Detective Danny Messer
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Quotes for
Detective Danny Messer (Character)
from "CSI: NY" (2004)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"CSI: NY: Sleight Out of Hand (#3.18)" (2007)
Detective Stella Bonasera: They say burning is the most painful of deaths.
Detective Danny Messer: I love it. How do they know? What did they do, take a poll? "64% of dead people surveyed..."

Detective Mac Taylor: [to Danny, holding out lighter] What other job allows you to light your boss on fire?
Detective Danny Messer: [to Mac before setting him on fire] Okay, but if you go up in flames, I get your office.

Detective Danny Messer: Go with your instincts.

Detective Danny Messer: [throws his hands in the air] Why do I even bother if you already know the answer Mac?

Detective Danny Messer: [chuckling, after thinking that a female coworker walking down the hall is Lindsay] I think I'm losing my mind.

Detective Danny Messer: That's impressive. It's not a butterfly, but it's impressive.

Det. Mac Taylor: You want to do the honours?
Danny Messer: Are you lighting your arm on fire in the name of science?
Det. Mac Taylor: What other job allows you to set your boss on fire? Going once, going twice...


"CSI: NY: A Daze of Wine and Roaches (#3.19)" (2007)
Detective Danny Messer: Get outta here, these are real stones?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Uh huh, and I'm thinking this chain was attached, which makes this roach jewelry, or a pet, or a jeweled pet.
Detective Danny Messer: Or roach-broche.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Hey, it could be the next big thing.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: Flack, I think Danny's favorite kind of whine is Chiante.
Detective Danny Messer: No you're wrong. My favorite kind of wine is beer.

Detective Danny Messer: Since when do you know so much about wine, Montana?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: We're more than beer and buffalo burgers, Messer.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: I mean, isn't the cockroach kind of the unofficial mascot of New York?
Detective Danny Messer: Very funny, take it easy there, Montana.

Detective Danny Messer: So our vic was screwed to death.
Det. Don Flack: 6.5 at best. A little shaky on the landing.

[in the wine vault]
Detective Danny Messer: So this is where they store the million-dollar grape juice, huh?

Detective Danny Messer: [Shocked] You killed him for a cockroach?


"CSI: NY: The Box (#5.9)" (2008)
Detective Lindsay Monroe: I'm pregnant.
Detective Danny Messer: [sighing] You sure?

Detective Danny Messer: [to Lindsey] A while ago I messed up, alright? I was with another woman. I didn't say anything. But she knew. I think she knew, alright? Couple of months we got back together, things haven't really been the same.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: Danny, I know you.
Detective Danny Messer: What's that supposed to mean?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: I just mean that I'm not expecting anything.

Detective Danny Messer: Maybe this time they broke in to dump a car.
Detective Mac Taylor: And a few spare body parts.

Detective Danny Messer: [following her into the locker room] Lindsay.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Danny, hey... I can't talk right now.
Detective Danny Messer: What's going on?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: What do you mean?
Detective Danny Messer: Come on. I saw you today at the health center. Are you sick?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Danny, you should go back to work.
Detective Danny Messer: [placing his hands on her shoulders] No, no. No. You should talk to me.

Detective Danny Messer: [after she comes out of the bathroom] You okay?... You alright?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: ...I'm pregnant.
Detective Danny Messer: [sighing] ... are you sure?
[she hands him a picture of the sonogram]
Detective Danny Messer: How long have you known?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: A few weeks.


"CSI: NY: Zoo York (#2.3)" (2005)
Detective Mac Taylor: [Talking to Lindsay in the tiger's cage] I need you to hold the tiger's jaw so I can get a dental impression.
Danny Messer: [Whispering to Lindsay] Just take a deep breath, don't let him know you're afraid, 'cause he can sense when you're nervous.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: The tiger's been tranquilized. I think I can handle it.
Danny Messer: I'm talking about Mac. And make sure you call him "Sir".
[Danny is messing with Lindsay, who is new to the team]

Danny Messer: [about the vic in the tiger cage] He ended up puzzle pieces?
Detective Mac Taylor: Let's put him back together.

Danny Messer: [as Lindsay looks around the lab] Can I help?
Det. Lindsay Monroe: No, thank you. You helped enough already this morning.

Danny Messer: [at they enter the walk-in freezer] That's alot of hamburger.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Back home, people keep this much meat in their basements.

Danny Messer: [his evidence] Tape, meat roll.


"CSI: NY: Trapped (#2.11)" (2005)
Danny Messer: [after finding out the panic room he's locked in won't open] You're telling me this spaceship doesn't open up again until tomorrow morning?

Danny Messer: [after using glue and a coffee pot to check a knife for fingerprints] Think I've seen this on an episode of The Flintstones.

Danny Messer: Oh Miss MacGyver... grab your camera! I've got a foreign print!

Detective Stella Bonasera: How does somebody get inside of a locked vault with only one door?
Danny Messer: If Houdini were alive, we'd have our killer.

[after Danny gets locked in a small panic room]
Detective Stella Bonasera: I'm gonna start processing out here.
Danny Messer: Great... I'll be in here!


"CSI: NY: Personal Foul (#4.19)" (2008)
Detective Don Flack: [Danny and Flack are at the basketball game talking about the guy winning $1 million] Never gonna happen!
Detective Danny Messer: Why, you think you could do it?
Detective Don Flack: You're kidding me? Boom, nothing but net, baby!
Detective Danny Messer: Oh, I think he can do it!
[after the name drawing]
Detective Don Flack: No, he can't!
Detective Danny Messer: Wanna make a little wager?
Detective Don Flack: Fifty bucks?
Detective Danny Messer: I hate to take a colleague's money but for you, I'll be happy to make an exception! Come on!

Detective Danny Messer: [finding the victims seats] I'm surprised he didn't kick the bucket from altitude sickness with these seats!
Detective Lindsay Monroe: That or the nachos.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: Any stomach contents?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Like you wouldn't believe. At least two hotdogs, popcorn, nachos, peanuts, an ice-cream sandwich and almost a full liter of beer.
Detective Danny Messer: I'm surprised he could get out of his seat!

Detective Lindsay Monroe: [refering the lipstick evidence] Need help picking the right shade?
Detective Danny Messer: Ha, ha, ha. That's just it. Unless the make-up counter at Bloomie's is selling mood lipstick, this partial print we got from the vic's mouth seems to have changed color. It started out pink.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: And now it's amber.
Detective Danny Messer: Means the efflorescent crystalline residue we're looking at is atropine trace.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Well, that explains the color shift. So which cheerleader wore it?
Detective Danny Messer: And if she had poison on her lips, why isn't she dead too?

Detective Don Flack: Hell of a game, Mess.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah. Glad you could make it.
Detective Don Flack: Me too. You should piss Lindsay off more often.


"CSI: NY: Recycling (#1.12)" (2005)
[Danny and Stella question a pedophile about a murder]
Danny Messer: Usually when you stab somebody you know the guy's name. It's just common courtesy.
Theodore Gates: Well I didn't stab anyone.
[to Stella]
Theodore Gates: What on earth is he talking about?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Your DNA was found on the knife that was used to stab Michael Starling.
Theodore Gates: I see. Was it a Swiss Army Knife?
Danny Messer: Nice job, you got it on the first try.
Theodore Gates: [to Stella] Is it necessary that he be here?
Danny Messer: What? What's the matter, am I too old for you?

Det. Stella Bonasera: [Stella comes in, sees Danny browsing a women's magazine] If you wanted beauty tips, all you had to do was ask.
Danny Messer: Did you know that waterproof mascara dries out your lashes? That's amazing.

[Danny and Stella are investigating the death of a bike messenger]
Det. Stella Bonasera: Alright Danny. How does the DNA from the fingernail scrapings on the knife not match Brett Stokes? I mean, she's got 'motive' tattooed on her forehead.
Danny Messer: Hey, don't kill the messenger.
[pause]
Danny Messer: See what I just did there?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Yeah, it was cute.

Detective Thacker: DOA is Michael Starling. Bike messenger for Speedball Express. Several unpaid summonses for reckless bicycle riding, and one prior for assaulting a cab driver.
Danny Messer: That's still a crime in New York?


"CSI: NY: Stuck on You (#2.14)" (2006)
Det. Mac Taylor: Are you guys on that music producer?
Danny Messer: Like glue.

Det. Lindsay Monroe: [about you] He doesn't think that is funny; he's humoring you.
Danny Messer: You don't know him like I do.

Danny Messer: [about Mac who is playing bass in a club] Get outta here. You're kidding me? How did you know he played?
Det. Lindsay Monroe: I figured it out. I could tell by the way he held the bass in the lab that he knew guitars and I knew he had a standing appointment on Wednesday. Could have been a shrink or yoga. But I took the music option.
Danny Messer: I'm impressed.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Maybe you didn't know him as well as you thought.

Danny Messer: [referring to a rock band] Wanna go see Rough Sects?


"CSI: NY: A Man a Mile (#1.5)" (2004)
Detective Danny Messer: [to Tom Zito] I guess that dent in your head only affects the things you WANT to forget.

Detective Mac Taylor: Are you bathophobic?
Detective Danny Messer: I'm not anything-phobic. There are just a few things that shake me up. 700 feet of granite between me and daylight is one of them.

Detective Mac Taylor: [Danny and Mac are following the coroners to the elevator and see the DA waiting for them on it]
[clears his throat]
Detective Mac Taylor: Personal visit from the DA's office?
Detective Danny Messer: What happened? You got lost on your way to a press conference? Or are you just checking up on us?

Detective Danny Messer: Isn't this OSHA's thing, workplace fatality?
Detective Mac Taylor: It would be, if Pete Riggs worked down in the tunnel. He worked up top, loading and unloading. And he had no protective gear. That makes this our scene.
Detective Danny Messer: So, you're still a Sandhog if you work above ground?
Detective Mac Taylor: A Sandhog is anyone who helps build one of these tunnels. Just because you're not seven hundred feet down there doesn't mean you're not one of them.


"CSI: NY: Not What It Looks Like (#3.2)" (2006)
[Lindsay is staring at a diamond necklace in a jewelry store that has been robbed, which they are investigating]
Detective Danny Messer: Don't even think about it Montana.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: This necklace is worth more than I make in a year, crazy.
Detective Danny Messer: I don't see what the big deal is. A diamond is just an allotrope of the element carbon.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Spoken like a true romantic.

Danny Messer: [to Stella] Oh, sure, now you like the dog!

Detective Danny Messer: [goes over to her as she puts on a bulletproof-vest] What do you think you're doin'?.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Danny, I'll be fine.
Detective Danny Messer: We have undercovers who can do this, alright. It's not our job
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Well it is now. We're out of time. You heard what she said, if we don't get in there in four minutes her friend dies.


"CSI: NY: City of the Dolls (#2.9)" (2005)
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Guess you didn't grew up with hardwood floors.
Danny Messer: No, I didn't actually. Bronx marble.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: What's that?
Danny Messer: It's linoleum.

[after Lindsay had removed her boots upon entering, Danny looks at her, confused]
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Guess you didn't grow up on hardwood floors.
Danny Messer: No, I didn't actually. Bronx marble.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: What's that?
Danny Messer: It's linoleum.

[Standing in the doll hospital]
Detective Kaile Maka: Never broke an arm off your G.I. Joe?
Danny Messer: Yeah, but I did it on purpose, casualty of war.


"CSI: NY: The Triangle (#5.10)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: [catching her with a snack] Thought I saw you runnin' for the exit.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [eating the doughnut] Starving. My OB says I should pay attention to my cravings, no matter how inconvenient they are.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah. Let me ask you something. You have any hereditary disease in your family?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [almost laughing] No. Do you?
Detective Danny Messer: No, no. No. Mental illness?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: No.
Detective Danny Messer: No. How about addictive tendencies? Extra fingers, extra toes?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: No.
Detective Danny Messer: No. Natural delivery or uh drugs?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Uh, either.
Detective Danny Messer: 'Want a boy or a girl?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Healthy.
Detective Danny Messer: ...Will you marry me?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [considerately pauses] ... No.

Detective Mac Taylor: We may be guilty of creating an uban legend, but there's no way this bulding is guilty of murder.
Detective Danny Messer: Alright. Well if the Empire State Building didn't do it, what did?

Detective Danny Messer: [standing atop the Empire State Building] I thought the view from Liberty was nice!
Detective Mac Taylor: She's about eleven-hundred feet below us.


"CSI: NY: Outside Man (#1.6)" (2004)
Danny Messer: [after finding a key piece of evidence in the garbage] Next time I say a case is in the garbage, remind me of this moment?

Danny Messer: [after matching up tear marks on a bag] This case is in the bag.

[last lines]
Detective Mac Taylor: I read your preliminary report. Good job, Danny. You're on the promotion grid.
Danny Messer: [looking at his crime scene photos] I can't wrap my head around it, Mac. You get up... go to work... see the people that you know... you talk, you laugh... you're living your life. And then suddenly, boom. It's just over. Just like that. And you never even saw it coming.


"CSI: NY: Run Silent, Run Deep (#2.20)" (2006)
Danny Messer: [looking at his brother Louie in a hospital bed after being beaten] I understand why you did what you did, and I love you.

Detective Stella Bonasera: La Perla underwear. These babies sell for 350 dollars.
Danny Messer: I get my BVDs in a three-pack for 10 bucks. Boom.

Danny Messer: What is it, Montana? You beeped me 911. Are you all right?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: The DNA sample we found from the cigarrette in the endzone came back to an internal control sample.
Danny Messer: What do you mean? That means the smoker works here at the lab. How can that be?
[she hands the DNA report]
Danny Messer: Have you told anybody else about this?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: No, just you.
[is confused as Danny walks away]


"CSI: NY: The Closer (#1.22)" (2005)
Detective Danny Messer: [after chasing a suspect down a road and up a fence] There's one thing I hate more than running - leaping. You're not my favorite person today. Come on.

Detective Stella Bonasera: A Boston fan in the Bronx. That's brave.
Detective Danny Messer: Or stupid. Very stupid. Boston's tough. New York better get it together.

Aiden Burn: How does a potential shortstop become a crime scene investigator?
Detective Danny Messer: That's real easy. Get into a fight, break your wrist, and then graduate from the police academy top of my class.


"CSI: NY: Snow Day (#3.24)" (2007)
Detective Danny Messer: [voiceover] Montana, don't freak out. Although I'm sure you already have. We're trading shifts. Enjoy your snow day. D.

Detective Danny Messer: There's no way you're guna make this shot Montana.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Benjamin says I do.
[She makes the shot]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: You owe me $100.
Detective Danny Messer: You know what... You're guna have to wait till pay day.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: No. You either pay me now, or come up with something better.
[she kisse him]

Detective Lindsay Monroe: [after Danny pokes her in the nose to wake her up] I dreamt that I woke up and you were gone. That you left a note.
Detective Danny Messer: Where would I go? Its my place.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: I was hoping for a better answer.
Detective Danny Messer: I was just kidding. I am glad this happened.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Me too.


"CSI: NY: Some Buried Bones (#3.15)" (2007)
[watching the surveillance tape of the "invisible" killer, which shows up as a white blur on the tape]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Did the camera malfunction?
Detective Danny Messer: Either that or Fifth Avenue's haunted.

Detective Stella Bonasera: So did our vic surprise a shoplifter?
Detective Danny Messer: Shoplifter surprised him with a bullet.

Adam Ross: [Watching survelliance of the suspect] I can tell she's got a bully in her life. Check that out. Look how she flinched when a customer raised his hand.
Detective Danny Messer: Could be too much coffee.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Or a sign of abuse, and withdrawal like that is a classic symptom of PTSD.
Detective Danny Messer: [to Adam] How'd you know that?
Adam Ross: Huh, uh, uh, my, uh, my dad was a bully.


"CSI: NY: The Fall (#1.17)" (2005)
[investigating a crime scene above a canopy]
Detective Aiden Burn: Well, too bad birds can't talk, because there's a robin's nest like 12 feet away.
Detective Danny Messer: Bird's eye view.
Detective Aiden Burn: [laughing] You had to say it, right?
Detective Danny Messer: What're ya gonna do?

Detective Danny Messer: Most feared man in New York dies from fear of his own wife.
Detective Aiden Burn: And she was the only one that loved him.

Detective Danny Messer: Were there any people at the party tonight that might have had a problem with your husband?
Chandra Heckman: Definitely.
Detective Danny Messer: You got a name?
Chandra Heckman: You got a pen?


"CSI: NY: Corporate Warriors (#2.4)" (2005)
Detective Stella Bonasera: I think the Italians got it right. Live to eat, not eat to live.
Detective Danny Messer: That's what I'm talking about.

Detective Danny Messer: [showing Mac and Stella evidence photos] The fiber you found from the katana sword, Mac; fiber I pulled from Greg Thompson's overcoat. They match.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Where in the overcoat did you find the fiber?
Detective Danny Messer: From a one-inch slice inside the lining, waist-high. The last two calls on Greg Thompson's cell phone were to Jared Stanton.
Detective Stella Bonasera: All right, we know why Jared was in the park. Greg lured him there.
Detective Danny Messer: Icing on the cake: found bark from the tree at the scene of the crime on the seat of his overcoat.
Detective Mac Taylor: That explains why Jared Stanton never moved. He didn't know Greg was already there. The head never came off. One cut, one kill... matching the angle of the cut on Jared Stanton's neck, moving from low to high.
Detective Danny Messer: Bingo. We know Greg Thompson killed Jared Stanton.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Great. We've got our murderer. Now we just have to prove who murdered him.

Detective Danny Messer: I cannot believe the evidence is gonna back the pool lady's story, but it was a perfect tread impression on that ceiling.
Detective Stella Bonasera: And the killer splinter came from this cue.
Detective Danny Messer: So we're looking for a combination of Spider-Man and Minnesota Fats.


"CSI: NY: Tanglewood (#1.13)" (2005)
Aiden Burn: [at a massage parlor/"rub a tug" establishment] Come on! Act like you haven't been to a place like this before.
Danny Messer: You kidding me? I got girlfriends for that, why would I pay?
Aiden Burn: Yeah, all right. You're payin' one way or the other, trust me.

Danny Messer: [pacing around the floor while Mac is working with the DNA machine] Steady... steady is uh... good... great!

Danny Messer: [identifying a victim's gang tattoo for Mac] It's a fugazi. It's fake. I mean, this ink might be real, but there's no way this is a Tanglewood Boy. There's no in date. You see right here? The real tattoo would have an in date, which is the day you join, and have an out date, which is the day you leave legitimately. Which, by the way, rarely happens. This kid's definitely a wannabe.


"CSI: NY: Grand Murder at Central Station (#2.2)" (2005)
Danny Messer: [looking at three trees lined up and noticing one is bent over] Guess which tree needs Viagra.

[Det. John Scagnetti walks in carrying a pink purse]
Danny Messer: Ooh, Detective Prada! That's a nice bag, matches your shoes perfectly.
Det. John Scagnetti: You're a funny guy, Messer.

Danny Messer: I don't cuddle.


"CSI: NY: The Dove Commission (#1.18)" (2005)
Danny Messer: How's our gypsy cab driver, doc? You bring him back to life so he can just tell us who killed him?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I haven't attended that seminar yet. But... his fingernails are doing an awful lot of talking.
Aiden Burn: Is that blood?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. This guy put up one hell of a fight.

Danny Messer: I'm gonna go out here on a limb, Mr. Arnold, and say the kind of people you do business with - you know, the "What's in your portfolio?" kind of people - they don't take gypsy cabs, either, but your card ended up in one last night. So where were you last night? Come on! What, you want me to subpoena your credit card statements? I can call your wife if you want me to.
Gavin Arnold: Okay. Okay. I went to, uh, Lifestyles last night after work.
Danny Messer: Lifestyles?
Gavin Arnold: It's a strip club over on West 47th. I slipped my card to, uh, one of the strippers.
Danny Messer: Yeah, I'm sure you were just sharing stock tips with her, right? What's her name?
Gavin Arnold: Savannah. But, you know... I don't think it was her real name.
Danny Messer: [sarcastically] Naww... you think?

Antonio Reyes: [finding Danny outside his apartment building] What, did you come here to insult my family some more?
Danny Messer: No, kid. I came to apologize to you. I'm sorry. Look, kid, you know what, when I was a kid, my father and I got into the wrong gypsy cab. I got beat up, my father got beat up. I was ten years old. Still eats at me to this day.
Antonio Reyes: That's not my father.
Danny Messer: I know that now. And I wanted to tell you that your father was a good man, Tony. He was killed trying to save a woman from being raped, and not many guys would do that and he did, all right? There's a lot of honor in that.


"CSI: NY: Enough (#5.6)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: What's the deal with your funny money?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: The value of the fake dollar just went up.

Detective Danny Messer: [Enters Mac's office] Yo, Boss.
Detective Mac Taylor: Danny, what's up?
Detective Danny Messer: I put in for that vacation next month.
Detective Mac Taylor: That's right, the, uh, trip to Costa Rica.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, Costa Rica. Well it fell through, so you can put me back on the schedule, alright?
Detective Mac Taylor: Alright, I'll do that. Just let me know when you wanna take the time.
Detective Danny Messer: Alright, thanks.
[Leaves the office]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [Enters Mac's office] Mac. Hey. Remember that wedding in Italy I told you about in March?
Detective Mac Taylor: Girlfriend from college?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Very good. Well, they decided to postpone. So.
Detective Mac Taylor: You want back on the schedule?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Yeah.
Detective Mac Taylor: [Suspicious look] No problem.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Thanks.
[Leaves the office]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [Enters Mac's office] Hey Mac.
Detective Mac Taylor: Hold on. Don't tell me. Trip to San Francisco in January?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. Turns out San Francisco is closed in January. Strangest thing.
Detective Mac Taylor: [Smiling] Get out of here. Go home.
[Hawkes leaves and Stella enters]
Detective Mac Taylor: I should've known you'd orchestrate something like this.
Detective Stella Bonasera: It's only temporary. Everybody giving up a week of paid vacation for Adam buys him a little time.
Detective Mac Taylor: Department doesn't just transfer vacation days. How'd you do it?
Detective Stella Bonasera: I've a friend at the Union who has a friend in the City Council who has a friend who has a friend.
Detective Mac Taylor: Well you're a good friend, Stella Bonasera.
Detective Mac Taylor: And don't you forget that.
Detective Mac Taylor: So what about Buenos Aires?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Would of been a good trip.


"CSI: NY: Manhattan Manhunt (#2.7)" (2005)
Detective Danny Messer: [as he, Lindsay, and Hawkes walks into the crime scene] Got your call. Team's all here.
Det. Stella Bonasera: [sighing] Great, thanks.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: We came as soon as we could.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [looking at the brandy glass full of pills on the table] What's with all the pills?
Det. Stella Bonasera: It's a pharm party.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: What's a pharm party?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Pharmaceuticals. Empty your parents medicine cabinet and pop until you drop. Rich kids idea of fun. At first glance I've got Lithium, serdalyne and fluoxatine. Most of these drugs don't even get you high.
Det. Mac Taylor: [walking into the room] Stella and I are going to run with this one. Danny check the service entry area there's an elevator there, secondary exit. Sheldon bag up these bottles get them over to Lindsay she'll be in trace.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Sir, I've worked big crime scenes before. I've got two hands I'm ready to work.
Det. Mac Taylor: This is a high profile case Lindsay. I want you in the lab and I need your full attention. Remember anything we find here can take us to Darius. Be careful, be thorough.

Detective Danny Messer: [knocking on the door as he enters the lab] What have you got Montana?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [annoyed] Danny, stop calling me that. It's Lindsay, Lindsay Monroe.
Detective Danny Messer: Alright, alright. I'm just joking.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Well, it's not funny. Am I supposed to be the new girl and the butt of all your jokes.
Detective Danny Messer: You upset that Mac dismissed you?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: I can handle it.
Detective Danny Messer: It's not about that. He was... he was looking out for you. You saw that place, it was a slaughter house in there.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: You think I haven't seen blood like that before?
Detective Danny Messer: I don't know, to tell you the truth. Have you?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Yes... and alot worse than that.


"CSI: NY: Officer Involved (#8.4)" (2011)
Detective Danny Messer: When you, uh, you know, take a life, no matter how justified, it messes you up.

[Danny has been cleared of an officer-involved shooting, and his rookies' careers are over]
Detective Danny Messer: I can't stop thinking, Mac, how I treated these cops like they were my family, and they didn't think twice about throwing me to the wolves. I've been doing this job way too long. I gotta work with people I can trust.
[dissolve to the lab two weeks later]
Detective Danny Messer: Just finished with Chief Sinclair.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: And?
Detective Danny Messer: That's it. It's done. No more Sergeant Messer. Just a... plain old detective.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Does that mean I don't have to salute you in the morning anymore?
Detective Danny Messer: I still need you to do that.
[Lindsay laughs]
Lindsay Monroe Messer: You feel all right?
Detective Danny Messer: I mean, it wasn't easy giving up the stripes, you know.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: It's the right move, Danny.
[Danny glances at Mac walking by in the hallway]
Detective Danny Messer: This is where I belong.


"CSI: NY: Live or Let Die (#2.18)" (2006)
Detective Danny Messer: [Danny and Mac need to retrieve a piece of evidence from a sewer grate, and Tony, the Midtown Fisherman, has made a device he uses to "fish" things out of grates on the street] Mr. Fisherman, we're in a hurry. Do me a favor, let us borrow your gadget.
Tony the Midtown Fisherman: [glaring] No. Get your own.
[Mac pulls out his badge and shows it to Tony]
Detective Mac Taylor: Please.
Tony the Midtown Fisherman: [to Danny] You see that? A little politeness goes a long way.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: Did you ever receive an anonymous phone call?
Danny Messer: ...Yeah. It's happened.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: [leans forward] Did it turn you on?
Danny Messer: Whoa, slow down, Montana. What'd you have in mind?


"CSI: NY: Crushed (#8.7)" (2011)
Sheldon Hawkes: Okay, so given the hair and the emptied jewelry box, we're thinking the bedroom was the primary crime scene.
Mac Taylor: Which makes the thief our prime suspect.
Danny Messer: This guy goes around to parties that explode on the internet. He cleans out their valuables and he leaves behind these hashtags. The riot at the apartment building in the East Village last year - he was there. Viral party in Murray Hill...
Mac Taylor: Where the invite got hacked and went out to 10,000 kids?
Danny Messer: 1,000 showed up. He got in, stole half the family's art collection. Nobody saw a thing. Cocky son of a bitch thinks he's smarter than we are.
Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, well let's hope he's not. I'm on his blog, Words R Dead. "Hemingway would starve today", "You can't get published anymore because nobody reads."
Mac Taylor: So he's a frustrated writer stealing to pay rent?
Sheldon Hawkes: He left his calling card; maybe he's stealing to get fame.
Mac Taylor: But Libby walked in on him. If he got caught, he could kiss his viral fifteen minutes goodbye.
Sheldon Hawkes: He's been leaving these tags all over Brooklyn and Manhattan. What, somebody has to die before we get the guy?
Mac Taylor: All the precincts probably weren't communicating and didn't connect the dots. On their to-do list, I'm sure. Plus, we have Adam.
Adam Ross: [entering] Found him!
Mac Taylor: See?

Mac Taylor: Libby had three of these necklaces in her jewelry box. She was wearing a fourth, probably placed there by her killer, and now five.
Jo Danville: Mac, what are we missing? Is this some kind of dead pool game?
Danny Messer: It's actually worse than that. We got subpoenas for Libby's blog and Facebook, so I went through the tiers of her friends to see if I could track the original source of the invitation to last night's party. I found one of her private groups. She sent this out to them.
[Danny shows Mac and Jo a website called "Cherry Bomb"]
Jo Danville: What the hell is this?
Danny Messer: This is a game. You single out a virgin in the school and seduce her into believing that she's popular. The girls give her a kind of makeover, they take her to a party, they give her a few drinks, and, uh... a guy, a guy takes her virginity.
Jo Danville: Okay, this is the most disgusting thing I've heard in a long time.
Danny Messer: Yeah. According to the postings, the guys who take the girl's virginity are in Libby's private group, and one of the more active ones is Jake Bennett.
Mac Taylor: Libby's boyfriend?
Jo Danville: Erin Watson. That's the same girl in the photo from the party. I can't believe what I'm looking at, this is so cruel.
Mac Taylor: These symbols, what do they represent?
Danny Messer: A score. After the guys, you know, uh... the girls get graded. Look here. She had "some interesting moves for a novice." That earned her four cherries for performance.
Mac Taylor: One of the most private, intimate moments of a girl's life. Jake not only steals it from her, he debases the experience.
Danny Messer: Not Jake. It's Libby. Jake and the guys give her the information, then she does her thing- gives a girl marks for her, uh, body, the way she smells, the things that she said during the act, and then, uh, she... sends it out to her group of friends.
Jo Danville: Okay, so the necklaces in her jewelry box - those were tokens given to the girls, kind of like a scarlet letter?
Mac Taylor: And whoever has one of those necklaces has a good motive for revenge.


"CSI: NY: The Lying Game (#3.14)" (2007)
Detective Danny Messer: [about a skateboard being being used as a weapon] My mother always told me those things were dangerous.

[as Danny and Flack gather the skateboards]
Skateboard Shop Clerk: Those are collector's items!
Detective Danny Messer: And we're collecting them.


"CSI: NY: Playing with Matches (#4.14)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: [about the murder weapon] Meat thermometer? Who stabs somebody with a meat thermometer?
Dr. Sid Hammerback: Cannibal?

Detective Danny Messer: Why'd you run when I badged you?
Mercury: [as if it's obvious] Street racing is illegal.
[Danny laughs]
Detective Jessica Angell: Thanks for the tip. Turn around.


"CSI: NY: Consequences (#3.8)" (2006)
Adam Ross: Hey guys.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Adam.
Adam Ross: Hey Danny, you remember that rust stuff you found in the alley?
Detective Danny Messer: Rust stuff? Rust stuff? You respect the time it took me to collect that, at least call it "trace."
Adam Ross: Okay. Contained traces of molasses and non-human blood. Bear blood to be exact.
Detective Stella Bonasera: What?
Adam Ross: North American Grizzly Bear. But, but there's more. The blood on this rock is a match to Cyrus Menlo, but it's also a match to the blood found on these leaves.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Both human blood, right?
Adam Ross: Right.
[Holds the two leaves up]
Adam Ross: But you put them together like this and shazam.
Detective Danny Messer: You got one leaf - with a hole in the middle of it.
Adam Ross: A hole probably made from a spike or something with a jagged edge. Right, huh, you see where I'm going here?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Bear blood, molasses, leaves with human blood on them, a spike and a jagged edge, you're talking bear traps.
Adam Ross: Yes, you win the washer and dryer.
Detective Danny Messer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, help me out here. You're telling me Cyrus Menlo was caught in a bear trap?
Adam Ross: Yeah.
Detective Danny Messer: You're crazy.
Adam Ross: It's the only conclusion we can arrive at with this evidence.
Detective Danny Messer: So Tanaka sets the bear trap, leads Cyrus Menlo down the alley, Tanaka goes into the warehouse...
Adam Ross: - Bang bang, Tanaka gets shot. Cyrus walks out, steps in the trap while Tanaka bleeds to death inside the warehouse. Moral of the story, alright: stick with bowling. What up?
[He and Danny fist bump]

Adam Ross: Check this out.
[He puts a slide under the microscope]
Adam Ross: Alright, look, look. It's a piece of the moon. A moon rock. Yeah, this rock is, is from the moon.
Detective Danny Messer: From the moon?
Adam Ross: Outer space.
Detective Danny Messer: Get outta here. Wow. How did a piece of the moon end up in the alley?
Adam Ross: I-I don't know. This stuff is illegal to have and somebody went through a lot of trouble to get it. I mean I've seen this stuff listed on eBay before, you know, and most of it isn't real, but if it is short of going to the moon they would have had to steal from NASA.
Detective Danny Messer: Something happened in that alley and I don't think it had anything to do with what happened in the warehouse.


"CSI: NY: The Ride In (#3.17)" (2007)
[a murder victim is found laying in a pile of money]
Detective Danny Messer: I think we can rule out robbery.

Melodee Constanza: He's dead?
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, he's dead.
Melodee Constanza: You sure about that?
Detective Danny Messer: Very sure.
Melodee Constanza: You just made my whole day. No, my year.
Detective Danny Messer: Oh, well I'm glad to help.


"CSI: NY: Fare Game (#2.15)" (2006)
Det. Lindsay Monroe: [eating bugs] It's just protein.
Det. Mac Taylor: Told you she would do it.
Danny Messer: All right, all right! Here you go!
[hands Mac money]

Tony Collins: [holds up a bowl of live centipedes, a delicacy] Want one?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [really grossed out] Uh, no, I ate already.
Tony Collins: [nods sympathetically] They're not for everyone
Danny Messer: I'm from the upper east side.
[Messer takes one and eats it]
Danny Messer: .
Tony Collins: Tastes like chicken, right?
Danny Messer: No.
[later]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [after Tony Collins walks away] I can't believe you just ate that!
Danny Messer: [shrugs] Tasted like worms in a bottle of tequila.


"CSI: NY: Rain (#1.7)" (2004)
Danny Messer: If Marvin's story is true about what happened and he was shooting at the bad guys- this bullet discharged from his gun and stopped mid-air and then turned left, and hit the pillar.

Det. Mac Taylor: And you're sure this came from Hummel's gun?
Danny Messer: Absolutely. He doesn't deny discharging his weapon.
Det. Mac Taylor: But...?
Danny Messer: If Marvin's story is true about what happened, and he was shooting at the bad guys... this bullet discharged from his gun, and stopped in midair, and then turned left and then hit the pillar.


"CSI: NY: The Untouchable (#7.16)" (2011)
Jo Danville: [at the abandoned building Tessa James was squatting in] Stratford Chocolate. Danny, the candy wrappers in the alley... all like this?
Detective Danny Messer: Some were like that.
Jo Danville: They belonged to Tessa. She brought them there.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah. Which is why they didn't make sense at the scene.
Jo Danville: [turning the wrapper over] Oh. "Comiskey".
Detective Danny Messer: Comiskey?
Jo Danville: Yeah. You know him?
Detective Danny Messer: It's a baseball stadium. Charles Comiskey.
[seeing the others' blank looks]
Detective Danny Messer: Chicago Black Sox, 1919?
Lindsay Monroe Messer: [laughing] You're so obsessed with baseball.
Detective Mac Taylor: Okay, so why pick that name and put it on a wrapper?
Jo Danville: You said Tessa mentioned other names.
Detective Mac Taylor: Yeah. Code names she'd worked out.
Tessa James: [flashback] There was George Weaver and Billy Gleason.
Detective Mac Taylor: Is the white-haired man Weaver or Gleason?
Tessa James: No. I don't know. I don't- I don't know him.
Detective Mac Taylor: [present] But I ran them all, and... they didn't make sense.
Detective Danny Messer: Well, look, she was a bit confused, right?
Jo Danville: What were the other names?
Detective Mac Taylor: There was George Weaver.
Detective Danny Messer: George "Buck" Weaver? Third baseman for the Chicago Black Sox.
Detective Mac Taylor: Okay, so why pick these names - Comiskey, Weaver - for guys she saw at the Vonner Club?
Detective Danny Messer: I mean, the Black Sox threw the World Series in 1919. They were the bad guys.

Jo Danville: Well, what did Comiskey have to do with the team?
Detective Danny Messer: He owned it.
Jo Danville: Oh. Well, who owns Stratford Confection Company?
Detective Danny Messer: I'll tell you right now.
[Danny searches for the info on his tablet]
Detective Danny Messer: The owner of Stratford Confection Company is... Matthew Stratford. Take a look.
[Danny turns the tablet around]
Detective Mac Taylor: The white-haired man.
Tessa James: [flashback] He just kept saying, um, "I didn't mean to. I-I-I just wanted to shut her up. I didn't mean to."
Detective Mac Taylor: [present] She hasn't mentioned George Weaver on this wall.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Wait a minute. Wait.
[going over to wall covered with news clippings]
Lindsay Monroe Messer: All these articles, they all had to do with death or missing persons, except one. Derek Perry. I think we found our Weaver. Derek Perry's a Major League All-Star third baseman. He admitted himself into rehab for cocaine addiction. He was suspended from the team for a year.
Jo Danville: Owner of a company, pro ball player. Sounds like VIPs to me.
Tessa James: [flashback] Um, there was George Weaver and Billy Gleason, and Gleason saw me.
Detective Mac Taylor: [present] Billy Gleason.
Detective Danny Messer: Billy "The Kid" Gleason. He was the manager of the Black Sox.


"CSI: NY: Rush to Judgement (#5.13)" (2009)
Danny Messer: [during an autopsy of a decapitated man] Mr. Potato Head! The live version.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: More like the bloody, dead version!
Dr. Sid Hammerback: I used to play with Mr. Potato Head as a boy. I would time myself, see how long it took to assemble him. Some would say I was... obsessed!
Danny Messer: You? Obsessed? Nooo!

[after Angell tackles a suspect they're chasing]
Danny Messer: [impressed] High school wrestling team?
Detective Jessica Angell: Four older brothers.


"CSI: NY: Obsession (#3.13)" (2007)
Detective Danny Messer: Stop shivering like a girl, Adam. It's not even that cold out here.
Adam Ross: I'm from Phoenix. 85 degrees is considered freezing.

Detective Danny Messer: So our murderer is a one-legged, barefoot woman whose got serious kung fu skills.


"CSI: NY: Child's Play (#4.11)" (2007)
Rikki Sandoval: He's been up since 5:30.
Detective Danny Messer: I got in at 5:30.

Detective Mac Taylor: [seeing Danny at work] Thought I told you to take some time off?
Detective Danny Messer: [remorseful] Oh, yeah, you did. I just don't wanna go home. 'Cause when I go walking down that hallway now I'm... not gonna hear the kid laughing on the other side of the walls, you know. Crying when he doesn't wanna go to bed. I'm just afraid I'm gonna miss him.


"CSI: NY: Bad Beat (#2.8)" (2005)
Danny Messer: Adam when you're done with that I got a pair of slacks that I need ironed.

Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: It's impossible to be that exact on TOD.
Danny Messer: You think so, Einstein?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Danny, I'm a certified pathologist. I *know* so.
Danny Messer: Her coat is damp. I got caught in the rain last night. A twenty minute torrential downpour at 8:45. Only the makeup on the right side of her face is streaked, which means she was lying here dead when the rain began.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Show-off.


"CSI: NY: Risk (#2.13)" (2006)
Det. Lindsay Monroe: [Lindsay is dressed up and Mac is in a tux] I was at the opera.
Danny Messer: I am hanging out with the wrong people.

[On his way home from work, Danny had found a body in the subway. They are now done with the case, and he is leaving to go home once again]
Danny Messer: [on the phone with Mac] I'm gonna go straight home without finding any bodies.


"CSI: NY: Love Run Cold (#3.3)" (2006)
Detective Danny Messer: Colin Flynn?
Colin Flynn: Yeah, that's me.
Detective Danny Messer: NYPD, we got a couple of questions for you, alright?
Colin Flynn: Do I have to answer?
Detective Don Flack: I'm not a lawyer... but yeah, you do.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: [Lindsay is looking up] She was stabbed with an icicle?
Detective Danny Messer: That's cold.
Detective Mac Taylor: Not cold enough. Our evidence is about to turn into a big pool of water.
[the icicle in the victim is melting]


"CSI: NY: Til Death Do We Part (#1.15)" (2005)
Det. Mac Taylor: [Danny makes a joke about marriage] It could happen to you, you know.
Danny Messer: What, marriage?
Det. Mac Taylor: Love.
Danny Messer: Don't even say stuff like that, Mac. That's not funny.

Detective Kaile Maka: [Danny and Mac are processing the crime scene] Gives new meaning to the words "cold feet".
Danny Messer: You know, if I would say something like that, you'd call me insensitive.
Detective Kaile Maka: No, I would have asked you if you wanted to grab a drink later. I'm attracted to a man with a dark sense of humor.
Det. Mac Taylor: You two want to be alone? I'll drag the body outside.
Detective Kaile Maka: Sorry, Mac.
Danny Messer: She started it.


"CSI: NY: The Party's Over (#5.15)" (2009)
Detective Danny Messer: [the "Blue Flu" is taking over the police force] Hey, Stell, you know, I'm not feeling so hot.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Don't tell me, you got the "flu" too.
Detective Danny Messer: I'm sick, Doc, you wanna examine me?

Detective Stella Bonasera: [At Danny's apartment, holding a bag with soup in it] Jewish penicillin.
Detective Danny Messer: [laughs] I'm not sick, Stella.
Detective Stella Bonasera: You like chicken soup, don't'cha?
Detective Danny Messer: [Hesitates] I could never say no to a little chicken noodle.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Then invite me in.
[He lets her in]
Detective Stella Bonasera: You know, I came over here to yell at you.
Detective Danny Messer: Stella, we deserve to get paid. Come on, cops work hard in this city, you know, I mean, the Brass, they're not working for free so why the hell should I? You know I'm right. Come on, pull up a spoon.
Detective Stella Bonasera: I'm old school, Danny. You know, I took an oath and I take it literally. My responsibility is first and foremost to the people of this city and job that I do.
Detective Danny Messer: That's exactly why I'm holding out for a little respect. I mean I come from a family of cops, Stell, I'm not taking this thing lightly.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yeah, I know, I know, I know. Look I guess, I guess, it just took me driving over here to understand it all. People were crazy. They were getting out of their cars, it was chaos, there were no traffic cops.
Detective Danny Messer: So you were coming over here to lay into me, yeah?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yeah I was on my way to lay into you! I was so pissed off, Danny. Hawkes stood in for you at that hearing and they threw the case out. And there was so much work at the lab. Thank God for Lindasy, you know, she's a real trooper.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, yeah, she is. She's been calling me every other hour. Except I got to cough every time I answer the phone in case it's not her.
Detective Stella Bonasera: You did the unpopular thing.
Detective Danny Messer: [Chuckles] Me? That's my M.O., right?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Ah, look, I got to get back to work, but I'm not leaving here without some of that soup, so how about you fix me up one to go please?
Detective Danny Messer: Sure.


"CSI: NY: Hush (#1.16)" (2005)
Det. Vicaro: [to Aiden and Danny who have just arrived at the crime scene] Hey, do you guys want to identify yourselves?
Danny Messer: Excuse me?
Det. Vicaro: I'm not recognizing faces, do you want to identify yourselves?
Danny Messer: Who are you the crime scene troll? You want us to identify ourselves, you see the kits, you know who we are.

Danny Messer: [finding a hair in a BDSM machine] Get that to Jane Parsons in DNA.
Aiden Burn: All right.
Danny Messer: [cracking a riding crop] Now!


"CSI: NY: Oedipus Hex (#3.5)" (2006)
Detective Danny Messer: [Finds a design on the victim's underwear] SG? What the hell does that stand for?
Adam Ross: I know what SG stands for. Yeah, I, uh, used to date one of them and uh, phew, yeah she kind of broke my heart. It was a long time ago.
Detective Danny Messer: Nevermind, nevermind. What's this mean?
Adam Ross: Oh, uh, she's a Suicide Girl.

[their victim's mother has arrived]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: I need you to take this, okay?
Detective Danny Messer: Why?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: I'm no good with mothers, all right? Fathers, I can give bad news to all day long. I can't face mothers. I need you to take it.
Detective Danny Messer: All right. Okay, I got it.


"CSI: NY: Dead Inside (#5.7)" (2008)
Detective Stella Bonasera: You remember yesterday when you asked me if I wanted to break some rules? I do now.
Detective Danny Messer: You want to break some rules?

Detective Lindsay Monroe: [fed up] Come on! You gotta be kidding me!
[putting her head in her hands as Messer and Flack enter]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Whose stupid idea was this?
Detective Danny Messer: Yours!


"CSI: NY: Dead Reckoning (#6.4)" (2009)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [picking Danny up from physical therapy] So what was that?
Detective Danny Messer: What?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Danny, you got to try *way* harder if you're going to get up out of this chair.
Detective Danny Messer: Doc, you know what? I got a policy, buddy. I don't take advice unless I ask for it.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah, well I've got a policy, too. I'm always up front with my friends. And with an injury like yours, you should have been up out of that chair weeks ago. You're not pushing yourself.
Detective Danny Messer: [offended] You kidding me? I'm gonna give you five minutes of the pain that I feel every time I take a step.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Danny, I treated hundreds of trauma patients that would trade places with you in a minute.
Detective Danny Messer: Look... you came here to take me to work, right? Let's go.
[Danny starts to roll his wheelchair forward, but Hawkes stops him]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: There's a fireman that came into Emergency one day. Big, strong guy, huh? Just hit a walk-off home run at the department softball game. Rounded the bases, crossed home plate, his whole team piled on top of him in celebration. Broke his back. I never met anybody with a heart like this guy. It took a lot of sweat and pain and perseverance, but eventually, yeah, he walked again.
Detective Danny Messer: Is that the end of that story?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: He said "Pain is the payment for each precious thing." Try harder, Danny.


"CSI: NY: Jamalot (#2.10)" (2005)
[about their victim]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Apparently, he was some sort of...
Detective Danny Messer: Writer.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah.
Detective Danny Messer: [indicating photographs of the body taken under an ALS light] It was everywhere.


"CSI: NY: Shop Till You Drop (#7.10)" (2010)
Jo Danville: Ready to go shopping?
Detective Danny Messer: For what?
Jo Danville: Our killer.


"CSI: NY: Turbulence (#5.3)" (2008)
Detective Don Flack: [a scantily clad lady walks by and Flack sneezes] Either I'm allergic to half naked women or there's a cat in here.
Detective Danny Messer: [pointing out a different scantily clad lady walking through the club with a leopard on a leash] There's a cat in here.


"CSI: NY: Cuckoo's Nest (#6.8)" (2009)
[Danny walks into the crime lab, free of his cane]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Hey. On your own two feet and looking good, Messer.
Detective Danny Messer: Not bad, huh? First the wheelchair, now no more cane. Done.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yeah. You know, that was one of the scariest moments, and I'll never forget it when you said you couldn't move your legs.
Detective Danny Messer: When I saw the blood on my hands, I mean, I thought that was it.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yeah, well, it wasn't your time.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, let's go with that. So what's up with this thing this morning? I mean, this guy's on a boat full of people. What's he going to do, swim to London?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Well, been better off just to swim directly to Rikers.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah. I mean, I'm not complaining, you know. Slam dunk and a suicide? Easiest stretch we had in a while.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yeah. I can always use the overtime, but having dinner at a normal hour tonight sounds great.
[both Stella and Danny's cell phones ring]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Sid.
Detective Danny Messer: Mac.
Detective Stella Bonasera, Detective Danny Messer: You jinxed it.


"CSI: NY: Right Next Door (#4.16)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: I'm gonna get some coffee, you want some coffee?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: No thanks.
Detective Danny Messer: How long are you gonna stay mad at me Lindsay?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Oh, is that what this is? Me mad at you?
Detective Danny Messer: Is it still about missing your birthday?... Look, I didn't want to go to lunch yesterday. Why go you gotta make a big deal out of it?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Do me a favor Danny, don't reduce me to some shallow clingy girlfriend that's starting to suffocate you, ok! That's not what this is about! Ever since Ruben Sandoval died, I feel like I've lost my best friend. And don't mistake this for jealousy, ok. I know what it's like to lose someone you care about, to see them one day and not see them the next and to know you'll never see them again. I would never expect you not to grieve but clearly you've just decided to do it all on your own.
[stopping]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Ok, I get it.
[getting up to go]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: , My mistake for thinking that you might need somebody to lean on. And you know, for the record, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself because I've fallen in love with you and I have to figure out how to let that go.
[leaving him there]


"CSI: NY: The Ripple Effect (#8.13)" (2012)
Jo Danville: Okay, I hope y'all are taking notes. First of all, I could not stop thinking about these two pieces of violet flavored gum, because I couldn't wrap my head around how they wound up in Jimmy Philbrook's mouth and on Greg Barbera's satchel. So I went back to the schedule from the courier service that Greg worked for, and it turns out that his first pickup of the day was across from a little diner in Chelsea, right around the corner from the Cragston Hotel.
Mac Taylor: Who'd he pick up from?
Jo Danville: Jimmy Philbrook. And guess what the diner has in a little dish next to the cash register?
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Violet gum.
Jo Danville: Bingo. But there was something else that kept bugging me, because Greg Barbera is a bike messenger, right? So why did he run from Scott Perfito? Where on earth was his bike? So I went back and I looked at the NYPD surveillance footage one more time. Look what I spotted about a hundred yards ahead of both of them.
Danny Messer: Guy on a bike.
Jo Danville: Yes, but not just any bike. It matches the exact description supplied to us from the courier service that Greg worked for. And look what's hanging from handlebars.
Don Flack: A chainsaw. Could've been used to cut down the fallen tree outside of Scott Perfito's apartment.
Mac Taylor: Where Greg probably locked up his bike.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Greg's bike was stolen, so he had to run away from Perfito on foot.
Sheldon Hawkes: Which caused him to fall down the stairs.
Jo Danville: And due to Greg's untimely death, he wasn't able to deliver this.
Mac Taylor: Doug Kramer. That's the name of the Building and Safety official who was supposed to accept the bribe from Jimmy Philbrook.
Jo Danville: For fifteen grand.
Don Flack: But since he didn't get it, he ruled to condemn the Cragston Hotel at the B&S meeting.
Jo Danville: Yes. Which we all know, drove our super, Toby Delafont, into a murderous rage.
Danny Messer: He attacked Philbrook in the park, leaving him for dead.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Right, and then Philbrook wandered further into the woods, right into the path of Nicholas Bristow's arrow.
Don Flack: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard, but it actually makes sense.
Mac Taylor: One crime leads to another.
Sheldon Hawkes: And another.
Danny Messer: And another.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: And another.
Jo Danville: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is known as the ripple effect.


"CSI: NY: Sanguine Love (#6.14)" (2010)
Detective Stella Bonasera: How's it going?
Detective Danny Messer: Feeling old.
Detective Stella Bonasera: I'd say it was the cold weather, but you're too young for aches and pains like that.
Detective Danny Messer: Well, Mac asked Adam to develop our vic's roll of film. Kid had no idea what he was talking about. Digital generation.
Detective Stella Bonasera: I hope you hit him.
Detective Danny Messer: Oh, I did.


"CSI: NY: Cool Hunter (#2.16)" (2006)
[Danny is holding Lindsay in his arms for an experiment]
Danny Messer: Look, you promised me drinks for this, but I think I'm gonna need some dinner too.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: I'm not going to give you anything if you don't get going. Make tracks, cowboy.


"CSI: NY: Can You Hear Me Now? (#4.1)" (2007)
Nova Kent: [about the killer] For whatever reason, he let me live. I thought it was over. But two months later I realized it would never be over. He started sending me black calla lilies.
Detective Danny Messer: So, you kept moving to get away.
Nova Kent: But he always found me. I wanted to tell somebody so bad. Thought about it every single day. I was, I was just too scared. I didn't want to die.


"CSI: NY: Battle Scars (#6.5)" (2009)
Al Santiago: Me no speaky... English.
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. You know what? Knock it off, Alice.
Al Santiago: It's Al. It's Al, scumbag.
Detective Danny Messer: Al Scumbag? I thought you said his name was Santiago. Yeah, right here on your rap sheet. It says your name is Alice Adrienne Santiago.
Detective Don Flack: [smirking] With a name like that, you probably had to *mail* your milk money to the school bully.


"CSI: NY: Grounds for Deception (#5.24)" (2009)
Detective Danny Messer: [to Lindsay] How's Lucy?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: She's great.
[pointing across to room across the hall]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Her first visit to the lab is a big hit.
[close up of people playing with and fussing over Lucy]
Detective Danny Messer: What uh, what's Blake doing in there?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Oh, he's so good with babies. She adores him.
Detective Danny Messer: No. She doesn't adore him. The only man in her life is me.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Oh...
Detective Danny Messer: Hey, buddy!
[knocks on glass wall]
Detective Danny Messer: [to Blake] Don't you have some DNA to look at?
[Lindsay chuckles in the background]
Adam Ross: [Danny starts heading across the hall] Watch out, Blake, here comes daddy!


"CSI: NY: Comes Around (#3.23)" (2007)
Danny Messer: It's nice, ain't it though? Bein' cooperative?
John McEnroe: [shrugs] It ain't bad.


"CSI: NY: Heart of Glass (#3.16)" (2007)
Det. Jessica Angell: Did it sound like it came from the apartment across the hall?
Elliott Bevins: I assumed it didn't.
Detective Danny Messer: Why would you assume that?
Elliott Bevins: Because I know my neighbor is out of town. He's in Boston.
Detective Danny Messer: So you know D.J. Melvoy?
Elliott Bevins: No.
Det. Jessica Angell: But you just said he was in Boston.
Elliott Bevins: No, I said my neighbor is in Boston.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, D.J. Melvoy.
Elliott Bevins: No.
Detective Danny Messer: Whoa, whoa, who's on first here, huh? What's the name of the guy that lives across from you?
Elliott Bevins: Justin McKinney.


"CSI: NY: Identity Crisis (#7.18)" (2011)
Detective Danny Messer: [Adam is screwing around with aging software on a picture of Lindsay] Hey, come on. That's not right. Don't do that. Stop.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: What?
Detective Danny Messer: He's just messing with the age-progression software.
[Lindsay walks around the table to look]
Detective Danny Messer: I wouldn't look.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: [seeing a rendering of her as an old woman] Is that me?
[Adam and Danny both burst into laughter]
Lindsay Monroe Messer: [shoving Danny] That's not funny!
Detective Danny Messer: I didn't do it!
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Yeah, but you're laughing.


"CSI: NY: All Access (#2.21)" (2006)
Danny Messer: [talking to a suspect] Hair from the kinkapoodle... what is it?


"CSI: NY: Cavallino Rampante (#8.3)" (2011)
Officer Lauren Cooper: Here's the evidence voucher and the joint I confiscated. I need your signature, and we're good to go.
Danny Messer: Two hours later, huh?
Officer Lauren Cooper: Do something wrong, Sarge?
Danny Messer: I don't know, you tell me.
Officer Lauren Cooper: No, 'cause I'm pretty sure that issuing a summons to some guy smoking dope in the park is exactly what a cop is supposed to do.
Danny Messer: You want to tell that to the units that are forced to cover our sector while we're single-handedly taking down drug cartels, half a roach at a time?
Officer Lauren Cooper: So, what, next time I just pretend like I didn't see it?
Danny Messer: No, next time you stop and you think. And you use your training and discretion to determine what's the best use of your time and that of your supervising officer. This uniform you're wearing makes you accountable for your actions. And mine makes me responsible for fifteen officers, and when they mess the bed, that's my problem. Because of your decision, we're sitting here paper-jockeying vouchers instead of being out there on our shift where the real criminals are. That means overtime, and that I might not see my kid and my wife tonight.
Officer Lauren Cooper: I didn't consider all that.
Danny Messer: Next time you will.
[Danny signs the paperwork]
Danny Messer: Run this over to the property clerk. I'll see you outside.
Officer Lauren Cooper: Right.
[Cooper leaves; Danny notices Mac nearby and laughs to himself]
Danny Messer: Go ahead, Mac, say it. Tell me I handled that wrong and I got a lot to learn before I become a good boss.
Detective Mac Taylor: I think you handled that like a seasoned pro, Danny. I think you're already a good boss.


"CSI: NY: Vacation Getaway (#6.23)" (2010)
Det. Danny Messer: [Lindsay explains how she could, theoretically, get away with killing him] I'm genuinely frightened. I don't wanna go on this vacation.


"CSI: NY: Blink (#1.1)" (2004)
Danny Messer: You hear about that body?
Det. Stella Bonasera: The one by the River Cafe? Yeah, I caught it on the police portable when I was in the shower.
Danny Messer: Why doesn't that surprise me?
Det. Stella Bonasera: The job never stops, Danny.


"CSI: NY: Happily Never After (#4.12)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: Toy stores and schools are the last places I want to be looking for a killer right now.


"CSI: NY: Admissions (#4.18)" (2008)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [upon see in the indoor plants] Are you serious? This is peyote!
Detective Danny Messer: Marijuana seeds, shrooms.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Looks like someone was growing their own magic garden.
Detective Danny Messer: Right under the faculty's nose, man.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Sometimes too much education may be a dangerous thing.


"CSI: NY: Summer in the City (#2.1)" (2005)
Detective Danny Messer: It's hot a little bit, eh?
Detective Stella Bonasera: What the hell are you wearing that jacket for?
Detective Danny Messer: Ah, my mother still dresses me.


"CSI: NY: Hung Out to Dry (#3.4)" (2006)
John Hayes: [to Mac and Danny] Alright, so you two are the smart cops.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, somewhere along the way we learned to read.


"CSI: NY: Time's Up (#4.4)" (2007)
[about a girl who was killed by fatal orgasm while eating a pickle]
Detective Danny Messer: Must've been a hell of a pickle.


"CSI: NY: Crime and Misdemeanor (#1.19)" (2005)
Danny Messer: [seeing Aiden dressed to go out] Whoa, check you out. You're lucky you and I work together, you know that?
Aiden Burn: Keep dreaming, Messer. I mean, you're cute, but I'm way out of your league.


"CSI: NY: Super Men (#2.19)" (2006)
[At a crime scene, Lindsay has just told Danny the stats of the football player who is the victim in their case]
Danny Messer: Don't tell me you know a little something about football, please.
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Why, is that so hard to believe?
Danny Messer: No, it's just dangerous.
[Lindsay looks at him]
Danny Messer: I might ask you to marry me.


"CSI: NY: Second Chances (#6.11)" (2009)
Detective Stella Bonasera: Steering column's intact. Wasn't hotwired. Definitely started the old-fashioned way, with a key. Hey, Danny, I'm waiting for your "boom."
Detective Danny Messer: Ah, no more booms. Lindsay made me promise. She's afraid it's going to be Lucy's first word.


"CSI: NY: All in the Family (#4.13)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: You know what? You should mind your own business.
Detective Don Flack: You're my friend Danny That makes it my business.


"CSI: NY: Past Imperfect (#3.21)" (2007)
Yuri Sokov: I'm an American citizen.
Detective Danny Messer: With a rap sheet as long as the Constitution.


"CSI: NY: Necrophilia Americana (#2.17)" (2006)
Detective Danny Messer: So this guy walks over to a place he's never been and dies of no apparent cause?
Detective Don Flack: At this point, yeah.


"CSI: NY: Clean Sweep (#8.10)" (2012)
Don Flack: [after tackling a murder suspect] Why do they always run?
Danny Messer: I dunno. Must be brain damage.


"CSI: NY: Near Death (#8.18)" (2012)
Don Flack: [chasing Mac's shooter] Teena's in there with no way out.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, she's got two ways to get out of there. Either dead or in handcuffs.


"CSI: Miami: MIA/NYC Nonstop (#2.23)" (2004)
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: [observing Mac process a crime scene] That's interesting. We scrape before we transport.
Detective Mac Taylor: We always vouchsafe at the scene. Different process, same principle.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Yeah, it's interesting. And you fume at the scene, too.
Detective Danny Messer: [entering the room] Did I hear somebody say "fume"? 'Cause them I'm your man.
Detective Mac Taylor: Danny, I had you at that bodega in Queens.
Detective Danny Messer: I know, I know. I heard a cop went down; I figured you could use a guy like me.


"CSI: NY: Dancing with the Fishes (#2.5)" (2005)
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: You know I've never been fishing, never even thought about trying. Seems kind of boring.
Detective Danny Messer: Until you hook something. I went fishing with my old man once on a pier near Battery Park. I caught the sweetest striped bass, must have weighed close to thirty pounds.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Did you eat it?
Detective Danny Messer: Threw it back! Would you eat anything that came out of the Hudson?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Good point.


"CSI: NY: YoungBlood (#2.6)" (2005)
[wondering why their suspect entered an apartment building with a steering wheel lock, but left without it]
Detective Danny Messer: Well, a knife is just a knife until you stab somebody with it.


"CSI: NY: Heroes (#2.23)" (2006)
Danny Messer: [angry] Mac, is this him, the scumbag that killed Aiden?
Det. Mac Taylor: Danny, get out of here.
Danny Messer: Just let me talk to him. Aww. I will get him to crack, I promise you that.
Det. Mac Taylor: How? By tuning him up? Stella's got the case, she knows what to do!
Danny Messer: This is Aiden! She's one of our own, Mac!
Det. Mac Taylor: That's why we can't make any mistakes. We do this one by the book, understand?
Danny Messer: [cooling down] Alright, I just wanted to help.
Det. Mac Taylor: I know, me too


"CSI: NY: Stealing Home (#2.22)" (2006)
Danny Messer: Montana!
[Lindsay looks at him]
Danny Messer: See a view like this, eh?
[refers to the bay and the city]
Danny Messer: Beats the wheat fields, no?
[Lindsay walks over to stand next to him and look at the view]
Det. Lindsay Monroe: Have you ever even seen a wheat field?
[goes back to the body they are processing]
Danny Messer: What's to see? It's just wheat.


"CSI: NY: Do or Die (#7.17)" (2011)
Detective Danny Messer: [processing their crime scene] You got a hall pass, young lady?
[Jo casually flashes her badge]
Detective Danny Messer: All right, that'll do.


"CSI: NY: Damned If You Do (#7.3)" (2010)
Detective Danny Messer: [at a bloody murder scene] Remember what I said about having a son?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Yeah.
Detective Danny Messer: Never mind. I'm good.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Start from the outside in?
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah. We got to eliminate any prints left by the first officers and the EMTs.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: And Mac. And be honest - if that was you who responded to the scene, would you have known to try and get an ID by asking her to move her finger up and down?
Detective Danny Messer: Probably not. I guess that's why he's the boss, huh?


"CSI: NY: Life Sentence (#7.21)" (2011)
Detective Danny Messer: I know it's routine for I.A. to investigate an officer-involved shooting, but it seems like this woman's got a bug up her ass.


"CSI: NY: To What End? (#7.11)" (2011)
Detective Danny Messer: Do you, uh, wear sneakers inside clown shoes?
Detective Mac Taylor: Are you seriously asking me that question?
Detective Danny Messer: What, no good? What the hell do I know about clowns?
Detective Mac Taylor: Look, I'm a bright man, Danny, but I'm afraid I can't help you with that one.
Jo Danville: [approaching] Hey.
Detective Danny Messer: Jo, do you wear sneakers inside clown shoes?
Jo Danville: I don't know. I don't own any.
Detective Danny Messer: Clown shoes?
Jo Danville: Sneakers.
Detective Mac Taylor: Danny, get out of here. Get me some answers.