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: Perhaps you chastised her too vehemently. Good rule of thumb: treat each of these girls as you would treat your mother. Jimmy Dugan
: Did anyone ever tell you, you look like a penis with that little hat on?
Western Union man
: Excuse Me! Excuse Me! I have a telegram for one of you ladies from the War Department. Let's see here... boy, I hate these, these are the worst! The least the Army could do is send someone personally, to tell you your husband is dead. Darn, I had the name right here! Well I gotta go back and get this straightened out. Jimmy Dugan
: Wait, just give me the telegram. Western Union man
: I can't. I don't have a name on the checklist. Jimmy Dugan
: Just give me the telegram Western Union man
: [Jimmy grabs it and pushes the Western Union man out of the dressing room door
] Hey, this is official. This is from the War Department! C'mon, that's official business! I'm coming back! Jimmy Dugan
: [Jimmy reads the telegram and begins walking down the line of players
[the camera drops on Betty
] Jimmy Dugan
: I'm sorry Betty. Betty 'Betty Spaghetti' Horn
: [Crying hysterically
] No! George!
: You kind of let me down on that San Antonio job. Jimmy Dugan
: I, uh, yeh, I, uh... I freely admit, sir, I had no right to... sell off the team's equipment like that; that won't happen again. Walter Harvey
: Let me be blunt. Are you still a fall-down drunk? Jimmy Dugan
: Well, that is blunt. Ahem. No sir, I've, uh, quit drinking. Walter Harvey
: You've seen the error of your ways. Jimmy Dugan
: No, I just can't afford it.
] Walter Harvey
: It's funny to you. Your drinking is funny. You're a young man, Jimmy: you still could be playing, if you just would've laid off the booze. Jimmy Dugan
: Well, it's not exactly like that... I hurt my knee. Walter Harvey
: You fell out of a hotel. That's how you hurt it. Jimmy Dugan
: Well, there was a fire. Walter Harvey
: Which you started, which I had to pay for. Jimmy Dugan
: Well, now, I was going to send you a thank-you card, Mr. Harvey, but I wasn't allowed anything sharp to write with.
: Evelyn, could you come here, you got a second? Which team do you play for? Evelyn Gardner
: Well, I'm a Peach. Jimmy Dugan
: Well I was just wonderin' why you would throw home when we got a two-run lead. You let the tying run get on second base and we lost the lead because of you. Start using your head. That's the lump that's three feet above your ass.
[Evelyn starts to cry
] Jimmy Dugan
: Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! Doris Murphy
: Why don't you give her a break, Jimmy... Jimmy Dugan
: Oh, you zip it, Doris! Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry? Evelyn Gardner
: No, no, no. Jimmy Dugan
: Yeah! NO. And do you know why? Evelyn Gardner
: No... Jimmy Dugan
: Because there's no crying in baseball. THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! No crying!
] I'm a goddamn Peach!
: All right, everyone, let's listen up now, listen up. Hey! I don't know what that kid is doing, but get him away from the tape! Stilwell Something important has just happened. I was in the toilet reading my contract, and it turns out, I get a bonus when we get to the World Series. So, let's play hard, let's play smart, use your heads. Doris Murphy
: [quoting him
] That's that lump three feet above our ass, right, Jimmy?
: Taking a little day trip? Dottie Hinson
: No, Bob and I are driving home. To Oregon. Jimmy Dugan
: [long pause
] You know, I really thought you were a ballplayer. Dottie Hinson
: Well, you were wrong. Jimmy Dugan
: Was I? Dottie Hinson
: Yeah. It is only a game, Jimmy. It's only a game, and, and, I don't need this. I have Bob; I don't need this. At all. Jimmy Dugan
: I, I gave away five years at the end my career, drinking. Five years. And now there isn't anything I wouldn't give to get back any one day of it. Dottie Hinson
: Well, we're different. Jimmy Dugan
: This is chickenshit, Dottie, if you want to go back to Oregon and make a hundred babies, great, I'm in no position to tell anyone how to live. But sneaking out like this, quitting, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Baseball is what gets inside you. It's what lights you up, you can't deny that. Dottie Hinson
: It just got too hard. Jimmy Dugan
: It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.
: Until you did that, I couldn't tell if you were... drunk or dead. Jimmy Dugan
: It was made very clear to me what I'm supposed to do here. I smile, wave my little hat... I did that, so when do I get paid? Ira Lowenstein
: Now, Jimmy, you have some pretty good ballplayers here. You ought to give them a little bit of your... Jimmy Dugan
] Ballplayers. I don't have ballplayers, I've got girls. Girls are what you sleep with after the game, not, not what you coach during the game.
] Ira Lowenstein
: If we paid you a little bit more, Jimmy, do you think you could be just a little more disgusting? Jimmy Dugan
] Well, I could certainly use the money.
: Uh, Lord, hallowed be Thy name. May our feet be swift; may our bats be mighty; may our balls... be plentiful. Lord, I'd just like to thank You for that waitress in South Bend. You know who she is - she kept calling Your name. And God, these are good girls, and they work hard. Just help them see it all the way through. Okay, that's it.
: How good am I? Jimmy Dugan
: You stink, you're lousy, you're only the best player in the league.
: You ever been married? Jimmy Dugan
: Well, let me think... yeah, twice. Dottie Hinson
: Any children? Jimmy Dugan
: One of them was, yeah.
: [Jimmy has just signed a baseball for a little boy, who reads
] Avoid the clap, Jimmy Dugan. Jimmy Dugan
: Hey, that's good advice!
: You go out, wave your cap, give the people a thrill. Jimmy Dugan
: Why don't you get an organ grinder, I could do a little dance. Walter Harvey
: If your knees are up for it, go ahead.
: By the way, I loved you in the Wizard of Oz.
: Does he know how good you are? Dottie Hinson
: Bob? Jimmy Dugan
: No, Hitler. Yes, Bob.
: [referring to Stilwell Angel
] Keep that kid away from me for just one game!
: We're gonna win. WE'RE GONNA WIN! Stilwell Gardner
: You're gonna lose. You're gonna lose. You stink. Jimmy Dugan
: [after hitting Stilwell in the face with a thrown glove, shouts
] Ha! Got him!
: Hey, where did you come from? Dottie Hinson
: Well, we got as far as Yellowstone Park... then we turned back. Jimmy Dugan
: Have a little trouble with the bears, did ya?
: What the hell's going on? Why are we stopped? Betty 'Betty Spaghetti' Horn
: Lou quit. Jimmy Dugan
] Who's Lou?
: Great game, Jimmy. I especially liked that move in the seventh inning when you scratched your balls for an hour. Jimmy Dugan
: Well, anything worth doing is worth doing right.
: [about Miss Cuthbert
] In the forty-three years I've been practicing medicine, I never saw a woman throw up that much! Jimmy Dugan
: I think it's how she entertains herself, Doc.
: [Dottie has returned for the World Series
] Hey, Jimmy, you look like shit. Don't you ever shave? Jimmy Dugan
] We're gonna win... We're gonna *win!*
: Bullshit. You can all kiss my ass. That's right, kiss my big hairy ass.
: Has anyone ever told you that you look like a penis with that little hat on?