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Quotes for
Sid Hammerback (Character)
from "CSI: NY" (2004)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"CSI: NY: Page Turner (#5.2)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [walking into the room] How are you doing?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Let's just say I know how a microwave burrito feels. But I should also say thank you. I owe a great deal of my recovery to you.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Aw, come on. That was nothing. You would do the same for me.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: As a matter of fact, I would.

Detective Mac Taylor: If you get tired of that Journal, I thought you might enjoy a little light reading.
[hands him a new edition of the Tibetan Book of the Dead]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Oh yeah. A clean copy, I presume?

"CSI: NY: Some Buried Bones (#3.15)" (2007)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [Pulling something out from inside the victim's neck] A prize in every box.

Detective Mac Taylor: Absynthe spoon, a branding, a brutal beat down.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I'll take Cult Rituals for two-hundred.
Detective Mac Taylor: I don't think so. Kid doesn't look the part. We have reason to believe he went to Chelsea University.
Detective Mac Taylor: What is a fraternity hazing gone bad?

"CSI: NY: Stealing Home (#2.22)" (2006)
Det. Lindsay Monroe: You think Danny calls me "Montana" because I'm a 49er's fan?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: He calls you that because he has a crush on you.

Dr. Sid Hammerback: [to Hawkes] You ever have a threesome? It's not as glorious as you might imagine. It's complicated in dealing with different personalities and hey, sometimes you're just not in the mood, if you know what I mean. It's hard enough explaining that to one woman, let alone two.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [interrupting] Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [continuing] And then there's...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid.
[motions the body]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Anything else?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Oh. Just some trace on Don Juan's right fingers. I'll send a sample to the lab.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Okay.
[Goes to leave]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: There were these two vivacious young ladies - course I was much younger than I am now...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid, I gotta go. I gotta go.

"CSI: NY: Not What It Looks Like (#3.2)" (2006)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [Sid and Peyton are flipping a coin to see who gets to do the autopsy on Pauline Rayburn. Peyton wins] It's heads. She's yours. Can - can I at least watch? This is one of the most well preserved mummies I've seen in my many years as a pathologist. The environmental conditions of temperature and humidity and ventalation must have been just, you know, optimum. You can only compare it to the best sex you've ever had, reaching climax at percisly that-that...
Dr. Peyton Driscoll: [Interrupting] Alright, Sid, you can help. But I get to print her.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Fair enough.

"CSI: NY: Boo (#4.6)" (2007)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: He was dead before he was killed. Happy Halloween.

"CSI: NY: DOA for a Day (#4.15)" (2008)
Detective Mac Taylor: How are you with reverse engineering?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I don't like the sound of this.

"CSI: NY: People with Money (#3.1)" (2006)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Did you know that when Egyptian princesses died, they weren't embalmed for several days to prevent necrophelia. The natural degradation of the human body made it unappealing, even in the most deviant of men. Why someone would want to have sex with a lifeless body in the first place is...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [Interrupting] Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I mean it's counterintuitive...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: What?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You're going to that creepy place again.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [Shrugs and nods] Okay.

"CSI: NY: The Ripple Effect (#8.13)" (2012)
[Jo is trying to determine why Sid has been acting suspiciously]
Sid Hammerback: It's the Hammerback Sleeper.
[flashback to Sid asking Mac to test the prototype]
Sid Hammerback: I give you... the Hammerback Sleeper.
Mac Taylor: "You'll sleep like a corpse"?
Sid Hammerback: It's an experimental pillow I've developed after years of working in the M.E.'s Office.
[back to Autopsy]
Jo Danville: I've heard about it. What's the problem?
Sid Hammerback: I just sold the patent this morning.
Jo Danville: Well, congratulations. That's good, isn't it?
Sid Hammerback: Oh, yeah. Um, it was purchased by a Japanese firm. Apparently, they're going to market it as an anti-snoring pillow.
Jo Danville: Anti-snoring, huh? God, I could have used that with my ex-husband. I would've paid dearly for that.
Sid Hammerback: [choking up] Yep. That's pretty much what they did.
Jo Danville: Sid, are you okay?
Sid Hammerback: [still emotional] Uh... actually, no. I'm, um... incredible. Jo, they bought my patent... for $27 million.
Jo Danville: What?
Sid Hammerback: I'm a very rich man, and-and I have no idea what to do about it.

"CSI: NY: Sanguine Love (#6.14)" (2010)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I'll just say it straight: I think our vic may have been killed by... a vampire.

"CSI: NY: Party Down (#7.13)" (2011)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Cameron Marshall, age twenty-seven. Copious amounts of river water in his lungs and stomach confirms COD as drowning.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Okay. Oh, looks like vic number two's throat was crushed.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Mm-hmm. Brett Hollister, age twenty-five. Suffered blunt force laryngeal trauma resulting in complete cricotracheal separation.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Water in the lungs?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Uh, trace amounts. He stopped breathing before the truck sank. I imagine he floated up through the open hatch. Sadly, victim number three wasn't quite as fortunate.
[an ME assistant hands Sid a folder]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Thank you. Uh... an elevated blood alcohol content caused vasodilation of her blood vessels, there exacerbating the onset of hypothermia.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: She would have experienced numbness, debilitating drowsiness. She knew was drowning but was powerless to stop it.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Her last moments on Earth were spent in excruciating pain.

"CSI: NY: Green Piece (#5.17)" (2009)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: So, how's it feel? It's your last case, right? And then off to Montana.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: It feels pretty good.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Oh, I bet it does. No bodies at 3 a.m. No double shifts with no sleep, a slice of pizza on the run.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Constipation, swelling of the feet, help getting up from a chair, constant urination. Want to switch?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I already have all of that. I just want the time off.

"CSI: NY: Can You Hear Me Now? (#4.1)" (2007)
Detective Mac Taylor: [about Charles Price's killer] He was the killer's ticket off the island. Uniformed security escort, no questions asked. Then when he wasn't needed any longer, Charles was the next victim.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: The killer followed through on his threat. "Two more will die".
Detective Mac Taylor: No, I don't think so, Sid. Charles and Georgia surprised him. That means they were unexpected casualties of the original plan.

"CSI: NY: The Triangle (#5.10)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [to Sid as he heats up an organ] You workin' up an apetite?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Hmm? No. You know there's a strict no eat policy in the lab.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Never stopped me from sneakin' in the occasional bag of popcorn.

"CSI: NY: The Lying Game (#3.14)" (2007)
Detective Stella Bonasera: Are we looking at a hate crime here?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Transgendered showgirl drowned in a public toilet - sound like love to you?

"CSI: NY: And Here's to You, Mrs. Azrael (#3.9)" (2006)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Mac, been meaning to ask. I'd like you to consider coming to our house for Thanksgiving this year. My daughter's coming in, cousins from Philly. We do a really nice job. I use a Collins scalpel to carve the bird, it gets the meat paper thin.
Detective Mac Taylor: I appreciate the offer, Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Now you can't spend the holidays alone again. I'll drag you if I have to.
Detective Mac Taylor: You're gonna have to add some meat to that skinny frame of yours if you're gonna be making threats, and I was about to say I do have plans this year, thank you.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [pause] Oh. I'm intrigued.

"CSI: NY: Run Silent, Run Deep (#2.20)" (2006)
Det. Mac Taylor: Tattoo's been removed. Can you lift it?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I can lift the Titanic if you give me the proper tools.

"CSI: NY: Playing with Matches (#4.14)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: [about the murder weapon] Meat thermometer? Who stabs somebody with a meat thermometer?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Cannibal?

"CSI: NY: Admissions (#4.18)" (2008)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [about hydrofluoric acid] Do you have any idea how often I've wondered what would happen if you swallowed this stuff? There it is, sitting on the shelf, perhaps the most corrosive acid known to man. You just get that urge to take a swig! You know what I'm talking about?
Det. Mac Taylor: Absolutely. It's like, whenever I pick up a scalpel, I wonder if I could perform a live autopsy on myself.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [excited] You do that too? Because I thought I was...
[realizes that Mac is joking]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Don't play with me like that!

"CSI: NY: Hung Out to Dry (#3.4)" (2006)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [to Mac and Hawkes] The rawness of the flesh indicates she was alive during the beheading, but I bet she didn't feel a thing. Her blood alcohol level was 0.26 - blotto. The highest I've ever registered was 0.23, but that was in celebration of my first divorce. I fell down a flight of stairs, didn't feel a thing.

"CSI: NY: Rush to Judgement (#5.13)" (2009)
Danny Messer: [during an autopsy of a decapitated man] Mr. Potato Head! The live version.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: More like the bloody, dead version!
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I used to play with Mr. Potato Head as a boy. I would time myself, see how long it took to assemble him. Some would say I was... obsessed!
Danny Messer: You? Obsessed? Nooo!

"CSI: NY: The Box (#5.9)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Found a piece of jewelry, in pretty good shape.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Based on age, I'd say they're probably the victim's parents.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Job never gets easier, does it?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I can tell you I've been working here twenty-nine years. That's four thousand, eight hundred and forty-six cases and names I will never forget.

"CSI: NY: Sleight Out of Hand (#3.18)" (2007)
[Examining the body of a woman who was sawed in half]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Do I even need to state the cause of death?

"CSI: NY: Means to an End (#8.9)" (2011)
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Hey Sid, have you ever seen someone punch herself in the face?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Uh, no... Are you going to punch yourself in the face?
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Uh, let me try that again. Have you ever had a victim on your table who's exhibited self-inflicted punch wounds to the face?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Uh, well, I've pretty much seen it all, but no, I have not come across anyone who has successfully punched herself to death.

"CSI: NY: Personal Foul (#4.19)" (2008)
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Any stomach contents?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Like you wouldn't believe. At least two hotdogs, popcorn, nachos, peanuts, an ice-cream sandwich and almost a full liter of beer.
Detective Danny Messer: I'm surprised he could get out of his seat!

"CSI: NY: YoungBlood (#2.6)" (2005)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: You miss us? The ME's life?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, but I like being in the field. In here, all I ever saw was the victim, out there... I see the crime.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I like it in here.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Why is that?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: It's quiet.

"CSI: NY: Unwrapped (#8.17)" (2012)
Det. Mac Taylor: What do you got for me, Sid?
Sid Hammerback: If I had a nickel for every time I heard that question. I'm afraid I've spoiled everyone around here over the years. The age-old tradition of the investigator being present at autopsy is to answer questions that might assist the medical examiner, moi, in determining the cause and mode of death, not the other way around.
Det. Mac Taylor: Well, that's what the book says, but I don't think they knew about Sid Hammerback when they wrote it. You always have more answers than questions. That's why you're the best.
Sid Hammerback: Flattery will get you everywhere.

"CSI: NY: Risk (#2.13)" (2006)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Sorry for the delay, QT and I were necking.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Come again?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Necking... looking at his neck.
Detective Stella Bonasera: [makes sound of understanding and slight relief]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: You don't think I would kiss a corpse, do you?
Detective Stella Bonasera: No, no. Of course not.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: That's disgusting.
Detective Stella Bonasera: I agree.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Long as we got that straight.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Sid, cause of death?

"CSI: NY: Love Run Cold (#3.3)" (2006)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Cause of death was not natural. He was in superb shape, lungs, heart, all vital organs are near perfect.
Detective Mac Taylor: So you're saying... he's actually still alive?

"CSI: NY: Sangre por Sangre (#7.4)" (2010)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: They say there are six million ways to die. Panthro Torres chose three. Official C.O.D. is cerebral hemorrhaging from a cracked skull due to his head hitting the awning. Had he survived that, he certainly would have succumbed to exsanguination from impalement. Not a bad way to go, considering option number three: a ruptured vena cava, courtesy of a fragmented .45.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Somehow, "ouch" doesn't quite cover it.

"CSI: NY: The Party's Over (#5.15)" (2009)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [Stella is wearing an cocktail dress and carrying a brown paper evidence bag] You might have chosen a different bag to go with that dress.
Detective Stella Bonasera: You think?