Dr. Jennifer Melfi
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Quotes for
Dr. Jennifer Melfi (Character)
from "The Sopranos" (1999)

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"The Sopranos: I Dream of Jeannie Cusamano (#1.13)" (1999)
[Tony urges Dr. Melfi to get out of town for a while]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I have patients who are suicidal!
Tony Soprano: Well they're not gonna feel any better about their life if you get clipped.

[Tony describes a dream he had about Jean Cusamano]
Tony Soprano: I'm doing her doggy-style, and I finish, you know. And her big ass is... look, we don't have time for this shit.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's interesting that you would say a big ass, 'cause Jean is quite slender.
Tony Soprano: We've got bigger things to talk about than Jean Cusamano's ass.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Like feelings of worthlessness sparked by your mother's plot to have you killed?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Isn't it interesting how this memory loss cropped up right after you failed to be killed in the carjacking? You think it was a carjacking?
Tony Soprano: Of course not, but I got an idea who was behind it. Enough said. You don't want to go there.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you don't want to go there.
Tony Soprano: What are you talking about?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, let's track it. Right around the time of the shooting, you were having hallucinations of that Isabella figure. The protective, loving mother. Your subconscience was shouting something at you. On the day before the shooting, you said to me that she kept going on yet again about news stories of mothers throwing their babies out of windows.
Tony Soprano: Why don't we put our fuckin' cards on the table here. What do you think, my mother tried to have me whacked 'cuz I put her in a nursing home?

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's been a long odyssey with your mother, hasn't it?
Tony Soprano: Oh, these last 500 years just seemed to race by.

"The Sopranos: Down Neck (#1.7)" (1999)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That must have been devastating.
Tony Soprano: No, it turned out it was no big deal.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: To see your father handcuffed, being led away by the police.
Tony Soprano: At the time I thought my head was gonna explode. He looked... helpless. When I got home my mother had a different perspective, which made me feel better.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So in her pain she reached out to you.
Tony Soprano: That's one way to put it.
[cut to a scene of Tony's youth]
Young Livia Soprano: Your father may not be home for dinner tonight. Go wash up.
Young Tony Soprano: I know.
Young Livia Soprano: What do you know?
Young Tony Soprano: I saw him getting arrested. What did he do?
Young Livia Soprano: He didn't do anything. They just pick on the Italians.

Tony Soprano: But I'll tell ya somethin', I was proud to be Johnny Soprano's kid. When he beat the shit outta that guy, I went to the class, I told them how tough my father was.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you think that's how your son feels about you?
Tony Soprano: Yeah, probably. And I'm glad. I'm glad if he's proud of me. But that's the bind I'm in 'cause I don't want him to *be* like me.

Tony Soprano: What about Pussy?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [looks confused]
Tony Soprano: He's an acquaintance of mine.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Genetic predispositions are only that: predispositions. It's not a destiny written in stone. People have choices.
Tony Soprano: She finally offers an opinion!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You think that everything that happens is preordained? You don't think that human beings possess free will?
Tony Soprano: How come I'm not making freakin' pots in Peru? You're born to this shit. You are what you are.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Within that, there is a range of choices. This is America!
Tony Soprano: Right... America.

"The Sopranos: Pilot (#1.1)" (1999)
Tony Soprano: I gotta be honest with you. I'm not getting any satisfaction from my work either.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why?
Tony Soprano: Well, because of RICO.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Is he your brother?
Tony Soprano: No. The RICO statutes?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Oh.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Of course, right.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you have any qualms about how you actually make a living?
Tony Soprano: Yeah. I find I have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.

Tony Soprano: [Seeing Dr. Melfi's diploma] Melfi. What part of the boot you from, hon?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [objecting to how he addressed her] Dr. Melfi.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: My father's people were from Caserta.
Tony Soprano: [referring to himself] Avellino. My mother would have loved it if you and I got together.

"The Sopranos: Members Only (#6.1)" (2006)
Tony Soprano: I stopped at a light yesterday and I see this nanny, black girl, pushin' a baby carriage. Comin' the other way, was another one with this old lady in a wheelchair starin' off into space.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: The circle of life.
Tony Soprano: Circle-jerk of life. Where's the dignity?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: If you're lucky, in the end you can let go of you pride. Let your loved ones care for you.
Tony Soprano: I'd rather they hold a pillow over my face.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I find it interesting you would say that. You tried to smother your mother with a pillow.
Tony Soprano: What?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: In the hospital after her stroke.
Tony Soprano: The fuck I did! I grabbed a pillow but it was... just to keep my hands occupied.

Tony Soprano: What was your mother like? She ever let you down, do anything to hurt your feelings?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Of course she did. She was controlling, manipulative at times. She also never tried to kill me.
Tony Soprano: I pushed her over the edge.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: By placing her in a lovely retirement community.
Tony Soprano: It's a nursing home!

"The Sopranos: 46 Long (#1.2)" (1999)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [about Livia] She could need a change in her living situation, be around more people.
Tony Soprano: Well, we were looking at Green Grove.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's a beautiful facility. It's more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.
Tony Soprano: Yeah. But to her it's a nursing home.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, she needs to be made to see the distinction. That in fact, she's embarking on a rewarding chapter. I know seniors who are inspired. And inspiring.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [That retirement community is] more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [later repeating it to his mother] It's more like a hotel at Captain Teeb's!
Livia Soprano: Who's he?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The Captain owns luxury hotels or something. I don't know! That's not the point!

"The Sopranos: Denial, Anger, Acceptance (#1.3)" (1999)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [about Jackie's condition] From what you're telling me it doesn't sound very good.
Tony Soprano: From what I'm telling you? Well, what the fuck do I know? I'm not a doctor.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're angry. Who with?
Tony Soprano: Let me tell you something. This man has had chemo every day for three fuckin' weeks and he still has every last hair on his head. Every last hair on his head and he's got a beautiful head of hair. So don't tell me about how it sounds because you don't know him and you don't know me and you don't know what the fuck you're talkin' about!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's happening is we're getting closer to your confronting your true feelings about what's really going on here.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I just told you my true feelings. So why don't you tell me what's really goin' on.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: The tree in the painting rotted out, you said. There's nothing in that picture to indicate that.
Tony Soprano: The fucking painting. I knew that painting was a scam. I knew that painting was a fuckin' scam!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You remember your dream? The ducks? It took on another meaning. What happens to a tree that's rotted out?
Tony Soprano: Trees, ducks. What the fuck are you, Ranger Rick? I'll tell you, some job you shrinks got! You think everybody is lying to you while you're pulling scams on them! Fuck you!
[walks out]

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: How are things?
Tony Soprano: Good. I had a real good week. Friend of mine's in the hospital. That's never pleasant, but... Otherwise I'm having a good week.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's he in for?
Tony Soprano: First they thought it was an ulcer. You know, then this and that.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You worried about him?
Tony Soprano: Jackie? Jackie's so fucking mean, he'll scare that cancer away.

"The Sopranos: A Hit Is a Hit (#1.10)" (1999)
Randy Wagner: What does that do to property values having a gangster living next door?
Dr. Bruce Cusamano: Are you kidding? Safest block in the neighb. And being a gangster what does it mean anyway?
Randy Wagner: That's true. Some of the shit I see in the boardroom. I don't know if I'd make a distinction.
Barb Wagner: Oh, will you please. It's not the same thing.
Dr. Bruce Cusamano: Bugging, bribes. I don't know. Sometimes I think the only thing separating the American business from the mobs is fuckin' whackin' somebody.
Jean Cusamano: Listen to you.
Dr. Bruce Cusamano: What?
Jean Cusamano: Whackin'. He hangs around with Tony Soprano for 15 minutes, and it's fuckin' this and fuckin' that.
Barb Wagner: We were over there for that fund-raiser. I didn't see any guns anywhere.
Jean Cusamano: Oh, but that bar with the goombah Murano glass.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I like Murano glass.

Tony Soprano: My wife thinks I need to meet new people.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So?
Tony Soprano: C'mon, you're Italian, you understand. Guys like me we're brought up to think that Merigan are fuckin' bores. The truth is the average white man is no more boring than the millionth conversation over who should have won, Marciano or Ali.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: So am I to understand that you don't consider yourself white?
Tony Soprano: I don't mean white like Caucasian. I mean a white man like our friend Cusamano. Now he's Italian, but he's Merigan. It's what my old man would have called a Wonder Bread wop. He eats his Sunday gravy out of a jar.

"The Sopranos: Walk Like a Man (#6.17)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: I came here today to tell you, in all seriousness, that I'm done. I did what you said. I gave it a lot of thought and I decided, once and for all, it's over. The truth is this therapy is a jerk-off. You know it and I know it.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I actually don't know it but please continue.
Tony Soprano: It's a jerk-off.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Yes, you've said that.

Tony Soprano: It's in his blood, this miserable fuckin' existence. My rotten, fuckin' putrid genes have infected my kid's soul. That's my gift to my son.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know all this is difficult but I'm very glad we're having this discussion.
Tony Soprano: Really, really? 'Cause I gotta be honest, I think it fuckin' sucks.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What does?
Tony Soprano: This. Therapy. I HATE this fuckin' shit! Seriously, we're both adults here, right? So after all is said and done, after all the complainin' and the cryin' and all the fuckin' bullshit... is this all there is?

"The Sopranos: The Blue Comet (#6.20)" (2007)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That Departures magazine out there. Did you give any thought at all to someone else who might wanna read before you tore out the entire page?
Tony Soprano: What?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's not the first time you've defaced my reading materials.
Tony Soprano: You saw that, huh? People tear shit outta your magazines all the time, they're a mess. I try to read 'em.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I don't think I can help you.
Tony Soprano: Well, change 'em. Bring in some new shit.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I mean therapeutically.
Tony Soprano: What are you talkin' about? I've only missed three appointments since we had that heart-to-heart.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: The new big thing these days is called psychodynamic therapy combined with Anafranil.
Tony Soprano: Who?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A medication. There's a doctor in Bloomfield you could see.
Tony Soprano: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, OK? Now what the fuck is this? You're, uh, firin' me 'cause I defaced your Departures magazine.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm giving you my considered medical opinion.
Tony Soprano: OK, I should've asked you for the steak recipe. And missin' sessions, unfortunately, is part of my condition.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What do you know about your condition? You miss appointments because you don't give a shit. About commitments, about what I do, about the body of work that's gone into building up this science!... Go ahead, tell me again I sound like your wife.
Tony Soprano: Well, if the shoe fits.
[Dr. Melfi stands up]
Tony Soprano: We're making progress! It's been seven years!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you want some names?
Tony Soprano: [stands up] OK, listen, I'm gonna tell you somethin' and you're not gonna like it. But we can say anything in here, right?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Go ahead!
Tony Soprano: I'm chalkin' this all up to female menopausal situations.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're not my gynecologist.
Tony Soprano: Well, you don't need a gynecologist to know which way the wind blows.
[Dr. Melfi opens the door]
Tony Soprano: So, wait a minute. You tellin' me after all this time, after everything we've shared in here, you're cuttin' me loose just as my son got outta the hospital for tryin' to kill himself?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Since you are in crisis, I don't wanna waste your time.
Tony Soprano: You know, I gotta be fuckin' honest. As a doctor, I think what you're doin' is immoral.
[Tony walks out to the waiting room. He exaggeratedly places the page back in the magazine, looks at Dr. Melfi angrily and leaves. She closes the door]

"The Sopranos: Two Tonys (#5.1)" (2004)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [has invited Dr. Melfi to go to Bermuda with him] Come on, Doc. I'm breaking out the big guns here. You're turning me into half a stalker.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Listen, Anthony. I'm not going to go out with you, and it's not because you're unattractive or I don't think I would have a good time. It's just something I'm not going to do. I would like you to respect my decision, and just try to feel that I know what's right for me. Okay?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's not just the doctor-patient ethics thing, is it?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I want to preserve the option for you that you could always come back to our work, if you wish, and that we could pick up where we've left off.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [frustrated] I don't think you get this. I want you!
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's very flattering to me.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not interested in flattering you.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know you're not.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, then what is it? Just help me understand it.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You know, Anthony, during our work I never judged you, or your behavior. It's not the place of a therapist to do so.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, I get all this. Go, go.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: In a personal relationship, I don't think I could sit silent.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [amused] About what?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Our values are... just very different.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You don't like my values.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Honestly?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [admiring her bluntness] OK. Like what?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's getting late.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, no. Come on. It's okay.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well... you're not a truthful person. You're not respectful of women. You're not really respectful of people.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't love people?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Maybe you love them, I don't know. You take what you want from them by force, or the threat of force. I couldn't live like that. I couldn't bear witness to violence...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: FUCK YOU!
[storms out]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You fucking cunt!

"The Sopranos: Employee of the Month (#3.4)" (2001)
Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: Jennifer, civilization...
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Oh, don't worry, I won't break the social compact. But that's not saying... there isn't a certain satisfaction in knowing that I could have that asshole squashed like a bug... if I wanted!

"The Sopranos: Cold Cuts (#5.10)" (2004)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what they say: Revenge is like serving cold cuts.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think it's "Revenge is a dish best served cold."
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What did I say?

"The Sopranos: The Telltale Moozadell (#3.9)" (2001)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Your thoughts have sort-of an Eastern flavor to them.
Tony Soprano: Well, I've lived in Jersey all my life.

"The Sopranos: Calling All Cars (#4.11)" (2002)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know, there's this Russian woman. She told me something that's very true. She said, only here, in America, do we expect to be happy. I mean this woman, she had a terrible leg disease since she was 9. She was dirt poor. She's getting on with her life. I mean, over here, we come and we bitch to shrinks. I mean, what the fuck?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, part of that may be true. But, who said that after getting out of the dirt and the poverty, do we have to stop looking for pain and truth?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Pain and truth? Come on, I'm a fat fucking crook from New Jersey.

"The Sopranos: From Where to Eternity (#2.9)" (2000)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Excuse me, let me tell you something... When America opened up the floodgates and let all us Italians in, what do you think they were doing it for? 'Cause they were trying to save us from poverty? No, they did it because they needed us. They needed us to build their cities and dig their subways, and to make them richer. The Carnegies and The Rockerfellers: they needed worker bees and there we were. But some of us didn't want to swarm around their hive and lose who we were. We wanted to stay Italian and preserve the things that meant something to us: honor and family and loyalty... and some of us wanted a piece of the action. Now we weren't educated like the Americans, but we had the BALLS to take what we wanted! And those other folks, those other... the, the JP Morgans, they were crooks and killers too, but that was the business right? The American Way.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That might all be true, but what do poor Itailian immigrants have to do with you and what happens every morning you step out of bed?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What the fuck is this all of a sudden?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm just asking a question.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, so YOU'RE taking a stand now, huh? You pick HERE to make a stand? After all this time telling me that nothing's my fault, because of poor parenting. You pick now to act like Betsy "Fuckin'" Ross! When my nephew is in the fuckin' hospital! He might not get out!

"The Sopranos: In Camelot (#5.7)" (2004)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What was it like sitting sitting there with Fran?
Tony Soprano: It was a little weird at first. Here I am comforting my father's mistress, my mother's lyin' there dead.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Are you attracted to her?
Tony Soprano: Come on, she's old enough to be my mother.
[Dr. Melfi shrugs]
Tony Soprano: Oh, Jesus Christ, it's an expression. Don't cream yourself. I did not want to fuck my mother! You should have seen her in her housedress with that hairnet. This conversation would be over in two seconds.

"The Sopranos: Kennedy and Heidi (#6.18)" (2007)
Tony Soprano: You know what? This is bullshit.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What?
Tony Soprano: I haven't been able to tell anybody this. I'm fuckin' relieved.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Really?
Tony Soprano: He was a tremendous drag on my emotions and my thoughts about the future. I mean, to begin with, every morning I wake up thinkin' is this the day that one of my best friends is gonna dime me to the FBI? And a weak, fuckin' snivellin', lyin' drug addict? That's the worst kind of bet. The biggest blunder of my career is now gone. And I don't have to be confronted by that fact no more. And as a relative, a friend, someone you can count on?
[flicks his hand under his chin]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I see.
Tony Soprano: Let me tell you somethin'. I murdered friends before, even relatives. My cousin Tony, my best friend Puss... But this?
[wakes up from his dream]

"The Sopranos: Another Toothpick (#3.5)" (2001)
[Tony and Carmela are arguing during their joint therapy session]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're both very angry.
Tony Soprano: Yeah, you must have been at the top of your fuckin' class.

"The Sopranos: Meadowlands (#1.4)" (1999)
Tony Soprano: I'm havin' second thoughts.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: About?
Tony Soprano: This whole thing. This whole arrangement. Security. I mean I come here, I tell you things, I don't know how safe it is.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I understand your concerns. But I told you what the ground rules are. As long as I don't hear anything incriminating...
Tony Soprano: You don't fuckin' get it. Bein' here incriminates me. Somebody sees me, they tell somebody else. All of a sudden, I'm a celebrity.

"The Sopranos: Chasing It (#6.16)" (2007)
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony is at Dr. Melfi's shortly after having a monetary dispute with Hesh] You got a lot of Jews in your business right?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What do you mean?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: This.
[surveys her office]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: . You gotta hand it to 'em. When it comes to money.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I've found that that's nothing more than an ugly stereotype.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Really? Because I got a friend, you tie a krugerrand to a fishing line, you're gonna land him.
[makes a sound emulating a fishing line being reeled in]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: . Right up on the dock.

"The Sopranos: Pax Soprana (#1.6)" (1999)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: When's the last time you had a prostate exam?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Hey, I don't even let anyone wag their finger in my FACE.
[Dr. Melfi laughs]

"The Sopranos: Big Girls Don't Cry (#2.5)" (2000)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It was a downpour. He couldn't see anything, it was impossible.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Where are you in the dream?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm there. I could observe everything. He's driving. He starts to hyperventilate. He grabs for a bottle of Prozac, but it's empty. And all the while this is happening that song from "The Wizard of Oz" is playing. He goes into a full-blown panic attack and he passes out. He crashes into this huge truck. The fact that he can't see the road ahead suggests my abandoning him.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Who in Wizard would your patient be?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Given the fact that he's a powerful, dominating male, Oz himself.
[Elliot arches his eyebrows]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What, with the eyebrows already?
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: The Wizard of Oz, what memories does it conjure up?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: My parents' house, watching it on TV. Hiding under the blanket with my sister.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Why do we love roller coasters, Jennifer? Scary movies?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [annoyed] To experience the thrill of being terrified, without the consequences. That's very good, Elliot.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: Great film, but some terrifying moments.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's very perceptive.
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: I'm concerned that treating a mobster provides you some vicarious thrill.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It wasn't exactly vicarious. I had to go into hiding, remember?
Dr. Elliot Kupferberg: And wasn't that thrilling?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Fuck you! You think this is funny, you smug cocksucker! Fuck you!
[walks out]

"The Sopranos: D-Girl (#2.7)" (2000)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It sounds to me like Anthony Jr. may have stumbled onto existentialism.
Tony Soprano: Fucking Internet.

"The Sopranos: Live Free or Die (#6.6)" (2006)
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A lot of your circle must have done jail time. They can't be strangers to male-male sexual contact.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You get a pass for that.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Well, that's nice.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, what are you gonan do? There's no women there. You're there five, ten years.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Just for the record, my incarceration was very short term, so I never had any need for any anal... you know.