Warrick Brown
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Quotes for
Warrick Brown (Character)
from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000)

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"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Room Service (#6.2)" (2005)
[Warrick snaps photos of the dead body]
Dr. Al Robbins: Julian Harper. If it weren't for the cyanosis, I'd say he was doing a photo shoot for GQ.
Warrick Brown: Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't ready for *this* photo shoot.

[Robbins takes a camera out to snap photos of dead Julian Harper]
Warrick Brown: What are you doing?
Dr. Al Robbins: It's for my scrapbook. I've got a perfect spot for him: A place of honor between Tupac and Entwistle.

Nick Stokes: Julian Harper. Wasn't he supposed to be like the next Brad Pitt or something?
Warrick Brown: Yeah. Now he's the next River Phoenix.

Warrick Brown: Sex, drugs and movies - The American Dream.

David Hodges: I was just having the greatest dream.
Warrick Brown: You were out.
David Hodges: It was the 80's and I had this Don Johnson beard, you know, the "Miami Vice" stubble. It just gave me this air of danger. My lady loved it.

[Nick & Warrick walk towards Greg from behind, both talking loud]
Nick Stokes: I thought Greg was in the field. Is he back in the lab?
Warrick Brown: I don't know.
Nick Stokes: We've got to clear this up. It's like he's confused. Lab, field, field, lab. We have a lab on wheels.
Greg Sanders: How about you guys just shut up, all right? I'm doing this as a favor for Ecklie. It's a one-time thing. He's still interviewing lab techs.
Warrick Brown: You're making overtime?
Greg Sanders: I'm taking one for the team.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bully for You (#2.4)" (2001)
Warrick Brown: I thought it was our job to speak for the victim no matter what it took... and to hell with the budgets.
Gil Grissom: Our job is to think, Warrick. Machinery should never matter more than our mind.

Catherine Willows: So what were you in high school, Nick?
Nick Stokes: Me? I was... dependable.
Catherine Willows: Dependable?
Warrick Brown: He's trying to say he was unpopular.

[investigating a murder in high school]
Warrick Brown: What were you: a jock or a brain?
Gil Grissom: I was a ghost.

Nick Stokes: Shut up. She was not.
Warrick Brown: I saw her in action.
Nick Stokes: Really?
Warrick Brown: Yeah, she was.
Nick Stokes: Catherine?
Catherine Willows: I was what?
Warrick Brown: I was just telling Nick how you were a big bully in high school.
Catherine Willows: A bully? All right, I guess I was. But, I mean, not the kind that people want to take a gun out and shoot.
Warrick Brown: No.
Nick Stokes: No, no. You were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress.
Catherine Willows: Like you, Nick, huh? Oh, Nick... what were you in high school?
Nick Stokes: Me? I was, uh... I was "dependable".
Catherine Willows: Dependable.
Nick Stokes: Mmhmm.
Catherine Willows: Dependable jock, dependable stoner?
Nick Stokes: No. Never a strap, never a smoker. Just all-around "dependable" guy, I guess.
Warrick Brown: Cath laughs. right before Sara walks into the break room: What Nick's trying to say he was unpopular.
Nick Stokes: pointing at Warrick for emphasis: No, no I'll tell you what I wasn't; I wasn't a Mac Daddy wannabe with a 'Members Only' jacket.
Warrick Brown: What's wrong with those Member's Only jackets? They were kinda cool back in the day.
Sara Sidle: Nick, Ronny's got something on Liquid Man, says it's hot.
Nick Stokes: Great.
Warrick Brown: Hey Sara, what were you in high school?
Sara Sidle: Nick walks past her and sniffs: Science nerd.
Nick Stokes: whispers: You changed? But you still smell. Let's go.

Catherine Willows: So that leaves you, Warrick. What were you?
Warrick Brown: Oh, I was short, I had big feet, thick glasses.
Warrick Brown: You?
Warrick Brown: Yeah. I got pushed around by all the guys and never got any play from the girls.
Catherine Willows: The girls didn't even notice your eyes?
Warrick Brown: No, they used to tease me about my eyes. Called me names.
Catherine Willows: Aww, well, what do they know? They're your best feature.

Catherine Willows: So how's your new toy working out?
Warrick Brown: It's been downsized.
Catherine Willows: Bummer. I know how you wanted to see that thing work.
Warrick Brown: Well, it's the same difference, really. Air is drawn into the last tube the chalk absorbs the chemicals from the air. And mass spec will break it down at the lab.
Catherine Willows: So why did you need the expensive one in the first place?
Warrick Brown: [Cath smiles at his honesty] 'Cause it was cool.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Accused Is Entitled (#3.2)" (2002)
Warrick Brown: You don't recognize that guy, do you? It's Tom Haviland, movie star.
Gil Grissom: Clark Gable was a movie star.

Gil Grissom: Tom Haviland's attorneys are not waiving time.
Nick Stokes: Are you serious?
Sara Sidle: They're actually exercising their right to a speedy trial?
Gil Grissom: No requests for continuances, no stall tactics. They're pushing for their day in court.
Warrick Brown: Good defense attorney always does the last thing you expect.
Catherine Willows: Yeah. What typically drags on for months has now been put on the fast track and the prelim is less than 72 hours.
Greg Sanders: I'm only done processing half the evidence.
Catherine Willows: You're going to have to call in help, because if the judge thinks that our evidence isn't strong enough to go to trial, he's going to dismiss the charges on Tom.
Sara Sidle: Can't the D.A. drop the charges and we'll refile when we get our evidence together?
Catherine Willows: Sure, but the odds are that Tom will relocate to Europe and pull a Polanski.
Greg Sanders: And what's a Polanski?
Gil Grissom: Get-out-of-jail-free card. One more thing: Westcott just added a forensic scientist to their roster. She wants him to examine every piece of evidence we have against Haviland.
Nick Stokes: As soon as it's processed they'll get a copy of our report.
Gil Grissom: They're entitled to see it as it's processed.
Nick Stokes: I've never done a case where the defendant took advantage of that rule of discovery.
Gil Grissom: Well, when you can't attack the evidence itself, you attack the method of gathering the evidence.
Sara Sidle: So who's their guy?
Gil Grissom: Dr. Phillip Gerard.
Sara Sidle: Phillip Gerard? Your mentor is their forensic scientist?
Gil Grissom: Yeah. Marjorie Westcott's a smart lawyer.

Warrick Brown: I just got served. Movie star's lawyer wants the shirt that I wore to the crime scene.
Gil Grissom: So give it to him.
Gil Grissom: I had to throw it out.
Gil Grissom: Why?
Warrick Brown: It was covered in the blood from the accident victim.
Gil Grissom: Well, you have to find it; otherwise, it'll look like you've got something to hide.
Warrick Brown: Oh, CSI's on trial now?
Gil Grissom: CSI's always on trial, Warrick; you know this. Burden of proof is on us.

Warrick Brown: Damn! Why didn't I see that coming? Gambling?
Nick Stokes: Hey, we're all in Nevada. It's legal; don't worry about it.
Warrick Brown: Legal doesn't matter in there. You know the judge is going to throw out our blood evidence, right?
Nick Stokes: Truth is, it is compromised, Warrick.
Warrick Brown: The blood is fine. It's their methods that are dirty.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leapin' Lizards (#7.22)" (2007)
Warrick Brown: Fire in the hole!
[Warrick fires gun]
Nick Stokes: [flinching] You're supposed to let me get these things on.
[he indicates the muffs around his neck]
Warrick Brown: Hey, you were supposed to be ready. I don't know man. Maybe it would work out better if Tina was someone who did what we did. At least she'd understand the hours.
Nick Stokes: Well, I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea to date someone you work with. You never really get to get away from work, or them the way you need to.
Warrick Brown: You mean like you and me, Baby?
Nick Stokes: Yeah exactly, Honey.

Gil Grissom: Did you know that pigs are very intelligent animals? Right behind chimps, dolphins, and elephants.
Warrick Brown: Ahead of dogs?
Gil Grissom: And certain politicians.

David Phillips: [looking at stuffed head] This is a career first.
Warrick Brown: A little tip for you. The new Mrs. Phillips doesn't need to hear that.
David Phillips: Are you kidding me, she'll want to hear every detail. Why do you think I married her?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Table Stakes (#1.15)" (2001)
Warrick Brown: What ever happened, "To cross the tape, go the distance"?
Catherine Willows: [dials number on cell phone] I was probably saying that to get you to service my needs at the time.
Catherine Willows: [Sara answers]
[still half asleep]
Catherine Willows: Hello.
Catherine Willows: Hey Sara you sleepin'?
Sara Sidle: [sighs] Yeah.
Catherine Willows: Aww...

Warrick Brown: Whatever happened to, "You cross the tape, you go the distance."?
Catherine Willows: I was probably saying that to get you to service my needs at the time.

Warrick Brown: This is a big case, I'm in a groove here.
Catherine Willows: Well, groove on down to the strip.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Chaos Theory (#2.2)" (2001)
Gil Grissom: They have this system in place when you went to school here?
Warrick Brown: With all the stuff me and my boys got away with, it's probably why they have them now.

Warrick Brown: Nice try, Nostradamus.

Warrick Brown: Where have you been?
Gil Grissom: I can't be everywhere, and they've banned human cloning.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Pilot (#1.1)" (2000)
Warrick Brown: Whose blood is that?
Gil Grissom: The new girl. Want to donate?
Warrick Brown: Hell, no.

Catherine Willows: What do you think?
Warrick Brown: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job, I can always tell when a whitey's talking out of his ass. It's a gift.

Nick Stokes: Is there anything you won't bet on, man?
Warrick Brown: Nah.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fannysmackin' (#7.4)" (2006)
Nick Stokes: I am sick of these punks, man. I'm serious, I'm sick of it.
Warrick Brown: Then you're in the wrong town.
Nick Stokes: Maybe.

Cole 'Pig' Tritt: Man, you're weak, weak, weak, weak.
[Nick walks up to him]
Cole 'Pig' Tritt: I'm sorry, you're not weak. You're a joke.
Warrick Brown: Nick, Nick.
[Nick looks at Warrick, grinning; Warrick shakes his head; Nick hits Tritt. Warrick runs over and pulls Nick back]
Cole 'Pig' Tritt: Man, anyone get that on video?
[holds up his cell phone]
Cole 'Pig' Tritt: I'll take a picture myself.

Catherine Willows: Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen.
Warrick Brown: About time. Finally some good news.
Catherine Willows: Did you know Pig, a.k.a Cole Tritt, was the only adult? The rest were all under 18. One was 14.
Warrick Brown: You're kidding. Who raises these kids?
Catherine Willows: I mean, they weren't all delinquents. Demetrius James was a college student.
Nick Stokes: Hangin' out with the wrong crowd in the wrong town. I'm tellin' ya, havin' a fake I.D in Las Vegas is like havin' a - a free ticket on the hell train. Sex, drugs, gambling, no adult supervision, 24/7, by the time they're 21 they've done and seen it all.
Catherine Willows: Make me slit my wrists why don't ya? I'm raising a teenager here.
Warrick Brown: Ah, you're doin' a great job, Linds is gonna turn out to be a beautiful young woman. Besides, I grew up in Vegas, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?
Nick Stokes: Yeah. That was pre-Mirage. Back when you were goin' to the casino, playin' the arcade games. Nah, Vegas is a different animal now.
Warrick Brown: Yeah, these kids need to beat people up in the street to be entertained. They need some good discipline, they need their grandmother whuppin' their ass like I had.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, a good slap.
Sara Sidle: You know, it kinda sounds like you guys are blaming everyone but these kids. I mean, you don't get a bye just because you grew up here or your parents are on drugs or - - those kids were perfectly capable of telling the difference between a wild night out and beating somebody to death.
Gil Grissom: The truth is, a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, it can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore. And unfortunately this city is built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want, we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from killing someone. And evidently you don't even have to feel bad about it.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Sounds of Silence (#1.20)" (2001)
Sara Sidle: What was that all about? Grissom signs?
Warrick Brown: You know he drinks when he goes out at night?
Sara Sidle: He goes out?
Warrick Brown: Exactly. Who knows anything about that guy?

[Grissom wouldn't tell them how he learnt sign language]
Sara Sidle: [coming into the room] What was that all about? Grissom signs?
Warrick Brown: What does Grissom drink when he goes out at night?
Sara Sidle: He goes out?
Warrick Brown: Exactly. Who knows anything about that guy?

[Grissom walks in with a witness]
Sara Sidle: Well, now we know why Grissom's late.
Warrick Brown: Ahh, you just don't like any other women in his life.
Sara Sidle: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Pledging Mr. Johnson (#1.4)" (2000)
Warrick Brown: Radiohead? Or Rage Against the Machine?
Greg Sanders: Actually it's an audio book, restriction enzyme analysis and DNA typing. PCR fingerprinting. Choice.

Warrick Brown: Well, you know Grissom, shortest distance between two points is science. For Catherine, it's pounding the pavement.

Warrick Brown: Only clue he's got is a missing boat, which sucks because... it's missing.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Friends & Lovers (#1.5)" (2000)
Gil Grissom: Teenage wasteland.
Warrick Brown: Who?
Gil Grissom: Yeah!

Warrick Brown: Where are you going?
Gil Grissom: Away.
[Rides a rollercoaster alone]

Gil Grissom: I was flying to a seminar in New Hampshire a couple of summers ago. I was sitting in the plane next to a Philosophy Professor from Harvard. He told me this story about how every morning he takes a leak right after his three-hour philosophy class. He flushed the toilet, there'd be this tiny brown spider fighting for its life against the swirling water. He came back the next day, flush. Same spider, clawing its way back from oblivion. A week goes by, he decides to liberate the spider. Grabs a paper towel, scoops him up and sets him on the floor in the corner of the stall. Comes back the next day, and what do you think happened to the spider?
Warrick Brown: Dead.
Gil Grissom: On his back, eight legs in the air. Why? Because one life imposed itself on another. Right then I realized where we stand. I understood our role. We don't impose our will. We don't impose our hopes on the evidence.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Are You? (#1.6)" (2000)
[Eddie, Cath's ex is accused of rape]
Gil Grissom: What's the status?
Catherine Willows: Skin samples from under the women's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises. But Eddie's style has always been very... involved. Vigorous.
Gil Grissom: ...Vigorous.
Warrick Brown: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough.
Catherine Willows: Thank you, Warrick.

Gil Grissom: So. How's the thing Catherine passed off to you going?
Warrick Brown: What thing?
Gil Grissom: The thing with Eddie Willows?
Warrick Brown: Er, good.
Gil Grissom: You called the DMV yet?
Warrick Brown: I was just about to.
Gil Grissom: Hmm. Warrick, why would you call the DMV on a rape charge?
Warrick Brown: [looks at Catherine] If you want me to suave anybody, I gotta know the shot.
Catherine Willows: I'm sorry. I didn't pass it off.
Gil Grissom: Really?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Invisible Evidence (#4.7)" (2003)
Catherine Willows: Hey you.
Warrick Brown: Hey.
Catherine Willows: How... are you holding up?
Warrick Brown: I'm fine.
Catherine Willows: You sure?
Warrick Brown: Yeah.
Catherine Willows: You're in the women's bathroom.
Warrick Brown: [laughs] Oh, God. I'm sorry.
Catherine Willows: [laughs and puts her hands up] Hey. I'm all for it.

David Hodges: Hey, I heard about court today. Must have been embarrassing, huh?
Warrick Brown: Hodges, why'd you leave L.A. again? Never mind, it's probably none of my business.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Poppin' Tags (#6.20)" (2006)
Nick Stokes: [Searching the body hanging from the tree] Either these kids were travelling light, or they were robbed blind!
Warrick Brown: Who'd rob them up there - Andre the Giant?

[Warrick has concluded that the shooter was moving fast while firing]
Dr. Al Robbins: Drive by?
Warrick Brown: With a hit-and-run chaser.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Let the Seller Beware (#3.3)" (2002)
Nick Stokes: You can *not* be *serious*!
Warrick Brown: Hey! John MacEnroe. Where's the game?

Warrick Brown: [Warrick opens the closet door to find a cardboard figure of the Realtor inside] Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Now, that's something.
Nick Stokes: What the hell is THAT?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Lady Heather's Box (#3.15)" (2003)
Gil Grissom: There's seminal fluid all over the place.
Sara Sidle: Is this a dance club or a sex club?
Warrick Brown: A little of both. Don't you love this town?
Sara Sidle: Whatever you say, Superfly.

Warrick Brown: [Grissom's going through evidence and holds up a thong] I was wondering where I put my nice silver satin thong.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Unfriendly Skies (#1.9)" (2000)
[the team are re-enacting a fight on a plane; Warrick and Nick play a married couple]
Warrick Brown: [to Nick] Go protect me, honey.
Nick Stokes: [while moving to the aisle] Excuse me... buttercup.

Sara Sidle: We were just talking about murder and whether we would commit it. I couldn't, Warrick could and Nick's on the fence. We're taking an exit poll.
Nick Stokes: Catherine, you're a mother. You and Lindsey are on that plane. How far do you go?
Catherine Willows: All the way.
Sara Sidle: [surprised] You didn't even hesitate.
Catherine Willows: That's right. If it involves the protection of my child I fight to the death.
Warrick Brown: See? We have four people here, all with different opinions. Think of how the passengers must have felt.
Sara Sidle: What do you think, Grissom?
Gil Grissom: I can't answer that question.
Catherine Willows: That's a cop-out. It's a simple question. What would you have done if you had been one of those passengers?
Gil Grissom: It's not about that. You all have different opinions but you've taken the same point of view. You've put yourself in the shoes of the passengers, but nobody's put themselves in the shoes of the victim. That's the point.
Sara Sidle: I'm sorry. What are you saying?
Gil Grissom: Nobody stopped to ask Candlewell if he was all right. They just assumed, because he was kicking the back of Nate's seat, that he was a jerk - because he was pushing his call button that he was bothering the Flight Attendant - because he was trying to get into the lavatory he was making a scene - because he was going back and forth up and down the aisles, he was posing a threat.
Catherine Willows: He was a threat.
Gil Grissom: No. He turned into a threat. It didn't have to be that way. People make assumptions. That's the problem. You just did. And I think these passengers made the wrong assumption and now this guy's dead.
Warrick Brown: Well, if that's your stance how could it have been prevented?
Gil Grissom: If just one person had stopped and taken the time to look at the guy, to listen to him, to figure out what was wrong with him it might not have happened. It took five people to kill him. It would've only taken one person to save his life.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grave Danger: Part 1 (#5.24)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: You know, Tina doesn't like me carrying a gun. I play down the fact that I'm a cop when I'm with her anyway.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, yeah, you play the scientist card: You're a "copologist".

Sara Sidle: Ether? That's old school.
Warrick Brown: Yeah, stuff is volatile, flammable. Outside of meth cooks, no one uses it anymore.
Gil Grissom: People use what they know.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bodies in Motion (#6.1)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: Why is there a ring on your ring finger?
Warrick Brown: Because I'm married.
Catherine Willows: What?
Detective Vartan: Congratulations. How much did you pay her?

Warrick Brown: You know, what happened to Nick - it just got me thinking. Life is so short, you know? It's almost... it's almost shorter than we wanna ever believe.
Catherine Willows: "Live for the day."
Warrick Brown: Exactly. So, I, ah, I've been heading to ask this young lady I've been seeing, Tina, to marry me.
Catherine Willows: You know that I'm happy for you.
Warrick Brown: Yeah?
Catherine Willows: Yeah.
Warrick Brown: Well, it also feels like you're not so happy for me.
Catherine Willows: Warrick...
[pause]
Catherine Willows: You know, the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you lose that possibility - it just kind of sucks.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Middle (#5.16)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: Who do you like?
Catherine Willows: Charlotte. My mother grew up in North Carolina.
Warrick Brown: Okay, I'll give you Charlotte +2.
Catherine Willows: What do I get if I win?
Warrick Brown: How about a fabulous dinner.
Catherine Willows: I'll take your action.

Catherine Willows: The only thing that sports book means to me is guys without showers.
Warrick Brown: [laughs] That's actually true.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Gum Drops (#6.5)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: This microscope I got from the high school is a joke.

Warrick Brown: I was talking to Tina the other night, she said something that made me think.
Greg Sanders: [coughs] Yoko Ono.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fallen Idols (#7.17)" (2007)
Sara Sidle: You know, when I was in college, I had this boyfriend - and I thought we were monogamous. Then one night during the post-coital panty search, he handed a pair of underwear that wasn't mine.
Warrick Brown: Ooh! How'd he explain that one?
Sara Sidle: He said they belonged to his sister...
Warrick Brown: Yeah right... Let's hope your taste in men has improved.
Sara Sidle: Yeah...

Warrick Brown: What's a photography teacher doing touching a student's van?
Gil Grissom: [mock seriously] Maybe she wanted a ride.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Secrets & Flies (#6.6)" (2005)
David Hodges: You remember your geology.
Catherine Willows: Yes! Actually, senior year I took "rocks for jocks", I dated the TA.
Warrick Brown: Lucky guy. I'm sure you got an "A".
Catherine Willows: As a matter of fact, I did.
David Hodges: [to Warrick] You're married? Don't flirt.

Warrick Brown: What did you talk about?
Evan Peters: All right, get this. She tried to tell me that God got her pregnant.
[laughs]
Evan Peters: I mean, if that's true, the big guy owes me an apology 'cause she was my girlfriend. He should have asked me first.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix (#7.23)" (2007)
Warrick Brown: [on seeing Doc Robbins yawn] What's the matter Doc, you been hitting it a little too hard?
Dr. Robbins: No, canine-induced insomnia. I'm fostering some puppies. Jack Russells. Had me up all night. How 'bout a puppy to keep you company?
Warrick Brown: No, if I stay up all night, it's not going to be because of a puppy.

Warrick Brown: [on picking up the victims purse] This things heavier than my kit. Ever get hit in the head with one of these?
Nick Stokes: No, gentlemen don't get hit in the head with those.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Hollywood Brass (#5.20)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: Hey, you know, uh, Jim, I'm here all weekend. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call... Remember, what happens in L.A., stays in L.A.

Captain Annie Kramer: L.A. has over two hundred criminalists. You got to bring your own guy?
Captain Jim Brass: Well, Rick is like a vampire. He needs to be invited in.
Captain Annie Kramer: If this goes to court, Warrick's going to have to come back and testify.
Warrick Brown: Well, you got beaches, bikinis, free trip to L.A.? I'm down.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Ellie (#2.10)" (2001)
Sara Sidle: [Warrick is acting supervisor] I ran with the case. I do it with Grissom all the time.
Warrick Brown: Well, I'm not Grissom!

Warrick Brown: Acting supervisor? What about Nick? He's got seniority. Or Sara? She'd jump at the chance
Gil Grissom: If it was about seniority, I'd ask Nick. If I needed someone to stay up for three straight days, I'd ask Sara. Instead, I want you.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Way to Go (#6.24)" (2006)
Catherine Willows: I got blood.
Warrick Brown: I got a noisemaker.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Evaluation Day (#1.22)" (2001)
[Warrick and Grissom are on a roller coaster]
Warrick Brown: What happened to my evaluation?
Gil Grissom: You're sitting on it.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Getting Off (#4.16)" (2004)
Jamal: Finders keepers, baby. I gotta bag me some ho's.
Warrick Brown: What drug is he on?
Captain Jim Brass: I don't know. Whatever it is, he either took too much or not enough.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Unusual Suspect (#6.18)" (2006)
Sara Sidle: Do you have any physical evidence that would conclusively rule Hannah out as a suspect?
Nick Stokes: Well... yeah. She's four-foot three and sixty-five pounds. The crime just required more strength than she's got.
Catherine Willows: How old is she?
Nick Stokes: 12.
Warrick Brown: In high school?
Nick Stokes: She's a high school senior. She skipped six grades. She's a prodigy.
Sara Sidle: Which means that she has the brains for murder.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Random Acts of Violence (#3.13)" (2003)
[about a suspect in a case that is personal to Warrick]
Warrick Brown: This guy's been in Matt's house.
Gil Grissom: What is this?
Warrick Brown: [holds up a trophy] Matt's team won this three years ago.
[picks up another]
Warrick Brown: This trophy was given to the rec center last year. I found all this stuff in Jacobs' car.
Gil Grissom: Well, if this is evidence, it needs to be tagged and cataloged.
Warrick Brown: This is the same guy who shot Matt's daughter in the head and he's walking around laughing at us.
Gil Grissom: Can you prove that?
Warrick Brown: What is this? I've been putting guys away like this for years and now that it matters, it's like you're holding me back here.
[people in the lab begin to stare]
Gil Grissom: Your job, Warrick, is to process evidence. Objectively and without prejudice.
Warrick Brown: I'm so tired of hearing that. I've heard it a million times. I can't be like you. I'm not a robot, okay! I actually care about these people!
Gil Grissom: You know what? You're not working on this case anymore. I'll have another assignment for you tomorrow.
Warrick Brown: Keep it.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Burked (#2.1)" (2001)
Captain Jim Brass: Can you get a set of prints off those balloons?
Warrick Brown: I can get a print off of air.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Primum Non Nocere (#2.16)" (2002)
Warrick Brown: What are you doing here?
Nick Stokes: I'm playing cards. With my friend.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Suckers (#4.13)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: [Looking at the bite marks] These marks arn't consistant with human teeth.
David Phillips: What about fangs?
Warrick Brown: Fangs? come on!


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: I-15 Murders (#1.11)" (2001)
Warrick Brown: Well, he's a sneaky SOB I'll give him that.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Mea Culpa (#5.9)" (2004)
Warrick Brown: You're listening to music?
Mia Dickerson: [turning down the volume] It was Greg's suggestion.
Warrick Brown: No, it's good. Well, maybe not your music taste, but we'll work on that.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Paper or Plastic? (#4.14)" (2004)
Warrick Brown: How do you want us to handle this?
Gil Grissom: Same way you'd eat an elephant... one bite at a time.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Sex, Lies and Larvae (#1.10)" (2000)
Catherine Willows: [after realising 'Sorenson' is a painting not a person] How dumb are we?
Warrick Brown: [scoff] What's he know about the forensic analysis of a friction ridge?
Catherine Willows: Right on.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: To Halve and to Hold (#1.14)" (2001)
Sara Sidle: Do you think we're dressed for a wedding?
Warrick Brown: Not my wedding.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Iced (#5.23)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: I thought you said you were a dork in high school.
Warrick Brown: I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
Catherine Willows: I don't doubt that.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Snuff (#3.8)" (2002)
Sara Sidle: Why are you throwing phone books?
Warrick Brown: Because a beaker gets glass all over the place.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Two and a Half Deaths (#8.16)" (2008)
Warrick Brown: [showing a Rorschach-like blood stain] What does this look like to you?
Gil Grissom: Hermaphrodite on roller skates.
Catherine Willows: A puppy.
[Grissom and Catherine look at each other quizzically]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Blood Lust (#3.9)" (2002)
Gil Grissom: [to Warrick] What do you weigh?
Warrick Brown: Uh, that's between me and my trainer.
Gil Grissom: Do I have to get a scale?
Warrick Brown: A buck 95, give or take a doughnut.
[Grissom turns to Sara]
Sara Sidle: Don't even ask, I'm not telling you.
Gil Grissom: Warrick, would you lie down on the floor.
Warrick Brown: I don't get paid enough to play dead.
Gil Grissom: Please?
[Warrick gets on the floor]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Harvest (#5.3)" (2004)
Sara Sidle: [sees two pill bottles] Daniel Perez is taking oxycodone for pain, and Alicia was on diazepam.
Warrick Brown: Diazepam? That's a pretty hard-core antidepressant for a kid that small.
Sara Sidle: I guess they didn't want her complaining while they were mining her body for healthy cells.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Bullet Runs Through It: Part 1 (#6.7)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: [to Nick who has grown a mustache] Hey, mustache boy.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grissom Versus the Volcano (#4.9)" (2003)
Warrick Brown: Checking glassware for spots?
Greg Sanders: [examining a wine glass] You know, a hot tub is just like a dishwasher. Washes away all of the impurities.
Warrick Brown: Including hydrofluoric acid, huh?
Greg Sanders: [speaking in a French accent and showing Warrick a sample jar of wine] '93 Pinot. Either it was a bad year for wine or a bad year for Amelia. I found trace amounts of hydrofluoric acid in the vino.
Warrick Brown: So, somebody did spike the wine?
Greg Sanders: Oui.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Jackpot (#4.6)" (2003)
[Catherine is working at Grissom's desk in his office]
Warrick Brown: Did I miss a memo or something?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Viva Las Vegas (#5.1)" (2004)
Detective Cavalier: Electrocution. That's a quick way to go.
Warrick Brown: Not always.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Daddy's Little Girl (#6.12)" (2006)
Warrick Brown: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Gil Grissom: The winner?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Shot Sherlock? (#5.11)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: [slaps human-sized ballistics-gel dummy made by Warrick and Nick to test a theory] Do you know how much ballistic gel costs?
Warrick Brown: Didn't know you did.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leaving Las Vegas (#7.11)" (2007)
Warrick Brown: Hey, Griss. So Hodges told me that you're flying the coop. What's the matter, you sick of babysittin'?
Gil Grissom: Just the opposite, I'm a teacher with no students.
Warrick Brown: I've still got a lot to learn. And besides, having you around kinda keeps me honest.
Gil Grissom: Whether you know it or not, you're the rock of my team. Catherine's gonna be in charge for a while, while I'm gone. Just be there for her like you've been there for me and it'll all be fine.
Warrick Brown: Thanks man, that means a lot. You know I got you covered.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Still Life (#6.10)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: What's a 4-5-0?
Karen: That would be sex with a dead body.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Anonymous (#1.8)" (2000)
Greg Sanders: So... what's the pot up to?
Nick Stokes: We don't bet on cases.
Greg Sanders: Ah. Of course you don't. So who's winning?
Nick Stokes, Warrick Brown: I am.
Greg Sanders: Fiends.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Crate 'n' Burial (#1.3)" (2000)
[about a hit and run case]
Catherine Willows: All we got is some paint that's going to match about twenty million other vehicles.
Warrick Brown: Yeah.
Catherine Willows: Bastard.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Early Rollout (#4.15)" (2004)
[looking at pictures of a young, wealthy couple]
Warrick Brown: Bling, bling!
Catherine Willows: The old trophy wife.
Warrick Brown: You think?
Catherine Willows: Classic Vegas. He pays for her boobs, tummy tuck, Prada, weekly spa, French manicure. And she's just hanging on his arm like she belongs.
Warrick Brown: Tell us how you really feel, Catherine.
Catherine Willows: I wouldn't want to be her for the world.
[Warrick gives her a look]
Catherine Willows: Hey, I wouldn't mind it for a day...
Warrick Brown: Well, not this day.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fight Night (#3.7)" (2002)
[while processing the boxing ring, Sara comes across the spit bucket filled with blood and saliva; she turns to Warrick with a tight smile on her face]
Warrick Brown: What's so funny?
Sara Sidle: Smiling suppresses the gag reflex.
Warrick Brown: This is coming from the same woman who processed fecal fat from a ruptured colon.
Sara Sidle: Every crim has a problem area. Mine is saliva.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Overload (#2.3)" (2001)
Warrick Brown: You want his blood?
Gil Grissom: One pint, to go.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Face Lift (#1.17)" (2001)
Warrick Brown: Oh, you're only agreeing with Sara's theory because you have a crush on her.
David Phillips: No, that's why I wore a clean coat.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Nesting Dolls (#5.13)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: Tell me, what's a receptionist at a hair salon doing with that much tar?
Vlad: In Russia, I work for certain family. When they want body taken care of, I go to oil field, dump body in tar. None ever found.
Warrick Brown: Sounds like fun.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Living Doll (#7.24)" (2007)
Gil Grissom: My God. She was at the crime scene.
Nick Stokes: So she salvages the car, and somehow gets it out to the desert, and grabs Sara, and puts her under it?
Warrick Brown: I don't get it. What does Sara have to do with bleach?
Catherine Willows: I don't know. This just feels different.
Gil Grissom: It is different.
[flashback to crime scene where Grissom takes a camera from Sara and caresses her arm]
Gil Grissom: This girl holds me responsible for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she ever loved, so she's gonna do the same thing to me
[everyone looks confused]