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Quotes for
Agador (Character)
from The Birdcage (1996)

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The Birdcage (1996)
Agador: When you gonna let me audition for you again?
Armand: When you have talent.

Armand: What are you giving him drugs for? What the hell are Pirin tablets?
Agador: It's aspirin with the "A" and the "S" scraped off.
Armand: My God, what a brilliant idea!
Agador: I know.

Armand: Now take that wig off or I'll tell Albert you're wearing it.
Agador: You do that, I'm gonna tell him you're seeing somebody else while he's on the stage.
Armand: I have two words for you: green card.

Armand: Agador, you're gonna have to get yourself a uniform and dress like a butler.
Agador: No! I'm gonna look like a fag!
Armand: Maybe, but you'll look like a fag in a uniform.

Armand: Is Albert here?
Agador: No.
Armand: Great. Then he's driving back from Miami at 20 miles an hour with the parking brake on.

Agador: Armand, why don't you let me be in the show? Are you afraid of my Guatemalan-ness?
Armand: Your what?
Agador: My Guatemalan-ness, my natural heat. You're afraid I'm too primitive to be on the stage with your little estrogen rockettes, right?
Armand: You're right. I'm afraid of your heat.

Agador: [in a scene after one in which he was dressed like Lucy] Armand, why don't you let me be in the show?

Armand: You look like Lucy's stunt double.
Agador: [dancing around in red wig cleaning] No actually I'm a combination of Lucy and Ricky
Armand: That's horrifying.

Agador: My father was the shaman of his tribe and my mother was the high priestess.
Armand: So why the hell did they move to New Jersey?
Agador: I don't know, they're so stupid.

Armand: [to Agador] Pull yourself together! Because you have to cook dinner. And I'm going after fucking Albert.
Val: You... can *cook*, right?
Agador: Your father seems to think so...

Armand: What is that crap you served us?
Agador: It's Guatemalan Peasant Soup.
Armand: What's Guatemalan Peasant Soup?
Agador: I don't know, I made it up. I made it up!

Albert: I'm leaving you my stereo...
Agador: I don't want it.
Albert: My red boots?
Agador: I don't want them.
Albert: And my wigs?
Agador: Which wig?

Val: Agador, why aren't you wearing your shoes?
Agador: [manly voice] I do not wear the shoes... because... they make me fall down.

Agador: Senator, another shot for you?
Senator Kevin Keeley: I don't really drink...
Agador: Yeah, but now's the time to pretend!

Armand: Ugh, what is this, sludge?
Agador: Yes, it's sludge; I thought it'd make a nice change from coffee.

Agador: My Guatemalaness; my natural heat!
Armand: Yes, I'm afraid of your heat.

Albert: Hmm, Turkish coffee.
Agador: See!
[Slaps Armand's arm]

Val: Put your shoes on Agador, it's getting late.
Agador: [In what he thinks is a normal waiter's voice] Ah, but there's no point in my putting shoes on.
[blows out match]
Agador: I never wear shoes because they make me fall down.
Val: Just, put your shoes on, okay? And talk in your normal voice, and just... give me a break, okay?
Agador: [In real voice] Okay.

Agador: Good eve-e-ning. May I take jour purse as usual... or for the first tine?