Don Flack
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Quotes for
Don Flack (Character)
from "CSI: NY" (2004)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"CSI: NY: Bad Beat (#2.8)" (2005)
Detective Don Flack: You play poker?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Occasionally. Why? You got a problem with that?
Detective Don Flack: Yeah. You're physically incapable of keeping a straight face.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Really?
Detective Don Flack: Now, Mac. There's a man with a poker face. Who knows what he's thinking?

Detective Don Flack: [knocks on a man's door. A man opens it, standing in his underwear, drunk. Flack looks disgusted] Nevermind, carry on.
[Flack closes the door]

Detective Don Flack: [knocks on woman's door, a woman wearing pajamas and a sleep mask opens her door] Good evening.
Tired woman: Are you serious? Do you know what time it is?
Detective Don Flack: I'm sorry to disturb you ma'am, but I was wondering if...
Tired woman: [interrupts Detective Flack] I asked you question.
Detective Don Flack: Do I know what time it is?
[tired woman nods]
Detective Don Flack: Yes ma'am I do.
[looks at his watch]
Detective Don Flack: It's 3am.
Tired woman: You people are cray. I ought to sue for harassment!
[slams door in Flack's face]
Detective Don Flack: You have a good night now

Kelly Lindgren: This is Joel?
Detective Don Flack: What, you don't recognize him with half his face blown off?

[trying to get information, Flack snaps a cigar]
Robert Dulcet: You know how much that cost?
Detective Don Flack: Now? Nothing.
[Flack snaps another one]
Detective Don Flack: Hey, Stell.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yeah?
Detective Don Flack: That smell Cuban to you?
[Stella sniffs the tobacco]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Can't tell. Better break another one.

Hotel Guest: No I didn't hear anything unusual. What happened?
Detective Don Flack: Guy was shot down the hall.
Hotel Guest: Oh, yeah, I heard that.
Detective Don Flack: Did you call 911?
Hotel Guest: No. Why?


"CSI: NY: Tri-Borough (#1.11)" (2005)
Det. Don Flack: [after Aidan explained in "Tri-Borough" that waste that was frozen, fell from a plane flying overhead killed their victim] So let me get this straight, a crapsicle killed this guy?
[Flack has a disbelieving look on his face, while Aidan smiles at him]

[Aiden is going over a list of chemicals relating to the case]
Aiden Burn: ...Benzosothyazolonal.
Det. Don Flack: Whoa, Benzosothyazolonal?
Aiden Burn: You know what that is?
[pause]
Det. Don Flack: No.

Aiden Burn: Anybody see anything?
Det. Don Flack: When does anybody ever see anything?

Det. Don Flack: Deodorizers? That guy smelled like ass.

Aiden Burn: [searching a port-a-potty for evidence] Oh, God, this is bad! What do you guys do in here?
Det. Don Flack: I don't go in public.


"CSI: NY: Crime and Misdemeanor (#1.19)" (2005)
Det. Mac Taylor: So she came in with the sheets? Where'd they come from?
Det. Don Flack: Hotels. Don't worry there's only about seventy thousand hotels in this town.

["Roofies" is a date-rape drug that causes a person to pass out]
Det. Don Flack: What do you need roofies for, anyway?
Tony Garcia: I have a sleep disorder.
Det. Don Flack: You provide security. It's your job to stay awake.

[the suspect, Robert Costa, is a trade representative from Tescara, a small island in the Atlantic]
Robert Costa: I'm as American as you are. Andover, Columbia undergrad, and a master's from Yale.
Det. Don Flack: Yeah? Guess what? Where I come from, still makes you a foreigner.

[to Robert Costa, found "Not Guilty" of a previous murder and now a suspect in their current case]
Det. Don Flack: Is this a great country or what? I mean, back in '94, you're hangin' with your boys at a dorm, and now look at you. Ten years and two murders later, you're working with the U.N.


"CSI: NY: Officer Blue (#1.9)" (2004)
Det. Don Flack: This city is full of nuts.
Det. Mac Taylor: That's why we're scientists.

[about the shooting of a police officer in Central Park]
Det. Don Flack: I heard the shot all the way from Sixth Avenue. It shook the windows in my squad car.

Det. Mac Taylor: Detective Flack, start getting statements.
Det. Don Flack: Yes, sir.
Det. Mac Taylor: Emergency Services, canvas the entire area. Conduct roof searches along the perimeter of the park. Restrict all flyovers. Get aviation to assist. No one sleeps in New York City until this shooter is caught.

Det. Don Flack: They're arranging for a funeral for Officer Velasquez. It's a shame. How you guys doing? Anything yet?
Det. Mac Taylor: We're running Touch Print right now. You get anything from the park?
Det. Don Flack: We sent the world out and got next to nothing. I spoke to a lot of eyewitnesses, I got everything under the sun. He was shot from a tree, he fell off his horse and shot himself. One lady said aliens came down.


"CSI: NY: Grand Master (#1.4)" (2004)
Jayden Prince: ...But somebody killed my twin, Dawg.
Det. Don Flack: [pointing to himself] Detective.

Det. Don Flack: Typical club death. 200 people inside, none of them saw anything.

Det. Don Flack: Last time I checked, the murder weapon we confiscated didn't have cute little legs, walking around from toolbox to toolbox.

Det. Don Flack: George Thomas. Assault in the first degree. Aggravated assault in the second degree. Criminal possession of a weapon. I can go on, but I already read "War and Peace".


"CSI: NY: Shop Till You Drop (#7.10)" (2010)
Detective Don Flack: Took a look at your résumé, Howie. You did three bids for theft. Is that right?
Detective Mac Taylor: Getting caught that much makes me think you're in the wrong line of work.
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, maybe pickpocketing isn't your forte.

Detective Don Flack: [about Alena] According to her background, she's a regular girl scout. Model employee, pays her bills on time, never jaywalks.
Jo Danville: I'm sensing a "but..." here.
Detective Don Flack: Well, she may not have seemed to be in too much of a hurry to skip town when you found her in that park, but two weeks ago, she emptied her bank account, cashed out her 401k, and bought a one-way ticket to Aruba. Departure date - tomorrow. In my book, that's no vacation.
Jo Danville: It's an escape plan. So if she did kill Grossman, it was probably premeditated.

Detective Don Flack: It may not have been premeditated, but she still killed the guy.
Detective Mac Taylor: Tell that to the new district attorney.
Detective Don Flack: Who, Krasnoff? You got to be kidding me.
Detective Mac Taylor: Given the science supporting self-defense and the lack of any premeditation, he's unwilling to press charges.
Detective Don Flack: Did you explain to him that he's a dumbass?


"CSI: NY: People with Money (#3.1)" (2006)
[Don is flirting with some technicians]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Impressing your fans with your battle wounds?
Detective Don Flack: They were concerned about my recovery. I was just putting them at ease.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: So, Flack, how many numbers did you get?
Detective Don Flack: I don't like where you're going with this, Monroe.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: How many?
Detective Don Flack: Three.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Everybody loves a hero.

Detective Lindsay Monroe: So Flack, how many numbers did you get?
Det. Don Flack: I don't think I like where you're goin' with this, Monroe.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Really that many?
Det. Don Flack: Three.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Everybody loves a hero.


"CSI: NY: The Ripple Effect (#8.13)" (2012)
Scott Perfito: I should be in a hospital, resting.
Mac Taylor: They already gave you a clean bill of health and released you into our custody, Mr. Perfito.
Scott Perfito: Well, my arm still hurts, and head hurts, too.
Don Flack: How about your pride? That must be smarting a bit.
Scott Perfito: What is that supposed to mean?
Don Flack: It means we found almost a half a kilo of cocaine in your apartment.
Scott Perfito: Believe me, that's not how it looks.
Mac Taylor: Oh, we do believe you, because it's not all coke. In fact, the last batch you pulled from this delivery envelope was a combo of baby formula, caffeine, and lidocaine. We found traces of the same in Greg Barbera's delivery bag.
Don Flack: Now why do you think that is?
Scott Perfito: I look like a scientist?
Mac Taylor: No. But I am.

Don Flack: When I told my guys to be on the lookout for bright orange zip ties, you can imagine some of the witty responses I got.

Jo Danville: Okay, I hope y'all are taking notes. First of all, I could not stop thinking about these two pieces of violet flavored gum, because I couldn't wrap my head around how they wound up in Jimmy Philbrook's mouth and on Greg Barbera's satchel. So I went back to the schedule from the courier service that Greg worked for, and it turns out that his first pickup of the day was across from a little diner in Chelsea, right around the corner from the Cragston Hotel.
Mac Taylor: Who'd he pick up from?
Jo Danville: Jimmy Philbrook. And guess what the diner has in a little dish next to the cash register?
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Violet gum.
Jo Danville: Bingo. But there was something else that kept bugging me, because Greg Barbera is a bike messenger, right? So why did he run from Scott Perfito? Where on earth was his bike? So I went back and I looked at the NYPD surveillance footage one more time. Look what I spotted about a hundred yards ahead of both of them.
Danny Messer: Guy on a bike.
Jo Danville: Yes, but not just any bike. It matches the exact description supplied to us from the courier service that Greg worked for. And look what's hanging from handlebars.
Don Flack: A chainsaw. Could've been used to cut down the fallen tree outside of Scott Perfito's apartment.
Mac Taylor: Where Greg probably locked up his bike.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Greg's bike was stolen, so he had to run away from Perfito on foot.
Sheldon Hawkes: Which caused him to fall down the stairs.
Jo Danville: And due to Greg's untimely death, he wasn't able to deliver this.
Mac Taylor: Doug Kramer. That's the name of the Building and Safety official who was supposed to accept the bribe from Jimmy Philbrook.
Jo Danville: For fifteen grand.
Don Flack: But since he didn't get it, he ruled to condemn the Cragston Hotel at the B&S meeting.
Jo Danville: Yes. Which we all know, drove our super, Toby Delafont, into a murderous rage.
Danny Messer: He attacked Philbrook in the park, leaving him for dead.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: Right, and then Philbrook wandered further into the woods, right into the path of Nicholas Bristow's arrow.
Don Flack: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard, but it actually makes sense.
Mac Taylor: One crime leads to another.
Sheldon Hawkes: And another.
Danny Messer: And another.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: And another.
Jo Danville: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is known as the ripple effect.


"CSI: NY: Can You Hear Me Now? (#4.1)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: [to Mac] Welcome back to the land of the free and the home of the depraved. You didn't actually think we'd let you get settled, did you?

Detective Don Flack: There's no witnesses and no surveillance. Doesn't make sense, right? Because after 9/11 we all know that a $36 million security system was installed on this island. Here's the kicker. Once every three months they shut down for system upgrades and reboots. It takes 45 minutes.
Detective Mac Taylor: A small window of opportunity? No one's that lucky.

Detective Stella Bonasera: [Detectives Taylor, Bonasera, and Flack are called over to look at a view finder at a crime scene] There's blood on the coin slot.
Detective Don Flack: Yeah I always like to do a little sight seeing after I commit murder.


"CSI: NY: Rain (#1.7)" (2004)
Detective Don Flack: Gotta wear a mask to a bank robbery. It's a rule.

Detective Don Flack: You know me. Everybody's a suspect 'till you prove otherwise.

Luther Willett: [to Detective Aiden Burn] Wow. Cops around here just get prettier every day.
Detective Don Flack: Watch it.
Luther Willett: Oh, hey, don't get upset. I just got out of prison. You both look good to me.


"CSI: NY: What You See Is What You See (#1.23)" (2005)
[Mac was a witness to a shooting in the diner where he goes every morning, and Don is taking his statement]
Detective Don Flack: Well, I'm never going to get a better eyewitness account than this. What did you see?

Det. Mac Taylor: This wasn't just a nickel-and-dime robbery. There's more to it.
Detective Don Flack: How do you mean?
Det. Mac Taylor: Two guys with no apparent connection, both carrying, end up in a shootout in a coffee shop? Something was going on in there.

Detective Don Flack: So what you need is extensive road testing. Say, I take each one up the Taconic and back?
Aiden Burn: No. I need tire impressions from a 180 spinout. In order to match the bikes, you need to match the tires.
Detective Don Flack: What about just the Harley? Maybe I take that for the weekend?
Aiden Burn: It's all about the tires, Flack. Not the bikes.
Detective Don Flack: Speak for yourself.


"CSI: NY: Hung Out to Dry (#3.4)" (2006)
Det. Don Flack: They came up here to do the nasty. Instead, they found the nasty.

[the team arrives to investigate a murder at a college fraternity party]
Detective Stella Bonasera: Witnesses? Sober ones anyway?
Det. Don Flack: Nah. I waited for you to get here before I started my interviews, looking forward to that by the way. I swear to you, if one of them calls me "bro"...

[Don is questioning a fraternity member with alcohol bottles taped to his hands]
Frat Guy: It's called "Edward-40-Hands", you know, like "Edward Scissor Hands", but with 40s.
Det. Don Flack: Get out of here.
Frat Guy: No serious, that's what they call it.
Det. Don Flack: No, I mean get out of my face, I never want to see you again, go!
Frat Guy: Whatever, bro.


"CSI: NY: Clean Sweep (#8.10)" (2012)
Don Flack: [Mac arrives at the crime scene] Hope you skipped breakfast.
Mac Taylor: That bad?
Don Flack: Worse.

Don Flack: Turns out Richards was a rising star on the cage fighting circuit.
Mac Taylor: I've seen a few matches. That's a brutal sport.
Don Flack: It's an excuse for two grown men to legally beat the bloody pulp out of each other.
Mac Taylor: So you're not a fan?
Don Flack: I didn't say that.

Don Flack: [after tackling a murder suspect] Why do they always run?
Danny Messer: I dunno. Must be brain damage.


"CSI: NY: Sleight Out of Hand (#3.18)" (2007)
[after Rupert has said that he loved the victim]
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, and nothing says "I love you back" like an order of protection.

Detective Don Flack: Do you think Houdini knew the impact he would have on the mafia lingo?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: I'm sorry?
Detective Don Flack: It's like, when they whack somebody they say, "we made him do a Houdini". Do you think that would make him proud?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Are we actually having this conversation?
Detective Don Flack: Oh, I'm sorry, can you explain the difference between DNA and RNA? Is that better? 'Cause that's a scintillating conversation right there.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: It would be if you knew the interest...
[They are interrupted by Rupert]

Rupert Flannigan: [waving hand over what appears to be a dead fly] Welcome to Magic Paradise gentlemen, where anything is possible, if you believe in magic.
[Fly flips upright and flies away]
Detective Don Flack: [to Mac] Fake fly.
Detective Mac Taylor: [rubs fingers across the counter top] Sodium chloride, introducing a fine, nearly invisible pinch of salt onto the waterlogged fly reestablishes the salt to water equilibrium necessary for the fly to conduct its cellular metabolism.
Detective Don Flack: I like the fake fly theory better


"CSI: NY: Obsession (#3.13)" (2007)
Mac Taylor: [At the crime scene with the victim lying in a pool of blood] Who found him?
Detective Don Flack: Couple of kids came in to the three-five, said that a friend's football may have accidentally killed a man.
[Stella and Mac both give Flack a look]
Detective Don Flack: I locked 'em up for fun.

Stella Bonasera: You have any proof that you were in Atlantic City yesterday?
Artemis Hunt: Yeah. A girl named Precious,she's listed, she'll tell you. Uh, we were gambling. Lost all my money, but I did get a free voucher for the buffet.
[Smirks at Stella]
Artemis Hunt: It was the only table I won at actually.
Detective Don Flack: [Flack grabs Artemis by the arm] Let's go, c'mon.
Artemis Hunt: What's this all about?
Detective Don Flack: Parole violation. And I don't like you.

Mac Taylor: [looks into horse stall and sees the same trace that was found at the crime scene] When you said "nice life if you can get it," how far would you really go to get it, Hector?
Hector: Hold on, you think I know where she is?
Mac Taylor: There was evidence of wood shavings and traces of Harley's medicine in the trunk of a car.
Detective Don Flack: And we're fairly certain the horse didn't do it.


"CSI: NY: Hammer Down (#6.7)" (2009)
Detective Don Flack: [at their crime scene] The driver of the car's name was... Dean Rovin. He was thirty-five years old. According to the first on scene, he was killed on impact. M.E.s just hauled the body out of here.
Detective Mac Taylor: [noticing alcohol bottles scattered on the passenger side] Looks like he had a few for the road.
Detective Don Flack: This was actually Dean's third and last DUI.
Detective Stella Bonasera: So, this is a traffic accident. And we're here because...?
Detective Don Flack: Think I'd call you all the way out here for a 10-99? Got my Mac on this morning.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Oh, is that anything like Spidey senses?
Detective Don Flack: It's way more powerful.
[Stella laughs]
Detective Don Flack: Take a look at those skid marks.
[Mac climbs onto a patrol car to get a better look]
Detective Mac Taylor: Looks like the driver of this rig lost control and jumped the median.
Detective Don Flack: And immediately fled the scene.
Detective Stella Bonasera: I can see doing that if you were driving under the influence.
Detective Don Flack: Sure. Or if you recently committed murder.
[Flack leads Mac and Stella to an oil drum and shows them the body inside]
Detective Don Flack: Were it not for that accident, we may never have found her.

Dr. Harvey Fuller: I make a phone call.
Detective Don Flack: Every time to the same number?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: Yes. Again, same number every time. I tell them what I need. I don't know how or who does it. A cooler is left for me at the clinic.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [showing Fuller a picture of Casey Steele] Is this the man that delivers the coolers?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: I told you, I don't see faces. They're just voices on a phone.
Detective Don Flack: You must pay them.
Dr. Harvey Fuller: Cash. In an envelope. Different post office box every time.
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, okay, so what's going rate for a liver, Dr. Fuller?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: Depends.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Depends on whether your patients are desperate or not? The closer they are to death, the more they'll pay. Or is it the more you'll charge?
Dr. Harvey Fuller: I don't set the price.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No, only for yourself, right? So tell me, doctor, how much do you get paid for turning a blind eye to the Hippocratic Oath?
[Fuller turns to look at Flack]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No, look at me. I said look at me! The liver you transplanted today belonged to a healthy young woman who died to fill your pockets. Her name: Debbie Menzel.
[slapping pictures onto the table]
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: And there are dozens more just like her. Their organs are being harvested in motel bathrooms and makeshift operating rooms. Young girls who are butchered and dumped on the side of the road. And you agreed to the oath, doctor, the covenant. "I will keep them from harm and injustice." Do you remember saying those words, huh? You stupid, greedy son of a bitch.

Detective Mac Taylor: Everyone knows the tac plan. Target is armed and dangerous. I want ESU all over the playing field on this. Tight perimeter. We got air support on the way, but there are too many moving parts. So we got to move now.
Dr. Raymond Langston: Remember, we have an innocent in the mix. One female, Madeline Briggs.
Detective Don Flack: If this goes bad, she's a hostage. If it goes worse, she's collateral.


"CSI: NY: Supply & Demand (#1.20)" (2005)
Detective Don Flack: There's nothing more depressing than looking at a rich kid's moneyline.

Detective Mac Taylor: What did the witness see?
Detective Don Flack: Nothing. She heard a ruckus through her wall, then the shot, discovered him here.
Detective Mac Taylor: She ran TOWARD the sound of a gunshot? Must not be a New Yorker.
Detective Don Flack: She's from South Carolina. The whole building's full of students.


"CSI: NY: Turbulence (#5.3)" (2008)
Detective Don Flack: [Sneezes] Either I'm allergic to half-naked women, or there's a cat in here.

Detective Don Flack: [a scantily clad lady walks by and Flack sneezes] Either I'm allergic to half naked women or there's a cat in here.
Detective Danny Messer: [pointing out a different scantily clad lady walking through the club with a leopard on a leash] There's a cat in here.


"CSI: NY: Officer Involved (#8.4)" (2011)
Don Flack: Meet Thomas Hurtz. Star and proprietor of Get the Geek. This guy insults you, you pay him five bucks, get a chance to shoot him with a paintball gun.
Jo Danville: Well, clearly, the shooter didn't understand the rules of the game. He shot him with a real gun. Could we at least get a description?
Don Flack: Sketch artist is sitting with the witnesses right now.
Jo Danville: "Get the Geek", huh?
Don Flack: [smirking] I bet he told his mother he was in show business.

Ray James: On my way to the subway this morning, out of nowhere, someone shoots me. Must have been a stray.
Mac Taylor: Didn't call 911?
Ray James: Oh, I only live a couple blocks away.
Don Flack: So, what, you hopped here?
Mac Taylor: ER doc said you lost twenty percent of your blood volume when you were admitted. Wound like yours, slow bleeder. Probably took hours to lose that kind of blood.
Ray James: They can't tell you that. That's my private medical records.
Don Flack: This is not a kidney stone we're talking about. All gunshot wounds get reported to the police.


"CSI: NY: Live or Let Die (#2.18)" (2006)
Detective Mac Taylor: Now you had something Mr. Beaumont. Something that some of us who recently lost a loved one never had. Time. Time to make the most of what was left. That's what's precious.
Angie Watson: You have very beautiful eyes, y'know that?
Detective Don Flack: Thank you, now why don't tell me about the night you got collared.
Angie Watson: You got a girlfriend?
Detective Don Flack: Who did you give your gun to, Angie?
Angie Watson: I've been here before. Some cop or D.A. gets me to tell 'em what they need to know, makes a lot of promises, and how they're gonna get me out, a week later I'm still here in the same kind of trouble I was in before I said anything.
Detective Don Flack: We'll work something out. Would these eyes lie?

Detective Don Flack: Did you, uh, happen to find anything else?
Detective Mac Taylor: You want to give me a hint exactly what you're looking for, Flack?
Detective Don Flack: [sounding hopeful] An Igloo cooler with a human liver inside?


"CSI: NY: Battle Scars (#6.5)" (2009)
Detective Mac Taylor: You ever seen this guy before?
Dot com: It's Jesse Lewis. He thinks he's got skills for battling.
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, we heard you two exchanged skills last night. You came in second place.
Dot com: Yeah, well, the judges must have been high or something. Why you asking me about Jesse? He do something wrong?
Detective Don Flack: Yeah. He stepped in front of a gun while someone else was pulling the trigger.

Al Santiago: Me no speaky... English.
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. You know what? Knock it off, Alice.
Al Santiago: It's Al. It's Al, scumbag.
Detective Danny Messer: Al Scumbag? I thought you said his name was Santiago. Yeah, right here on your rap sheet. It says your name is Alice Adrienne Santiago.
Detective Don Flack: [smirking] With a name like that, you probably had to *mail* your milk money to the school bully.


"CSI: NY: City of the Dolls (#2.9)" (2005)
Det. Don Flack: This city's full of nuts
Det. Mac Taylor: And that's why we're scientists.

Harry Ellis: So it'll probably be around a whole week or so before they can list the apartment on the market?
Det. Don Flack: Yeah we usually don't let the realtor show a place until we get the stink of death out of the carpeting.
[Don leaves to go back to the victim's apartment]
Harry Ellis: Well, just thought I'd ask. And the attitude is unnecessary!
[Flack turns around and gives Harry a dirty look]


"CSI: NY: The Triangle (#5.10)" (2008)
Detective Don Flack: Bernie Benton. Still hustlin' darts.
Bernie Benton: Don Flack. Still hasselin' law abidding ex-cons. Was that the same suit you were wearing the day you locked me up?
Detective Don Flack: Beats the orange one you wore in the joint, no.

Detective Don Flack: Was it worth it, Greg?
Greg Hufheinz: What? You think I was in on it? Well, you're wrong. Dead wrong. Carl was like family.
Detective Mac Taylor: What was your cut? Didi you get the money yet? How much did they pay you to sit by abd watch while your family fried in the back of that truck?
Greg Hufheinz: I already told you I couldn't get out of the cab! I tried to call it in, but the radio didn't work!


"CSI: NY: Out of the Sky (#7.5)" (2010)
Det. Don Flack: Recognize our robbery vic?
Det. Mac Taylor: Roland Carson, defense attorney.
Det. Don Flack: I prefer "scumbag lawyer", but yeah, that's him.

Det. Don Flack: [interrogating Arnold about a mugging] What about the bag?
Arnold Vonley: Man, I'm a specialist. Strictly cash and jewelry only. I'm not risking my life for some sweaty gym socks.
Det. Don Flack: [smirking] How much did you get away with?
Arnold Vonley: Twenty bucks, plus the watch. Probably like eighty bucks total.
Det. Don Flack: I'm gonna be honest with you, Arnold. You're probably the dumbest mugger I've ever met.
Arnold Vonley: Why? What was in the bag?
Det. Don Flack: [still smirking] Five million dollars. Those were some valuable gym socks.


"CSI: NY: The Lying Game (#3.14)" (2007)
Detective Stella Bonasera: What would a woman be doing in the men's bathroom?
Detective Don Flack: I can think of several reasons. All with happier endings.

Sheldon Hawkes: [Struggling to lift victim] Ohhh, Jane Doe's heavier than she looks.
[Places victim on gurney]
Detective Don Flack: Check out the size of her feet.
Sheldon Hawkes: [Sheldon Hawkes looks at victim's hands] And hands.
Detective Stella Bonasera: [Stella gestures to victim's chest] She's had her breasts surgically enhanced.
Detective Don Flack: [Hawkes and Stella look confused while Flack uses his pen to lift the victim's skirt] Better make that a John Doe.


"CSI: NY: Identity Crisis (#7.18)" (2011)
Detective Don Flack: [as Mac arrives at the crime scene] Hey Mac, bet you a cup of coffee this is the most interesting crime scene you'll go to all week.
Detective Mac Taylor: You sound confident. Obviously, you know something I don't.
Detective Don Flack: Do you want to tell him?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: No, please.
Detective Don Flack: All right. If you had to guess, how old do you say our victim is?
Detective Mac Taylor: Late 70s, early 80s maybe?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [with a "good guess" look] Hmm.
Detective Don Flack: [after looks are exchanged between the three of them] Doc?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mid-30s would be closer to the truth.
Detective Mac Taylor: [scoffing] What?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Yeah. And he's a woman.
[Hawkes pulls a rubber mask off the victim; Mac stares, dumbfounded]
Detective Don Flack: [smirking] I like my coffee black, no sugar.

Detective Don Flack: So I ran down all the information Garrity gave us on his wife. Her maiden name, Wescott, former addresses, her Social Security number. Either he's lying to us, or he doesn't know who he married.
Detective Mac Taylor: She's not Renee Wescott?
Detective Don Flack: No. Renee Wescott died twelve years ago.


"CSI: NY: Run Silent, Run Deep (#2.20)" (2006)
Detective Don Flack: Dispatch just called. Someone did a hospital job on Louie Messer, Danny's brother. Beat him within an inch of his life.

Detective Don Flack: [to Paul Sabotini] Hey, boxer shorts, cold shower's this way.


"CSI: NY: All Access (#2.21)" (2006)
Det. Don Flack: You've been through a hell of an event, Stella.

Det. Don Flack: Did Frankie have a key to your apartment?
Det. Stella Bonasera: No. No, he'd never even been to my place. That's my rule, no guys at my place. That way if something goes bad, I have a safe place to return to.


"CSI: NY: Stuck on You (#2.14)" (2006)
Det. Don Flack: I've slept with a lot of women. Some wild, some crazy. Some both.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Excuse me?

[Don walks up to Stella and randomly says... ]
Det. Don Flack: "I've slept with a lot of women. Some wild, some crazy, some both."
[Stella gives him a puzzled look]
Det. Stella Bonasera: Excuse me?
Det. Don Flack: Carlo's words. Not mine.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Ah.
Det. Don Flack: Shoulda swung by the hospital to meet this guy. He's a piece of work. He calls himself the new American playboy. "Lives, drinks, and breathes women." Again, his words. So that in mind, as far as jealous exes go, lot of 'em.
Det. Stella Bonasera: I'd say Carlo emerges as our primary target.
Det. Don Flack: Five minutes into the interview, I wanted to kill him.


"CSI: NY: Playing with Matches (#4.14)" (2008)
Detective Don Flack: [Referring to the public toilet a woman drowned in] Put it this way: If a dishwasher and a Port-a-Potti were to ever mix it up, this thing would be their offspring.

Detective Don Flack: [Referring to the public toilet a woman drowned in]
[to Mac]
Detective Don Flack: Put it this way: If a dishwasher and a Port-a-Potti were to ever mix it up, this thing would be their offspring.


"CSI: NY: Consequences (#3.8)" (2006)
Detective Mac Taylor: I'm just asking questions, Don.
Detective Don Flack: No, you're not just asking questions, Mac. Come on, I know you. You wouldn't be here talking to me if you hadn't already tracked the chain of custody, checked with property, and called the DEA agents. And let me tell you something, cocaine from that raid wouldn't last six months on the street. So what is this? My interrogation?
Detective Mac Taylor: You're overreacting.
Detective Don Flack: Well maybe I am, but let me save you a little bit of time - none of my guys took a thing.
Detective Mac Taylor: You can't be sure of that. You weren't there. You just said you didn't remember.
Detective Don Flack: It didn't happen, Mac.
Detective Mac Taylor: You're listed on the DD5 as the recorder on the scene. You had to take everything down in your memo book - every detective who was there, who searched the room, who found the drugs.
Detective Don Flack: You askin' me for it?
Detective Mac Taylor: You can check your notes or you can let me do it.
Detective Don Flack: Is this official business?
Detective Mac Taylor: It's a request, from a friend.
Detective Don Flack: Then I'm gonna have to think about it.
[He walks away]

Detective Mac Taylor: Don.
Detective Don Flack: Hey.
Detective Mac Taylor: You know why I'm here.
Detective Don Flack: Do you care about the consequences?
Detective Mac Taylor: I know this isn't easy for you.
Detective Don Flack: I'm not talking about me, Mac. I'm talking about the hundred of arrests this cop was involved in, the thugs who are going to be screaming for an appeal because his credibility's in question, and the ones who are going to go free despite the fact they're guilty and he did everything by the book. I'm talking about child molesters, rapists, murderers.
Detective Mac Taylor: Kym Tanaka's shooter stepped over his body and collected shell casings. He stuck his fingers into the victim's shoulder wound to retrieve a bullet all to save his own ass. He was there to sell drugs, poison, that destroys families, creates addicts out of babies in the womb, and accounts for twenty-three percent of the murders in this city. Don't make me subpena your memo book, Don.
[Flack throws him the memo book. Mac walks away, stops, and turns back to Flack]
Detective Mac Taylor: The consequences I care about are the cops who never cross the line who now have to face critisim on suspicion because one of their own forgot the oath we took. Whichever one of these guys is found guilty I hope he goes away for a very long time because he disrespected the badge that you and I wear.


"CSI: NY: Scared Stiff (#7.8)" (2010)
Det. Don Flack: How the hell does a funeral home go out of business?

[arresting Gordon Sprouse]
Det. Don Flack: Do you know Isabel Wilde? I'm going to introduce you to Miranda. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you.


"CSI: NY: Snow Day (#3.24)" (2007)
Sheldon Hawkes: [Processing scene of a gunfight where Flack fatally shot a gang member] Any I.D.?
Don Flack: Nope, and the rest of the clan ain't talkin'. Do better with a swab of blood from that hole I put in his chest, might get you a hit in CODIS.
[Sheldon notices that Flack appears upset]
Sheldon Hawkes: Hey, he was gonna kill you, you did what you had to.
Don Flack: Just not how I wanted to start my day.

Detective Mac Taylor: [on scene after a drug bust. Taylor looks impressed] It's quite a score.
Don Flack: Two months ago CI tipped us off, he said it'd be big. I had no idea it would be this big.
Detective Mac Taylor: Any of our guys get hurt?
Don Flack: Sanchez took one in the shoulder, but he's on his way to Queen of Mercy.
Detective Mac Taylor: What about you?
Don Flack: I'm not used to lookin' down the barrel of an AK-47 but I'll be alright.


"CSI: NY: Summer in the City (#2.1)" (2005)
[Hawkes explains something about brains out of the head being fried]
Detective Stella Bonasera: I knew this would be a no-brainer for you.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: She didn't just say that.
Detective Don Flack, Detective Mac Taylor: She did.

Detective Stella Bonasera: Hawkes! Hope you like puzzles.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Our climber's brain?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yep. Uh, patrol's searching for more pieces.
Detective Mac Taylor: And the body?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Landed on the sixth-floor terrace.
Detective Mac Taylor: [glancing up at the building] Fell from high enough to reach terminal velocity. The impact of the fall knocked his brain right out of his skull.
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: This is a portion of the occipital lobe, the inferior temporal sulcus. I'd say at least 50% of his brain is still out there.
Detective Don Flack: [approaching] Well, I've recovered a shoe that contains about 10%, and ESU is currently scraping a Jell-O-like substance from the sewer grate.


"CSI: NY: Sláinte (#8.16)" (2012)
Don Flack: Two kids skating home from a party that went into the early morning found the body. Or what's left of it. Lindsay Messer, meet John Doe.
Lindsay Monroe Messer: You know, most people spend their Monday catching up on their coworkers' weekend over a nice cup of coffee.
Don Flack: We are not most people. And as for my weekend, you're not missing much.

Don Flack: [to Kieran Reilly] We have your print on the bomb that killed Alex Zorlov. You do understand that when I say "We have your print", it means that there is no "get out of jail free" card that works here. Your print on an explosive that killed a man is a nail in your coffin.


"CSI: NY: Indelible (#8.1)" (2011)
Don Flack: We got the perps, the property, the bloody clothing, and both guns.
Jo Danville: Nice work!
Don Flack: They're still processing the hotel room, but it looks like this one's wrapped up in a bow.
Jo Danville: Well, it never hurts to have a confession.
Don Flack: That shouldn't be too difficult. Those two aren't exactly brain surgeons. They'll give it up. Hardest part might be keeping their names straight. The white guy's name is Mike Black. They call him "White Mike". The black guy's name is Mike White. His street name is "Black Mike".
Jo Danville: I'll take Black Mike.
Don Flack: Great. I got Mike Black. The white guy. Don't think about. But trust me, it's right.

Jo Danville: That ring around the blood spot is called skeletonization.
Don Flack: Why don't they just call it a ring?
Jo Danville: Okay, that's it. Forget it. I give up.
Don Flack: Sorry, it would be much more interesting if you guys used smaller words.


"CSI: NY: Trapped (#2.11)" (2005)
Det. Don Flack: Makin' progress.
Danny Messer: [from inside locked panic room] Yeah, crime stopper, run to Ray's grab me a slice, extra pepperoni, alright. Bring it back, just fold it up, slide it right through huh.
Det. Don Flack: That's no way to treat good pizza, Messer.
[walks over to Stella]
Det. Don Flack: I checked out Hagler and Dr. Penn, alibis check out.
[Stella's laptop begins scanning evidence]
Det. Don Flack: Whatya got there?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Surfactant and Hypochlorite.
Det. Don Flack: And for those of us with just a high school diploma?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Uh soap and bleach. Laundry detergent.

Detective Stella Bonasera: That's it? No butler?
Det. Don Flack: No.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Too bad. I though we could wrap up that one quick.
Det. Don Flack: What?
Detective Stella Bonasera: In a mansion like that, it's always the butler. Didn't you ever play Clue?
Det. Don Flack: I was a Monopoly guy.


"CSI: NY: Past Imperfect (#3.21)" (2007)
Detective Stella Bonasera: I thought lock and key parties went out in the seventies.
Detective Don Flack: Apparently they've had resurgence. Who knew?

[Stella and Don arrive at a key party to question people]
Rene Vanderfeld: Don't be shy. Everybody's a bit nervous their first time out.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Actually we're not here to participate.
Rene Vanderfeld: [looking suggestively at Stella] That's our loss.
Detective Don Flack: We're NYPD.
Rene Vanderfeld: I'm so sorry! That's right, you called earlier. I was expecting big burly men with guns.
Detective Don Flack: Well if you focused your attention in my direction, you might see one.


"CSI: NY: Necrophilia Americana (#2.17)" (2006)
Detective Danny Messer: So this guy walks over to a place he's never been and dies of no apparent cause?
Detective Don Flack: At this point, yeah.

Detective Danny Messer: [sees freshly poured concrete messed up at a crime scene] Why must people do that? They can't resist messing up fresh concrete.
Detective Don Flack: Could be worse. Least there's no heart with two people's names in it who are going to wind up killing each other after they realize they're married.


"CSI: NY: Personal Foul (#4.19)" (2008)
Detective Don Flack: [Danny and Flack are at the basketball game talking about the guy winning $1 million] Never gonna happen!
Detective Danny Messer: Why, you think you could do it?
Detective Don Flack: You're kidding me? Boom, nothing but net, baby!
Detective Danny Messer: Oh, I think he can do it!
[after the name drawing]
Detective Don Flack: No, he can't!
Detective Danny Messer: Wanna make a little wager?
Detective Don Flack: Fifty bucks?
Detective Danny Messer: I hate to take a colleague's money but for you, I'll be happy to make an exception! Come on!

Detective Don Flack: Hell of a game, Mess.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah. Glad you could make it.
Detective Don Flack: Me too. You should piss Lindsay off more often.


"CSI: NY: A Daze of Wine and Roaches (#3.19)" (2007)
Detective Danny Messer: All right, we got lots of glass and wine spatter. Looks like the bottle was open when it was broken, so it didn't come off the wine rack.
Det. Don Flack: Came from the table over here.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: So we have a glass of wine and a stoppered bottle, so somebody opened a bottle to taste it. And then maybe... it got dropped in a struggle.
Detective Danny Messer: From the diameter of the spatter, looks like the bottle was thrown, and thrown hard.
Det. Don Flack: Okay, so there's a fight and someone throws a wine bottle at our vic.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Then maybe Alec rushes the attacker.
Detective Danny Messer: And then he gets, uh... screwed to death.
Det. Don Flack: 6.5, Mess. Little shaky on the landing.

Luther Vandeross: I can certainly answer any of your questions, or write them down and have Evie respond by e-mail.
Det. Don Flack: Nice, but that's not how this works. See, we're old school. Raw light bulbs, cold concrete rooms.


"CSI: NY: What Schemes May Come (#3.20)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: I'm so glad that figuring this stuff out is your job, not mine.

Detective Don Flack: [Stella and Flack arrive at a crime scene where the victim is dressed as a knight] So I've considered all possibilities for his wardrobe. Too early for Halloween, Shakespeare in the Park is months away, and it's Monday night so Broadway is dark.
Stella Bonasera: Alight that leaves us with a medieval costume party.
Detective Don Flack: If that's this guy's story, that was a killer party.
Stella Bonasera: [Stella laughs] Any I.D.?
Detective Don Flack: Nope, no I.D., no wallet, no family crest.
Stella Bonasera: Anything from you witness over there?
Detective Don Flack: [Stella and Flack look over to the homeless man] Yeah. You know that sugar you put in your coffee in the morning?
[Stella nods]
Detective Don Flack: Not sugar.
Stella Bonasera: No?
Detective Don Flack: No. Granulated tracking devices that the government use to keep tabs on us.
Stella Bonasera: Good to know.


"CSI: NY: Til Death Do We Part (#1.15)" (2005)
Detective Stella Bonasera: I'm driving.
Detective Don Flack: No! Please let me drive?
Detective Stella Bonasera: No.
Detective Don Flack: Do you at least got a cracker or a piece of candy in the glove box?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Why?
Detective Don Flack: Because when you drive, we don't eat!

Detective Don Flack: We found an abandoned car and a hand.
Detective Stella Bonasera: What do mean a hand?
Detective Don Flack: A hand. A right hand, to be exact. Below the wrist. All fingers intact.
Aiden Burn: You didn't find anything else?
Detective Don Flack: I haven't gone in yet.
Aiden Burn: What? Flack, you little scaredy cat. You don't believe these stories about this place being haunted?
Detective Don Flack: I was doing my job, Aiden. Getting statements from witnesses.
Aiden Burn: Stella, you smell that?
Detective Stella Bonasera: Yeah, chicken. Uh, but I did hear the one about the monk who went crazy and killed the others is true.
Detective Don Flack: The 122 gets call of strange noises coming from this place all the time.
Aiden Burn: Will you stop? That's just an urban legend.
Detective Stella Bonasera: Uh, Aiden, I think you'd better hold Flack's hand.
Detective Don Flack: [sarcastic] Yeah, okay. Cute.


"CSI: NY: Do Not Pass Go (#7.6)" (2010)
Sally Anderson: I wasn't a perfect mom, but... I tried my best.
Det. Don Flack: Well, your best must have been pretty damn good. I heard Craig was at the top of his class.

Det. Don Flack: Mrs. Anderson, we're going to find the guy who murdered your son.
Sally Anderson: That's not going to bring him back, is it?


"CSI: NY: Justified (#7.9)" (2010)
Detective Don Flack: Mitch Barrett? NYPD.
Mitch Barrett: Who?
Detective Don Flack: NYPD. We need to talk to Mitch Barrett.
Mitch Barrett: You got a warrant?
Detective Don Flack: If I had a warrant, you would be face down on the ground in handcuffs sucking in dust balls, and we wouldn't be having this conversation through the door.

Mitch Barrett: How'd you know I killed Marcella?
Detective Don Flack: Be honest with you? We were a little iffy until you started shooting at us through the door.


"CSI: NY: Greater Good (#5.23)" (2009)
[about Talmadge Neville]
Ronnie DeSoto: He should be lying in an alley right now with a bullet between his eyes.
Detective Don Flack: Excuse me?
Detective Stella Bonasera: And how do you know that?
[DeSoto doesn't answer]
Detective Don Flack: You were going to do him, weren't you? So what's your beef with Talmadge Neville?
Ronnie DeSoto: Let's just say I'm a guy with a specific skill set. And I got the constitution to commit acts that other people don't have the courage to.
Detective Stella Bonasera: You're a hit man.
Ronnie DeSoto: I'm not familiar with that term.
Detective Don Flack: Sorry. "Contract killer." Is that what you prefer to put on your business cards?

[after Ronnie DeSoto admits he doesn't accept contracts to kill women or children]
Detective Don Flack: A hit man with a code of ethics. How noble.


"CSI: NY: Open and Shut (#3.6)" (2006)
Mandi Foster: Why do you guys keep harassing me?
Detective Don Flack: We tend to do that when we think someone's guilty of murder.

Tony DeLuca: The only reason I was with that girl was because I was doing Mandi a favor.
Detective Don Flack: Having sex with the hotel concierge was a favor?


"CSI: NY: Grand Murder at Central Station (#2.2)" (2005)
Detective Don Flack: We got some whackadoo running around throwing acid in people's faces?
Det. Mac Taylor: Not acid, lye.
Detective Don Flack: Alright, well, I'll start with the nuts in this city and work my way up!

[Flack is questioning Melanie, a former patient of the victim, plastic surgeon Dr. Spencer Howard]
Melanie Hampton: C'mon, you can say it. What household pet do I resemble?
Detective Don Flack: C-cat?
Melanie Hampton: I'd kill that man.
Detective Don Flack: Spencer Howard, did this to you?
Melanie Hampton: He kept telling me that he could fix it! I just went in there for a little eye lift, I look like a freakin' cat!
Detective Don Flack: So you decided to get even.


"CSI: NY: Blood, Sweat and Tears (#1.14)" (2005)
Don Flack: This is New York, Danny. You can have anything delivered - groceries, dry cleaning. I'm jonesing for a pastrami sandwich at 3:00 in the morning, I call Andy down at the deli - boom, done.


"CSI: NY: Dead Reckoning (#6.4)" (2009)
Detective Mac Taylor: You're aware of the consequences of what you're about to do?
Deborah Carter: Yes. I imagine that this is every detective's dream.
Detective Don Flack: Every detective's dream is have people stop killing each other.


"CSI: NY: Manhattan Manhunt (#2.7)" (2005)
Detective Don Flack: [about the students shot execution style] How did this happen? There were security guards at every one of the Endecott's Manhattan properties.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: [about Darius] He's gotta be here somewhere.
Det. Stella Bonasera: Are we sure this is Darius?
Det. Mac Taylor: Take a good look at the position of these kids. Look familiar?
Det. Stella Bonasera: Yeah, those nurses in Midtown. He played in their blood.


"CSI: NY: Comes Around (#3.23)" (2007)
[Mac storms out of his disciplinary hearing]
Det. Don Flack: Did you just walk out?
Det. Mac Taylor: Apparently I'm the kind of person who just does whatever he wants, why disappoint them?


"CSI: NY: Three Generations Are Enough (#1.8)" (2004)
Paul Stryzewski: You can't prove it was my child.
Stella Bonasera: Oh, yes, we can. We have your DNA on file.
Don Flack: Oh, yeah. Two years ago you were convicted of falsely reporting an incident. Means we have your DNA on file for the rest of your life. We also found your DNA on cigarettes outside the church.
Paul Stryzewski: There's no smoking in the church. So I go outside.
Stella Bonasera: So you smoke three cigarettes in the exact same spot that we found Trina Rolston's body?
Don Flack: Look, Paul. We're here to help you.
Paul Stryzewski: I know what the truth is.
Stella Bonasera: So do I, Paul. Your DNA was all over the cigarettes that I found at the scene. And somehow, one cigarette has Trina's DNA on it as well.
Paul Stryzewski: I kissed her.
Don Flack: Now, how does that thought process work? "There's the mother of my child on the ground dead. I should probably call 911, but let me get a little action first."


"CSI: NY: Crushed (#8.7)" (2011)
Detective Don Flack: Welcome to the end of the world as we know it.


"CSI: NY: Night, Mother (#1.10)" (2004)
Eduardo: Look, the guy's wallet fell out of his pocket. I was giving it back.
Don Flack: By putting it in your own pocket? Wow, Eduardo. You're a bad liar. Let's watch you dig yourself a deeper grave.


"CSI: NY: Heart of Glass (#3.16)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: I thought this was your night off.
Detective Mac Taylor: [referring to Peyton at another crime scene] My dinner date dumped me for a dead body.


"CSI: NY: One Wedding and a Funeral (#4.9)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: So the neighbors were very helpful. They saw nothing, heard nothing and know nothing. Welcome to my life.


"CSI: NY: The Deep (#4.2)" (2007)
Don Flack: Our vic's this way. Floater, popped up in the middle of a sail boat race between New York and New Jersey.
Danny Messer: I read about that, reenactment of a race that happened back in the 1600s.
Mac Taylor: Legend has it the winner got possession of Staten Island.
Don Flack: Too late to give it back?


"CSI: NY: Kill Screen (#8.15)" (2012)
Mac Taylor: [processing their victim] Process server ID. Walter Danzig.
Don Flack: Process server? What's with the referee uniform?
Mac Taylor: Looks like the game he was calling ended in sudden death.


"CSI: NY: Blink (#1.1)" (2004)
Det. Don Flack: Let me arrest him for swearing on his grandmother.


"CSI: NY: Admissions (#4.18)" (2008)
Detective Stella Bonasera, Detective Mac Taylor: [simultaneously] Who discovered the body?
Detective Don Flack: You two've been working together way too long. A student came in looking for her keys and "boom".
Detective Mac Taylor: Boom? You and Danny have been working together way too long.


"CSI: NY: The Ride In (#3.17)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: Well Noah was taking these people for a ride, but it wasn't on the Ark. His flock all tested negative for GSR, and they've asked me if they can get back on the good ship looney tunes before Sunday, because that's when the world's ending. I told them they could re-board when the Crime Scenes clear, but what I really want to do is throw them all in the shower and then a rubber room.
Detective Mac Taylor: They're not crazy.


"CSI: NY: Fare Game (#2.15)" (2006)
Det. Don Flack: [to a repeat offender] You don't call, you don't write. I'm beginning to think you're seeing other detectives!


"CSI: NY: Nothing for Something (#7.20)" (2011)
Detective Mac Taylor: I know what you're going to say. It's not the way it looks. I'm fine.
Jo Danville: It's exactly the way it looks. That's the same suit you had on yesterday, if not the day before. You haven't even been home in two days.
Detective Mac Taylor: This isn't the first time one case has rolled over into another. I'll be fine.
Jo Danville: When's the last time you had something to eat? I don't want to hear about that trail mix from the vending machine last night.
Detective Mac Taylor: It was a granola bar.
Jo Danville: You promised me you were going to go home and get some sleep.
Detective Mac Taylor: I was working on some cases, I dozed off on the couch. Then this came in.
Jo Danville: Boss of the crime lab or not, you are no good to anyone if you're running on fumes.
Detective Mac Taylor: Look, I am not walking out of a homicide investigation.
Jo Danville: [waving at Flack] No, Don is driving you out.
Detective Don Flack: [approaching] Yo.
Jo Danville: It's all been arranged. You're going to go home and get a couple hours' sleep. And if you're lucky, a toothbrush and a shower might make it feel like eight.
Detective Mac Taylor: Don can't just leave.
Detective Don Flack: Sure I can. I'm on my way back to the precinct, anyway. Your place is on the way.
Detective Mac Taylor: Sid will be expecting me in Autopsy.
Jo Danville: It's covered. Your work is done here, Mac Taylor. Don's gonna take you to that diner you love for breakfast, and then take you home and tuck you in.
Detective Mac Taylor: Will he be giving me milk and cookies and singing a lullaby?
Detective Don Flack: The lullaby thing's a little weird. But milk and cookies could happen.


"CSI: NY: Commuted Sentences (#4.7)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: [discussing Detective Jessica Angell's upbringing] Four older brothers and a detective sergeant for a father? Did your old man dust you for prints when you got home from a date?
Detective Jessica Angell: Well, if it was up to them, I wouldn't have known boys existed until I was twenty-one.
Detective Don Flack: I'm sure the boys knew you existed.
Detective Jessica Angell: Was that a line, Flack? Did you just bust out your game on me?


"CSI: NY: Uncertainty Rules (#6.16)" (2010)
[about James stumbling around New York covered in blood and wielding an ax]
Det. Don Flack: He was out of his mind. They had to transport him back to the precinct in a body bag.


"CSI: NY: Taxi (#4.20)" (2008)
[after a dead New Jersey cop in dumped front of the NYPD precinct and Flack is almost run over]
Detective Don Flack: Look, I know I sound like an idiot. It was a yellow cab. That's all I've got.


"CSI: NY: Zoo York (#2.3)" (2005)
[investigating crime scene involving tigers at the Bronx Zoo]
Detective Mac Taylor: [to Detective Flack] Hey! Sneezing on my crime scene.
Don Flack: Sorry, Mack, allergies. Cats. Hate 'em.


"CSI: NY: Super Men (#2.19)" (2006)
Detective Don Flack: Officer Nelson will show you to your room.
Carter England: Oh, come on Flack! I thought we were supposed to be like brothers, man!
Detective Don Flack: Yeah, well, sometimes, brother's fight.


"CSI: NY: The Untouchable (#7.16)" (2011)
Detective Don Flack: Peter Grant, driver to some of the Vonner Club's finest members, and cop kidnapper. That's an A-1 felony. Same as murder.
Detective Mac Taylor: Including assault and the threats I distinctly remember, you're going down for twenty-five to life.


"CSI: NY: Rush to Judgement (#5.13)" (2009)
Todd Flemming: It's crazy. This is our fault.
Don Flack: Was there someone else involved?
Todd Flemming: It wasn't supposed...
Don Flack: You talking about Vince Nelson's murder?
Todd Flemming: Can I go or what?
Don Flack: Todd! Your coach was murdered! Now tell me what do I gotta do to get your attention here!


"CSI: NY: All in the Family (#4.13)" (2008)
Detective Danny Messer: You know what? You should mind your own business.
Detective Don Flack: You're my friend Danny That makes it my business.


"CSI: NY: Near Death (#8.18)" (2012)
Don Flack: [chasing Mac's shooter] Teena's in there with no way out.
Detective Danny Messer: Yeah, she's got two ways to get out of there. Either dead or in handcuffs.


"CSI: NY: Dancing with the Fishes (#2.5)" (2005)
Don Flack: [about playing the lottery] All it takes is a dollar and a dream.


"CSI: NY: Child's Play (#4.11)" (2007)
Detective Don Flack: Stop, Drop and Roll! You son of a bitch!


"CSI: NY: Heroes (#2.23)" (2006)
[Don and Mac are talking about a dead Marine]
Detective Don Flack: Unfortunately, lowlifes also know it's Fleet Week. Service men are easy targets because they're easy to spot.
Det. Mac Taylor: A uniform isn't a bullseye. It's a badge of honor.
Detective Don Flack: Once a Marine, always a Marine.
Det. Mac Taylor: If you attack one of us, you've attacked us all.


"CSI: NY: Unwrapped (#8.17)" (2012)
Det. Don Flack: Everyone I speak with around here talks about Kelvin like he was a saint.
Det. Mac Taylor: Then let's make sure we find the sinner.


"CSI: NY: Corporate Warriors (#2.4)" (2005)
Don Flack: Computer Crimes tracked down James Walker's Internet records. He was online five minutes after someone called in the fire. Guess what he was doing?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Playing chess.
Don Flack: How'd you do that?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: [indicating the evidence on the table] Plaque, chess pieces.
Don Flack: How do you leave a ten year old alone?
Dr. Sheldon Hawkes: Mom had to work.
Don Flack: Kids don't even need to look for trouble to find it.


"CSI: NY: The 34th Floor (#7.1)" (2010)
Detective Mac Taylor: Mr. Westwick, do you have any idea why you were attacked last night?
Theodore Westwick: It could have been any number of things.
Detective Don Flack: Money, jealousy, and revenge are the big three.


"CSI: NY: Risk (#2.13)" (2006)
Detective Don Flack: What's that bulge in your pocket? And don't get cute.


"CSI: NY: Keep It Real (#8.2)" (2011)
Randy Davis: [Jo and Flack approach Randy as he finishes with a customer] Careful with it. And no Skynyrd. If I hear "Sweet Home Alabama" one more time, I swear I'm gonna sell this place.
Jo Danville: You have a problem with Alabama?
Don Flack: She's from the South.


"CSI: NY: Love Run Cold (#3.3)" (2006)
Detective Danny Messer: Colin Flynn?
Colin Flynn: Yeah, that's me.
Detective Danny Messer: NYPD, we got a couple of questions for you, alright?
Colin Flynn: Do I have to answer?
Detective Don Flack: I'm not a lawyer... but yeah, you do.


"CSI: NY: Food for Thought (#7.19)" (2011)
Detective Mac Taylor: You're a pimp.
Gus Stilton: I'm an entrepreneur.
Detective Don Flack: Running a food truck as a front for a prostitution ring makes you a criminal.
Detective Mac Taylor: And blowing one of them up - that makes you a murderer.


"CSI: NY: Blacklist (Featuring Grave Digger) (#6.2)" (2009)
Junior Mosley: [having stepped on a syringe] Let me take it out first!
Detective Don Flack: I'm afraid I can't let you do that.
Junior Mosley: Why not?
Detective Mac Taylor: This syringe is evidence of drug use. We're going to have to document it where we found it.
[Flack takes a picture of Junior's foot]
Detective Don Flack: [pushing Junior down onto the bed] Now one for the "Jackass of the Year" award.


"CSI: NY: Damned If You Do (#7.3)" (2010)
Jules Roday: I already told you.
Det. Don Flack: Tell me again.
Jules Roday: I'm not an idiot. You want me to tell you again because you think I'm gonna say something different.
Det. Don Flack: You're only gonna say something different if you're lying.
Jules Roday: Well, I'm not.
Det. Don Flack: Well, then this should be easy.
Jules Roday: [sigh] We went to a vintage clothing store on St. Marx. Billy wanted to get a gray jacket exactly like the one Tom Cruise had in the movie.
Det. Don Flack: What time was that? Be specific.
Jules Roday: He didn't do it. He doesn't have it in him to do something like this.
Det. Don Flack: Okay, Jules, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: everyone has it in them to do something like this. Everyone.
Jules Roday: No. Not Billy.
Det. Don Flack: How long you been going out?
Jules Roday: Five months.
Det. Don Flack: Five months? I usually like to wait at least... six months before I can attest to somebody's lack of homicidal tendencies.
Jules Roday: You're kind of a bitch, you know that?


"CSI: NY: Brooklyn Til I Die (#8.12)" (2012)
Don Flack: Jacob Paul Williams. Priors for... a little bit of everything. Armed robbery, assault with a deadly weapon... Do you realize how screwed you are?


"CSI: NY: Cold Reveal (#3.22)" (2007)
[discussing the victim dressed as an angel, who fell through the roof of a church]
Detective Don Flack: No ID on the vic. Could be a Michael or Gabriel. They say it's tough to make it in Manhattan... Heaven must be brutal.
Detective Mac Taylor: Yeah.
Detective Don Flack: Still checking missing persons... and Nostradamus.


"CSI: NY: Prey (#5.20)" (2009)
James Copeland: Who's going to shoot somebody in a theater?
Detective Don Flack: Did you ever hear of a guy named John Wilkes Booth?


"CSI: NY: Creatures of the Night (#1.2)" (2004)
Donovan Tracy: I didn't do nothin'!
Detective Don Flack: Yes you did! You got steak sauce on my shoe!


"CSI: NY: A Man a Mile (#1.5)" (2004)
Tom Zito: You know how a Sandhog measures progress? A man a mile. 'Cause that's the death rate down there. Electrocutions, cave-ins, decapitations. Every mile of rock we move, we lose one of our own.
Detective Don Flack: If a guy works up top, answer me one question: what was Pete Riggs doing down there? 'Cause he wasn't working.


"CSI: NY: It Happened to Me (#6.6)" (2009)
[at a "sloshing party"]
Portia Pryce: I can get you a membership application.
Don Flack: [disgusted] God, no. Thank you.


"CSI: NY: Tanglewood (#1.13)" (2005)
Don Flack: [to young, Italian thugs chillin' to car music] You wanna turn that pollution down.


"CSI: NY: Oedipus Hex (#3.5)" (2006)
[about playing basketball in Harlem]
Detective Don Flack: I've been the resident Larry Bird five years running.


"CSI: NY: You Only Die Once (#4.3)" (2007)
Danny Messer: [sees Detective Flack come around the corner at the crime lab] Whoa, how's that new girlfriend?
Don Flack: Keep walkin', Messer.
Danny Messer: Yeah, no, seriously how'd you meet her?
Don Flack: Met her at a charity event. Police/fire hockey game.
Danny Messer: So she's got teeth or...?
Don Flack: [Flack interrupts] Move!


"CSI: NY: Charge of This Post (#2.24)" (2006)
[on their way to a crime scene]
Detective Lindsay Monroe: It's quite a shindig.
Detective Don Flack: Sunday block parties. Springtime in New York City.
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Right in the middle of the street, huh?
Detective Don Flack: What do they have up in Montana?
Detective Lindsay Monroe: Wyoming.


"CSI: NY: The Dove Commission (#1.18)" (2005)
Don Flack: [ushering a reporter and his cameraman out of the crime scene] Excuse me, Cronkite. You can't film here. This is a crime scene.
Morty Sherman: Please, please, please. I was here before the shooting covering the release of the Dove Commission report. I... I'm well within my rights.
Don Flack: You keep filming, I'm gonna give you rights. And lefts. Now take a walk, now. Back to your nest, you vultures.