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: [beaten up Moly walks in Barbeque restaurant
] Daaaamn! Day-Day
: [imitating Moly
] Someone call 9-1-1 Mr. Jones
: Moly... you got knocked the fuck out! Moly
: Oh, good observation, buddy.
[looks to Craig and Day-Day
: Where were you buddies, huh? Craig Jones
: We was on our lunch break. Day-Day
: Trying to get something to eat, so we can secure this nasty-ass lot. Moly
: Good, good, good... you were eating while I was getting beating. Day-Day
: Looks like somebody beat the bricks off your motherfucking ass. Moly
: You are supposed to be a security guard, buddy, no? Day-Day
: [pretending to be olivious
] We are security, ain't that a bitch? Craig Jones
: We are security guards.
: Craig and Day-Day. Day-Day
: Ohh... Damon
: Just the niggas I need to see. Craig Jones
: Yo, yo... what's up O.G. Triple O.G... O.G. triple... triple O.G.? Day-Day
: You got out last night? Damon
: I haven't seen ya'll in about 12 years, nigga. Day-Day
: I know, I was little... Damon
: You're grown up now, though. Give a nigga a hug, dog. Day-Day
: I'm about to go...
[Craig grabs Day-Day and runs him into Damon
: [Damnon grabs Day-Day
] Yeah, man. It's cool, dog. It's cool. Come here. Yeah, right there. Damon
: [Damon looks at Craig
] Group hug, nigga! Day-Day
: Come on, Craig!
[Craig walks to Damon
] Craig Jones
: What's up, dog. Damon
: What's up, nigga. Damon
: It's good to be home. 'Cause in prison dog, hey... ain't nothing but the fellas, nigga. Day-Day
: I heard.
: It ain't ya booty, it's ya beauty.
: With that big ol' wolf pussy.
: One of them said they was gonna suck my dick from the back. I'm tryin' to see what that be like!
: Man, What about the fine ass hos I had coming here. They said they were gonna fuck for a buck, do something strange for a little piece of change, and I know we're gonna make them Holler for a dollar. One of 'em said they'd suck my dick from the back. I ain't never had that, ever happen to me, I'm trying to see what that be like. Badaba badaba ba.
: All want Santa Claus is two fat bitches and a bag of weed and two bag of chips to give to the fat bitches
: For the second time, y'all got jacked by Santa Claus? Day-Day
: Yeah. Officer Hole
: Black guy, wasn't it? Day-Day
: No, this was a nigga that did this.
: All I want is a fat bitch with a name belt that say "glitter" on it.
] Y'all hear me blowing this whistle? Moly
: We hear you, dog, what is it? Day-Day
: We just got jacked by Santa Claus! He almost tied us up, fucked us and robbed us! He pulled out a pistol and...!
[begins acting melodramatically
: You on crack, buddy?
: [interrupting a trio of carolers
] Heaven and a... fuck all that shit! Y'all hos gotta get up off the corner with that. Sister Sarah
: Excuse me, sugar, what did you say? Day-Day
: Y'all heard me what I said. I said y'all hos gotta get off this corner Sister Sarah
: You better watch yo little filthy mouth. You are talking to children of the lord. Day-Day
: I want you to know who you're talking to too: top flight motherfucking security. Craig Jones
: [running up
] Hey wait a minute, Day-Day, you can't talk to these old-ass ladies like that!
: [after Day-Day, Craig and Elroy got mugged by Santa
] You're supposed to be security, buddy. Day-Day
: That's why I asked yo ass for the two flashlights.
[Moly and the two cops start laughing
: That's why I hate the fucking law. Get yo fat ass up and go do something about this. You get up too! Gotta get us those flashlights or we gonna get killed around here!
: Oh, I heard about him. They call him the Santa Claus Crook or the Santa Claus Crip or something like that. He robbed a lady out in the parking lot last night, called her a "ho ho ho" and kept on running. Day-Day
: Who the fuck are you?
: Here's your lil' stanky-ass whistle!
: All I want is two fat bitches that smell like cheeeseburgers so Chico can lick on'em, and a two year supply of rolling paper.
: Oh and when we find St. Nick, what do y'all want us to do to him? Cracked ribs? Fractured skull? Little eye gouge? Craig Jones
: Fractured skull. Day-Day
: Beat da shit out of him. Craig Jones
: Eye gouge. That's the shit. Officer Hole
: [writes it down
] And an eye gouge.
: Tasha, how do we look? Tasha
: Like a couple of rent-a-cops. Day-Day
: What about them rented titties?
: [to a trio of elderly carolers
] Y'all are trying to use the lord to sell pussy on this corner.
: You need to work on yo people skills. Day-Day
: That's some bullshit. My people skills are way better than yours, nigga.
: You ain't evictin' nobody, 'less you got a motherfuckin' army wit you. Mrs. Pearly
: I don't need no army, Mr. Smart-ass. My son Damon home right now. Craig Jones
: DAMON? Craig Jones
: [in narrative
] I had a nightmare 'bout that fool last night. Damon
: [flashes to dream; Damon walks into Craig and Day-Day's prison cell
] Day-Day. Craig. Which one of you bitches is gonna wash my drawers tonight? Craig Jones
: [pointing to each other
] That would be him.
[Damon tosses his laundry on both of them
: I wash on Sundays... anyway. Craig Jones
: Starch or press? Damon
: Starch, nigga!
: You like 'cause your son is a fag?
: I ain't never heard no policy like that. Day-Day
: Well you never met a top-flight security nigga like me.
: I can't even do the James Brown in these pants. Craig Jones
: Good. I don't wanna see you do the James Brown. Day-Day
: Man, we ain't never gonna get no pussy in these clothes.
: [to Elroy
] Daddy, he gon' shoot yo ass! Get up the damn wall!
: You guys are top-flight security, best in the whole wide world. You have to defend this whole place with your own lives. Day-Day
: And I'd die for this shit too.
: Damn, Daddy, you got another one? You gon' catch something.
: You oughta be nervous. You a black cop.
: Where your flashlight at? Rent-a-cops supposed to have flashlights. You gotta shine some damn body. Craig Jones
: We supposed to get handcuffs, flashlights, taser guns. Day-Day
: German shepherds. Uncle Elroy
: Y'all must ain't heard what happened to the last security guards they had 'round here.
: Hey, I wanna ask you a question. Moly
: Okay, what? Day-Day
: When we get our guns? Moly
: Oh, no, no guns. You are top-flight unarmed security guards. Craig Jones
: What about walkie talkies? Day-Day
: And some flashlights. In case we catch some girl giving up some head right in the back behind the trash cans, I could come back there with the flashlight and catch her. Moly
: You guys are supposed to be big, tough guys. You don't need all these gidgets-gadgets, huh. All you need is this here.
[hands them whistles
: If there are any problems, you just blow. Toot-toot! Day-Day
: [they blow their whistles; Craig is standing right next to Day-Day
] Goddamn, Craig!
: I ain't goin'. Craig Jones
: Stop being so scary. All our stuff might be in there. Day-Day
: I'm not... why you always got to be a hero, man? Take your... go on over there, I'll bet something bite you in the ass. I'm not going. Craig Jones
: I don't wanna get bit in the ass.
: You heard what happened to the last security guards. Day-Day
: You didn't even hear what happened to the last security guards, so how da fuck is I'm gonna hear it?
: [re: Craig
] This my big-head ass cousin. You know, Bevo Lotti, got mo head than he got body.
: How is she gonna like you when she like me? Day-Day
: Because she hadn't seen me yet. Craig Jones
: I wish I hadn't seen you yet.
: Why'd you fire me, Pinky? Pinky
: I had to! You were always late, fool.
: [after Santa got hit by Pinky's limo
] Should I tell him? Day-Day
: Let's both tell him. Craig Jones
: You got knocked da FUCK out! Craig Jones
: [while smoking a cigar
] Take lunch, one half hour. Don't be late!
: That's a dirty motherfucker. He gon' blow smoke in our face on the first arrest? That's bullshit. Craig Jones
: See? I told you there ain't no future in being a company man.
: You gonna make me blow this whistle, I'll clear all this shit out. Sister Sarah
: Fuck you AND your whistle.
: You can't talk to people like that. That's somebody's grandmama, fool. Day-Day
: I can talk to anybody any fuckin' way I wanna talk to 'em. I'm the law around here, and I'm gonna write yo ass up for insubordination. So let me do my job and you do yours. Top flight!
: Day-Day, we only security guards, okay? Ghetto security guards at that. We ain't Cops, we ain't America's Most Wanted, N.Y.P.D. Blue, none of that shit you watch. Day-Day
: Something like that. Craig Jones
: No, nothing like that.
: So all we gonna do is take it easy, make this money, you gonna watch yo temper. Day-Day
: I ain't gotta watch shit. Craig Jones
: You gonna treat people right, talk to people right. You can get yo ass kicked out here real quick. Day-Day
: So? I don't care nothin' about that. Don't nobody be gettin' outta hand. Craig Jones
: And I ain't gettin' into no shit because of you.
: You remedial. Day-Day
: What does that mean? Craig Jones
: Man, look at them tig o' bitties
: I got the BGs Craig Jones
: What's the BGs? Day-Day
: The bubble guts, I'm nervous and I'm bout to shit on my self
: Ancient Chinese Secret. Ms. Ho-Kym
: I'm Korean, motherfucker
[discussion about Day-Day's ex
] Craig Jones
: Psycho, huh? She must be worst than Left Eye from TLC or somethin'. Day-Day
: Yeah, well, this fat bitch ain't burnin'!
: Fat bitches need love too, Craig! Roach
: Fa Sho.
: Roach, if Pinky catches you doing that X-Games shit on the counter, we both gon' be fired! African
: [walking in store
] Motherfuckers. You motherfuckers! What the fuck is this? You motherfuckers! Day-Day
: Can I help you, sir? African
: Yes, what is this? Huh? This is whack! I can't get jiggy with this shit! Where's your damn manager, that pink motherfucker? Day-Day
: The manager's not here. I'm running the store right now. African
: You look like the playa-hater who sold me this shit. Give me back my damn money right now, and I don't have no damn receipt. Day-Day
: Do you have the cover, sir? African
: I don't have no damn cover! Kiss my ass, so what? Day-Day
: Can I see it sir?
[looks at CD
: What, were you chewing on this shit before you got here? African
: Bullshit, motherfucker! Do you know who you are fucking with? Day-Day
: Bishop Desmond Tutu? African
: Try again, motherfucker! Day-Day
: Winnie Mandela's lil'... African
: Try *again*, motherfucker! Day-Day
: Just an ugly ass black dude. African
: I'll go *postal* in this motherfucker! Day-Day
: Man, you better take your hostile black ass outta here! African
: [knocks down CD stand as Craig walks in
] Ol' biatch...
[Craig shoves him into CD rack
: Oh, shit! Please, don't hurt me! Please! This's John Blaze; I can get jiggy with this! Craig
: Get your ass up outta here! African
: I'm just a bitch-ass nigga!
] Day-Day... is this your cousin? Day-Day
] Yeah, that's my cousin... Pinky
: Good, 'cause you're fired! Day-Day
: Who, me? Pinky
: And Roach, you're fired too! Pinky
: [Roach and Day-Day chattering
: Oh, I heard that! Say it again! Say it again!
[looks at Craig
: I was just about to bust a cap in your ass. Give me back my motherfucking pistol. Fuck out my store.
: [Day-Day introduces Craig to Ms. Ho-Kym
] Craig, meet Miss Ho! Ms. Ho-Kym
: Ho-Kym, motherfucker.
: Yo, Pops, I didn't know you had some bitties?
: [to Craig
] When you going home?
: [shaking hands with Roach
] I've knew we've never will be together forever, you're a cool Puerto-Rican dude. Baby Joker
: Falta feria, güey Joker
: ¡QUE! Joker
: [Looks at Day-Day and Roach
] ¡PINCHES HIJOS DE PUTA, CABRONES! Day-Day
: What? Joker
: We're saying, you're fucked ese! You're staying with us! Day-Day
: Aw man. Joker
: Baby Joker, get the duct tape homes. Baby Joker
: Orale, carnal. Joker
: It's on my bed homes, I was using it earlier. Day-Day
: Shit, man! Lil Joker
: [Talking to the girls
] Hey and you, got put your clothes back on, alright!
: [At the Jokers house door
] Knock. Day-Day
: You want me to knock? Roach
: Well knock.
[Day-Day knocks at the door slightly
: You're acting like a little bitch right now man, they're not gonna hear that, the music is playing. Day-Day
: Excuse me partner, that was a fuckin' ghetto knock I just did. Roach
: I'm gonna show you how to knock on a door. Day-Day
: Hey, hey no stop. Baby Joker
: [Inside the house when Roach is banging on their door with his feet
] Yeah, rub that shit. Joker
: [He hears Roach banging his door and get's his gun
] I hear something? Fuckin' shit. Yeah I got to do everything around here, SHIT! Ruining my flow. Girl #1
: [Talking to Lil Joker when kissing her neck
] Right there. Joker
: [When talking to his brothers
] Hey you lover boys, YOU HEAR THAT SHIT! Day-Day
: [Talking to Roach about banging the door with his feet
] Motherfucker you better stop, they're gonna think we're the police in there. Roach
: It get's results. Joker
: [the brothers opening the door at a gunpoint
] The fuck do you want? Day-Day
: We came to borrow some sugar. Joker
: Does this look like a fuckin' 7-Eleven to you homes? Do you see a Red-Dot on my Forehead my friend? Do you see an ATM in the corner that doesn't work? DO YOU? NO, YOU DON'T SO FUCK YOU MY FRIEND. Get the fuck outta here Day-Day, and you to, Slim Shady. Day-Day
: No problem, we're gone. Roach
: Hold on, just a second, hey man you've run over my skateboard. I DON'T APPRECIATE THAT, ALL RIGHT! Joker
: What? Day-Day
: [the Joker brothers grab him and Roach and get them inside their house
] Oh no, that's that bullshit, man it ain't like...
: Fat bitches need love too, Craig! Roach
: Fa Sho.
: How'd you get out here? Craig Jones
: I walked. Day-Day
: You walked? Craig Jones
: Yeah. Day-Day
: You can't be walkin' around this white neighborhood, man. You look suspect.