David Hodges
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Quotes for
David Hodges (Character)
from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000)

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"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Lab Rats (#7.20)" (2007)
Henry Andrews: So, we're looking for an obsessive, meticulous, dark assed misanthrope who seeks recognition for his efforts.
[Wendy and Henry both look towards Hodges who is sorting his chips and carrots in three neat piles]
Hodges: [without looking up] When would I find the time? I'm always here.

Wendy Simms: Well, we're working under the assumption that the killer was a foster kid, right? With probably an abusive childhood, so, a bloody baby doll. I mean, it's really not much of a stretch to say the doll represents the killer.
Hodges: Grissom had something on that.
[opens case file]
Hodges: "Freud's theory on the uncanny raises the point that as children we want the doll to come to life. But as adults, we are terrified by the idea. The doll could represent the uncanny that is feared. The Sandman."
Wendy Simms: Right, or exactly what I just said.

Henry Andrews: Can I have a chip?
Hodges: [quickly] No.

Hodges: This is exactly why I didn't invite you to join us: you take over everything.
Wendy Simms: I ...
Hodges: [cutting her off] Grissom asked me to gather some techs to review the miniature cases, like a think-tank.
Wendy Simms: Yeah, I know they told me. So... kudos to you.
Hodges: I hand selected them with careful consideration to group dynamics.
Wendy Simms: Well, I can see that. I mean it's you and your backup singers. You're Davy Hodges and the Lemmings.
[with fake enthusiasm]
Wendy Simms: You should take your act out on the road.
Henry Andrews: [off screen] We can hear you.
Wendy Simms: Look, the only reason you don't like me is because I actually stand up to you, which by the way is exactly what you need. I mean, come on, you know I'd be good at all this miniature stuff.
Hodges: That's not the only reason.
Wendy Simms: Really? Okay, what is it?
Hodges: You think you're too cool.
Wendy Simms: Oh my God, what are we, twelve?
Hodges: I don't know, are we?
Wendy Simms: [steps toward him] I don't know, are we?

Wendy Simms: Look, the only reason you don't like me is because I actually stand up to you, which by the way is exactly what you need. I mean, come on, you know I'd be good at all this miniature stuff.
Hodges: That's not the only reason.
Wendy Simms: Really? Okay, what is it?
Hodges: You think you're too cool.
Wendy Simms: Oh my God, what are we, twelve?
Hodges: I don't know, are we?
Wendy Simms: I don't know, are we?
[Hodges doesn't answer]

Archie Johnson: Later betties.
Hodges: Quitter.
Archie Johnson: Glory whore.

Hodges: [on seeing Greg covered in spaghetti sauce] Some garlic bread, some nice Chianti maybe?
Greg Sanders: Kiss my ass. I'd like to see you crawl around a dumpster, determining the difference between blood and marinara sauce, with six mobster goons giving you the stink eye.

Hodges: What?
Wendy Simms: That was a very good idea.
Hodges: Well, I have one occasionally.

Hodges: [after Wendy uses Hodges' phone to call the suspected M.K] Nice one Simms, now they have my cell phone number.

Henry Andrews: [sometime after Wendy uses Hodges phone to call the killer's phone it starts ringing] Did you guys see "Scream"?
Hodges: [giving him a look but attempting to disguise his voice] Hello?... Oh, hi, Catherine. Have I seen Wendy? No, she hasn't been at her desk all day.
Wendy Simms: Gimme.
Hodges: Let me go look... for her.
[Wendy grabs the phone]
Hodges: Oh... Oh wait here she is.
Wendy Simms: Loser.

Hodges: What's this?
Wendy Simms: You frickin' broke it! That's destroying evidence
Hodges: I can fix it

Greg Sanders: Have any of you guys seen Grissom?
[Henry, Hodges and Wendy turn around and hide the miniature]
Hodges: [they shake their heads no] Some garlic bread? Some wine maybe?
Greg Sanders: Kiss my ass. I'd like to see you crawl around in a dumpster determining the difference between blood and marinara sauce with six mobster goons giving you the stink eye
Henry Andrews: Don't know anything about that, were held up in a lab all day
Greg Sanders: What are you guys doing? You know what forget it, I don't even care. I have to go take a shower, would one of you please call janitorial and have them clean my Denali?
Wendy Simms: Sure
Greg Sanders: Oh and I think the killer might have thrown up in the alley, full panel. Enjoy.

Wendy Simms: What on god's green earth possessed you to do this?
Hodges: It was my lucky day.
Wendy Simms: What?
Hodges: It's my lucky day
Hodges: [music plays and a flashback of Hodges walking toward the crime lab appears. He finds a dollar on the ground then looks up to see a pretty woman walking by him while smiling at him. He puts the dollar in a vending machine and buys lucky chips and while going to get them two more bags fall. Then he walks into his lab and checks his email and the Three's company board game he bidded on is his. Then his results print out and he got a match of 1 out of 600 billion] When you walked away it was like the stars aligned, it was my lucky day.
Wendy Simms: Lucky? You're a scientist.
Hodges: I was trying to help Grissom
Wendy Simms: C'mon if Gil Grissom were here he'd slap your face

Hodges: Four people are dead, the killer is still out there and you're mocking?
Mandy Webster: We're mocking you.

Hodges: You in or you out?
Henry Andrews: Well I don't really know anything about these cases.
Hodges: We'll review.
Henry Andrews: I don't know, I have a lot of work to do.
Hodges: And by work you mean IM-ing your Islandic penpal, who thinks you look like Warrick Brown, because that's the picture you posted.
Henry Andrews: How...
Hodges: I just know.

Henry Andrews: [Wendy walks into door frame]
Henry Andrews: Red dog barks at midnight.
Wendy Simms: What are you guys doing in here?
Hodges: Nothing
[everybody starts to leave the room]
Wendy Simms: [Hodges confronts Wendy] Alright freak boy, your phone has been ringing off the hook, so I finally answered it and Warrick and Nick said they have a ton off trace and they need you to clear the desks.
Hodges: No problem. After you.
Wendy Simms: After you.
Hodges: [walks away]
[Wendy stands at the door looking into the room puzzled]

Hodges: It's time to start thinking outside the box.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Theory of Everything (#8.15)" (2008)
Gil Grissom: Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Hodges: Winston Churchill.
Gil Grissom: Ian Fleming.

Wendy Simms: What do you think turned it green?
Hodges: It might be sulfur.
Wendy Simms: Sulfur is a naturally occurring component of blood.
Hodges: But in massive doses, it tends to turn blood a blackish, avocado green. When the sulfur atom attaches to the hemoglobin molecule, it turns green. Which is why First Officer Spock's blood is green in Star Trek.
Wendy Simms: No, it's not.
Hodges: Yes, it is. Trust me, I'm an expert.
Wendy Simms: Well, apparently not, because otherwise you would surely know that the oxidizing agent in Vulcan blood is copper and that is why his blood is green. I mean that and the fact that he had a Vulcan father since his mother was actually human. And furthermore, he was promoted to Captain just prior to Star Trek II and then he retired as a civilian ambassador.
Hodges: You're like a geeky, nerdy guy trapped in a woman's body.
Wendy Simms: So are you.

Hodges: Anytime you need a sniffer to detect it, my nose has the cyanide gene.
Gil Grissom: What gene turned your nose brown?

Catherine Willows: [Referring to a burned spot on the floor] Now, get down and sniff the rug.
Hodges: That's all they ever want.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Lost Reindeer (#14.11)" (2013)
David Hodges: Aren't vaguely Dickensian suburban kids Russell's department?

Morgan Brody: Why do you think Santa hanging out here all by his lonesome after the party?
David Hodges: He was probably recovering from the forced celebration of a hyper commercialized holiday that lost all sense of wonder
Morgan Brody: Wow, sounds like somebody got a lot of coal in his stocking as a kid
David Hodges: I wish! Instead of regaling me with stories of Santa, my scientist father lectured me on the impossibilities of the whole thing
Morgan Brody: What? He didn't think a fat man in his sled could make it around the world in one night?
David Hodges: He also had a problem with the climate damage caused by toy factories on the North Pole
Morgan Brody: Gosh, I hope I don't have you as my Secret Santa!

Captain Jim Brass: He'll only talk to one person
Nick Stokes: Who?
David Hodges: Me? Last time I saw him, I scared him!
Morgan Brody: He said he wanna to talk to, and I quote: 'The Funny Science Man'
David Hodges: A compliment, I suppose

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Shots (#7.19)" (2007)
Catherine Willows: Don't tell me you're tired of the field already.
Hodges: No, I had to catch up on my Perez Hilton.
Catherine Willows: I take it you're not going to pull a Sanders, then?
Hodges: Let's see... Clean friendly lab, bullet strewn- urine soaked street? That's a tough call.

Gil Grissom: [looking at a bullet casing] Fifty caliber, casing looks new. I bet it's from a Desert Eagle.
Hodges: Or a coffee shop. I could drink an espresso out of that thing.

Hodges: I was right. This is a lot like garbage collecting.
Greg Sanders: You're not helping Hodges.
Hodges: I have no intention to. Field rotation for the lab techs was Ecklie's idea. He was very explicit that I was only allowed to observe.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Field Mice (#10.18)" (2010)
Henry Andrews: Remember that time you said that thing about your having a higher commitment to the lab and the pursuit of justice?
David Hodges: Yeah, I may have said that more than once.
Henry Andrews: Yeah, you have.

David Hodges: Car trouble?
Henry Andrews: Yeah, no kidding. This ruins my whole lunch break and I had things to do!
David Hodges: You know, Henry, maybe you should stay out of parking garages. Bad things seem to happen to you there.

Wendy Simms: Hey. I saw you and Henry in the hall earlier and...
David Hodges: Look, I haven't been messing with Henry. I'm not trying to spoil your date and I hope that you guys have a very nice life together.
Wendy Simms: I really wasn't trying to blame you for anything. I was just checking in.
David Hodges: Why are your hands in your pockets?
Wendy Simms: [awkwardly] Because I'm socially awkward and it gives me a sense of security.
David Hodges: [throws a cardboard box at her head. When she doesn't take her hands out, he continues] You know, after Henry accused me I suspected that someone was trying to pin their practical jokes on me so... I mixed up a little something called "Detection Spray" and I put it all over the surfaces that I thought Henry would most vulnerable to pranks, including his locker. It's essentially a ninhydrin solution that goes on clear and reacts with the amino salts in perspiration, leaving a stain on anyone who touches it. And the more that the person tries to wash it off, the more the stain spreads.
Wendy Simms: That's really fascinating - I should go.
[starts to leave]
David Hodges: I can last up to five days. You may want to wear a dress with pockets tonight.
Wendy Simms: [stops and turns around. After a moment, she takes her hands out and shows him the stain] I'm not proud of this.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Room Service (#6.2)" (2005)
David Hodges: Let me ask you something: How do you know when it's gone from just friends to more than?
Catherine Willows: Well, if you have to ask - it's just friends.
David Hodges: She's making dinner for me this weekend.
Catherine Willows: Are you the only guest?
David Hodges: Do her roommates count?
[Catherine looks at him significantly]

David Hodges: I was just having the greatest dream.
Warrick Brown: You were out.
David Hodges: It was the 80's and I had this Don Johnson beard, you know, the "Miami Vice" stubble. It just gave me this air of danger. My lady loved it.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Swap Meet (#5.5)" (2004)
Hodges: It's a good thing you don't need to pass a spelling test to work the field, "funtain" water?
Greg Sanders: My people are Norwegian, that's how we spell it. So was the funtain water in her lungs?

Greg Sanders: ...so she dies in a pool?
Hodges: Or a spa. And by the way, that's spelled S-P-A, in any language.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Iced (#5.23)" (2005)
Dr. Al Robbins: Interesting fact about cyanide - not everyone can smell it.
Sara Sidle: Right, it's a genetic quirk.
Dr. Al Robbins: Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.
David Hodges: [walks into the morgue] "The nose" has arrived.
Sara Sidle: Hodges has the genetic quirk?
[Robbins nods]
David Hodges: It's a blessing and a curse.

Neil Jansen: [walks into the room] Am I interrupting?
David Hodges: Actually, yeah. Conrad was about to pat me on the back.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Play with Fire (#3.22)" (2003)
David Hodges: [sucking up to Grissom] Hey, boss. Just analyzed the evidence found on your vic's rent-a-car!
Gil Grissom: You should be telling Nick or Sara.
David Hodges: [brushes it aside] Yeah, couldn't find them. They must be on another break. Anyway, the blister pack is methadone. 40 milligrams, former smack addict dose. And that ceramic chip? Not ceramic. It's acrylic with a quartz resin composite used primarily in dental crowns. Cheap ones.
Gil Grissom: Good work.
David Hodges: Yeah, thank you. Listen, I'd like to think that you and I...
Gil Grissom: [cutting him off] Now go tell Nick or Sara.

David Hodges: I'd lawyer up before I'd let you pin the tail on the new donkey!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Invisible Evidence (#4.7)" (2003)
David Hodges: Hey, I heard about court today. Must have been embarrassing, huh?
Warrick Brown: Hodges, why'd you leave L.A. again? Never mind, it's probably none of my business.

Gil Grissom: If you need someone to talk to...
David Hodges: Yeah. When's a good time?
Gil Grissom: We have a psychologist here on Tuesdays and Fridays.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix (#7.23)" (2007)
Nick Stokes: [about lab resutls] Are you sure about this?
Hodges: I just finished a diabolical sudoku in six minutes flat. I'm positive.

Hodges: [on seeing Nick's shirt covered in blood] Have you been shaving with a broken beer bottle?
Nick Stokes: No, no. Some drunk driver ran into a radio car at my crime scene, freaking idiot.
Hodges: Yeah, I heard you pulled the freaking idiot's friend out of a burning car.
Nick Stokes: Nothing was on fire, and I didn't pull anybody from anywhere.
Hodges: Ah, so humble. You know some people are just destined for greatness.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Empty Eyes (#7.18)" (2007)
Hodges: [leaving message on Sara's phone] Sara, the knife tip Doc Robbins extracted from Becca Mayford isn't metal, it's ceramic and extremely sharp. I accept thank you in advance, and you're welcome.

Hodges: You ever do the right thing, and still feel guilty?
Sara Sidle: [softly] Yeah. Sucks, doesn't it?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Space Oddity (#9.20)" (2009)
David Hodges: He's dead, Jim.

Wendy Simms: So if you're having some fantasies about me dressed up in a tin foil bikini dancing around in a casbah on a strange alien planet then... *good.*
David Hodges: Good?
Wendy Simms: Yes, *good.* Because it means you're not as oblivious as everyone around here seems to think you are.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grave Danger: Part 1 (#5.24)" (2005)
David Hodges: You know, far be it from me to wax nostalgic, but, uh, I kind of miss the old Greg: Ugly T-shirts, goofy hair, semi-pornographic magazines...
Greg Sanders: Yeah, well, at least I had a style to change.

David Hodges: Oh, and by the way, uh, this is just the work me. You haven't had the full David Hodges experience.
Greg Sanders: I think I'm having it right now.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Buzz Kill (#15.2)" (2014)
Morgan Brody: Well, I know Nick is the expert, but this just looks like a common crane-fly to me. They're everywhere in Vegas, I don't know how they're going help us any point to advance them. You have better luck on your site?
David Hodges: You mean: am I having any better luck with the bird excrement? It's not lost on me that of all the trace you pulled, you gave me the poop!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dead in His Tracks (#14.22)" (2014)
David Hodges: I think I discovered the secret about the most beautiful woman in history!
Henry Andrews: Kate Upton?
David Hodges: In history, Henry! I was talking about Cleopatra
Henry Andrews: Oh, fascinating but I am busy

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: I Like to Watch (#6.17)" (2006)
Nick Stokes: Two pieces of duct tape, both have been swabbed for DNA and fingerprinted.
[Hodges is looking around for someone]
Nick Stokes: Grissom wants you to compare adhesives. He's looking for a match.
[Nick glances for whom Hodges is casting about]
Hodges: Ok. That'll take a laser ablation test. That's good.
Nick Stokes: Why's that good?
Hodges: Well, laser ablation is both visual *and* dramatic.
Nick Stokes: Are you looking for the video crew right now?
Hodges: [scoffs] I would think they would be looking for *me*.
Nick Stokes: Relax, man, their show is only an hour long; laser ablation takes, like, six.
Hodges: Yeah, but when they cut it together, it'll only take 30 seconds.
[Nick smiles, amused, and leaves]
Hodges: [30-second montage of laser ablation preparation and FX]
Hodges: [to Grissom:] Ran laser ablation on the duct tape samples. Not a match.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grissom's Divine Comedy (#8.12)" (2008)
[Nick has a cold and coughs on Hodges]
David Hodges: You know, in China people where masks when they're sick. It's considered impolite to infect your coworkers.
Nick Stokes: Maybe you should go work in China.
David Hodges: Maybe you should wear a mask.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Committed (#5.21)" (2005)
David Hodges: [to Sara] Would you ever bleach your hair? I wouldn't. It's so Greg Sanders.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: One to Go (#9.10)" (2009)
David Hodges: [Walks in as Grissom is cleaning out his office] Okay. So this is really real. Fine. So, as your friend and colleague I feel that it is my obligation to inform you what a colossal mistake you're making. Grissom:
Gil Grissom: Hodges...
David Hodges: Guys like us just don't get to hang it up. This job is who we are. We are the thin blue line between order and chaos. You take yourself out of the equation, who knows what's gonna happen. That's the Butterfly Effect. You taught me that. The bad guys will win more if we don't have you. Who is Watson without Sherlock Holmes?
Gil Grissom: Watson was a genius in his own right... It's the right time for me to go.
David Hodges: Okay.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Bullet Runs Through It: Part 1 (#6.7)" (2005)
Greg Sanders: Who keeps a gun in a clay pot?
Hodges: That would be no-one.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Ending Happy (#7.21)" (2007)
Greg Sanders: You know, I kind of feel bad for these girls.
Hodges: Don't feel too bad. They have health benefits, good pay. The women get regular check-ups. The industry is well-regulated. As opposed to picking a hooker up off the street. Does she have a disease? Multiple diseases? Is she crazy? Is she gonna roll you? Where do you go? Do you do it in your car, behind a building, down a dark alley? So you drive around, scared out of your mind, finally get the nerve up, pick one you like, call her over, she gets in. Next thing you know, you're down on the pavement, cuffed, because she's an undercover cop, but luckily you were three months shy of your eighteenth birthday so when you call your mom to come get you, it doesn't go on my permanent record.
Greg Sanders: [momentarily speechless] ... Okay.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Shot Sherlock (#5.11)" (2005)
Gil Grissom: Shag tobacco.
David Hodges: Yeah. How'd you know?
Gil Grissom: That's what Holmes smoked.
David Hodges: Bad habit, even for a fictional character.
Gil Grissom: [to Greg] You do have two suspects with pipes.
Greg Sanders: Yeah. And, uh, smoking kills.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: XX (#4.17)" (2004)
Hodges: [after Sara has just completed an explanation on a bug] Since when did you become an insects expert?
Sara Sidle: Entymology textbook. Grissom gave it to me last Christmas. When I can't sleep, I read.
Nick Stokes: [smirking] Funny, I didn't get a Christmas gift from Grissom...
[turns to Hodges]
Nick Stokes: Did you...?
Hodges: [also smirking] No...
[Sara gives them both a weird look]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Time of Your Death (#6.22)" (2006)
[about pool chalk]
Hodges: The abrasives give grip to the tip, when it hits the ball.
Catherine Willows: [almost smiles, then shakes her head in digust] Stop trying to make that sound dirty. Our vic had a callous in his hand.
Hodges: [suggestively] Mmm!
Catherine Willows: [flatly] Don't.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: 4x4 (#5.19)" (2005)
David Hodges: How old were you when you first got drunk?
Nick Stokes: Oh, 16, 17.
David Hodges: Amortized over a generation, 12 is about right?
Nick Stokes: So your saying, two generations from now, 4 year olds are just gonna be getting trashed?
David Hodges: Pre-school graduation parties are going to be off the hook.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Descent of Man (#9.19)" (2009)
Dr. Raymond Langston: [With Hodges in the morgue, reading a tattoo on a dead body] 'Spread the word, I am coming.'
David Hodges: And you is gone!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Appendicitement (#10.9)" (2009)
Greg Sanders: Henry, my friend, you are about to have the best birthday of your life because we are taking you to the one, the only, Harry's. Hog. Hideout.
Henry Andrews: What's a Hog Hideout?
Nick Stokes: It's only the best barbecue know to mankind. It's a little bit of a drive but don't worry. Greg knows where it is.
Greg Sanders: [laughs] I thought you said you knew where it is.
Henry Andrews: [sometime later/imitating Nick] It's just a bit of a drive y'all.
[as himself]
Henry Andrews: Look if this place is so great then how come I've never heard of it?
Nick Stokes: Come on man. A little trust, baby. Come on it's your birthday.
Greg Sanders: Yeah.
Henry Andrews: I hate my birthdays. They always suck.
[they round the corner, revealing a full moon]
Henry Andrews: Oh great, we've got a full moon tonight too, so every nut job in the state will be out.
David Hodges: I'm surprised at you Henry. There's absolutely no statistical evidence linking lunar cycle to an increase in irrational, careless, or criminal behavior.
Nick Stokes: [seeing a car coming straight on ahead of them] Are you sure about that?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fur and Loathing (#4.5)" (2003)
Hodges: I've stopped trying to figure out people.
Sara Sidle: Smart idea.
Hodges: I know.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Secrets & Flies (#6.6)" (2005)
David Hodges: You remember your geology.
Catherine Willows: Yes! Actually, senior year I took "rocks for jocks", I dated the TA.
Warrick Brown: Lucky guy. I'm sure you got an "A".
Catherine Willows: As a matter of fact, I did.
David Hodges: [to Warrick] You're married? Don't flirt.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Kiss Kiss, Bye Bye (#6.13)" (2006)
Gil Grissom: [after finding Hodges coloring his grey hair with a sharpie marker] Vainity, thy name is Hodges.
Hodges: This isn't what it looks like. I actually like my grey hair, the few that I have.
Sara Sidle: Hodges, don't you know that grey hair can be very attractive.
[Grissom looks at her]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dog Eat Dog (#6.9)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: How about the grill marks?
Hodges: Oh, yeah, I'll run it through the hot dog appliances database.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Greater Good (#15.13)" (2015)
Morgan Brody: This stuff isn't too pleasant, either
David Hodges: And yet it makes beautiful music
Morgan Brody: You're replicating the process that the killer used to make the strings for the crime scene
David Hodges: The process: yes, the material: no
Morgan Brody: Oh well, so good to know you're not using real human tissue! Although I haven't seen Henry around, lately...

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Living Legend (#7.9)" (2006)
Hodges: You know what makes bones glow?
Greg Sanders: Love?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Uninvited (#14.18)" (2014)
David Hodges: I find garbage fascinating
Morgan Brody: Yeh, that doesn't surprise me
David Hodges: What most people throw away in trash bags is actually bio degradable or recyclable. And necessarily taking up precious space in our rapidly diminishing landfills
Morgan Brody: Hey, look at me. I recycle
David Hodges: I started recording my garbage in a trash journal. So now I discard no more than 3 pounds per week
Morgan Brody: You have a trash journal?
David Hodges: Yah!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Unusual Suspect (#6.18)" (2006)
David Hodges: Ah, teen lust. It's starts with some chemistry, mess around with some biology.
[Nick and Sara give each other looks]
David Hodges: And once you have some experience under your belt then you introduce the physics. Apparently chivalry is not dead. The bloody fingerprint tested positive for nonoxynol spermicide.
Nick Stokes: So much for the boyfriend.
Sara Sidle: If we can't pin this on Hannah or Marlon, they could both walk.
David Hodges: You could flip a coin.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Kill Me if You Can (#9.15)" (2009)
Mandy Webster: [Catherine, Hodges and Mandy are trying to lift a fingerprint off of a turtle] Just please hurry okay 'cause he's been traumatized enough already.
David Hodges: He's a material witness in a homicide investigation.
Mandy Webster: I meant traumatized by you.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Weeping Willows (#5.22)" (2005)
David Hodges: The metallic balls would've been released into the air during the welding process.
Gil Grissom: So you're saying our killer has metal balls?
David Hodges: Yes. Maybe. Turns out that the victim worked in a car dealership, so she could've gotten metal balls on the job. And just in case you're wondering, working here, I'm developing them too.
[Grissom smirks]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Girls Gone Wilder (#15.5)" (2014)
David Hodges: Reduced to a jar of poop. I know how I want to end
D.B. Russell: Pretty sure our victim didn't want to end that way up either!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Daddy's Little Girl (#6.12)" (2006)
Hodges: [looking for some recognition] Thank you, Hodges for performing that incredibly elaborate test requiring copious concentration and an advanced degree.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Middle (#5.16)" (2005)
Sara Sidle: It's not like you to get right down to business.
David Hodges: Even I have off days, Sara.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Rashomama (#6.21)" (2006)
Hodges: You know, you and me, we're not the marrying kind. The intricacies of our nature can never be understood by just one woman.
Gil Grissom: Would you close the door, please?
[Hodges does so]
Gil Grissom: From the other side.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Last Ride (#15.16)" (2015)
David Hodges: Allow me to demonstrate
[puts a magnet onto a car part]
D.B. Russell: You're showing me how a magnet works? Are you looking to get fired today?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Compulsion (#5.17)" (2005)
Gil Grissom: You sniffed it?
[about evidence]
David Hodges: That disgust you?
Gil Grissom: No, actually, it's the first time you've ever done anything to impress me.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Book of Shadows (#15.4)" (2014)
Greg Sanders: And he is wearing a robe!
David Hodges: Helps me get into it! Come on, this is Vegas, anything goes. Where can't you find a good relic robe?
Greg Sanders: Well, did the robe help?
David Hodges: It did! I think I know what the witched cooked in the Wiccan kitchen. And if you step into my Wiccan kitchen, I'll be happy to explain.