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: [at Black Awareness Rally
] But you know, when I look at these contestants! For the Miss Black Awareness Pageant, I feel good! I feel good, because I know there's a God somewhere! There's a God somewhere! Turn around ladies for me please! You know there's a God who sits on high and looks down low! Man cannot make it like this! Larry Flynt! Hugh Hefner! They can take the picture, but you can't make it! Only God above, the Hugh Hefner on high, can make it for ya! Semmi
: [in audience to Akeem
] Apparently these are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one and let's go home. Prince Akeem
: Be patient, my friend. Rev. Brown
: Do you love Him? Do you feel joy? Say "Joy"! Prince Akeem
: Joy! Rev. Brown
: Joy! Can I get an "Ahe-men"? Don't be ashamed to call His name! Awareness Woman
: Yes, Lord! Rev. Brown
: Only God can give that woman the kind of joy she has right there! Make a joyful noise unto the Lord! Prince Akeem
: I am very happy to be here! Rev. Brown
: Amen! Yes, sir! Can I get an "Amen"? Ha! Ha! I don't know you what you come to do, but *I* come to praise the name! Lord, Lord!
: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool? Semmi
: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.
: Now let's see if you can defend yourself, you sweat from a baboon's balls.
: Apparently these are the best women Queens has to offer. Pick one and let's go home.
: But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king. Prince Akeem
: You actually want to send this? Semmi
: Why? What is wrong? Read it to me. Telegraph Lady
: To His Majesty, King Jaffe Joffer, The Royal Palace, Zamunda. Sire, Akeem and I have depleted our funds. Kindly send 300, 000 American dollars immediately, as we are in dire straits. Your humble servant, Semmi.
] Telegraph Lady
[pronounces it correctly
: Should I make it 400,000? Telegraph Lady
: You think that'd be enough? Semmi
: You are right. 500,000. Telegraph Lady
: As long as you're asking, why not go for a cool million? Semmi
: You do not think that would be too much? Telegraph Lady
King Jaffe Joffer
: Semmi, you have disgraced yourself, and you must be punished. Confine yourself to our royal suite at the Waldorf-Astoria.
] King Jaffe Joffer
: And see that he puts on some decent attire.
[to the rose bearers
] King Jaffe Joffer
: And I want you to bathe him thoroughly. Semmi
: Oh, thank you, Your Majesty.
: Do you realise that I have not had sex since we got to America?
: Heyyy, it's the boys from Africa, how y'all doin this evenin'? Prince Akeem
: Sir, where can one go to find nice women here? Clarence
: You gotta get out and look, they ain't just gonna fall on your lap. Semmi
: We've been to every bar in Queens. Clarence
: Well, that's where you messed up, son, you can't go to no bar to find a nice woman. You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'erm, church, they're good girls.
: [looking at America on a globe
] The land is so big. The choices so infinite. Where shall we go: L.A. or New York?
: Freeze you diseased rhinoceros pizzle!
: Let me get this straight. You can have a woman that will obey you're every command, but you want a woman who has an *opinion*! Prince Akeem
: Only *dogs* are to obey.