick Parisi: Steven was very impressed with her work at the Law Center, even got into starting salaries, he was talking one seventy.
Tony Soprano: Jesus, sweetheart that's fantastic.
Meadow Soprano: He hadn't had too much to drink.
Patrick Parisi: Don't devalue yourself, we've got a really interesting case right now we're defending James Trofolio the County Commissioner and those corruption charges.
Donna Parisi: [to Patrick] is that your case?
Patrick Parisi: He's got bag men, whores it's fascinating.

Tony Soprano: [in Dr. her office] I've got to be frank you people got him out of his room, great so he could be Cannon fodder ?
Dr. Doherty: I wasn't aware of his latest plan
Tony Soprano: On the other hand he can benefit from the training, the discipline
Carmela Soprano: Maybe the army would be great for him, if there wasn't a war going on, he used to veg in front of that TV
Dr. Doherty: He says he wants to get past the hate focus it only on the terrorists I really can't reveal much more
Tony Soprano: Right, even though we're paying, this whole therapy thing I've got to tell you
Dr. Doherty: What
Tony Soprano: My mother was a borderline personality, so what? I don't know if you knew that
Dr. Doherty: No
Tony Soprano: I did not have a very happy childhood
Dr. Doherty: No?
Tony Soprano: There was very little love in the house
Dr. Doherty: His mentioned your mother very briefly
Tony Soprano: She was a very difficult woman, undermining I tried to place her in a retirement community for her own good, she turned on me completely, I could never please my mother

Carmela Soprano: [in the backyard of their home] Holsten's is the consensus
Tony Soprano: Alright I've got to see some people, I'll meet you there

Carmela Soprano: [talking loudly from the kitchen counter] We're not eating at home tonight I thought we'd go to Holsten's
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [in the living room of the Soprano home] You said we'd have Cannelloni
Carmela Soprano: I have meetings with carpenters

Carmela Soprano: [on the family dinner table in their home] As your parents we feel joining the army is in your best interest
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: This country is in a crisis
Carmela Soprano: How can one soldier stop it?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: When my enlistment is up, I could join the CIA or something and with a military background I'd have "a leg up" and as an Arabic speaker I'd be very useful
Tony Soprano: [Sarcastically] I don't understand your going to ask Donald for some time off from your pilot job to go on CIA missions?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Everything's a joke to you
Tony Soprano: I'm not having a good time
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Did you or did you not want me to go to military school?
Carmela Soprano: At least you would've come out an officer, even then I was oppose to it, I hate this idea
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: I'm applying for officers' candidate school I want to be a liaison officer with the local population
Carmela Soprano: Officers' candidate school? You have terrible grades you flunked out of college
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Here we go, that's all this is about right?
Carmela Soprano: No Anthony this is not what it's about, you don't want to go to college, then don't go to college but don't get your legs blown off
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: [dismissively] Always with the drama
Tony Soprano: What's your girlfriend say? The fashion model?
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: She doesn't think I should go either

Carmela Soprano: [to AJ, on the family dinner table in their home] Not that long ago you talked about owning a club
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Right, you had a problem with that too
Carmela Soprano: A lot of your friends are in film school especially the ones you used to go to clubs with
Tony Soprano: got this screenplay from Danny Baldwin we met at your cousin's movie, Danny hoped I could set him up with some financing and I never read it
Carmela Soprano: You did now
Tony Soprano: Yeah I did now, long story short it's about a private detective that gets sucked into the internet through his data port and his got to solve some murders of some virtual prostitutes
Carmela Soprano: I read it, it's scary
Tony Soprano: The point is I talked to Little Carmine and his interested in developing it through his company
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: He makes porn
Tony Soprano: He made Cleaver, his branching out
Carmela Soprano: You would work for his producer Inga you would be "development executive" on this project
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: Really? What's this got to do with clubs?
Carmela Soprano: Hollywood, gossip columns, the night spots
Tony Soprano: And you get some real world experience under the belt you come see me and then we'll talk about me investing in a club, run that past Rhiannon and see what she says

"The Sopranos: Whitecaps (#4.13)" (2002)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, when you asked me what Irina's cousin had, that you don't have? Well, I thought about it, 'cause it's a pretty good fucking question. And yes, she's sexy enough even with the one pin gone, but that's not it. I could converse with her 'cause she had something to say.
Carmela Soprano: I AM HERE! I have things to say!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Besides bringing the fucking chairs down and sign the fucking trust! She was a grown woman who was kicked around. And she's been on her own and she had to fight and struggle!
Carmela Soprano: Unlike me? Is that it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah.
Carmela Soprano: [shouting] Who the fuck wanted it like this? Who the fuck pissed and moaned of just the idea of me with a fucking real estate license?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, you sit back for 20 fucking years all you did was fiddle with the air conditioning and fucking bitch and complain! And fucking bitch, bitch, bitch to me! TO YOUR PRIEST! FUCK IT!
Carmela Soprano: Who knew all this time you wanted Tracy and Hepburn? Well Tony, what about all the thousand other fucking pigs you had your dick in over the years? The strippers, the cocktail waitresses, were they all your best friends all of them too?
Carmela Soprano: You fucking hypocrite.

[after Carmela gets a call from Tony's old goomah, she loses it]
Carmela Soprano: You've made a fool of me all these years with these whores, and now it's come into our home!

Carmela Soprano: You have made a fool of me for years with these whores. Now it's come into our home?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What are you talking about?
Carmela Soprano: The RUSSIAN called. Your son answered the telephone!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, Jesus. Carmela, she's insane. She's certifiable, I told you. You can't believe a word she says, whatever it is, and we haven't seen each other like that, I swear to Christ!
Carmela Soprano: What about her cousin?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [realizing he's been caught] What? No.
Carmela Soprano: The nurse who took care of your mother, who I liked? Who I spoke to on the phone about your mother's alopecia and her bowel movements? Who I shared vodka with the night your mother died? You've been FUCKING her?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: There is not a shred of truth in that.
Carmela Soprano: Why would the cousin make it up, huh? Because she's jealous?
[she lunges at him and he grabs her and pins her to the wall]
Carmela Soprano: LET GO OF ME!

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Carmela, who the fuck did you think I was when you married me, huh? You knew my father, you grew up around Dicky Moltisanti and your uncle Eddie. Where do you get off acting so surprised and miffed when there are women on the side? You knew the deal.
Carmela Soprano: Deal?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: And your mother can talk about what she wants about whats his name and his chain of drug stores. You and I both know that the other boyfriend you were debating marrying was Gerry Tuffie and his father's snow plow buisness. And we now know that that wouldn't of suited you at all.
Carmela Soprano: You really don't hear me, do you? You think for me it's all about things.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No I forced all this shit on you. What you really crave is a Hyundai and a simple gold heart on a chain.
Carmela Soprano: You are so fucking hateful.

"The Sopranos: Second Opinion (#3.7)" (2001)
Carmela Soprano: He's a good man. He's a good father.
Dr. Krakower: You tell me he's a depressed criminal, prone to anger, serially unfaithful. Is that your definition of a good man?... You must trust your initial impulse and consider leaving him. You'll never be able to feel good about yourself. You'll never be able to quell the feelings of guilt and shame that you talked about, so long as you're his accomplice.
Carmela Soprano: You're wrong about the accomplice part, though.
Dr. Krakower: You sure?
Carmela Soprano: All I did was make sure he's got clean clothes in his closet and dinner on his table.
Dr. Krakower: So "enable" would be a more accurate job description for what you do than "accomplice". My apologies... Take only the children - what's left of them - and go.
Carmela Soprano: My priest said I should work with him, help him to become a better man.
Dr. Krakower: How's that going?

Carmela Soprano: I thought psychiatrists weren't supposed to be judgmental.
Dr. Krakower: Many patients want to be excused for their current predicament because of events that occured in their childhood. That's what psychiatry has become in America. Visit any shopping mall or ethnic pride parade, and witness the results.

Carmela Soprano: What we say in here, stays in here, right?
Dr. Krakower: By ethical code, and by law.
Carmela Soprano: His crimes... they are, organized crime.
Dr. Krakower: The Mafia!
Carmela Soprano: Oh Jesus.
[wipes tears from her eyes]
Carmela Soprano: So what? So what? He betrays me every week with these whores!
Dr. Krakower: Probably the least of his misdeeds.
[Carmela gets up to leave]
Dr. Krakower: You can leave now, or you can stay and hear what I have to say.
Carmela Soprano: You're gonna charge me all the same.
Dr. Krakower: I won't take your money.
Carmela Soprano: That's a new one.

Dr. Krakower: Have you ever read Crime and Punishment? Dostoyevksy?
[Carmela shakes her head 'no']
Dr. Krakower: It's not an easy read. It's about guilt and redemption. I think your husband ought to turn himself and read this book in his jail cell and meditate on his crimes every day for seven years, so that he might be redeemed.
Carmela Soprano: I would have to get a lawyer, find an apartment, arrange for child support...
Dr. Krakower: You, you're not listening. I'm not charging you because I won't take blood money, and you can't, either. One thing you can never say is that you haven't been told.
Carmela Soprano: I see.

"The Sopranos: Toodle-Fucking-Oo (#2.3)" (2000)
Carmela Soprano: Fine, I'm not gonna argue with you Tony. If you want her to leave then you're gonna have to tell her cause I'm not. It's not Christian.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well see this shit works out, she's a Buddhist.

Carmela Soprano: So, what did she have to say for herself?
Tony Soprano: The usual shit, "wasn't my fault."
Carmela Soprano: There was designer drugs there, tony. So, what did you say?
Tony Soprano: I don't know, i yelled. What the fuck else am i gonna do?

Carmela Soprano: There has to be consequences. What kind of parents would we be if we let her get away with this?
Tony Soprano: Typical?

"The Sopranos: Pilot (#1.1)" (1999)
Tony Soprano: Carmela, something I gotta confess.
Tony Soprano: [sees Carmela moving her wine glass] What are you doin'?
Carmela Soprano: Getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face!
Tony Soprano: You're always with the drama, you.
Carmela Soprano: Go ahead and confess already, please! Get it over with!
Tony Soprano: [covers his face] I'm on Prozac.
Carmela Soprano: Oh - Oh my God.
Tony Soprano: I've been seeing a therapist.
Carmela Soprano: [gasps] Oh my God! I think that's great! I think that's so wonderful! I think that's so gutsy!
Tony Soprano: Alright, take it easy.
Carmela Soprano: I just think that's very, very wonderful!
Tony Soprano: You would think I was Hannibal Lecter before or something.

Tony Soprano: Had some good times. Had some good years?
Carmela Soprano: Here he goes now with the nostalgia.
Tony Soprano: Hey, all I'm saying is no marriage is perfect.
Carmela Soprano: Well, having that comare on the side helps.
Tony Soprano: I told you I'm not seeing her anymore. How do you think I feel, having that priest around all the time?
Carmela Soprano: Don't even go there, alright? Father is a spiritual mentor. He's helping me to be a better Catholic.
Tony Soprano: Yeah, well we all got different needs.
Carmela Soprano: What's different between you and me is you're going to Hell when you die!

"The Sopranos: College (#1.5)" (1999)
Carmela Soprano: I was thinking about when we watched "Casablanca" last week.
Father Phil Intintola: That new print is great, huh?
Carmela Soprano: You know when Bogie says "Of all the lousy gin joints in the world, why did you have to pick mine."? Of all the finook priests in the world, why did I have to get the one who's straight?

Tony Soprano: [regarding Father Phil] What you guys do for twelve hours? Play, uh, "Name That Pope"?
Carmela Soprano: He gave me communion.
Tony Soprano: Oh, I bet he gave you communion.
Carmela Soprano: Excuse me?
Tony Soprano: Well, Carmela, the guy spends the night here with you and all he does is slip you a wafer?
Carmela Soprano: That's verging on sacrilege.
Tony Soprano: Oh, I didn't mean to verge.

"The Sopranos: Commendatori (#2.4)" (2000)
Carmela Soprano: You know what the church says about divorce...
Angie Bompensiero: Oh, *please*! Let the Pope live with him.

Carmela Soprano: [Angie wants to divorce Pussy] So, what did the lawyer say?
Angie Bompensiero: He said I have a good case. We'll file on Tuesday.
Carmela Soprano: So, you're going to take Monday to think. That's good.
Angie Bompensiero: Monday's a Jewish holiday.

"The Sopranos: Soprano Home Movies (#6.13)" (2007)
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: My pop bought this place 'cause it was close to Canada. He had ties to Montreal. You know, Tone. And his father, my grandpop, come into the country originally through Montreal illegally.
Carmela Soprano: No kidding. He wasn't Ellis Island, your grandfather?
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Nah. Got mixed up in some shenanigans on the other side. Anti-government or somethin'. Had a police record... They oughta build a wall now though. I'm tellin' ya.
[everyone nods]
Carmela Soprano: Amen.

Janice Soprano: You want to swap family stories Tone? How about the time when Mom and Dad were coming back from the Copa?
Tony Soprano: That's enough Janice!
Janice Soprano: [laughing] Mom's hair!
Tony Soprano: That didn't even happen! And anyway, it's not for public concern!
Carmela Soprano: What? Oh my God! What?
Janice Soprano: They were driving back from Manhattan, with Uncle June and his goomar. Oh! What was her name?
Tony Soprano: Your ass!
Janice Soprano: That's how we heard the story through her...
Janice Soprano: Rosemary. My father's driving, and she's ragging on his ass. You know how she gets. He's been drinking, I guess. And he takes out his gun!
Carmela Soprano: Oh my God!
Janice Soprano: BOOM!
Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Holy shit!
[Tony looks embarrassed]
Janice Soprano: Fuckin' blew right through her beehive hairdo!
[Carmela, Janice and Bobby burst out laughing]
Carmela Soprano: [laughing] I can't believe you never told me that story!
Janice Soprano: Yeah! What's the big deal!
Tony Soprano: 'Cause it makes us look like a fuckin' dysfunctional family!
Tony Soprano: Jesus Christ!
Janice Soprano: My turn!
Tony Soprano: [to Carmela] And don't you ever tell the kids that about their grandfather!
Carmela Soprano: Of course not!

"The Sopranos: Boca (#1.9)" (1999)
Carmela Soprano: Let's just say your uncle has acquired quite a taste for her.
Tony Soprano: No, shit, Uncle Jun gives head?
Carmela Soprano: World class.
Tony Soprano: The old man's whistling through the wheat field?
Carmela Soprano: Don't be disgusting!
Tony Soprano: Oh, he's a Bushman of the Kalahari!
Carmela Soprano: [laughs]
Carmela Soprano: [laughs] That's why I don't tell you anything 'cause you don't know when to stop!
Tony Soprano: Oh my God, if this ever gets out.
Carmela Soprano: Oh yeah, like you don't do it or any of your friends. Bunch of hypocrites.
Tony Soprano: Hey, what goes on in this bedroom stays here and you know that.
Carmela Soprano: Once a year? I can resist the urge to gossip.

Tony Soprano: Uncle Jun, how was Boca?
Corrado 'Junior' Soprano: Wonderful. I don't go down enough.
Carmela Soprano: That's not what I heard.

"The Sopranos: Nobody Knows Anything (#1.11)" (1999)
Carmela Soprano: You know, Ma, your son loves you very much. He worries all the time. And he felt bad that you didn't come to the open house. I don't care if you think it's disrespectful, but I want you to cut the drama. It's killing Tony.
Livia Soprano: What are you talking about?
Carmela Soprano: I'm talking about this. This "poor mother, nobody loves me" victim crap. It is textbook manipulation. And I hate seeing Tony so upset over it.
Livia Soprano: I know how to talk to people.
Carmela Soprano: I am a mother too, don't forget. You know the power that you have. And you use it like a pro.
Livia Soprano: Power? What power? I don't have power! I'm a shut-in!
Carmela Soprano: You're bigger than life. You are his mother. I don't think for one second that you don't know what you're doing to him.
Livia Soprano: Who me? Me? What did I do?

Meadow Soprano: This country's light-years behind the rest of the world. Most civilized countries have legalized prostitution.
Tony Soprano: Don't you got somewhere to be?
Meadow Soprano: I mean, it's a joke. Look what they're putting the President through.
Carmela Soprano: He deserved what he got.
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano, Jr.: He got Monica Kaczynski and the broad with the long nose.
Meadow Soprano: I just don't think sex should be a punishable offense.
Tony Soprano: You know honey, that's where I agree with you. I don't think sex should be a punishable offense either. But I do think talking about sex at the breakfast table is a punishable offense. So no more sex talk, OK?
Meadow Soprano: It's the 90s. Parents are supposed to discuss sex with their children.
Tony Soprano: Yeah, but that's where you're wrong. You see out there it's the 1990s but in this house it's 1954.
[points to the window]
Tony Soprano: 1990s.
[points to the floor]
Tony Soprano: 1954. So now and forever, I don't want to hear any more sex talk, OK?

"The Sopranos: Proshai, Livushka (#3.2)" (2001)
[Tony disapproves of Meadow's new boyfriend because he is black]
Carmela Soprano: If you want her to be with him, just keep playing the race card. You're gonna drive her right into his arms.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Not if I cut off those fuckin' arms.

Carmela Soprano: This is such a crock of shit I'm sitting here thinking I should protect my children from the truth about their grandmother on the one hand, on the other I'm saying to myself what kind of example am I setting? Evading and smiling and passing out cheese puffs over a woman we know was terribly dysfunctional who spread no cheer at all
Hugh DeAngelis: [to Mary] I'll speak if I want to, who do you think you are? Minister of propaganda? We suffered for years under the guilt of that woman, years she estranged us from our own daughter ruined how many Goddamn Christmases I don't even want to count
Tom Giglione: Here here
Carmela Soprano: From beyond the grave even, this is a woman who didn't want a funeral, you all her children
[pointing to Tony Janice and Barbara]
Carmela Soprano: ignored her wishes only after she passed away by the way she didn't want a funeral, she didn't a remembrance of any kind why? She didn't think anybody would come she wouldn't write down her memories for her grandchildren because she figured nobody loved her enough to read them because she knew there was a problem

"The Sopranos: The Legend of Tennessee Moltisanti (#1.8)" (1999)
Larry Boy Barese: Oh, Mama Livia. Come sta, darling?
Livia Soprano: Listen to him with that 'my darling'. I am nobody's darling.
Larry Boy Barese: [to Tony] This one here, she never disappoints, I tell ya that.
Livia Soprano: Are you still seeing your other women, Lorenzo?
Carmela Soprano: [pulls her away] Come on, Ma. Let's mingle.
Tony Soprano: Sorry. The older she gets the worse she gets.

[after hearing bad news, Tony and Carmela need to relocate hidden money, guns and... ]
Tony Soprano: All right. You'd better give me your jewelry.
[Carmela sighs with chagrin]
Tony Soprano: Hey, they know we can't produce receipts. You want 'em stealing this stuff from us?
[after Carmela removes her necklace, Tony points to her diamond ring and Carmela balks]
Tony Soprano: Come on.
Carmela Soprano: I'm not giving you my engagement ring. This isn't stolen!
[beat, then frown]
Carmela Soprano: Is it?
Tony Soprano: No!
Tony Soprano: What do you think I am?
[Carmela sighs again]

"The Sopranos: Walk Like a Man (#6.17)" (2007)
Carmela Soprano: It's better to have loved than lost, A.J. It's better to have loved and lost, A.J.
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano Jr.: [incredulous] What?
Tony Soprano: It is.

Carmela Soprano: You've heard the term "comfort food". Maybe it'll make you feel better.
Anthony Soprano, Jr.: I know this is hard for you to believe, but food may not be the answer to every problem.
Tony Soprano: Neither is acting like a whiny little bitch.

"The Sopranos: Army of One (#3.13)" (2001)
Carmela Soprano: Now, you liked Jackie; so you don't want to believe that he did this to himself. So, like a lot of other people you go around looking for boogey men to blame- boogey men with Italian names.

"The Sopranos: The Second Coming (#6.19)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: I'm depressed.
Carmela Soprano: I'm telling you. Don't you start now.
Tony Soprano: What does that mean?
Carmela Soprano: It means what it means. I have enough on my plate, I don't need you adding to it with your bullshit.
Tony Soprano: Bullshit? It's an illness and it's fuckin' hereditary.
Carmela Soprano: Thank you, I know. I am intimately acquainted with the Soprano curse. Your father, your uncle, your great-grandfather who drove the donkey cart off the road in Avellino, all of it.
Tony Soprano: Oh, you think it's a joke?
Carmela Soprano: Am I laughing?
Tony Soprano: Well, then what are you sayin'?
Carmela Soprano: He didn't get it from my family. That's all I'm gonna say.
Tony Soprano: Your family don't even talk. Your father's so bottled up it's a wonder he's even got a stomach left.
Carmela Soprano: Yeah, as opposed to yours.
Tony Soprano: At least my father was out front about what was botherin' him.
Carmela Soprano: Right, with a bullet through your mother's beehive hairdo.

"The Sopranos: Fortunate Son (#3.3)" (2001)
Meadow Soprano: [on the phone] Is dad there?
Carmela Soprano: He's out back by the grill.
Meadow Soprano: Burning a cross?

"The Sopranos: Isabella (#1.12)" (1999)
Carmela Soprano: Tony, these kids need a father!
Tony Soprano: They got one, Tony Soprano!

"The Sopranos: Christopher (#4.3)" (2002)
Gabriella Dante: [to Carmela] Really, how dare he? And after all you've done for this parish!
Carmela Soprano: [resigned] What are you gonna do?
Gabriella Dante: [after a long pause] Well, I'm going to cut him a new one.

"The Sopranos: Sentimental Education (#5.6)" (2004)
Carmela Soprano: The funny thing is, I was sure he was gay. He sort of reminded me of you.

"The Sopranos: University (#3.6)" (2001)
Carmela Soprano: I think you should pay him, Tony
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No fucking way!
Carmela Soprano: What, your daughter's future isn't worth 50,000 dollars?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's not it. That motherfucker's full of shit. He's shaking me down.
Carmela Soprano: No, he's not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or Oh, yeah? Who knows more about extortion, me or you?

"The Sopranos: The Telltale Moozadell (#3.9)" (2001)
Carmela Soprano: Jackie Junior took her into the city to see, "Aida".
Tony Soprano: I ate her?

"The Sopranos: Down Neck (#1.7)" (1999)
Peter Galani: He often has difficulty waiting his turn, is often quote unquote, "on the go" or acts if driven by a motor. Often interrupts or intrudes on others. And often fidgets with hands or feet.
Tony Soprano: He fidgets with hands or feet?
Peter Galani: That's right.
Tony Soprano: You mean, like, he fidgets?
Peter Galani: Uh-huh.
Tony Soprano: And that's a sickness, to fidget?
Peter Galani: Mr. Soprano, it's one of nine possible symptoms.
Tony Soprano: What constitutes a fidget?
Carmela Soprano: Tony...
Tony Soprano: No, no, what constitutes a fidget? I mean, so what if he fidgets? He's in school. Who doesn't fidget in school? And he doesn't wait his turn? The kid's in puberty, he gets a hard-on every ten minutes, for chrissake.

"The Sopranos: All Due Respect (#5.13)" (2004)
[last lines]
Carmela Soprano: What happened to you? And your shoes are soaking wet!

"The Sopranos: The Strong, Silent Type (#4.10)" (2002)
Dominic Palladino: [During Christopher's intervention] Christopher, this won't be easy for any of us I want you to know we're here today because we care about you all we ask is that you listen
Christopher Moltisanti: [to Adriana] was this your idea?
Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] would you like to begin?
Adriana La Cerva: [to Christopher] I love you very much, my only dream is that we have a happy life together for the last few months things have gotten very bad because you're using drugs all the time, your high all the time and I can't take it
Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] be specific.
Adriana La Cerva: When we first started going out we made love all the time now because of the drugs...
Christopher Moltisanti: Jesus, is this fucking necessary?
Dominic Palladino: [to Adriana] go ahead
Adriana La Cerva: You can no longer function as a man, last week when I came and found you killed our dog that was the final straw
Christopher Moltisanti: [Referring to the dog] I fell asleep, she got suffocated
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You killed little Cosette, I ought to suffocate you, you little prick
Dominic Palladino: Tony, we're going in order
Christopher Moltisanti: [after Silvio reads his statement] I told you I had the flu, I can't even defend myself now?
Dominic Palladino: No one's attacking you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, it doesn't change anything but I can verify he was sick for a little while, still this thing with the dog, how could you not see it on the chair?
Dominic Palladino: You're getting emotional tony
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's because I know what it's like to lose a pet!
Carmela Soprano: I happen to know you were high at my mother in law's wake, you were talking nonstop for twenty minutes, nothing but gibberish
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Shaking his head in disappointment] my mother's wake, Jesus Christ
Dominic Palladino: [after Paulie reads his statement] whoa, guys we said "non-judgmental"
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Fuck that, let him take his medicine
Christopher Moltisanti: Seriously Paulie, you want to talk about "being up"?
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Watch it Chrissy
Christopher Moltisanti: What? I thought we're honest here, you got some balls you know that? All of you, you want to talk about "self-control", how about you Sil? Fucking every slut you got working for you when you got a wife and kid at home how about you Paulie? You remember last year in the woods with the Russian guy?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Christopher I am fucking warning you!

"The Sopranos: D-Girl (#2.7)" (2000)
Carmela Soprano: Act like a good Catholic for fifteen fucking minutes. Is that so much to ask?

"The Sopranos: Unidentified Black Males (#5.9)" (2004)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: To what do I owe this pleasure?
Carmela Soprano: I don't know if you'll see it that way I asked you to lunch to tell you I'm filing for divorce
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's nice, you invite me to a public place so you can ambush me? So you think I won't make a scene?
Carmela Soprano: Spare me your outrage accept the fact that I'm moving on with my life
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Moving on? That's what you were doing after the party last week?
Carmela Soprano: You and I both know that didn't change anything
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: First of all we're Italian, we don't believe in divorce, we believe in the nuclear family
Carmela Soprano: Despite your best efforts I have attorney who is going to aggressively pursue my custody of AJ and an equitable distribution of our assets
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Our assets?
Carmela Soprano: I am through in trying to get you to provide beyond the minimum for me to live
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So it's all fucking money? That's all this is to you?
Carmela Soprano: After all we've been through is it so hard to own up to that bullshit tax return?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You want money? What about the forty grand you stole from the bird feeder? You're such an investment genius
Carmela Soprano: You want this to get ugly? Because these guys live for that
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: And you think I don't? The only reason you have anything is because of my fucking sweat you knew every step of the way where the money comes from, you walk around in that mansion in your five hundred dollar shoes and diamond rings and you act like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth, you don't want it to get ugly? Too late
Carmela Soprano: I want what I'm entitled to

"The Sopranos: Amour Fou (#3.12)" (2001)
Rosalie Aprile: It's not just us. The president of the Unites States for crying out loud, look what his wife had to put up with the the blow job and the stained dress.
Angie Bompensiero: Hillary Clinton? I can't stand that woman.
Rosalie Aprile: I don't know. Maybe we could all take a page from her book.
Carmela Soprano: What, to be humiliated in public then walk around smiling all the time? That is so false. I would dig a hole, I would climb into it and I would not come out.
Rosalie Aprile: All I know is she stuck by him and put up with the bullshit and in the end, what did she do? She set up her own little thing.
Gabriella Dante: She did. She took all that negative shit he gave her and spun it into gold. I give her credit.
Carmela Soprano: Hm that's true, isn't it?
Carmela Soprano: She's a role model for all of us.

"The Sopranos: Cold Stones (#6.11)" (2006)
Carmela Soprano: [to AJ] So every time I asked you "how was work?" you say "fine", you were having your own private little joke on me.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony enters the room] what's going on?
Carmela Soprano: I went to Blockbuster to rent Cinderella Man, but guess what?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Is it still a classic?
Carmela Soprano: I found out our son, the liar, was fired three weeks ago
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: From Blockbuster? They have the worst managers over there.
Carmela Soprano: He was taking promotional items and selling them, stand ups.
A.J. Soprano: Standees, this whole thing is bullshit, most of that stuff gets thrown out anyway.
Carmela Soprano: The store's policy was very clear
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, well maybe I care about the environment did that ever occur to you? "'Wallace and Gromit" that weighed like fifty pounds, how many trees gave their lives for that? It just goes to the dump.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Can I come to a peaceful house one God damn night?
A.J. Soprano: You always tell me to think like a business man, yet every time I do there's something wrong, I was making money throwing parties in high school that was no good.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what I think, all those days you call in sick, you show up late, you deserve to get canned
Carmela Soprano: The worst part is: you don't even give a shit
A.J. Soprano: I should give a shit about Blockbuster? I can't live on what they pay me anyway.
Carmela Soprano: Why not? You live at home, we feed you.
A.J. Soprano: You have a social life but I can't, you have any idea what it costs at a descent club in New York? It's five hundred dollars for a bottle of Cristal, and it's a two bottle minimum.
Carmela Soprano: You spend a thousand dollars a night on champagne?
A.J. Soprano: [Lying] no, not every night, barely ever

"The Sopranos: From Where to Eternity (#2.9)" (2000)
Carmela Soprano: [in prayer for Christopher's life] Gentle and merciful Lord Jesus, I want to speak to you now with an open heart, with an honest heart. Tonight I ask you to take my sins and the sins of my family into your merciful heart. We have chosen this life in full awareness of the consequences of our sins. I know that Christopher's life is in your hands... and his fate is your will. I ask you humbly to spare him. And if it is your will to spare him, I ask that you deliver him from blindness and grant him vision. And through this vision may he see your love... and gain the strength to carry on in service to your mercy. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.