Al Robbins
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Quotes for
Al Robbins (Character)
from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000)

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"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Lab Rats (#7.20)" (2007)
Gil Grissom: Can you smell that?
Dr. Al Robbins: Yes.
Gil Grissom: You shouldn't be able to smell that though your suit.
Dr. Al Robbins: Good to know.

Gil Grissom: It's just a rat fellas, why you wearing the hazmat gear?
David Phillips: He made me do it.
Dr. Al Robbins: It's a wild animal covered with potentially biohazardous material, with claws. Rabies, scabies, AIDS, hepatitis, I'm thinking of this suit as a giant rubber glove.

Gil Grissom: Did you know that rodents have skeletons with flexible joints?
Dr. Al Robbins: No.
Gil Grissom: If they can get their head through something, the rest of their body can contort to fit. They can crawl into spaces as small as a quarter.
Dr. Al Robbins: Lousy varmints.
[on seeing the fried rat, Doc laughs]
Dr. Al Robbins: Bastard hit the main line.

Dr. Al Robbins: [sarcastically] Nice work.
Gil Grissom: At least I tried to get him... Where were you?
Dr. Al Robbins: I *hate* rats.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Room Service (#6.2)" (2005)
[Warrick snaps photos of the dead body]
Dr. Al Robbins: Julian Harper. If it weren't for the cyanosis, I'd say he was doing a photo shoot for GQ.
Warrick Brown: Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't ready for *this* photo shoot.

[Robbins takes a camera out to snap photos of dead Julian Harper]
Warrick Brown: What are you doing?
Dr. Al Robbins: It's for my scrapbook. I've got a perfect spot for him: A place of honor between Tupac and Entwistle.

Dr. Al Robbins: [there are three Laotians in the morgue at the same time] Bad night for Laotians.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Iced (#5.23)" (2005)
Dr. Al Robbins: Interesting fact about cyanide - not everyone can smell it.
Sara Sidle: Right, it's a genetic quirk.
Dr. Al Robbins: Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.
David Hodges: [walks into the morgue] "The nose" has arrived.
Sara Sidle: Hodges has the genetic quirk?
[Robbins nods]
David Hodges: It's a blessing and a curse.

Detective Vartann: What are we expecting to find here?
Dr. Al Robbins: Someone went to a lot of trouble to steal James Billmeyer, maybe there's a clue in his personal effects.
Detective Vartann: So you're a CSI now?
Dr. Al Robbins: If I were, I would have printed the cooler.

Detective Vartann: Two pairs of socks, two pairs of underwear, two T-shirts. That tells me the guy was going to be staying in Vegas for two days.
Dr. Al Robbins: Your powers of deduction are remarkable, detective.
Detective Vartann: Thank you.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Down the Drain (#5.2)" (2004)
Dr. Al Robbins: [as Dr. Al Robbins performs the autopsy on the body found in the drain, Greg Sanders' first] In the end, it's all we really are.

[about the opened body on the autopsy table]
Dr. Al Robbins: In the end, this is all we really are.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Harvest (#5.3)" (2004)
Dr. Al Robbins: Childhood keeps getting shorter and shorter... you know why that is?
Catherine Willows: [sobbing] Honestly, I DON'T!

Gil Grissom: Alicia's cause of death?
Dr. Al Robbins: Cardiopulmonary arrest.
Gil Grissom: Time of death?
Dr. Al Robbins: That's a little trickier. No solids in the stomach contents, just a milky liquid. Liver mortis was fixed and deep purple with a vitreous humor potassium level of 20 millimoles per liter with faint putrefaction. So, I'd say she's been dead about... 44 hours between midnight and 8:00 A.M., the day of her kidnapping.
Gil Grissom: Which means April Perez was lying about the abduction.
Dr. Al Robbins: Yep. Story's got more holes than her sister's bones.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grave Danger: Part 2 (#5.25)" (2005)
Judge Stokes: [cheerfully] So, Doctor. How did my son die? Anaphylactic shock?
Dr. Al Robbins: No, no, he didn't live long enough for that. C.O.D. was asphyxiation. When the blood oxygen drops to less than 16% and the CO2 builds up, there's a rapid loss of consciousness. Death within minutes with no disfiguring physical findings.
Judge Stokes: He'll look great at the funeral.
Dr. Al Robbins: Oh, yes.
Judge Stokes: His mother will appreciate that.

David Phillips: [about Nick] Do you think he suffered?
Dr. Al Robbins: Do I think he suffered? Yes. Definitely.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cross-Jurisdictions (#2.22)" (2002)
Dr. Al Robbins: How about Darier Disease?
Gil Grissom: Doesn't that give you a rash that smells like human excrement? We're looking for something a little sweeter.

Dr. Al Robbins: Tuberculosis victims emit breath that smells of wet leaves.
Gil Grissom: Maple? Ash? Elm? What?
Dr. Al Robbins: I don't know.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: XX (#4.17)" (2004)
[Dr. Robbins uses home pregnancy tests instead of buying from the lab's expensive supplier]
Catherine Willows: Eye on the bottom line. I find that...
Dr. Al Robbins: Sexy?
Catherine Willows: Prudent. That was a good try, though.
Dr. Al Robbins: Plus sign. You know what that means.
Catherine Willows: Who's yo daddy?

[Drawing a sample from a cadaver's bladder]
Dr. Al Robbins: Urine... you're out.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Way to Go (#6.24)" (2006)
Catherine Willows: So that means he died with a smile on his face.
Dr. Al Robbins: Among other things.
[both laugh]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Time of Your Death (#6.22)" (2006)
Dr. Al Robbins: [discussing findings re: latest victim] Well, Tox detected methamphetamine, sildenafil, and oxycodone.
Catherine Willows: Stimulant, erection, and a painkiller. Party in a pill.
Dr. Al Robbins: Where was that on my wedding night?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Family Affair (#10.1)" (2009)
Dr. Al Robbins: [shady guys with guns are stealing a corpse] What the hell is going on here?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Take the Money and Run (#14.2)" (2013)
D.B. Russell: What was the toxin?
Dr. Al Robbins: Snake venom. The species is called Daboia Russelii, commonly named Russell's viper. No relation I'm assuming?
D.B. Russell: None that I'm aware of


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Primum Non Nocere (#2.16)" (2002)
Dr. Al Robbins: What is it about organized sports?
Gil Grissom: Well, organized sports is the paradigmatic model of a just society... Everyone knows the same language, everyone knows the rules, and there's a specific punishment handed out the moment someone tries to cheat. It's instant morality.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Weeping Willows (#5.22)" (2005)
Gil Grissom: This is a .25 caliber.
Dr. Al Robbins: What, disappointed?
Gil Grissom: We found a .22 in the victim's car. This just ruled that out as the murder weapon.
Dr. Al Robbins: So shoot me.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: You Kill Me (#8.8)" (2007)
Dr. Al Robbins: You know, David, our job is never easy, but this is a colleague. If your emotions are too raw and you feel you need to excuse yourself...
David Phillips: [Touching a frozen body which causes a crunching sound] Look!
[Touches the dead body again]
David Phillips: He's crunchy.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Poppin' Tags (#6.20)" (2006)
[Warrick has concluded that the shooter was moving fast while firing]
Dr. Al Robbins: Drive by?
Warrick Brown: With a hit-and-run chaser.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Committed (#5.21)" (2005)
Dr. Al Robbins: Let's start with the stomach contents. They're fascinating. They reminded me of that scene in Jaws where Dreyfuss cuts open the sharks belly and all sorts of weird things come out?
Gil Grissom: You found a license plate?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: King Baby (#5.15)" (2005)
Dr. Al Robbins: From everything I've heard, this guy was a considerable ass.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Snuff (#3.8)" (2002)
Dr. Al Robbins: Come on, you bitch!


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Two and a Half Deaths (#8.16)" (2008)
Gil Grissom: Then the rubber chicken was inserted post-mortem...
Dr. Al Robbins: ...and thus not the cause of death.
Gil Grissom: Might have been a gag. Sorry.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Blood Lust (#3.9)" (2002)
Gil Grissom: Hey Doc, tell me something I don't know.
Dr. Al Robbins: When I was in fourth grade, I dropped karate because some kid half my size made me cry.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leave Out All the Rest (#9.5)" (2008)
Dr. Al Robbins: [while examining the corpse] I can see his brains through his nasal cavity - that's cool.
[Grissom raises an eyebrow, Robbins stands upright and takes off his glasses]
Dr. Al Robbins: Well, BRB - Be Right Back. My wife's got me into texting now.
[leaves]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Stalker (#2.19)" (2002)
Dr. Al Robbins: She's a natural blonde.
Catherine Willows: [after seeing Grissom looking at her] Why are you looking at me?
Gil Grissom: [shakes his head] Sorry.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Anatomy of a Lye (#2.21)" (2002)
Dr. Al Robbins: You know, sometimes I'm glad I only deal with dead people.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Ending Happy (#7.21)" (2007)
Jim Brass: So the guy in took an arrow through the throat and it prolonged his life?
Dr. Al Robbins: Apparently.
Catherine Willows: And what are the odds of it not hitting any major artery?
Dr. Al Robbins: Whatever comes right before zero.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Road to Recovery (#15.7)" (2014)
Greg Sanders: But the bottom line is, we've been working with the wrong cause of death
Dr. Al Robbins: And with the wrong cause of death, you most likely have the wrong killer


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Middle (#5.16)" (2005)
Dr. Al Robbins: Gabe Miller's still alive. As much as a politician can be.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Swap Meet (#5.5)" (2004)
Dr. Al Robbins: You don't wear LaPerla to a tupperware party.
Gil Grissom: LaPerla?
Dr. Al Robbins: Very expensive. I gave some to my wife once. She accused me of having an affair.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Sweet Jane (#7.12)" (2007)
Dr. Al Robbins: [talking about a Medical Examiner that retired after Doc Robbins first started] I once saw him do a Y-incision with one hand while holding a hot dog in the other!
Michael Keppler: I take it he wasn't known for his rigorous analysis?
Dr. Al Robbins: He was known for liking hot dogs.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Hunger Artist (#2.23)" (2002)
[a rat has just climbed out of a murder victim's mouth]
Captain Jim Brass: Whoa.
Gil Grissom: I think she just ratted herself out.
[later, before the victim's autopsy]
Dr. Al Robbins: Heard about the rat. Hope it didn't have any children.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Got Murder? (#3.12)" (2003)
Dr. Al Robbins: [after David has performed an autopsy on a living man, who later passes on] All right David, take two.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix (#7.23)" (2007)
Warrick Brown: [on seeing Doc Robbins yawn] What's the matter Doc, you been hitting it a little too hard?
Dr. Robbins: No, canine-induced insomnia. I'm fostering some puppies. Jack Russells. Had me up all night. How 'bout a puppy to keep you company?
Warrick Brown: No, if I stay up all night, it's not going to be because of a puppy.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fight Night (#3.7)" (2002)
[Performing an autopsy]
Dr. Al Robbins: You say tomato... I say cause of death.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Hollywood Brass (#5.20)" (2005)
Dr. Al Robbins: [to phone] I thought you were asked to come home.
Captain Jim Brass: [to phone] I'll be home tomorrow.
Dr. Al Robbins: I hope she was worth it.
Captain Jim Brass: What do you mean?
Dr. Al Robbins: I don't know, I mean, you put your career on the line, I assume there's a woman involved.
Captain Jim Brass: What are you, a detective now?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Overload (#2.3)" (2001)
Dr. Al Robbins: I love this table.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Compulsion (#5.17)" (2005)
Dr. Al Robbins: She was raped... The attack was brutal.
Gil Grissom: Aren't they always? I don't know why people think that rape has anything to do with sex.
Dr. Al Robbins: If a guy just wants sex, he can hire a hooker.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Book of Shadows (#15.4)" (2014)
Julie Finlay: Doc, can you explain this text I got from Hodges? Okay: "Nobody knows what the nose knows until the nose knows it. See Doc"
Dr. Al Robbins: Our friend Hodges has the gene that allows him to smell the bitter almond odor of cyanide. It's a gift
Julie Finlay: He has so many gifts
Dr. Al Robbins: Oh, yeah.