Greg Sanders
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Quotes for
Greg Sanders (Character)
from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Rashomama (#6.21)" (2006)
Greg Sanders: "You'd think she'd know better than to wear white on the bride's big day." A dame was dead, but enough about her. The air was hot and heavy with wrong, making me thirsty, thirsty for a tall drink of water. That's when I saw her: a flower, but not the kind you pin on a lapel. She was long-stemmed.
Sara Sidle: All right, Raymond Chandler, we get it.
Greg Sanders: Those weren't just Miracle bras. They were creating four Wonders of the World.

Greg Sanders: That when I saw her: a flower, and not the kind you pin on a lapel. She was long-stemmed.

Frank Rosetti: You want to see a crime scene? I'll show you a crime scene. C'mere, c'mere, look at this, huh?
[shows a smashed wedding cake]
Frank Rosetti: What this woman had against the color peach, I've never seen anything like it. "If you think you're serving that flesh-colored abomination and I'm paying for it, you can think again!" Boom! I'm a 42-year-old paisan; she scared me. I wouldn't be surprised if her pantyhose rebelled against her, tied themselves to the car, the dame was a pill. I swear to God, she may have taken two or three years off my own life. Weddings are a blood, sweat and tears marathon, my friend. I'm on a tight schedule. 12 noon: I got first intro of the couple. 12:30: salad course. 12:45: first dance. 1 o'clock: chair dance, chicken dance, broom dance - I don't care, I'm equal-opportunity. 1:30: main course. 2:15: first toast, groom's side. If the best man shuts his mouth, at 2:16 we have the first toast of the bride's side. 3 o'clock: we cut the cake. 3:30: bouquet toss.
Gil Grissom: That's a tight schedule. She would have barely had time to go to the bathroom.
Frank Rosetti: I don't sell bridal diapers for nothing.
Greg Sanders: He was kidding about the diapers, right?

Sara Sidle: Why do we always eat here?
Greg Sanders: Open 24 hours.
Sara Sidle: Everything in Vegas is open 24 hours.
Greg Sanders: It's tradition
Nick Stokes: [walks in from car] Mmmm. Smells like bacon. Slide over.
[sits down]
Nick Stokes: That scene took forever. We were there, like what, 9 hours.
Sara Sidle: 11.
Greg Sanders: Dead laywer and 200 eyewitnesses? That's gonna take a while.
Nick Stokes: [nods] Why do we always eat here?
Greg Sanders: [smiling] It's tradition.
Sara Sidle: Ah, tradition. Like becoming a property exchange between your father and your husband.

Greg Sanders: [opening bridal suit door] So I went behind the pink curtain where the girls go to get glossy.
[blows on blush brush]
Greg Sanders: A little shine here, a little poof there, a little...
[picks up spandex bra cup]
Greg Sanders: Well, I don't exactly know what that was, but I like the feel.

Greg Sanders: We could compare them to the buccal swabs that we collected... if we still had them
Sara Sidle: Well, we just have to recollect them.
Greg Sanders: All 200 of them?
Sara Sidle: eah. And since we can't leave... someone else is... gonna have... to recollect them.
Nick Stokes: This is crap! I've been waiting on IAB for 14 hours. I'm tired, and I kinda smell. And I don't have a friggin' car

Greg Sanders: [to Nick Stokes] Dude, where's your car?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Iced (#5.23)" (2005)
Gil Grissom: [Grissom, Greg, and Sara investigate the death of two lovers] "For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo."
Greg Sanders: Found a condom wrapper.
Gil Grissom: So much for safe sex.
[Sara looks disturbed]

Greg Sanders: I found this toilet behind my apartment complex. It's volunteered for an experiment.
Sara Sidle: It's moving.

Greg Sanders: Ah, a sex journal. Lists of girls, dates and sexual activies.
Sara Sidle: Boys and their conquests.
Greg Sanders: I've never even heard of some of these.
Sara Sidle: [Surprised] Really?
Greg Sanders: Never mind.

Greg Sanders: Hey Grissom, when you went to college did you live in the dorms?
Gil Grissom: Surely, you jest.
[Sara laughs]
Sara Sidle: You know they say a BA is worth a million dollars of extra income over your life.
Gil Grissom: Yeah but the present value of college tuition is about the same amount.
Greg Sanders: So you're saying college isn't worth the expense?
Gil Grissom: I guess it depends on what you learn.

Sara Sidle: [after a toilet explodes in a college dorm] Well, there's got to be some logical explanation.
Greg Sanders: Well, if dorm food is as bad as I can remember, we should consider explosive diarrhea.

Sara Sidle: I'll drive.
Greg Sanders: You *always* do.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Shots (#7.19)" (2007)
Wendy Simms: You know, if you're still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that this isn't your lab, I suggest counseling.
Greg Sanders: I would like you to run these, please?
Wendy Simms: M'kay.

Hodges: I was right. This is a lot like garbage collecting.
Greg Sanders: You're not helping Hodges.
Hodges: I have no intention to. Field rotation for the lab techs was Ecklie's idea. He was very explicit that I was only allowed to observe.

Greg Sanders: This neighborhood rains lead.
Gil Grissom: Yeah, and we have to process every last drop of it.
Greg Sanders: We're going to make Bobby Dawson's boat payment this month.

Greg Sanders: Open champagne bottle, white powder residue. Think it's coke?
Gil Grissom: [shining his flashlight on brain matter and skull fragments] Well then that must be his brain on drugs.
Greg Sanders: Party till you drop.
Gil Grissom: Or get shot, which ever comes first.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Down the Drain (#5.2)" (2004)
Greg Sanders: What is this, some kind of CSI hazing? To make me appreciate blood and semen more?

Greg Sanders: What are you doing?
Gil Grissom: Good, your here.
[tosses him a plastic cup]
Gil Grissom: Fill this up for me, will ya.
Greg Sanders: With what?
Gil Grissom: It's a urine specimen cup, Greg, what do you think?
Greg Sanders: [looks at the cup again]
Greg Sanders: Okay.

Gil Grissom: That took a long time. You may need a prostate exam.
Greg Sanders: My prostate is just fine!

[Greg's first autopsy]
Gil Grissom: Take a look at the trachea. What do you see?
Greg Sanders: Foam... like the head of a beer.
[Grissom looks at him]
Greg Sanders: Sorry.
Gil Grissom: No. It's a good analogy.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Accused Is Entitled (#3.2)" (2002)
Greg Sanders: So, how does the victim's blood end up in the suspects mouth?
Nick Stokes: Murder is a messy job my friend

Gil Grissom: Tom Haviland's attorneys are not waiving time.
Nick Stokes: Are you serious?
Sara Sidle: They're actually exercising their right to a speedy trial?
Gil Grissom: No requests for continuances, no stall tactics. They're pushing for their day in court.
Warrick Brown: Good defense attorney always does the last thing you expect.
Catherine Willows: Yeah. What typically drags on for months has now been put on the fast track and the prelim is less than 72 hours.
Greg Sanders: I'm only done processing half the evidence.
Catherine Willows: You're going to have to call in help, because if the judge thinks that our evidence isn't strong enough to go to trial, he's going to dismiss the charges on Tom.
Sara Sidle: Can't the D.A. drop the charges and we'll refile when we get our evidence together?
Catherine Willows: Sure, but the odds are that Tom will relocate to Europe and pull a Polanski.
Greg Sanders: And what's a Polanski?
Gil Grissom: Get-out-of-jail-free card. One more thing: Westcott just added a forensic scientist to their roster. She wants him to examine every piece of evidence we have against Haviland.
Nick Stokes: As soon as it's processed they'll get a copy of our report.
Gil Grissom: They're entitled to see it as it's processed.
Nick Stokes: I've never done a case where the defendant took advantage of that rule of discovery.
Gil Grissom: Well, when you can't attack the evidence itself, you attack the method of gathering the evidence.
Sara Sidle: So who's their guy?
Gil Grissom: Dr. Phillip Gerard.
Sara Sidle: Phillip Gerard? Your mentor is their forensic scientist?
Gil Grissom: Yeah. Marjorie Westcott's a smart lawyer.

Greg Sanders: [to Nick] So, now you have to find it on the surveillance tape?
Nick Stokes: If I want to present it to a jury, yeah. Nowadays, people expect a show.
[hands the test results back to Greg]
Nick Stokes: I should've gone to film school.

Greg Sanders: Psst, Grissom.
Greg Sanders: We got a development. I went over those swatches that Sara gave me from the bed sheet.
Gil Grissom: Are you whispering?
Greg Sanders: I don't want that Gerard guy to hear me.
Gil Grissom: Well, he's not here, so stop it.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Middle (#5.16)" (2005)
[after finding ejaculate on a table and bed sheets]
Greg Sanders: We want to see who *came* and went.
[Grissom gives him a weird look]

[at a Plus-Size People convention]
Greg Sanders: Some guys like curves.
Detective Vartann: There's curves, and then there's *rolls*.

[last lines]
Greg Sanders: So what do you like? What gets your juices flowing?
Gil Grissom: Someone who doesn't judge me.

Sara Sidle: Relax and lie down on your back.
Greg Sanders: You know, this is exactly like a dream I had once, except it wasn't in a garage. And Grissom wasn't watching.
Greg Sanders: That was a different dream.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cats in the Cradle... (#2.20)" (2002)
Greg Sanders: [Grissom and Catherine walk in on Greg listening to loud music] Could have been a rock star.
Gil Grissom: [music stops] There's still time, Greg.

Greg Sanders: I'm like a sponge: I just absorb information.
Gil Grissom: I thought that was my line.
Greg Sanders: Yeah - and I absorbed it.

Greg Sanders: I'm like a sponge: I just absorb information.
Gil Grissom: I thought that was *my* line.
Greg Sanders: Yeah, and I absorbed it.

Greg Sanders: [Grissom and Catherine walk into Greg's lab to see him rocking out to blaring rock and roll music] I could have been a rock star.
Gil Grissom: There's still time, Greg. Tell us about the foreign substance we found in the vic's wound track.
Greg Sanders: Uh, well, I like to rub it all over a lady's body. Even better... I, uh... like it when she rubs it all over me. And it's also used as a stool softner.
Catherine Willows: It's also the only open lead in our case. Spit it out, Greg.
Greg Sanders: Mineral oil.
Gil Grissom: Possibly used as a preservative to prevent rusting of high-carbon steel.
Catherine Willows: Like the blades of knives.
Greg Sanders: Old knives. New ones are made from stainless steel. Yeah, I'm like a sponge. I just absorb information.
Gil Grissom: I thought that was my line.
Greg Sanders: Yeah, and I absorbed it.
Catherine Willows: Okay, so... knives, screwdrivers, ice pick, letter opener. We're looking for a weapon with a splash of mineral oil. I'll grab the ALS.
Greg Sanders: An ALS. For mineral oil?
Gil Grissom: Mineral oil fluoresces at 525 nanometers when filtered through a kv590. A little more absorbing... a little less rock and roll.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Swap Meet (#5.5)" (2004)
Zack Capola: You know how it is, you look like you were a jock in college.
Greg Sanders: [points to himself shocked] Me?
Sara Sidle: [points to Greg shocked] Him?

Hodges: It's a good thing you don't need to pass a spelling test to work the field, "funtain" water?
Greg Sanders: My people are Norwegian, that's how we spell it. So was the funtain water in her lungs?

Greg Sanders: she dies in a pool?
Hodges: Or a spa. And by the way, that's spelled S-P-A, in any language.

Mia Dickerson: Nine vibrators, five plugs and four strands of beads.
Greg Sanders: And a partridge in a pear tree. Some kids are happy playing in the sandbox, others want every toy in the store. And apparently these are dishwasher safe.
Mia Dickerson: I'll swab the nooks and crannies for semen and vaginal secreations and epthelials, but don't get your hopes up.
Greg Sanders: Oh, my money's on bag number two.
Mia Dickerson: Twenty-six used condoms.
Greg Sanders: Just like being back in college, right?
Mia Dickerson: Sara said you didn't lose your virginity until you were twenty-two.
[Greg acts like he didn't hear her and goes back to work]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Are You? (#1.6)" (2000)
[Cath is a former stripper]
Greg Sanders: So, the French Palace, huh?
Catherine Willows: Yup.
Greg Sanders: You know, my friends and I used to go there. Payday Fridays.
Catherine Willows: Uh-huh.
Greg Sanders: Maybe I saw you perform.
Catherine Willows: Oh, I doubt it.
Greg Sanders: Why?
Catherine Willows: You would've remembered.

Nick Stokes: So, can you tell me where the sand came from?
Greg Sanders: I might have to do some field research to find out. You think Grissom would send me to Hawaii?

Greg Sanders: It's not real sand. It's finely crushed granite.
Nick Stokes: What does that mean?
Gil Grissom: It means she wasn't killed in Hawaii. Other than that, he has no idea.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: 4x4 (#5.19)" (2005)
Greg Sanders: Sara, I just want you to know that when we were in the shower together, I didn't see anything.
Sara Sidle: Really? Gosh, I saw everything...

Greg Sanders: No matter how hard you work to get big, there's always someone bigger.
Sara Sidle: It could be what keeps them going. Like Freud said, "Anatomy is destiny".
Greg Sanders: What do you think Freud would have to say about one of these being the murder weapon?

Greg Sanders: This is just like that Edgar Allan Poe story where the victim's heart under the floorboards betrays the murder.
Gil Grissom: "The Tell-Tale Heart". I thought you didn't like reading the classics.
Greg Sanders: I do when they're about dismembered bodies.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fannysmackin' (#7.4)" (2006)
Greg Sanders: [weakly] Sara
Sara Sidle: I didn't think you could see me.
Greg Sanders: I can't. I know that Sidle scent.

Catherine Willows: [to Greg, who's all dressed up] All right, slick. Now what's with the suit?
Greg Sanders: Today was my first jury trial.
Catherine Willows: Today ended...
[checks watch]
Catherine Willows: an hour and a half ago.
Greg Sanders: Well, maybe I just don't want the day to end.

Gil Grissom: [to Greg] Greg... lose the monkey suit, you got a scene; liquor store robbery. Here's the address.
Greg Sanders: [takes slip of paper from Grissom] Related to the earlier 415s?
Gil Grissom: Could be - Sofia's got one of the suspect's sweaters. I need you to seal it, bring it back here and anything you can find.
Greg Sanders: All right. Who's my wingman?
Gil Grissom: You're a big boy, Greg. You don't need a wingman for this.
Greg Sanders: Primary.
Greg Sanders: Nice.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Getting Off (#4.16)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: [analyzing boxers] Alright, what do those look like to you?
Greg Sanders: Semen stains.
Catherine Willows: Yeah.
Greg Sanders: Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.
Catherine Willows: No.
Greg Sanders: I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine Willows: Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

Greg Sanders: The gods of CODIS have blessed us with a hit: Riley "Boom-Boom" Reynaldo. Proud owner of two assault-and-battery charges and one possession with the intent to distribute.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Burked (#2.1)" (2001)
Gil Grissom: It's been 24 minutes, Greg. When's this thing going to be done?
Greg Sanders: Well, with all due respect, sir, it's not a baked potato.

Greg Sanders: Did I ever tell you I used to live in New York?
Gil Grissom: Is this going to be a short story or a novel?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Caged (#2.7)" (2001)
Nick Stokes: [watching Greg page through a book] I always thought you kept your porn in there.
Greg Sanders: I move it around.

Gil Grissom: Ricin is made from the husk, castor oil is made from what's inside.
Greg Sanders: Hmm, which makes two people who know that: you and the guy who wrote the book.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Primum Non Nocere (#2.16)" (2002)
Sara Sidle: You sucked at team sports, huh?
Greg Sanders: I was captain of the high school chess squad.

Sara Sidle: [Greg is explaining how he was captain of the high school chess squad] Chess is not a sport, Greg. Sports are physical.
Greg Sanders: Well, sex is physical. So is that a sport?
Sara Sidle: Not to me.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Turn of the Screws (#4.21)" (2004)
Greg: [about a rollercoaster malfunction] Nuts don't just pop off by themselves.

Greg Sanders: I found something a little unusual for a roller coaster. Not a sailor but a...
Sara Sidle: Semen? Sex on the roller coaster?
Greg Sanders: Or some kid shaking with shorty.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leapin' Lizards (#7.22)" (2007)
Greg Sanders: [after suspect attacked him] That bitch just bit me!

Catherine Willows: Hey Greg. you up for a bite?
[Greg laughs maniacally]
Greg Sanders: [soberly] No. I am on antibiotics, I had a tetanus shot. I'm having a pretty bad year.
Catherine Willows: Oh it's only a bad year if you do a bad job Greg. You're having a great year.
[she winks at him, Greg rolls his eyes]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Let the Seller Beware (#3.3)" (2002)
Greg Sanders: You infected me with mildew?

Gil Grissom: Greg!
Greg Sanders: Yeah.
Gil Grissom: Take off your shoes and socks.
Greg Sanders: See, now we're getting into this whole strip forensics thing and I'm not too sure I can hang with that - even if you are my boss.
Gil Grissom: Your mother's maiden name was Hojem? Hojem is Norwegian, right?
Greg Sanders: That's right and you know my grandfather was tossed from Norway for getting my grandmother pregnant before they got married. To this day he still tells me, "Som man reder sa ligger man".
Greg Sanders: One must lie in the bed one has made.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Table Stakes (#1.15)" (2001)
Gil Grissom: Have you got the DNA results from the fingernail Catherine found?
Greg Sanders: Yeah. They're not a match to Patrick Haynes.
Gil Grissom: I never figured a man for the fingernail, Greg.
Greg Sanders: But this is where you break out the can of creep repellent. Half of the DNA markers are in common.
Gil Grissom: A possible first degree relative?

Nick Stokes: [walks in to see Greg lively doing his work] What up, G?
Sara Sidle: You're awake, I hate you.
Greg Sanders: Couple glasses of merlot, a rack of lamb on my day off. I slept like a baby yesterday. You look horrible.
Sara Sidle: Thanks, Greg.
[Greg looks at Nick]
Nick Stokes: Don't look at me. I got 'sunshine' all night.
[Nick glances over at Sara who glares back at him, definitely catching exactly who he's calling "sunshine"]
Nick Stokes: Check for DNA in the sexual assault kit and the fingernail, please.
Sara Sidle: Everything has to be in CODIS ASAP.
Greg Sanders: Oh, is that all? I want to know who's going to authorize my overtime?
Sara Sidle: Suck it up, Greg. You're well-rested.
[Sara walks away]
Greg Sanders: [to Nick] You want a valium for her?
Sara Sidle: [from a distance] I heard that!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bully for You (#2.4)" (2001)
Greg Sanders: You smell like death.
Sara Sidle: I've heard.
Greg Sanders: You know... a real man wouldn't mind.

Greg Sanders: You smell like death.
Sara Sidle: I've heard.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Turn, Turn, Turn (#9.16)" (2009)
Greg Sanders: [Greg has found a very decomposed body in the attic of a motel] Always die downstairs.

Greg Sanders: [Nick is in the room next door to where the dead body is when Greg finds him] You, uh, do know the crime scene's in the next room. I always look for the yellow tape.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grave Danger: Part 1 (#5.24)" (2005)
David Hodges: You know, far be it from me to wax nostalgic, but, uh, I kind of miss the old Greg: Ugly T-shirts, goofy hair, semi-pornographic magazines...
Greg Sanders: Yeah, well, at least I had a style to change.

David Hodges: Oh, and by the way, uh, this is just the work me. You haven't had the full David Hodges experience.
Greg Sanders: I think I'm having it right now.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Harvest (#5.3)" (2004)
Sara Sidle: This counts as field work, you know.
Greg Sanders: Oh, I'm smiling on the inside.
Sara Sidle: Dirty laundry or garbage?
[before Greg can answer]
Sara Sidle: You know what? You take garbage.
Greg Sanders: Thanks.

Greg Sanders: [to Mia] So would you like to grab a bite later? I know a diner down the street that serves a mean liver and onions.
Mia Dickerson: I don't eat out.
Greg Sanders: Never ever?
Mia Dickerson: I don't like expectorant.
Greg Sanders: Really?
Mia Dickerson: Kitchen staff talk while they prepare your food and then the wait staff repeats your order over the plate, and by the time you get your meal, there are several DNA samples coating it.
Greg Sanders: Wow.
Mia Dickerson: Yeah. No, thank you.
Mia Dickerson: I don't eat birthday cake either.
Greg Sanders: Oh, blowing out the candles.
Mia Dickerson: Ugh. Don't get me started.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Bullet Runs Through It: Part 1 (#6.7)" (2005)
Greg Sanders: Who keeps a gun in a clay pot?
Hodges: That would be no-one.

Gil Grissom: Make sure you document these skid marks
[walks away]
Greg Sanders: [laughs and says under his breath] He said skid marks.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Viva Las Vegas (#5.1)" (2004)
Greg Sanders: Duct tape. So the shooter stuck the gun in the toilet earlier to avoid the metal detector.
Gil Grissom: Echoes of Michael Corleone.

Greg Sanders: I can tell you that the toilets in the club had blue water.
Gil Grissom: You inspected the toilet bowls for evidence?
Greg Sanders: Well, when you got to go, you got to go.
Gil Grissom: At a crime scene, Greg?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Precious Metal (#3.18)" (2003)
Greg Sanders: I told you, dude was busted.
Gil Grissom: What happened to your enthusiasm, Greg?
Greg Sanders: Well, every time I make another DNA match in here, my world gets a little smaller. Out there, it felt large.
Gil Grissom: Out there means a pay cut.

Gil Grissom: So, lets see. You surf, you scuba dive. You're into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
Greg Sanders: Weird, huh?
Gil Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Lab Rats (#7.20)" (2007)
Hodges: [on seeing Greg covered in spaghetti sauce] Some garlic bread, some nice Chianti maybe?
Greg Sanders: Kiss my ass. I'd like to see you crawl around a dumpster, determining the difference between blood and marinara sauce, with six mobster goons giving you the stink eye.

Greg Sanders: Have any of you guys seen Grissom?
[Henry, Hodges and Wendy turn around and hide the miniature]
Hodges: [they shake their heads no] Some garlic bread? Some wine maybe?
Greg Sanders: Kiss my ass. I'd like to see you crawl around in a dumpster determining the difference between blood and marinara sauce with six mobster goons giving you the stink eye
Henry Andrews: Don't know anything about that, were held up in a lab all day
Greg Sanders: What are you guys doing? You know what forget it, I don't even care. I have to go take a shower, would one of you please call janitorial and have them clean my Denali?
Wendy Simms: Sure
Greg Sanders: Oh and I think the killer might have thrown up in the alley, full panel. Enjoy.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Angle of Attack (#15.11)" (2014)
D.B. Russell: [about 2 options to investigate] Your pick!
Greg Sanders: Needle in a haystack or the impossible jigsaw
D.B. Russell: Why don't you take the easy one?
Greg Sanders: Which one is that?
[DB grins and walks away]

Greg Sanders: [blue lighting some sheets] Well, no crime of passion starts without the passion

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Formalities (#5.7)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: Tough shift.
Greg Sanders: You did say "shift", right?

Catherine Willows: You crack this kid's head open, all that would come out would be T and A.
Greg Sanders: I think you said that about me once.
Catherine Willows: Actually, more than once.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Shot Sherlock? (#5.11)" (2005)
Greg Sanders: So, are you going to say, "The game's afoot"?
Gil Grissom: I didn't know you were a Conan Doyle fan, Greg.
Greg Sanders: I'm not. I saw a Sherlock Holmes movie once, by mistake.
Gil Grissom: Well just so you know, those movies never ended like this.

Gil Grissom: Shag tobacco.
David Hodges: Yeah. How'd you know?
Gil Grissom: That's what Holmes smoked.
David Hodges: Bad habit, even for a fictional character.
Gil Grissom: [to Greg] You do have two suspects with pipes.
Greg Sanders: Yeah. And, uh, smoking kills.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Gum Drops (#6.5)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: I was talking to Tina the other night, she said something that made me think.
Greg Sanders: [coughs] Yoko Ono.

[walks into a basement filled with marijuana]
Greg Sanders: Sweet Mary Jane!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fallen Idols (#7.17)" (2007)
Greg Sanders: Wish I had one of these back in high school.
Nick Stokes: What's that, a letter jacket?
Greg Sanders: No. No, a love shack. Back seat of my car got real old, real fast. I was getting so much play my senior year, I was considering getting a hearse.
Nick Stokes: Well, I never accused you of not being smart Greg. A little weird but... a hearse?

Nick Stokes: And how does your theory account for the fact that all the blood's Ryan's?
Greg Sanders: It... doesn't.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Spark of Life (#5.18)" (2005)
Gil Grissom: I hear our victim is still alive.
Greg Sanders: I don't see why.
Gil Grissom: Well, she's not ready to let go yet.

Sofia Curtis: What's the problem?
Greg Sanders: I'm fine.
Sofia Curtis: You're not.
Greg Sanders: I feel like a wuss. Grissom told me I should take a break, and I did.
Sofia Curtis: Your burn victim.
Greg Sanders: How do you get an image like that out of your mind?
Sofia Curtis: You go home. You, ah, hug your cat, your dog, your pillow. You have a beer, you watch a movie, and then you come back tomorrow.
Greg Sanders: Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Sofia Curtis: Rumor has it you used to be a pretty funny guy. Don't lose that.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Goodbye and Good Luck (#8.7)" (2007)
Greg Sanders: Looks like our vic was in a goth band. You know, I used to be goth.
Nick Stokes: Mh-hmm.
Greg Sanders: Yeah, the goth-thing was just an act. Chicks dug it.
Nick Stokes: How does that work?
Greg Sanders: You act depressed to get chicks, you get depressed chicks.

Greg Sanders: If you've got a band, you've got a blog.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Pledging Mr. Johnson (#1.4)" (2000)
Warrick Brown: Radiohead? Or Rage Against the Machine?
Greg Sanders: Actually it's an audio book, restriction enzyme analysis and DNA typing. PCR fingerprinting. Choice.

Greg Sanders: Come hither!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Book of Shadows (#15.4)" (2014)
Greg Sanders: And he is wearing a robe!
David Hodges: Helps me get into it! Come on, this is Vegas, anything goes. Where can't you find a good relic robe?
Greg Sanders: Well, did the robe help?
David Hodges: It did! I think I know what the witched cooked in the Wiccan kitchen. And if you step into my Wiccan kitchen, I'll be happy to explain.

Greg Sanders: I got your text
Detective Kevin Crawford: I got your suspect. I don't think he's gonna be talking much.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Way to Go (#6.24)" (2006)
Greg Sanders: [about Brass]
[to Grissom]
Greg Sanders: Just between you and me, does he always wear a suit?
Greg Sanders: Like when you guys go to dinner or the movies or whatever it is when you hang out.
Greg Sanders: Cause' I got to tell ya. The thought of him in a sweater, it freaks me out
Gil Grissom: We don't hang out, Greg.
Greg Sanders: No kidding, I just assumed

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Evaluation Day (#1.22)" (2001)
Greg Sanders: [turns to Sara] Squirrels love'm,
[turns to Nick]
Greg Sanders: they get tossed at the Dodgers Stadium,
[turns back to Sara]
Greg Sanders: and they make a hell of a butter.
Sara Sidle: You're nuts, you know that?
Greg Sanders: Exacomundo. PEANUTS! Right scopes' the skin, left scopes the shell of the nut. Think peanuts Espanol.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Time of Your Death (#6.22)" (2006)
Sara Sidle: Please tell me there's something more to this 'guys and cars' thing besides the obvious penis extension metaphors.
Greg Sanders: So you want me to lie.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Random Acts of Violence (#3.13)" (2003)
[after Nick takes Archie to a crime scene at a software company]
Greg Sanders: I thought we had a relationship going! What are you doing taking Archie into the field instead of me?
Nick Stokes: Right tool for the right job, man.
Greg Sanders: What do you mean?
Nick Stokes: Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?
Archie: Original, TNG, Deep Space Nine, Voyager or Enterprise?
Greg Sanders: Point taken.
Archie: ...Or were you thinking about Farscape?
Nick Stokes: I have no idea what you are talking about.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Room Service (#6.2)" (2005)
[Nick & Warrick walk towards Greg from behind, both talking loud]
Nick Stokes: I thought Greg was in the field. Is he back in the lab?
Warrick Brown: I don't know.
Nick Stokes: We've got to clear this up. It's like he's confused. Lab, field, field, lab. We have a lab on wheels.
Greg Sanders: How about you guys just shut up, all right? I'm doing this as a favor for Ecklie. It's a one-time thing. He's still interviewing lab techs.
Warrick Brown: You're making overtime?
Greg Sanders: I'm taking one for the team.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Abra Cadaver (#3.5)" (2002)
Sara Sidle: You didn't beep me for a magic trick.
Greg Sanders: Swami doesn't do magic tricks, Swami is here to reveal all your DNA secrets
Sara Sidle: I'm very busy Greg.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Kiss Kiss, Bye Bye (#6.13)" (2006)
[after Grissom refused to take dinner for the whole crew from a victim while the investigation was still running]
Greg Sanders: Tuna - and the homeless are dining on shrimp salad...

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: I-15 Murders (#1.11)" (2001)
Greg Sanders: Just remember that my saliva is getting on you and your saliva is getting on me.
Nick Stokes: That's gross.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: And Then There Were None (#2.9)" (2001)
Greg Sanders: What *don't* you know?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dog Eat Dog (#6.9)" (2005)
Greg Sanders: [referring to all of the hot dogs he just bought] ... And now there are over 50 major brands.
Gil Grissom: Well, good luck. I'm rooting for you.
Greg Sanders: Hopefully I'll find a weener!
[referring to winner]
Greg Sanders: .

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dead in His Tracks (#14.22)" (2014)
Nick Stokes: Well, it doesn't look like he is going to make that 3.10 train to Yuma, he super Greg?
Greg Sanders: Let's say he has caught his last ride

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The CSI Effect (#15.1)" (2014)
Greg Sanders: In light of recent events, I think I may have found something, that is unless I am crazy!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Descent of Man (#9.19)" (2009)
Nick Stokes: Those Persian dudes are tough, man.
Dr. Raymond Langston: Well, they were once an empire that stretched half-way across the known world. The greek playwright, Aeschylus, wrote about the territorial ambitions of the Persian empire against Greece in his great cycle of tragedy and war "The Persians." Um - fifth century BC.
Riley Adams: I will definitely put that on my reading list.
Nick Stokes: Um-hmm.
Riley Adams: Does anybody wanna grab some breakfast?
Nick Stokes: Yeah. Yep.
Greg Sanders: Why are you always thinking about food?
Dr. Raymond Langston: None of you has read Aeschylus?
Nick Stokes: I've been meaning to.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Poppin' Tags (#6.20)" (2006)
Nick Stokes: [Showing Greg a picture of a male rap singer in a bikini] I'm gussing this is not his next album cover.
Greg Sanders: I hope not!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: House of Hoarders (#11.5)" (2010)
Sara Sidle: Take a left at the sewing machine and a right by the Mason Jars.
Greg Sanders: [looking around] Which sewing machine?
Sara Sidle: Just follow the North Star!
[Shines her torch on the ceiling]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Space Oddity (#9.20)" (2009)
Greg Sanders: [after watching the fanboys denounce "Astro Quest Redux"] So let me get this straight: some nerd takes a cheesy '60s sci-fi show and turns it into something a little more realistic - minus the spaceship, of course - and the other nerds get pissed off enough that they beat him up and kill him over it?
Archie Johnson: People don't like it when you mess with their heroes.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: King Baby (#5.15)" (2005)
Gil Grissom: Question. You come home, see your husband lying in the driveway, what do you do?
Greg Sanders: ...Is that a trick question?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Blood Lust (#3.9)" (2002)
Greg Sanders: I'm afraid I don't have time for your humour, Ecklie has a multiple, Warrick tells me his home invasion is top of the heap and I'm still backed up with Catherine's no suspect rape. It's like one servant many masters, you know what I'm saying?
Gil Grissom: Greg, this is your DNA lab. You are the master. We serve you.
Greg Sanders: Your stuff just moved to the top of the pile.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cool Change (#1.2)" (2000)
Greg Sanders: Cath? Your DNA results are back. According to my DNA data, the chances are 814 quadrillion to one - that your suspect is our killer. Pretty good stats...
Catherine Willows: Yeah, considering there are only six billion people in world.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Appendicitement (#10.9)" (2009)
Greg Sanders: Henry, my friend, you are about to have the best birthday of your life because we are taking you to the one, the only, Harry's. Hog. Hideout.
Henry Andrews: What's a Hog Hideout?
Nick Stokes: It's only the best barbecue know to mankind. It's a little bit of a drive but don't worry. Greg knows where it is.
Greg Sanders: [laughs] I thought you said you knew where it is.
Henry Andrews: [sometime later/imitating Nick] It's just a bit of a drive y'all.
[as himself]
Henry Andrews: Look if this place is so great then how come I've never heard of it?
Nick Stokes: Come on man. A little trust, baby. Come on it's your birthday.
Greg Sanders: Yeah.
Henry Andrews: I hate my birthdays. They always suck.
[they round the corner, revealing a full moon]
Henry Andrews: Oh great, we've got a full moon tonight too, so every nut job in the state will be out.
David Hodges: I'm surprised at you Henry. There's absolutely no statistical evidence linking lunar cycle to an increase in irrational, careless, or criminal behavior.
Nick Stokes: [seeing a car coming straight on ahead of them] Are you sure about that?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bodies in Motion (#6.1)" (2005)
[Greg puts his hand in the soupy goop in the trunk and pulls the drain plug back - the goop splashes on his face]
Sara Sidle: Technically, that makes you a cannibal.
Sara Sidle: [pause] Grissom would be proud.
Greg Sanders: Grissom would've tasted it on purpose.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grissom Versus the Volcano (#4.9)" (2003)
Warrick Brown: Checking glassware for spots?
Greg Sanders: [examining a wine glass] You know, a hot tub is just like a dishwasher. Washes away all of the impurities.
Warrick Brown: Including hydrofluoric acid, huh?
Greg Sanders: [speaking in a French accent and showing Warrick a sample jar of wine] '93 Pinot. Either it was a bad year for wine or a bad year for Amelia. I found trace amounts of hydrofluoric acid in the vino.
Warrick Brown: So, somebody did spike the wine?
Greg Sanders: Oui.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Ending Happy (#7.21)" (2007)
Greg Sanders: You know, I kind of feel bad for these girls.
Hodges: Don't feel too bad. They have health benefits, good pay. The women get regular check-ups. The industry is well-regulated. As opposed to picking a hooker up off the street. Does she have a disease? Multiple diseases? Is she crazy? Is she gonna roll you? Where do you go? Do you do it in your car, behind a building, down a dark alley? So you drive around, scared out of your mind, finally get the nerve up, pick one you like, call her over, she gets in. Next thing you know, you're down on the pavement, cuffed, because she's an undercover cop, but luckily you were three months shy of your eighteenth birthday so when you call your mom to come get you, it doesn't go on my permanent record.
Greg Sanders: [momentarily speechless] ... Okay.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Butterflied (#4.12)" (2004)
Greg Sanders: [spoken while Grissom is looking under a microscope] That's the hair from the spare bedroom.
Gil Grissom: There's an oily film on the surface of the hair.
Greg Sanders: Propylene glycol. Active ingredient in Rogaine, for male pattern baldness. Personally, I don't use the stuff, but my grandfather Papa Olaf - he was Bruce Willis at age sixteen. Lucky for me, baldness comes from the mother's side, so I'm safe...
Gil Grissom: [interrupting] Greg, please, I'm very tired.
Greg Sanders: Well, maybe the guy we're looking for is going bald... or trying not to. According to Papa Olaf, a lot of guys who use Rogaine also use Propecia, kind of like a cocktail. I ran the hair through MassSpec. I got four peaks - ethyl alcohol, propylene glycol, minoxidil, and finasteride.
Gil Grissom: Finasteride, the chemical name for Propecia.
Greg Sanders: But wait, there's more, and it's a family secret. Sexual. Happens in less than two percent of users.
Greg Sanders: Papa Olaf was one of those people that needed hydraulics.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Road to Recovery (#15.7)" (2014)
Greg Sanders: But the bottom line is, we've been working with the wrong cause of death
Dr. Al Robbins: And with the wrong cause of death, you most likely have the wrong killer

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Unbearable (#5.14)" (2005)
Greg Sanders: If you've added up every cent I've made in my entire life, I still wouldn't be able to afford half this car... It's art. And I'd have every girl in the neighborhood after me.
Sofia Curtis: Not when they saw your apartment.
Sara Sidle: You've been to Greg's apartment?
Sofia Curtis: Who hasn't?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Living Legend (#7.9)" (2006)
Hodges: You know what makes bones glow?
Greg Sanders: Love?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: What's Eating Gilbert Grissom? (#5.6)" (2004)
[Greg works on live maggots in a container with a scotch tape along its edges]
Catherine Willows: What's with the tape?
Greg Sanders: The evidence wasn't cooperating, so I stuck it to them.
Catherine Willows: [smiling] Cute...

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Spellbound (#6.19)" (2006)
Gil Grissom: What am I thinking?
Greg Sanders: That I'm due for a promotion?
Gil Grissom: That you should focus on your other five senses.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A La Cart (#8.2)" (2007)
Nick Stokes: You know when I was a kid we used to make these out of lunch trays and mower motors.
Greg Sanders: When I was a kid, I made bombs.
[Nick looks at Greg]
Greg Sanders: Little bombs.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Killer (#6.14)" (2006)
Greg Sanders: Nobody throws away porn! They're like heirlooms passed down the family line!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Anonymous (#1.8)" (2000)
Greg Sanders: So... what's the pot up to?
Nick Stokes: We don't bet on cases.
Greg Sanders: Ah. Of course you don't. So who's winning?
Nick Stokes, Warrick Brown: I am.
Greg Sanders: Fiends.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Take My Life, Please (#10.20)" (2010)
Greg Sanders: Well, having dabbled in the art of discrete hair coloration myself in my younger, more experimental days, I know a thing or two about the calibration of highlights and low-lights required to obtain certain effects.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Play with Fire (#3.22)" (2003)
Greg Sanders: I'm about to rock you world!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Secrets & Flies (#6.6)" (2005)
Greg Sanders: That's all I got, so sorry.
Catherine Willows: Greg, never apologize for doing your job.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: $35K O.B.O. (#1.18)" (2001)
Nick Stokes: Hey, Greg
Greg Sanders: [looking through the microscope] Shh! I might be looking at the mother of my children here.
Nick Stokes: Somebody's been putting in way too much overtime.
Greg Sanders: No, man, this is serious. I had a date last night and this girl has the most impossible green eyes. Just... BAM! Shoulder-length blonde hair, intelligent, and she smells so good.
Nick Stokes: Cute toes?
Greg Sanders: Oh, ideal!
Nick Stokes: Mmm.
Greg Sanders: And none are longer than the big toe.
Nick Stokes: Mmm.
Greg Sanders: Both feet. But, you know, what I need to know is what's on the inside?
Nick Stokes: Oh, what's in her heart?
Greg Sanders: No... her DNA. And let me tell you, this girl has got some fine epithelials.
Nick Stokes: [laughing] Dude, you're sick. Man, you've officially lost it!
Greg Sanders: No, no. There is this guy in Louisville. He charges 300 clams to test your spouse's underwear for foreign DNA. Now, that guy is sick. I'm just a romantic.
Nick Stokes: But whatever happened to getting to know someone over coffee, letting the relationship evolve? Romantic is sending flowers, not bogarting her skin cells.
Greg Sanders: Ahh, that's boring.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix (#7.23)" (2007)
Greg Sanders: [after Grissom tells him that he has to work dayshift because they're shorthanded] Why can't days keep anybody?
Gil Grissom: Money, stress, Ecklie... maybe.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Chasing the Bus (#2.18)" (2002)
Gil Grissom: Did you enjoy being in the field?
Greg Sanders: You heard about it too?
Gil Grissom: What?
Greg Sanders: That I... messed up.
Gil Grissom: No.
Greg Sanders: Well, then I enjoyed it fine.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Keep Calm and Carry-On (#14.12)" (2014)
Greg Sanders: I did meet a guy named "The Goat", who says he'll eat anything for a dollar.
Sara Sidle: He have a pierced ear?
Greg Sanders: Yeah.
Sara Sidle: I had to get evidence OUT of him once.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Overload (#2.3)" (2001)
Catherine Willows: Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there.
Greg Sanders: Yeah, your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Long Road Home (#14.17)" (2014)
[In a dark alley]
Morgan Brody: Ugh, this place reeks!
Greg Sanders: Really? I hadn't notice

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Night at the Movies (#3.19)" (2003)
Greg Sanders: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. You swab one down and run it through CODIS, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nick Stokes: What ever happened to 'take one down pass it around'? That's the best part.
Greg Sanders: You know, us labrats have to do something to get through the day.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: 19 Down (#9.9)" (2008)
Gil Grissom: So, let's assume that 'shoe print' was involved in all four murders. It's possible that he knew, Gerald, right? Is it also possible that he was an accomplice of D.J.K.?
Greg Sanders: That would explain the 9 post-mortem stab wounds in Ian Wallace. It's a continuation of the master's work.
Catherine Willows: But if he was D.J.K.'s helper, back in the day, why go quiet for 10 years then suddenly start killing again?
Greg Sanders: Maybe he was doing time?
Catherine Willows: And when he realized that his old partner turned informant, he got scared and killed him.
Gil Grissom: Maybe that's what brought the old thrill back. Once these guys get a taste, it never seems to go away.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Crash and Burn (#3.17)" (2003)
[about a case involving an elderly woman who crashed into a restaurant]
Sara Sidle: What do you have, Greg?
Greg Sanders: Well, maybe she had the munchies. Tox screen came back. Mrs. Lambert tested positive for cannibus sativa.
Sara Sidle: Grass?
Greg Sanders: "Grass?" So seventies, man! Sticky green, dank, chronic, cush, happy stick, wacky tobaccy.
Sara Sidle: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Grandma was high?
Greg Sanders: Yeah.
Sara Sidle: Grandma was high?
Greg Sanders: As a kite.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Boom (#1.13)" (2001)
Greg Sanders: I would never doubt your word.
Catherine Willows: Smart man.