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Quotes for
Michael Borland (Character)
from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000)

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"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Last Laugh (#3.20)" (2003)
Michael Borland: [after he has been mocking Dougie Max] Shut up. Shut up. Don't you get it? Are you that stupid? I am making fun of you. I'm the lowest common denominator in comedy when I do that crap. The only way I could get you to stop laughing now is if I went to every single table and slit every one of your throats. I can see that I'm getting the red light, ladies and gentlemen, and that means it's time for me to stop.
[singing]
Michael Borland: Stop with the hate and stop with the fear.
[stops singing]
Michael Borland: Stop with the lies.
[starts to walk down the aisle]
Michael Borland: Comedy, uh, comedy is supposed to be about the truth. You know, uh, I killed tonight. And I, uh, killed, uh, two nights ago. Dougie Max. Uh... on this stage. 'Cause I despised everything he stood for. Dumb people, like you. You think I did a disservice to the world by killing Dougie Max? You ought to give me a parade. But the shame of it is... is that uh, an innocent kid got killed too and, uh, I blame you.
[points to Grissom]
Michael Borland: Yeah, I, uh, I didn't think you were going to get the joke.
Gil Grissom: Oh, I got it. It just wasn't funny.