IMDb > Nick Stokes (Character) > Quotes

Edit Photo

Update Data

Quicklinks

Quotes for
Nick Stokes (Character)
from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bully for You (#2.4)" (2001)

Sara Sidle: [Sara smells like decomp] Give me a mint.
Nick Stokes: You're gonna need more than one.

Nick Stokes: [to Sara after she flirts with Hank] Nothin' like flirting over a DB
[laughs]

Night Club Manager: Look, I was just doing my job.
Nick Stokes: Hey... treating another human being like garbage is not a job. It's a choice.

Sara Sidle: Soup?
Nick Stokes: Human... soup. Well, we are 73.5% liquid, eh, Dave?
David Phillips: Add some bacteria, a couple gases, and... voila!

Catherine Willows: So what were you in high school, Nick?
Nick Stokes: Me? I was... dependable.
Catherine Willows: Dependable?
Warrick Brown: He's trying to say he was unpopular.

Club manager: Listen, this guy was scaring my customers, so I drove him out of town.
Nick Stokes: You didn't, by any chance, happen to put him in a bag and dropped him off a hill into a gully did you?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Rashomama (#6.21)" (2006)

Nick Stokes: "You'd think she'd know better than to wear white on the bride's big day." The perfume of American beauties was everywhere, though a rose by any other name would have smelled just as sweet with that much love in the air.

Sara Sidle: Why do we always eat here?
Greg Sanders: Open 24 hours.
Sara Sidle: Everything in Vegas is open 24 hours.
Greg Sanders: It's tradition
Nick Stokes: [walks in from car] Mmmm. Smells like bacon. Slide over.
[sits down]
Nick Stokes: That scene took forever. We were there, like what, 9 hours.
Sara Sidle: 11.
Greg Sanders: Dead laywer and 200 eyewitnesses? That's gonna take a while.
Nick Stokes: [nods] Why do we always eat here?
Greg Sanders: [smiling] It's tradition.
Sara Sidle: Ah, tradition. Like becoming a property exchange between your father and your husband.

Greg Sanders: We could compare them to the buccal swabs that we collected... if we still had them
Sara Sidle: Well, we just have to recollect them.
Greg Sanders: All 200 of them?
Sara Sidle: eah. And since we can't leave... someone else is... gonna have... to recollect them.
Nick Stokes: This is crap! I've been waiting on IAB for 14 hours. I'm tired, and I kinda smell. And I don't have a friggin' car

Nick Stokes: Come for the wedding, stay for the funeral.

Sara Sidle: I need your hands.
Nick Stokes: I thought you'd never ask.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leapin' Lizards (#7.22)" (2007)

Warrick Brown: Fire in the hole!
[Warrick fires gun]
Nick Stokes: [flinching] You're supposed to let me get these things on.
[he indicates the muffs around his neck]
Warrick Brown: Hey, you were supposed to be ready. I don't know man. Maybe it would work out better if Tina was someone who did what we did. At least she'd understand the hours.
Nick Stokes: Well, I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea to date someone you work with. You never really get to get away from work, or them the way you need to.
Warrick Brown: You mean like you and me, Baby?
Nick Stokes: Yeah exactly, Honey.

Sara Sidle: [looking at the pigs] I think the fat one likes you.
Nick Stokes: They always do.

Nick Stokes: [pointing to his fingers] Want my theory? This little piggy went to market, this little piggy went home, and this little piggy had China.

Sara Sidle: Hi.
Nick Stokes: Hey.
Sara Sidle: What are you doing?
Nick Stokes: Well, I read about this farmer in Canada who killed a bunch of women and fed them to his pigs.
Sara Sidle: Oh.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, their health department had to put out a bulletin that said "Warning, your pork may be contaminated with human."
Sara Sidle: I'm so glad I'm a vegetarian.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grave Danger: Volume 2 (#5.25)" (2005)

Nick Stokes: [in the coffin; saying good bye to his family and friends; speaking to Grissom] I disappointed you.
Gil Grissom: [at the lab watching the video] No you never did, Nick.

Nick Stokes: [Nick is seen on video feed saying something unheard, possible "I never meant to disappoint you."]
Gil Grissom: You never did, Nicky.

Gil Grissom: Alright, Poncho, we're gonna open the lid and get you out, but I need you to stay lying dowm. Okay? Or else you'll blow us all up. You understand that?
Nick Stokes: Yeah, yeah.
Gil Grissom: Do you promise, Poncho?
[Nick nods]
Gil Grissom: Say I promise.
Nick Stokes: [crying] I promise.

Nick Stokes: [to Kelly] In a few years, when you get out of here, don't take it with you.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Are You? (#1.6)" (2000)

Nick Stokes: So, can you tell me where the sand came from?
Greg Sanders: I might have to do some field research to find out. You think Grissom would send me to Hawaii?

Greg Sanders: It's not real sand. It's finely crushed granite.
Nick Stokes: What does that mean?
Gil Grissom: It means she wasn't killed in Hawaii. Other than that, he has no idea.

Nick Stokes: Mrs Hendler, do you and your husband do much rock climbing?
Amy Hendler: Yes.
[points gun at Nick]
Amy Hendler: That's what I killed her with.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: I-15 Murders (#1.11)" (2001)

Greg Sanders: Just remember that my saliva is getting on you and your saliva is getting on me.
Nick Stokes: That's gross.

Nick Stokes: Aww want me to make you a bottle and go night night?
Warrick Brown: Aww want me to clock your jaw and make you go night night?

Nick Stokes: [mouths] I hate you.
Warrick Brown: You love me. Who are you kidding?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Table Stakes (#1.15)" (2001)

Catherine Willows: Well, according to her credit card records Portia Richmond hasn't spent a dime since she's been in the Mediterranean.
Sara Sidle: She's dead.
Catherine Willows: Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.
Nick Stokes: Some guys still like to foot the bill.
Sara Sidle: How would you know?
Nick Stokes: Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.
Catherine Willows: What question it that, Nick?
Nick Stokes: "What do you drive?"
Sara Sidle: It's a legitimate question.
Nick Stokes: No, it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".

Nick Stokes: [walks in to see Greg lively doing his work] What up, G?
Sara Sidle: You're awake, I hate you.
Greg Sanders: Couple glasses of merlot, a rack of lamb on my day off. I slept like a baby yesterday. You look horrible.
Sara Sidle: Thanks, Greg.
[Greg looks at Nick]
Nick Stokes: Don't look at me. I got 'sunshine' all night.
[Nick glances over at Sara who glares back at him, definitely catching exactly who he's calling "sunshine"]
Nick Stokes: Check for DNA in the sexual assault kit and the fingernail, please.
Sara Sidle: Everything has to be in CODIS ASAP.
Greg Sanders: Oh, is that all? I want to know who's going to authorize my overtime?
Sara Sidle: Suck it up, Greg. You're well-rested.
[Sara walks away]
Greg Sanders: [to Nick] You want a valium for her?
Sara Sidle: [from a distance] I heard that!

Sara Sidle: What am I, working food and beverage at one of the hotels? I haven’t had a day off in three weeks
Sara Sidle: I mean if they're gonna call me in, throw me a bone, give me the 4-19 on the elevator
Nick Stokes: Someone's bitter
Sara Sidle: I'm tired
Nick Stokes: You, tired, I thought you never sleep
[Sara yawns loudly]
Nick Stokes: [Nick laughs]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Accused Is Entitled (#3.2)" (2002)

Nick Stokes: This is total BS!
Gil Grissom: Nick...
Nick Stokes: There was blood on Havilin's hand!
Gil Grissom: Nick, go get a soda.

Nick Stokes: Beans and franks, this one's a man.

Greg Sanders: So, how does the victim's blood end up in the suspects mouth?
Nick Stokes: Murder is a messy job my friend

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix (#7.23)" (2007)

Nick Stokes: [about lab resutls] Are you sure about this?
Hodges: I just finished a diabolical sudoku in six minutes flat. I'm positive.

Hodges: [on seeing Nick's shirt covered in blood] Have you been shaving with a broken beer bottle?
Nick Stokes: No, no. Some drunk driver ran into a radio car at my crime scene, freaking idiot.
Hodges: Yeah, I heard you pulled the freaking idiot's friend out of a burning car.
Nick Stokes: Nothing was on fire, and I didn't pull anybody from anywhere.
Hodges: Ah, so humble. You know some people are just destined for greatness.

Warrick Brown: [on picking up the victims purse] This things heavier than my kit. Ever get hit in the head with one of these?
Nick Stokes: No, gentlemen don't get hit in the head with those.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Boom (#1.13)" (2001)

Gil Grissom: You told me you weren't dating her.
Nick Stokes: I wasn't. Till last night.

Catherine Willows: [Nick is suspected of murdering Kristy] I think we'd better head over to the police station.
Nick Stokes: DNA didn't pan out huh?
Catherine Willows: Never have I seen such a clean match. Jack Willman killed her.
Nick Stokes: Thank you.
Catherine Willows: Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides if they'd sent you to jail I'd get stuck with all your cases.

Nick Stokes: I'm not sleeping with her if that makes a difference.
Gil Grissom: It does.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Room Service (#6.2)" (2005)

Nick Stokes: Julian Harper. Wasn't he supposed to be like the next Brad Pitt or something?
Warrick Brown: Yeah. Now he's the next River Phoenix.

[Nick & Warrick walk towards Greg from behind, both talking loud]
Nick Stokes: I thought Greg was in the field. Is he back in the lab?
Warrick Brown: I don't know.
Nick Stokes: We've got to clear this up. It's like he's confused. Lab, field, field, lab. We have a lab on wheels.
Greg Sanders: How about you guys just shut up, all right? I'm doing this as a favor for Ecklie. It's a one-time thing. He's still interviewing lab techs.
Warrick Brown: You're making overtime?
Greg Sanders: I'm taking one for the team.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Caged (#2.7)" (2001)

Gil Grissom: Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.
Nick Stokes: Kind of sounds like you.

Nick Stokes: [watching Greg page through a book] I always thought you kept your porn in there.
Greg Sanders: I move it around.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: 4x4 (#5.19)" (2005)

[last lines]
Gil Grissom: Tough shift, huh?
Nick Stokes: Just another day in paradise.
Judy Tremont: [answering the phone] Crime Lab. How can we help you?

David Hodges: How old were you when you first got drunk?
Nick Stokes: Oh, 16, 17.
David Hodges: Amortized over a generation, 12 is about right?
Nick Stokes: So your saying, two generations from now, 4 year olds are just gonna be getting trashed?
David Hodges: Pre-school graduation parties are going to be off the hook.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Descent of Man (#9.19)" (2009)

Nick Stokes: There's a story for you. I think I'll sell it to Holly-weird. Get rich.

Nick Stokes: Those Persian dudes are tough, man.
Dr. Raymond Langston: Well, they were once an empire that stretched half-way across the known world. The greek playwright, Aeschylus, wrote about the territorial ambitions of the Persian empire against Greece in his great cycle of tragedy and war "The Persians." Um - fifth century BC.
Riley Adams: I will definitely put that on my reading list.
Nick Stokes: Um-hmm.
Riley Adams: Does anybody wanna grab some breakfast?
Nick Stokes: Yeah. Yep.
Greg Sanders: Why are you always thinking about food?
Dr. Raymond Langston: None of you has read Aeschylus?
Nick Stokes: I've been meaning to.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Let the Seller Beware (#3.3)" (2002)

Nick Stokes: You can *not* be *serious*!
Warrick Brown: Hey! John MacEnroe. Where's the game?

[watching an attractive girl undress in a video]
Nick Stokes: BLAM.
Archie: You can say THAT again.
Nick Stokes: BLAM.
Catherine Willows: Down boys.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Two and a Half Deaths (#8.16)" (2008)

Stewart Lytle: [after seeing Wendy working in the lab] Beautiful people doing high-tech police work. There might be a series in this.
Nick Stokes: I don't think so.

Nick Stokes: A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Chaos Theory (#2.2)" (2001)

Nick Stokes: You know, it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

Catherine Willows: Oh, and Nick?
Nick Stokes: Yeah?
Catherine Willows: When you find the car...
Nick Stokes: Yeah, I know, check the trunk.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grave Danger: Volume 1 (#5.24)" (2005)

Officer Michaels: Anonymous 911 caller reported body parts in this area. I rolled and found this.
[shows some insides in a bloody puddle]
Nick Stokes: Hm. Tasty.

Warrick Brown: You know, Tina doesn't like me carrying a gun. I play down the fact that I'm a cop when I'm with her anyway.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, yeah, you play the scientist card: You're a "copologist".

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Ending Happy (#7.21)" (2007)

Milton: I shot an arrow into the air,it fell to earth, I knew not where; For, so swiftly it flew, the sight. Could not follow it in its flight. Long, long... '
Nick Stokes: Sir, that's, that's really sweet.
Milton: That's Longfellow. What do you kids know about poetry?
Sara Sidle: Nick, the arrow came in through that window.
Nick Stokes: Yeah.
Milton: Even an idiot would see that.
[Nick goes out, looks around and finds another arrow, he comes back]
Nick Stokes: Hey Sara, I found another arrow shot into the ground near that tool shed.
Sara Sidle: Maybe the shooter got nervous.
Nick Stokes: Well, to work in a Brothel you're required to register your fingerprints. So...
Sara Sidle: I'm almost done here, I'll catch up.
Nick Stokes: Okay. I'll let you know if we get lucky.
Sara Sidle: [turns to Milton and finishes the poem] 'Long, long afterward, in an oak I found the arrow, still unbroke; And the song, from beginning to end, found again in the heart of a friend.' Keep the faith Milton.

Nick Stokes: You know what a good defence lawyer's gonna say about all this?
Catherine Willows: What?
Nick Stokes: The lawn chair did it.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Middle (#5.16)" (2005)

[after finding $100 bills in a beaver dam]
Nick Stokes: Las Vegas, where even a beaver can strike it rich.

Nick Stokes: They should do a commercial for the city - "Las Vegas: where even the beaver can strike it rich."

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Gum Drops (#6.5)" (2005)

Sage: Do you believe in past lives?
Nick Stokes: No.
Sage: Why not?
Nick Stokes: I guess I'm just trying to make it through this one.
Sage: I think you're doing pretty well.
[Nick smiles]

[Nick and Cassie are alone in Cassie's hospital room. Cassie has a small notebook in her hands]
Cassie McBride: [writes on notebook] Where is my family?
Nick Stokes: They're in Vegas.
Cassie McBride: [writes on notebook] I'm ten years old, don't baby me!
Nick Stokes: The bodies are in the coroners office, honey.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A La Cart (#8.2)" (2007)

Nick Stokes: You know when I was a kid we used to make these out of lunch trays and mower motors.
Greg Sanders: When I was a kid, I made bombs.
[Nick looks at Greg]
Greg Sanders: Little bombs.

[after catching "Hot Rod" to ask him some questions]
Nick Stokes: Nothing says "I'm guilty" like running from the cops, dumbass.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fallen Idols (#7.17)" (2007)

Greg Sanders: Wish I had one of these back in high school.
Nick Stokes: What's that, a letter jacket?
Greg Sanders: No. No, a love shack. Back seat of my car got real old, real fast. I was getting so much play my senior year, I was considering getting a hearse.
Nick Stokes: Well, I never accused you of not being smart Greg. A little weird but... a hearse?

Nick Stokes: And how does your theory account for the fact that all the blood's Ryan's?
Greg Sanders: It... doesn't.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Crate 'n' Burial (#1.3)" (2000)

Nick Stokes: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
Sara Sidle: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick Stokes: Stop flirting with me.

Nick Stokes: Hey, Catherine, when’s your little girl comin' by?
Catherine Willows: She isn't.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
[looks over to see Grissom had bought the same gift]
Sara Sidle: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick Stokes: Stop flirting with me.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fight Night (#3.7)" (2002)

Gil Grissom: You wanted to work solo.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, but it's like Night of the Pifflings out there and I'm on a smash and grab.
Gil Grissom: Pifflings?
Nick Stokes: Puffin offspring. First time out of the nest every year they crash land in this town near Iceland because they are attracted to the lights of human civilization. It's the same way people flock to Vegas for a fight.
[For a moment, GRISSOM stares a NICK. Then his face lights up as though he's finally figured it out]
Gil Grissom: Animal Planet.
[GRISSOM turns and walks down the hallway]
Nick Stokes: [calls out] How come when you talk about bugs everyone says you're a genius but when I talk about birds everyone says I watch too much television?
Gil Grissom: I don't know. Look, the next night of the pifflings you get the first dead body.

Nick Stokes: How come when you talk about bugs, everyone thinks you're a genius, but when I talk about birds, everyone says I watch too much television?
[pause]
Gil Grissom: I don't know.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Friends & Lovers (#1.5)" (2000)

Nick Stokes: Blood's like my grandfather. Never lies.

Nick Stokes: It's our job to know how. You heard Grissom: the more 'how' the less 'why'. The less the 'how' the more the 'why'.
Catherine Willows: Hey, Nick. Grissom's not always right. Do yourself a favor ; think for yourself. I mean that as a friend, okay?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Lucky Strike (#3.16)" (2003)

Nick Stokes: Who puts the Bat-gates in?
Gil Grissom: Batman.

Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil Grissom: Yep. And they all come to Vegas.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Living Doll (#7.24)" (2007)

Gil Grissom: My God. She was at the crime scene.
Nick Stokes: So she salvages the car, and somehow gets it out to the desert, and grabs Sara, and puts her under it?
Warrick Brown: I don't get it. What does Sara have to do with bleach?
Catherine Willows: I don't know. This just feels different.
Gil Grissom: It is different.
[flashback to crime scene where Grissom takes a camera from Sara and caresses her arm]
Gil Grissom: This girl holds me responsible for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she ever loved, so she's gonna do the same thing to me
[everyone looks confused]

Gil Grissom: I found a thriving miniature hobbyist community on-line. Sites where people meet, chat, exchange building tips, list stores they shop in.
Nick Stokes: [looking at the miniature of Grissom's office] So that's why you built this thing? I mean... other then to creep us all out?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Way to Go (#6.24)" (2006)

[Nick is looking for a victim's severed head]
Gil Grissom: Hey Nick!
Nick Stokes: Yeah?
Gil Grissom: I think I found a toupee. Our vic may be bald.
Nick Stokes: Thanks. That will help me distinguish it from the other severed heads I find out here.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Let It Bleed (#9.4)" (2008)

Nick Stokes: Guy died for small bills, beef jerky and a porno.
Riley Adams: Hard up, hungry *and* dumb. It's no way to go through life.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Random Acts of Violence (#3.13)" (2003)

[after Nick takes Archie to a crime scene at a software company]
Greg Sanders: I thought we had a relationship going! What are you doing taking Archie into the field instead of me?
Nick Stokes: Right tool for the right job, man.
Greg Sanders: What do you mean?
Nick Stokes: Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?
Archie: Original, TNG, Deep Space Nine, Voyager or Enterprise?
Greg Sanders: Point taken.
Archie: ...Or were you thinking about Farscape?
Nick Stokes: I have no idea what you are talking about.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Primum Non Nocere (#2.16)" (2002)

Warrick Brown: What are you doing here?
Nick Stokes: I'm playing cards. With my friend.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Empty Eyes (#7.18)" (2007)

Nick Stokes: It was good that you were there for her Sara. She didn't have to die alone.
Sara Sidle: [sadly] We usually show up too late to meet the victim.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Suckers (#4.13)" (2004)

Nick Stokes: [after accidentally breaking a valuable sword] I was being careful, I swear!

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Invisible Evidence (#4.7)" (2003)

Sara Sidle: You know what pisses me off?
Nick Stokes: Lots of things.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Coming of Rage (#4.10)" (2003)

Todd: It was just a little target practice.
Nick Stokes: And that's why it's illegal to discharge firearms within the city limits, genius.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: I Like to Watch (#6.17)" (2006)

Nick Stokes: Two pieces of duct tape, both have been swabbed for DNA and fingerprinted.
[Hodges is looking around for someone]
Nick Stokes: Grissom wants you to compare adhesives. He's looking for a match.
[Nick glances for whom Hodges is casting about]
Hodges: Ok. That'll take a laser ablation test. That's good.
Nick Stokes: Why's that good?
Hodges: Well, laser ablation is both visual *and* dramatic.
Nick Stokes: Are you looking for the video crew right now?
Hodges: [scoffs] I would think they would be looking for *me*.
Nick Stokes: Relax, man, their show is only an hour long; laser ablation takes, like, six.
Hodges: Yeah, but when they cut it together, it'll only take 30 seconds.
[Nick smiles, amused, and leaves]
Hodges: [30-second montage of laser ablation preparation and FX]
Hodges: [to Grissom:] Ran laser ablation on the duct tape samples. Not a match.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grissom's Divine Comedy (#8.12)" (2008)

[Nick has a cold and coughs on Hodges]
David Hodges: You know, in China people where masks when they're sick. It's considered impolite to infect your coworkers.
Nick Stokes: Maybe you should go work in China.
David Hodges: Maybe you should wear a mask.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Iced (#5.23)" (2005)

Nick Stokes: [enters the room] Crop circles?
[laughs]
Nick Stokes: Come on, Super Dave. Wasn't the alien autopsy embarrassing enough?
David Phillips: Given the circumstances, alien was not an unreasonable conclusion at the time.
Nick Stokes: You need to get a girlfriend.
David Phillips: I'm engaged, but thank you.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cool Change (#1.2)" (2000)

[Warrick and Nick are in the locker room. Nick is changing his clothes and stands there shirtless; Warrick fiddles with his tie as he prepares to go to court]
Sara Sidle: Fine suit.
[Warrick and Nick turn around to find Sara in the locker room]
Sara Sidle: [to Nick] And well? just fine.
Nick Stokes: That's harassment.
Sara Sidle: Hey, we have one locker room and it's my job to be observant.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bad Words (#4.19)" (2004)

Sabrina James: There's a difference between a pyromaniac and an arsonist, you know?
Nick Stokes: What is the difference?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Unfriendly Skies (#1.9)" (2000)

[the team are re-enacting a fight on a plane; Warrick and Nick play a married couple]
Warrick Brown: [to Nick] Go protect me, honey.
Nick Stokes: [while moving to the aisle] Excuse me... buttercup.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Stalker (#2.19)" (2002)

Nick Stokes: I don't want to disappoint you but this is not the first time I've had a gun pointed at me.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Organ Grinder (#2.11)" (2001)

[Examining a crime scene]
Nick Stokes: So, what do you think it is? Cocaine maybe?
Catherine Willows: Nope.
Nick Stokes: How can you tell just by looking at it?
Catherine Willows: Never you mind.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Blood Drops (#1.7)" (2000)

[Nick checks out a corpse on a gurney]
Nick Stokes: This kid should be out playing pop warner.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cats in the Cradle... (#2.20)" (2002)

Nick Stokes: Hey.
Sara Sidle: [lively] Hey.
Nick Stokes: Wow, you look...
Sara Sidle: Happy?
Nick Stokes: Smug, acually.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Pilot (#1.1)" (2000)

Nick Stokes: Is there anything you won't bet on, man?
Warrick Brown: Nah.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Scuba Doobie-Doo (#2.5)" (2001)

Nick Stokes: Leggo my Greggo

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leaving Las Vegas (#7.11)" (2007)

Nick Stokes: "Sabbatical" is usually a euphemism for "sayonara." I don't think Grissom's coming back.
Catherine Willows: Why wouldn't he?
Nick Stokes: I don't know. He shaved his beard, he's lost a little weight, he's been leaving when shift is over. I think he even took a day off last week.
Catherine Willows: Maybe he's got himself a girlfriend.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Happy Place (#9.2)" (2008)

Nick Stokes: Momentum's a bitch.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Anonymous (#1.8)" (2000)

Greg Sanders: So... what's the pot up to?
Nick Stokes: We don't bet on cases.
Greg Sanders: Ah. Of course you don't. So who's winning?
Nick Stokes, Warrick Brown: I am.
Greg Sanders: Fiends.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Revenge Is Best Served Cold (#3.1)" (2002)

Catherine Willows: [loud music blaring from Thumpy G's car] Hey! You deaf?
Thumpy G: Thanks a lot. What's up? I'm Thumpy G.
Catherine Willows: A jackhammer is about 50 decibels quieter.
Thumpy G: Y'know, the only way to beat a jackhammer is to bust 15,000 watts of Run-DMC's "Dumb Girl," or, or LL Cool J's "Going Back To Cali?"
[from offscreen, a friend calls to him; Thumpy G answers]
Thumpy G: What up, dog?
Catherine Willows: Yo, Thumpy, you blow out a lot of eardrums?
Thumpy G: Try to.
Detective Cyrus Lockwood: You know this cat, Jace Felder?
[shows Thumpy G photo]
Thumpy G: Negative!
[is distracted by a girl walking by offscreen]
Thumpy G: Hey, what's up, baby?
[eyes follow the girl as she walks away]
Catherine Willows: Hey, Thumper! How about we impound your car, seize your stereo system, and charge you with disturbing the peace?
Thumpy G: Oh, but it's hot now, it's real hot. All right, you know, yo, it's coming back to me.
Nick Stokes: We're all ears.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Play with Fire (#3.22)" (2003)

Nick Stokes: Who takes a tape recorder with them on vacation?
Captain Jim Brass: Well, I keep one by the bed, in case I dream something useful.
Nick Stokes: Hmmm?
[looks shocked]
Captain Jim Brass: What? I can't have deep thoughts?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Law of Gravity (#7.15)" (2007)

Nick Stokes: [holding a pair of excised butt implants] Y'know, I spent twelve hours on a court bench last week - I coulda used a pair of these bad boys.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: For Warrick (#9.1)" (2008)

Captain Jim Brass: Nick, what was that shot?
Nick Stokes: Miss.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Meet Market (#7.14)" (2007)

Nick Stokes: You know what Grissom would say about this?
David Phillips: Something ironic, no doubt.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Spark of Life (#5.18)" (2005)

Nick Stokes: Crime scene this messy, gotta bust out the big guns.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Got Murder? (#3.12)" (2003)

Nick Stokes: [in the lab, looking at an object from the landfill] Found a pregnancy test. Better luck next time.
[sets it aside]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: XX (#4.17)" (2004)

Hodges: [after Sara has just completed an explanation on a bug] Since when did you become an insects expert?
Sara Sidle: Entymology textbook. Grissom gave it to me last Christmas. When I can't sleep, I read.
Nick Stokes: [smirking] Funny, I didn't get a Christmas gift from Grissom...
[turns to Hodges]
Nick Stokes: Did you...?
Hodges: [also smirking] No...
[Sara gives them both a weird look]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Sounds of Silence (#1.20)" (2001)

Nick Stokes: You really think Erin knew she was pregnant? I mean, six weeks?
Catherine Willows: Twenty-year-old girl, living at home? She would have taken a test if she was five seconds late - panic city.
Nick Stokes: Yeah. Brass talked to her parents. There was no guy in her life.
Catherine Willows: Well, it's not immaculate conception. If the guy was Mr. Right she would have told her folks. Which means he was Mr. Wrong. Maybe Mr. Married.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Chasing the Bus (#2.18)" (2002)

Gil Grissom: We need a treadmill; a big one.
Nick Stokes: Alright, to do what?
Gil Grissom: Exercise a bus.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Pledging Mr. Johnson (#1.4)" (2000)

Sara Sidle: What's that smell?
Nick Stokes: I'm nuking a burrito.
Sara Sidle: Mmm. Junk food and radiation. Good combo.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Hollywood Brass (#5.20)" (2005)

Nick Stokes: [to phone] Did you get his autograph for me?
Captain Jim Brass: [to phone] You know, actually I did, and if you get me a match, you might be able to meet him at his trial.
Nick Stokes: Do you think that would make his autograph worth more? Or less?

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Compulsion (#5.17)" (2005)

[last lines]
Detective Cavaliere: Hey. You owe me an apology.
Nick Stokes: I'm sorry
[pause]
Nick Stokes: [turns away] that you feel that way.
[walks away]

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Burden of Proof (#2.15)" (2002)

[Grissom finds compromising photos of teenaged Jody Bradley]
Nick Stokes: Sometimes I hate this job.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Execution of Catherine Willows (#3.6)" (2002)

Nick Stokes: People are pigs.
Gil Grissom: Don't insult the pigs, Nick. They're actually very clean.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Night at the Movies (#3.19)" (2003)

Greg Sanders: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. You swab one down and run it through CODIS, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.
Nick Stokes: What ever happened to 'take one down pass it around'? That's the best part.
Greg Sanders: You know, us labrats have to do something to get through the day.