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[after his crotch caught on fire
: Fear not. The Pest line shall continue. My childrens have been savededed.
[after he pees his pants from fright
: I'm sorry. I couldn't make it to the newspaper.
: ...I hope you get violated by pig monkey men in the woods.
: Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the slickest of them all? It's the schemin'est, keenest scam artist. GOD, IT'S SO HARD TO BE MODEST.
: Excuse me, but - ahh. Why do I gotta look like something out of "Jungle Book" and you guys all get the nice Banana Republic stuff?
: So, you started a few wars. a-ite? Okay, you actually you started every war, but I mean who's counting; it's not like you ever won one, right?
[laughs and pulls Leo's pants down
: Ve kicked France's ass. Pest
: Oh please, like who hasn't?
: Anything you have to say to me... you can say it in front of Malaria. Pest
: Anything? Xantha
: Anything. Pest
: Alright. Malaria's got mossy teeth, dandruff, and a fat butt! Xantha
: PEST! Malaria
: These jeans make me look fat! Pest
: Ah no, Malaria, your fat butt makes you look fat!
: So... uh... what was your snake's name? Himmel
: Cocteau. Pest
] Coc-teau? Like the French playwright? Himmel
: Nein... After my two favorite body parts.
: O MY GOD. Quacky. Quacky. What have they dided to you?
[Pretends to cry
: Which one is he?
: "The United States of... Germany." Wow, somebody's a sore loser.
: I'm "ridiculiculous." Like a booger I stick to this.
: I'm in the mood to scam, simply because I can.
: Love, peace and chicken grease.
: Later, masturbator.
: Of course I farted. What, you think I smell like this all the time?
: Do you know what today is? Pest
: The first day of the rest of our lives? Angus
: No. Pest
: Sean Connery's birthday? Angus
: Sean Connery's birthday? Bagpipe Player
: SEAN CONNERY'S BIRTHDAY?
[Band plays "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow"
[Pest and Angus speak over telephone
: You'd show more respect if we were the Italian mob. Pest
: Oh, please. Don't start that again. Angus
: Just because we're Scottish people don't take us seriously
[Pest burps into mouthpiece
[Pest and Chubbs enter an armory
: Be all you can be! Chubbs
: Yeah, don't ask, don't tell. Pest
: ...What's that supposed to mean? Chubbs
: Oh, nothin'. Pest
: Just checkin...
[after tumbling down a steep hill and banging his head against a rock
: Aaahhh, now I'm nice and limber!
[after Gustav wasted his tranquilzers on Xantha's family and his son, missing Pest
: You can't hit me! You can't hit me! You're a big sucker-butt! Ha ha ha, ha ha ha! I can't believe you're German! Ha ha h...
[Gustav hits him with the gun handle
[Pest works at a Chinese restaurant, disguised as Chinese
] Mr. Cheung
: [In heavy Chinese accent
] How come I don't undastand any of your Chinese? Pest
: [In just as thick an accent
] I from Souff! Is a diffwent diawect! Mr. Cheung
: Oh really? Well, I'm from Souff too! Pest
] Well, I from FAR, FAR, FAR, far Souff!
: Don't flatter me. Pest
: OK, your feet stink, your nose is point and your mother dresses you funny!
Puerto Rican Boy
: If you're blind, how did you know that I was a man? Pest
: I could hear your gonads shaking.
: Today is Monday. I want all the money you owe me by Wednesday or I'm going to kill your whole family. Pest
: How 'bout Thursday and you just take out a cousin?
: [talking to himself while defecating in the forest
] Whether 'tis nobler in the mind...
: ...to suffer the slings and arrows...
: ...of outrageous fortune...
] One stinky dinky, Ah ha ha!
: Two stinky dinky,
: Ah ha ha!