Sheldon Hawkes
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Quotes for
Sheldon Hawkes (Character)
from "CSI: NY" (2004)

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"CSI: NY: Zoo York (#2.3)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: What causes high blood pressure in an 18-year-old girl?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Uh, just about everything.

[looking at body of young woman in formal white gown]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Runaway bride?
Det. Stella Bonasera: If she is, she didn't get very far.

Det. Stella Bonasera: [about the cheeto's] Junkfood for lunch?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Food for thought.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Explain to me what a debutante ball is precisely?
Det. Stella Bonasera: It's the presentation of a young woman into high society.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: It looks more like high anxiety.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [to Stella as she lifts a spider with tongs] Careful there, Miss Muffet. That hairy creature rates near the top of the deadly species list.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Found her shoes.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Pierre Gascone. Big bucks.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Why leave them over there?
Det. Stella Bonasera: She took 'em off. It's all about pain, Hawkes. How much you're willing to endure in order to look good. She's young, traces of vomit. I'm thinking alcohol poisoning. I think she was completely blitzed, she probably didn't even realize she dropped them.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, well, if that's the case, she wasn't drinking solo. Pulled a set of partials off the controls, and there's no way that this girl broke that lock by herself.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Jogger found her this morning. What happened last night?

"CSI: NY: Grand Murder at Central Station (#2.2)" (2005)
[Hawkes, formerly the medical examiner, is uneasy in his new position as a detective]
Det. Mac Taylor: You on break?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I'm just taking five minutes to eat. That's allowed, isn't it?
Det. Mac Taylor: [seriously] Eating is frowned upon, Hawkes.
[Hawkes quickly starts collecting his food and garbage]
Det. Mac Taylor: [stopping him, smirking] Hey, I'm kidding.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Did you know rumor has it that Jennifer Lopez's ass is insured for one billion dollars?
Det. Mac Taylor: Excuse me?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Five hundred million per cheek. They're her trade instruments, like a soccer player's legs or a model's face...
Det. Mac Taylor: Or a surgeon's hands.

[riding with a burn victim to the ER, Hawkes inserts a catheter into his arm]
EMT: You qualified to do that?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Five years in the ER. You want my résumé or you want my help?

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: And what is your name, young lady?
Emily Dickerson: Emily.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Did you lose this, Emily?
[Hawkes holds out a stuffed teddy bear]
Emily Dickerson: Franklin!
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Can I ask you a big favor? Can I borrow Franklin for just a little while?
Emily Dickerson: Why? Did you lose yours?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No, but I think Franklin could help tell us who hurt your arm.
Emily Dickerson: Yeah, he's pretty smart.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Well, he and I are gonna get along just fine, then.

"CSI: NY: Summer in the City (#2.1)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You just told the man his partner was murdered, and he didn't even ask what happened.
Detective Mac Taylor: Overwhelmed by the news, I guess. Or, maybe he already knows the answer.

[Hawkes explains something about brains out of the head being fried]
Detective Stella Bonasera: I knew this would be a no-brainer for you.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: She didn't just say that.
Detective Don Flack, Detective Mac Taylor: She did.

Detective Stella Bonasera: Hawkes! Hope you like puzzles.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Our climber's brain?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yep. Uh, patrol's searching for more pieces.
Detective Mac Taylor: And the body?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Landed on the sixth-floor terrace.
Detective Mac Taylor: [glancing up at the building] Fell from high enough to reach terminal velocity. The impact of the fall knocked his brain right out of his skull.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: This is a portion of the occipital lobe, the inferior temporal sulcus. I'd say at least 50% of his brain is still out there.
Detective Don Flack: [approaching] Well, I've recovered a shoe that contains about 10%, and ESU is currently scraping a Jell-O-like substance from the sewer grate.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Hey.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Hello, Hawkes. How's it going.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Well, the job's great. Mac is... I feel like he's always looking over my shoulder.
Detective Stella Bonasera: [laughs] He is. Just don't look back. And know the answers to his questions before he asks them, which means you're also gonna have to know his questions.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: In about a week and a half, what you just said is gonna make sense to me, right?

"CSI: NY: Stealing Home (#2.22)" (2006)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [to Hawkes] You ever have a threesome? It's not as glorious as you might imagine. It's complicated in dealing with different personalities and hey, sometimes you're just not in the mood, if you know what I mean. It's hard enough explaining that to one woman, let alone two.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [interrupting] Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [continuing] And then there's...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid.
[motions the body]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Anything else?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Oh. Just some trace on Don Juan's right fingers. I'll send a sample to the lab.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Okay.
[Goes to leave]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: There were these two vivacious young ladies - course I was much younger than I am now...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid, I gotta go. I gotta go.

Detective Mac Taylor: Welcome to the home of trinogomy.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Gotta admit, not what I expected.
Detective Mac Taylor: Alright, I'll bite. What were you expecting?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Oh I don't know.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Lava lamps, weird tapestries, a robo-spanker, maybe a couple of big...
Detective Mac Taylor: [interrupting, laughing] Alright, alright, I'm sorry I asked.

[after the victim's widow sees his dead body]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I hate that part. It's like being back at the morgue again.

"CSI: NY: Enough (#5.6)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: What's the deal with your funny money?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: The value of the fake dollar just went up.

Detective Danny Messer: [Enters Mac's office] Yo, Boss.
Detective Mac Taylor: Danny, what's up?
Detective Danny Messer: I put in for that vacation next month.
Detective Mac Taylor: That's right, the, uh, trip to Costa Rica.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, Costa Rica. Well it fell through, so you can put me back on the schedule, alright?
Detective Mac Taylor: Alright, I'll do that. Just let me know when you wanna take the time.
Detective Danny Messer: Alright, thanks.
[Leaves the office]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [Enters Mac's office] Mac. Hey. Remember that wedding in Italy I told you about in March?
Detective Mac Taylor: Girlfriend from college?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Very good. Well, they decided to postpone. So.
Detective Mac Taylor: You want back on the schedule?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Yeah.
Detective Mac Taylor: [Suspicious look] No problem.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Thanks.
[Leaves the office]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [Enters Mac's office] Hey Mac.
Detective Mac Taylor: Hold on. Don't tell me. Trip to San Francisco in January?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. Turns out San Francisco is closed in January. Strangest thing.
Detective Mac Taylor: [Smiling] Get out of here. Go home.
[Hawkes leaves and Stella enters]
Detective Mac Taylor: I should've known you'd orchestrate something like this.
Detective Stella Bonasera: It's only temporary. Everybody giving up a week of paid vacation for Adam buys him a little time.
Detective Mac Taylor: Department doesn't just transfer vacation days. How'd you do it?
Detective Stella Bonasera: I've a friend at the Union who has a friend in the City Council who has a friend who has a friend.
Detective Mac Taylor: Well you're a good friend, Stella Bonasera.
Detective Mac Taylor: And don't you forget that.
Detective Mac Taylor: So what about Buenos Aires?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Would of been a good trip.

"CSI: NY: The Party's Over (#5.15)" (2009)
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Hawkes. You transferred over from the M.E.s' office, which means you're not a sworn NYPD, so there was no decisions for you to make. You can't say for sure what you would do.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yes I can. If I'd earned the distinction of being a detective, I'd be here whether or not the city could afford to pay me.

Detective Danny Messer: [the "Blue Flu" is taking over the police force] Hey, Stell, you know, I'm not feeling so hot.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Don't tell me, you got the "flu" too.
Detective Danny Messer: I'm sick, Doc, you wanna examine me?

"CSI: NY: The Ride In (#3.17)" (2007)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: What have we got?
Detective Stella Bonasera: A woman says she saw, what she claims was, a giant cigarette on fire, running for its life.

[a murder victim is found dressed in a cigarette costume]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Okay, let's just say it now to get it over with: smoking kills.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, but who killed him?

"CSI: NY: People with Money (#3.1)" (2006)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: All roads lead to Rome.

Dr. Sid Hammerback: Did you know that when Egyptian princesses died, they weren't embalmed for several days to prevent necrophelia. The natural degradation of the human body made it unappealing, even in the most deviant of men. Why someone would want to have sex with a lifeless body in the first place is...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [Interrupting] Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I mean it's counterintuitive...
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sid.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: What?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You're going to that creepy place again.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: [Shrugs and nods] Okay.

"CSI: NY: YoungBlood (#2.6)" (2005)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: You miss us? The ME's life?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, but I like being in the field. In here, all I ever saw was the victim, out there... I see the crime.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I like it in here.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Why is that?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: It's quiet.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [about the vic's stomach contents] Some vegetables, some seafood, lobster of some kind, probably in a soup.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Lobster. There's no sign of strangulation on our vic, yet he died from asphyxiation. Allergic reaction?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Exactly what I was thinking. He only ate about ten minutes before he died.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Hmm. I thought you only got to choose your last meal on death row.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Guy didn't know it was his last meal.

"CSI: NY: Corporate Warriors (#2.4)" (2005)
[Detective Taylor explains to Detective Hawkes that a potato chip bag caused the blaze, a known trick for defrauding auto insurance companies]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Who uses snack food to start a fire in an apartment?

Don Flack: Computer Crimes tracked down James Walker's Internet records. He was online five minutes after someone called in the fire. Guess what he was doing?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Playing chess.
Don Flack: How'd you do that?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [indicating the evidence on the table] Plaque, chess pieces.
Don Flack: How do you leave a ten year old alone?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mom had to work.
Don Flack: Kids don't even need to look for trouble to find it.

"CSI: NY: And Here's to You, Mrs. Azrael (#3.9)" (2006)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: What are you working on?
Adam Ross: Oh just some trace that Sid found in the crease of our vic's mouth. Mac asked me to I.D. it.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mind if I take a look?
Adam Ross: Oh, please, knock yourself out.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [Looks at the slide] Are you kidding me?
Adam Ross: It's krill. Pelagic, shrimp-like crustacean of the family Euphuasiid.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: How did it get in our vic's mouth?
Adam Ross: I'm working on that. See, krill is one of the main ingredients used in salt water fish food.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: There's an aquarium in the visitor's lounge at the hospital. Nice.
[He punches Adam in the chest]
Adam Ross: [Rubbing his chest] Ow.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You never went home last night, huh?
Detective Mac Taylor: Looks like you didn't, either.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Hey, I've got two miles of bandages to go through. What's your excuse?

"CSI: NY: The Dove Commission (#1.18)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You know what my favorite game was when I was kid?
Detective Mac Taylor: Jacks?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Operation.
[He holds up a pair of tweezers and then uses them to remove a bullet from the body of a gun shot victim]
Detective Mac Taylor: His nose didn't buzz red. Well done!

Danny Messer: How's our gypsy cab driver, doc? You bring him back to life so he can just tell us who killed him?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I haven't attended that seminar yet. But... his fingernails are doing an awful lot of talking.
Aiden Burn: Is that blood?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. This guy put up one hell of a fight.

"CSI: NY: The Closer (#1.22)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [hands Stella a spleen from a victim] I've got something else for you.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Don't tell me you're going to make me hold something else.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Now, these abrasions were suffered while running.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: But... these here, tiny puncture wounds on her soles. I can't imagine what she was doing.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Do they have anything to do with cause of death?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No. I had Tox run a screen, results were negative. Margo Trent died because she was hit by a truck, plain and simple.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Okay. So this is no longer a case for Homicide. Flack will want to pursue a suspect for possible rape and assault charges. Why don't you collect a sex kit, send it over to DNA.
[Stella's pager beeps]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Oh. Dispatch. You know, I have a feeling it's going to be very busy day.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mm-hmm.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Want to switch jobs?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Oh, yeah, sure.
[Hawkes points to a cadaver, and holds out a pair of saws]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You'll be cutting off that guy's right arm and left leg.
Detective Stella Bonasera: [smirks] I'm leaving now.

"CSI: NY: Sangre por Sangre (#7.4)" (2010)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: They say there are six million ways to die. Panthro Torres chose three. Official C.O.D. is cerebral hemorrhaging from a cracked skull due to his head hitting the awning. Had he survived that, he certainly would have succumbed to exsanguination from impalement. Not a bad way to go, considering option number three: a ruptured vena cava, courtesy of a fragmented .45.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Somehow, "ouch" doesn't quite cover it.

"CSI: NY: Blood, Sweat and Tears (#1.14)" (2005)
Danny Messer: Blood from the apartment was hers. Unfortunately, she's still a Jane Doe.
Sheldon Hawkes: [showing a wedding ring from the corpse] Actually, Mrs.Jane Doe. She's married.
Danny Messer: Obviously not for the cash. It's a tiny rock.

"CSI: NY: Dead Reckoning (#6.4)" (2009)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [picking Danny up from physical therapy] So what was that?
Detective Danny Messer: What?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Danny, you got to try *way* harder if you're going to get up out of this chair.
Detective Danny Messer: Doc, you know what? I got a policy, buddy. I don't take advice unless I ask for it.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, well I've got a policy, too. I'm always up front with my friends. And with an injury like yours, you should have been up out of that chair weeks ago. You're not pushing yourself.
Detective Danny Messer: [offended] You kidding me? I'm gonna give you five minutes of the pain that I feel every time I take a step.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Danny, I treated hundreds of trauma patients that would trade places with you in a minute.
Detective Danny Messer: Look... you came here to take me to work, right? Let's go.
[Danny starts to roll his wheelchair forward, but Hawkes stops him]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: There's a fireman that came into Emergency one day. Big, strong guy, huh? Just hit a walk-off home run at the department softball game. Rounded the bases, crossed home plate, his whole team piled on top of him in celebration. Broke his back. I never met anybody with a heart like this guy. It took a lot of sweat and pain and perseverance, but eventually, yeah, he walked again.
Detective Danny Messer: Is that the end of that story?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: He said "Pain is the payment for each precious thing." Try harder, Danny.

"CSI: NY: Til Death Do We Part (#1.15)" (2005)
Abel Bloom: We're Jewish.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Orthodox?
Abel Bloom: Traditional. That's... that's how Hannah would describe us. You do it because you believe it, not because you fear it. That's what she always said.

"CSI: NY: Hammer Down (#6.7)" (2009)
Dr. Harvey Fuller: I make a phone call.
Detective Don Flack: Every time to the same number?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: Yes. Again, same number every time. I tell them what I need. I don't know how or who does it. A cooler is left for me at the clinic.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [showing Fuller a picture of Casey Steele] Is this the man that delivers the coolers?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: I told you, I don't see faces. They're just voices on a phone.
Detective Don Flack: You must pay them.
Dr. Harvey Fuller: Cash. In an envelope. Different post office box every time.
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, okay, so what's going rate for a liver, Dr. Fuller?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: Depends.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Depends on whether your patients are desperate or not? The closer they are to death, the more they'll pay. Or is it the more you'll charge?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: I don't set the price.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No, only for yourself, right? So tell me, doctor, how much do you get paid for turning a blind eye to the Hippocratic Oath?
[Fuller turns to look at Flack]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No, look at me. I said look at me! The liver you transplanted today belonged to a healthy young woman who died to fill your pockets. Her name: Debbie Menzel.
[slapping pictures onto the table]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: And there are dozens more just like her. Their organs are being harvested in motel bathrooms and makeshift operating rooms. Young girls who are butchered and dumped on the side of the road. And you agreed to the oath, doctor, the covenant. "I will keep them from harm and injustice." Do you remember saying those words, huh? You stupid, greedy son of a bitch.

"CSI: NY: Food for Thought (#7.19)" (2011)
Detective Mac Taylor: I got the results of your latest drug test. Not high enough to trigger termination, but there are trace levels of cannabis in your bloodstream, Hawkes.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I swear to you, I wasn't using. It's nothing but second-hand exposure. Just bad luck. You gotta believe me.
Detective Mac Taylor: Like I believe you when you call in sick? This isn't about bad luck, it's about bad choices.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I know. You're right, and I'm sorry. But Mac, sometimes I feel like this job dictates every single choice I make. I mean, other people get to leave their work at their office. They cut loose, have fun. But we're different. We do a lot of good, but sometimes it seems like that's all we're allowed to do.
Detective Mac Taylor: That comes with the badge. Surely, Camille understands that.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, she does. She does. But this is the first time in a long time I've had a relationship that's even worth getting into trouble over, you know?
Detective Mac Taylor: There's no department policy against having a good time. But you need to be careful.

"CSI: NY: Jamalot (#2.10)" (2005)
[about their victim]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Apparently, he was some sort of...
Detective Danny Messer: Writer.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah.
Detective Danny Messer: [indicating photographs of the body taken under an ALS light] It was everywhere.

"CSI: NY: Officer Blue (#1.9)" (2004)
Det. Mac Taylor: Cause of death?
Sheldon Hawkes: Single gunshot wound to the back. It pierced through the protective vest and exited at downward trajectory through the front. Must've been a high-powered rifle.
Det. Mac Taylor: The rifle doesn't concern me, it's the rifleman. Sniping a live target in motion is no easy task.
Sheldon Hawkes: Sharpshooter?
Det. Mac Taylor: I'll know for certain after I take a look at that vest.

"CSI: NY: Smooth Criminal (#7.14)" (2011)
Jo Danville: I think I may have found the name and address of our mystery woman. Turns out ten minutes before the shootout at the Y & Dot Lounge, someone used their credit card to order a martini at the bar.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Camille Jordanson?
Jo Danville: You know her?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I grew up with her.

"CSI: NY: Grand Master (#1.4)" (2004)
Detective Mac Taylor: You should hear Aiden talk about this hip-hop world. Close your eyes, she sounds like Queen Latifah.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: How do you know about Queen Latifah?

"CSI: NY: Damned If You Do (#7.3)" (2010)
Detective Danny Messer: [at a bloody murder scene] Remember what I said about having a son?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Yeah.
Detective Danny Messer: Never mind. I'm good.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Start from the outside in?
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah. We got to eliminate any prints left by the first officers and the EMTs.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: And Mac. And be honest - if that was you who responded to the scene, would you have known to try and get an ID by asking her to move her finger up and down?
Detective Danny Messer: Probably not. I guess that's why he's the boss, huh?

"CSI: NY: Supply & Demand (#1.20)" (2005)
Sheldon Hawkes: Fatal shot to the head was an act of mercy, after the beating he took.
Stella Bonasera: His attackers were on a mission.
Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, and they knew how to inflict pain. They broke three ribs, causing him to lose his breath. Kicked him in the kidneys hard enough to bruise the organs. It'd be excruciating. Stomped each kneecap.
Detective Mac Taylor: The intruders were desperate for something inside that apartment. Probably a stash of heroin.
Sheldon Hawkes: Did they find it?
Stella Bonasera: We don't think so.
Detective Mac Taylor: Signs of heroin use?
Sheldon Hawkes: I'm running a tox. No needle marks, no inflammation of the nose or lips. Weight was good, heart in great condition. I'd be surprised if he's a user.
Stella Bonasera: Well, the smartest dealers never dabble in their own product.
Sheldon Hawkes: His father came up from Jersey to, uh, do the ID. I did not detail the torture to him.

"CSI: NY: Happily Never After (#4.12)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: So the killer got Fiona.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: And her little dog too.

"CSI: NY: Consequences (#3.8)" (2006)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [about to perform an "autopsy" on a giant, inflated Nutcracker balloon] This job is never boring.

"CSI: NY: The Fall (#1.17)" (2005)
[at a social gathering, a guest fell four floors to his death on a canopy below]
Sheldon Hawkes: There's a joke here about crashing a party, but I won't go there.

"CSI: NY: Vigilante (#7.15)" (2011)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [about the murder of a serial rapist] We're wasting a whole lot of man hours hunting a killer that should get a medal for doing the community a service.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: There's a body on a slab in Autopsy, Hawkes.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, and he beat and raped at least ten women. I'm surprised to hear you defending him.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Why? Because I'm a woman, I should cheer his death? I'm a cop first. As much as I despise what he did, I don't advocate vigilante justice. Come on, Hawkes. You're a doctor. What would you do if Clarke came into your ER?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: He didn't. He's dead.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: That's a convenient answer.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: *My* girlfriend was raped, Lindsay, and after that, our relationship changed. Hell, it ended. And I won't lie to you: the thought of killing the guy that did that to her... definitely crossed my mind. I mean, come on. You know this girl Kate. You don't feel for her?
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Of course I feel for her. But I don't know her, Hawkes. I had a conversation with her one time a year ago, and she asked me for a gun. I'm not her counselor, I'm not her priest. If she's guilty of murder, I'm going to put her away.

"CSI: NY: Admissions (#4.18)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [upon see in the indoor plants] Are you serious? This is peyote!
Detective Danny Messer: Marijuana seeds, shrooms.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Looks like someone was growing their own magic garden.
Detective Danny Messer: Right under the faculty's nose, man.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sometimes too much education may be a dangerous thing.

"CSI: NY: Manhattan Manhunt (#2.7)" (2005)
Detective Danny Messer: [as he, Lindsay, and Hawkes walks into the crime scene] Got your call. Team's all here.
Det. Stella Bonasera: [sighing] Great, thanks.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: We came as soon as we could.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [looking at the brandy glass full of pills on the table] What's with all the pills?
Det. Stella Bonasera: It's a pharm party.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: What's a pharm party?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Pharmaceuticals. Empty your parents medicine cabinet and pop until you drop. Rich kids idea of fun. At first glance I've got Lithium, serdalyne and fluoxatine. Most of these drugs don't even get you high.
Det. Mac Taylor: [walking into the room] Stella and I are going to run with this one. Danny check the service entry area there's an elevator there, secondary exit. Sheldon bag up these bottles get them over to Lindsay she'll be in trace.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Sir, I've worked big crime scenes before. I've got two hands I'm ready to work.
Det. Mac Taylor: This is a high profile case Lindsay. I want you in the lab and I need your full attention. Remember anything we find here can take us to Darius. Be careful, be thorough.

"CSI: NY: Recycling (#1.12)" (2005)
Mac Taylor: [entering the empty morgue] Hawkes?
Sheldon Hawkes: [sliding out from a body storage chamber] One of the trainees left the door open last weekend. A couple of pipes iced over. Places a horrible burden on the whole system. We run the risk of blowing a compressor. But you're here about your dog show DOA.
[Hawkes leads Mac to the autopsy table]
Sheldon Hawkes: Cause of death: ruptured aorta. Internal hemorrhaging, shock. Dead in a matter of minutes.
Mac Taylor: That's some savage needlework.
Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. She was unlucky. The needle could've easily passed straight through without doing any serious damage, but the point caught the aorta just right... and the dam burst. Other than the leash marks, no injuries on her hands.
Mac Taylor: Suggests she didn't try to break her fall. But there was major disturbance at the scene.
Sheldon Hawkes: I did find materials under her nails. Looked like skin. I sent it over to DNA.
Mac Taylor: So she could've been attacked.
Sheldon Hawkes: No defense wounds, no torn clothing, no recent contusions. Now, I did find foreign hairs under her clothing. And this... was in her mouth.
Mac Taylor: Looks like latex. I'll take a look at it. Anything else?
Sheldon Hawkes: I saved the best for last.
Mac Taylor: You always do.
Sheldon Hawkes: When I first saw this, I thought it might have been a postmortem dog bite.
Mac Taylor: Those are no canine's canines.

"CSI: NY: Creatures of the Night (#1.2)" (2004)
[Examining a victim in autopsy]
Sheldon Hawkes: What we thought were track marks are... bites. Face, arms, and legs were the appetizers. The gunshot wound was the main course.
Detective Mac Taylor: And the dinner guest?
Sheldon Hawkes: This is where the story gets tasty... Rattus norvegicus.
Detective Mac Taylor: You're telling me a rat ate the bullet?
Sheldon Hawkes: That was dessert.

"CSI: NY: Wasted (#2.12)" (2006)
[Sid says that Serena, the victim, had an empty stomach]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Well, that's not surprising. Every self-respecting supermodel suffers from malnutrition.

"CSI: NY: The Box (#5.9)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Found a piece of jewelry, in pretty good shape.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Based on age, I'd say they're probably the victim's parents.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Job never gets easier, does it?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I can tell you I've been working here twenty-nine years. That's four thousand, eight hundred and forty-six cases and names I will never forget.

"CSI: NY: The Ripple Effect (#8.13)" (2012)
Jo Danville: Okay, I hope y'all are taking notes. First of all, I could not stop thinking about these two pieces of violet flavored gum, because I couldn't wrap my head around how they wound up in Jimmy Philbrook's mouth and on Greg Barbera's satchel. So I went back to the schedule from the courier service that Greg worked for, and it turns out that his first pickup of the day was across from a little diner in Chelsea, right around the corner from the Cragston Hotel.
Mac Taylor: Who'd he pick up from?
Jo Danville: Jimmy Philbrook. And guess what the diner has in a little dish next to the cash register?
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Violet gum.
Jo Danville: Bingo. But there was something else that kept bugging me, because Greg Barbera is a bike messenger, right? So why did he run from Scott Perfito? Where on earth was his bike? So I went back and I looked at the NYPD surveillance footage one more time. Look what I spotted about a hundred yards ahead of both of them.
Danny Messer: Guy on a bike.
Jo Danville: Yes, but not just any bike. It matches the exact description supplied to us from the courier service that Greg worked for. And look what's hanging from handlebars.
Don Flack: A chainsaw. Could've been used to cut down the fallen tree outside of Scott Perfito's apartment.
Mac Taylor: Where Greg probably locked up his bike.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Greg's bike was stolen, so he had to run away from Perfito on foot.
Sheldon Hawkes: Which caused him to fall down the stairs.
Jo Danville: And due to Greg's untimely death, he wasn't able to deliver this.
Mac Taylor: Doug Kramer. That's the name of the Building and Safety official who was supposed to accept the bribe from Jimmy Philbrook.
Jo Danville: For fifteen grand.
Don Flack: But since he didn't get it, he ruled to condemn the Cragston Hotel at the B&S meeting.
Jo Danville: Yes. Which we all know, drove our super, Toby Delafont, into a murderous rage.
Danny Messer: He attacked Philbrook in the park, leaving him for dead.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Right, and then Philbrook wandered further into the woods, right into the path of Nicholas Bristow's arrow.
Don Flack: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard, but it actually makes sense.
Mac Taylor: One crime leads to another.
Sheldon Hawkes: And another.
Danny Messer: And another.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: And another.
Jo Danville: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is known as the ripple effect.

"CSI: NY: Sleight Out of Hand (#3.18)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: Do you think Houdini knew the impact he would have on the mafia lingo?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I'm sorry?
Detective Don Flack: It's like, when they whack somebody they say, "we made him do a Houdini". Do you think that would make him proud?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Are we actually having this conversation?
Detective Don Flack: Oh, I'm sorry, can you explain the difference between DNA and RNA? Is that better? 'Cause that's a scintillating conversation right there.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: It would be if you knew the interest...
[They are interrupted by Rupert]

"CSI: NY: Rest in Peace, Marina Garito (#6.18)" (2010)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [about the job as a forensic pathologist] We're not always right, and it's not always because we're wrong.

"CSI: NY: Party Down (#7.13)" (2011)
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Cameron Marshall, age twenty-seven. Copious amounts of river water in his lungs and stomach confirms COD as drowning.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Okay. Oh, looks like vic number two's throat was crushed.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Mm-hmm. Brett Hollister, age twenty-five. Suffered blunt force laryngeal trauma resulting in complete cricotracheal separation.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Water in the lungs?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Uh, trace amounts. He stopped breathing before the truck sank. I imagine he floated up through the open hatch. Sadly, victim number three wasn't quite as fortunate.
[an ME assistant hands Sid a folder]
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Thank you. Uh... an elevated blood alcohol content caused vasodilation of her blood vessels, there exacerbating the onset of hypothermia.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: She would have experienced numbness, debilitating drowsiness. She knew was drowning but was powerless to stop it.
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Her last moments on Earth were spent in excruciating pain.

"CSI: NY: Yahrzeit (#5.22)" (2009)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think all of this happened for a reason, okay? Elgers surfacing today as a witness, today of all days, and my plane getting delayed, and you and I going to question him together. Now maybe this is my uncle Frank testing me to see if I learned something from him. My uncle was in Memphis the day Dr. King was assassinated. Couldn't have been more than ten years old. And his whole life, he was on the front lines of racism, and he never let it intimidate him.

"CSI: Miami: MIA/NYC Nonstop (#2.23)" (2004)
Det. Mac Taylor: [entering the morgue] Dr. Hawkes. So glad I could get an appointment.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mayor's office just called. Put in a word for you.
Det. Mac Taylor: Figures. What's TOD?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Your victims have been dead since about four this morning. New York, Miami stab wounds are similar in both manner and location. However, one of the Miami victims was nearly decapitated. Killer showed more restraint with the Hanovers.
Det. Mac Taylor: Yeah, we're aware of that. Anything else?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Turns out Mike Hanover has a heart, after all. Well, he did. A strong one. Withstood a massive myocardial infarction. Scar tissue indicates it happened within the last year. But his heart disease was progressive. Not sure how many more years he had.
Det. Mac Taylor: Anything else?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: His crotch.
[off Mac's look]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [showing Mac something with an ALS] I've heard of having the blues, but this is ridiculous.

"CSI: NY: Dancing with the Fishes (#2.5)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You know I've never been fishing, never even thought about trying. Seems kind of boring.
Detective Danny Messer: Until you hook something. I went fishing with my old man once on a pier near Battery Park. I caught the sweetest striped bass, must have weighed close to thirty pounds.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Did you eat it?
Detective Danny Messer: Threw it back! Would you eat anything that came out of the Hudson?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Good point.

"CSI: NY: Fare Game (#2.15)" (2006)
Tony Collins: [holds up a bowl of live centipedes, a delicacy] Want one?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [really grossed out] Uh, no, I ate already.
Tony Collins: [nods sympathetically] They're not for everyone
Danny Messer: I'm from the upper east side.
[Messer takes one and eats it]
Danny Messer: .
Tony Collins: Tastes like chicken, right?
Danny Messer: No.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [after Tony Collins walks away] I can't believe you just ate that!
Danny Messer: [shrugs] Tasted like worms in a bottle of tequila.

"CSI: NY: On the Job (#1.21)" (2005)
[Detective Stella Bonasera wants to fingerprint a murder victim in the morgue]
Stella Bonasera: I figure if I take her prints, could be something else that I can learn about her.
Sheldon Hawkes: [raising the corpse's arm by the wrist] Anytime I can... lend a hand.

"CSI: NY: Bad Beat (#2.8)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: It's impossible to be that exact on TOD.
Danny Messer: You think so, Einstein?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Danny, I'm a certified pathologist. I *know* so.
Danny Messer: Her coat is damp. I got caught in the rain last night. A twenty minute torrential downpour at 8:45. Only the makeup on the right side of her face is streaked, which means she was lying here dead when the rain began.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Show-off.

"CSI: NY: Nothing for Something (#7.20)" (2011)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: That's pretty impressive you got Mac to go home. He's not used to being told what to do.
Jo Danville: No, he's not.

"CSI: NY: Can You Hear Me Now? (#4.1)" (2007)
Detective Mac Taylor: Let's focus on the victims, not the killer. Both these guys had a story to tell about something that happened. Brock on the answering machine. Nakashima on the cell phone. Something they saw. And the killer wanted the truth.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: But after he got the truth, he kill them.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Right. Because he got what he wanted. He didn't need them any longer.

"CSI: NY: Snow Day (#3.24)" (2007)
Sheldon Hawkes: [Processing scene of a gunfight where Flack fatally shot a gang member] Any I.D.?
Don Flack: Nope, and the rest of the clan ain't talkin'. Do better with a swab of blood from that hole I put in his chest, might get you a hit in CODIS.
[Sheldon notices that Flack appears upset]
Sheldon Hawkes: Hey, he was gonna kill you, you did what you had to.
Don Flack: Just not how I wanted to start my day.

"CSI: NY: Heroes (#2.23)" (2006)
Det. Lindsay Monroe: How well did you know her? Aiden.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Well enough to know that if one of us had been killed, she wouldn't sleep until the killer was caught.

"CSI: NY: City of the Dolls (#2.9)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I am suspicious about everything and sure of nothing.

"CSI: NY: Hush (#1.16)" (2005)
Sheldon Hawkes: Got me curious as a cat in a fish house

"CSI: NY: Three Generations Are Enough (#1.8)" (2004)
Det. Mac Taylor: [examining a victim who was burned to death] Looks like someone poured accelerant over his head.
Sheldon Hawkes: They covered this guy from top to bottom... This murder wasn't about the triumph of minimalism.

"CSI: NY: Do or Die (#7.17)" (2011)
Detective Mac Taylor: Where'd you go after your biology class yesterday, Emmy?
Emmy Thomas: I don't remember.
Detective Mac Taylor: Let me help you remember. You were hiding in the bathroom.
Emmy Thomas: How do you know that?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: We found your shoe prints on a toilet seat.
Detective Mac Taylor: It's the same bathroom where Olivia Prescott was murdered.
Emmy Thomas: You can't connect my shoe print to the bathroom without a practical reference, which I never gave you.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mr. Booker told us about the joke with the scorpion.
Emmy Thomas: He did?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. Traces of scorpion intestinal tract were in the tread pattern we lifted from the toilet seat.
Detective Mac Taylor: He also mentioned this wasn't the first time you were singled out by your classmates.
Emmy Thomas: Why would he tell you that?
Detective Mac Taylor: Did Olivia ever single you out?
Emmy Thomas: No.
Detective Mac Taylor: Embarrass you in front of your peers?
Emmy Thomas: What do you care?
Detective Mac Taylor: Care? Because Olivia's dead. We just want answers.

"CSI: NY: Crushed (#8.7)" (2011)
Sheldon Hawkes: Okay, so given the hair and the emptied jewelry box, we're thinking the bedroom was the primary crime scene.
Mac Taylor: Which makes the thief our prime suspect.
Danny Messer: This guy goes around to parties that explode on the internet. He cleans out their valuables and he leaves behind these hashtags. The riot at the apartment building in the East Village last year - he was there. Viral party in Murray Hill...
Mac Taylor: Where the invite got hacked and went out to 10,000 kids?
Danny Messer: 1,000 showed up. He got in, stole half the family's art collection. Nobody saw a thing. Cocky son of a bitch thinks he's smarter than we are.
Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, well let's hope he's not. I'm on his blog, Words R Dead. "Hemingway would starve today", "You can't get published anymore because nobody reads."
Mac Taylor: So he's a frustrated writer stealing to pay rent?
Sheldon Hawkes: He left his calling card; maybe he's stealing to get fame.
Mac Taylor: But Libby walked in on him. If he got caught, he could kiss his viral fifteen minutes goodbye.
Sheldon Hawkes: He's been leaving these tags all over Brooklyn and Manhattan. What, somebody has to die before we get the guy?
Mac Taylor: All the precincts probably weren't communicating and didn't connect the dots. On their to-do list, I'm sure. Plus, we have Adam.
Adam Ross: [entering] Found him!
Mac Taylor: See?

"CSI: NY: The Triangle (#5.10)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [to Sid as he heats up an organ] You workin' up an apetite?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Hmm? No. You know there's a strict no eat policy in the lab.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Never stopped me from sneakin' in the occasional bag of popcorn.

"CSI: NY: Outside Man (#1.6)" (2004)
Sheldon Hawkes: [dropping a severed finger into an evidence envelope] Apart from the fact of it not being attached to a person, there's nothing wrong with this finger.

"CSI: NY: The Lying Game (#3.14)" (2007)
Sheldon Hawkes: [Struggling to lift victim] Ohhh, Jane Doe's heavier than she looks.
[Places victim on gurney]
Detective Don Flack: Check out the size of her feet.
Sheldon Hawkes: [Sheldon Hawkes looks at victim's hands] And hands.
Detective Stella Bonasera: [Stella gestures to victim's chest] She's had her breasts surgically enhanced.
Detective Don Flack: [Hawkes and Stella look confused while Flack uses his pen to lift the victim's skirt] Better make that a John Doe.

"CSI: NY: The Past, Present and Murder (#5.21)" (2009)
[with Stella, as a passing subway train inflates a trash bag animal]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: A polar bear in the middle of New York City. Global warming is worse than I thought.

"CSI: NY: Epilogue (#6.1)" (2009)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: COD is exsanguination. Fatal gunshot was here to the carotid artery. Second shot pierced her deltoid here.
[Stella smirks]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: What?
Detective Stella Bonasera: It amazes me how just on instinct, you know which shot was first.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [pointing to the body] Well, this is her bloody hand print, and it appears that she grabbed her shoulder in pain.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Hmm. And in order to transfer the blood, she had to already be bleeding.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Exactly. Now, I'm brilliant, but sometimes I get a little help.

"CSI: NY: Identity Crisis (#7.18)" (2011)
Detective Don Flack: [as Mac arrives at the crime scene] Hey Mac, bet you a cup of coffee this is the most interesting crime scene you'll go to all week.
Detective Mac Taylor: You sound confident. Obviously, you know something I don't.
Detective Don Flack: Do you want to tell him?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No, please.
Detective Don Flack: All right. If you had to guess, how old do you say our victim is?
Detective Mac Taylor: Late 70s, early 80s maybe?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [with a "good guess" look] Hmm.
Detective Don Flack: [after looks are exchanged between the three of them] Doc?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mid-30s would be closer to the truth.
Detective Mac Taylor: [scoffing] What?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. And he's a woman.
[Hawkes pulls a rubber mask off the victim; Mac stares, dumbfounded]
Detective Don Flack: [smirking] I like my coffee black, no sugar.

"CSI: NY: Page Turner (#5.2)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [walking into the room] How are you doing?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Let's just say I know how a microwave burrito feels. But I should also say thank you. I owe a great deal of my recovery to you.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Aw, come on. That was nothing. You would do the same for me.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: As a matter of fact, I would.

"CSI: NY: Love Run Cold (#3.3)" (2006)
[Stella and Hawkes walk into Mac's office]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Autopsy results?
Detective Mac Taylor: This is a good one. A runner who somehow has frostbite on his face in 90 degree heat, who died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the middle of Central Park.
[Mac smirks, as Hawkes just looks dumbfounded]
Detective Stella Bonasera: That's just...
[thinks for a brief moment]
Detective Stella Bonasera: not possible.