Tim Speedle
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Quotes for
Tim Speedle (Character)
from "CSI: Miami" (2002)

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"CSI: Miami: Golden Parachute (#1.1)" (2002)
Jim Tigerfish: What the hell is this?
Tim Speedle: That's a warrant to search the premises.
Jim Tigerfish: For what?
Tim Speedle: For items looted from an air crash site. What'd you think, you were going to sell them on eBay?

Megan Donner: Nice thing about hair, it grows at an even rate, about a half an inch a month.
Tim Speedle: Gives us a nice time line.
Megan Donner: Yeah, she'd been using antidepressants for the past year, Prozac and Zoloft, six months ago she smoked some pot.
Tim Speedle: And they say blondes have more fun.

Eric Delko: [about Megan] What does she think? She can just waltz in here after six months of being gone and just take over?
Tim Speedle: You know, you're an ass.
Eric Delko: What did I say?
Tim Speedle: She lost her husband! What did they give her, two weeks off? She needed a little bit of time, big deal.
Eric Delko: Man, I didn't know.
Tim Speedle: Yeah, well, there's a lot you don't know.

Tim Speedle: Then why don't you go get them?
[the black boxes]
Eric Delko: Why don't you?
Tim Speedle: [Looks in the tub and sees the alligators] ... They're just babies.
Eric Delko: What are you waiting for? Let's go.
Tim Speedle: On three. One... Two... Three!
[Both reach in and grab a box with a yell. Burst out laughing]

"CSI: Miami: Body Count (#1.24)" (2003)
Tim Speedle: One minute you're ruling the world, the next, you're in a six-by-six.

Eric Delko: I had my cell phone on vibrate, I was busy - didn't wanna get disturbed.
Tim Speedle: Busy with the left hand?
Eric Delko: Yeah... funny...

"CSI: Miami: Bunk (#1.13)" (2003)
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: MDP2P.
Tim Speedle: Methylenedioxyphenyl-2-propanone. It's not really a recreational drug. It's not really anything
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Maybe that means he didn't mean to make it. Go with me here for a second, Speed. Now, if you sub in formic acid for nitric acid, you get Ecstasy, don't you?
Tim Speedle: The cook screwed up.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Right. But because the pills were white, he figured he could still sell them as X.
Tim Speedle: So he replaces one ingredient along the chemical pathway to try and make something legal.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Yes, he did, and ended up making a chemical so powerful, that its fumes could kill human beings.
Tim Speedle: So what are we chasing, the fumes or the pills?
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: We're chasing the cook.

Tim Speedle: If we found a pill with Welmont's company stamp on it, why are we going to see the cook again?
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Because he's weak. Welmont is the target, but Kimble is our ammunition.

"CSI: Miami: Dispo Day (#1.18)" (2003)
Calleigh Duquesne: So you're going to shave before you go to IAB?
Tim Speedle: It's a polygraph test, not a portrait.
Calleigh Duquesne: Well, you know, presentation is everything.

Lieutenant Horatio Caine: This cocaine did not come from Haiti.
Tim Speedle: Not unless Haiti's in the middle of our crime lab.

"CSI: Miami: Not Landing (#2.21)" (2004)
Alexx Woods: I can undress a dead body in my sleep.
Tim Speedle: I'm leaving that one alone.

Cell Phone Bomber: You found my phone?
Tim Speedle: Have a seat. You had lunch at the Wayfarer Grill today?
Cell Phone Bomber: Shark steak.
Tim Speedle: Sounds delicious. A valet attendant stole your phone from your car.
Cell Phone Bomber: I was thinking someone from the gym stole it. So, where is it?
[Speedle dumps evidence baggies containing pieces of said phone on the table]
Cell Phone Bomber: Man!
Tim Speedle: Probably doesn't look the same.
Cell Phone Bomber: No warranty.
Tim Speedle: That sucks. You do realize that you blew up your own cell phone by putting explosives in it.
Cell Phone Bomber: In the phone's battery compartment.
Tim Speedle: So, what are you, crazy?
Cell Phone Bomber: Hey, look. Some guys like to keep alcohol in their car, video games. I like to go to the Everglades, blow things up. It's... it's a sport.
Tim Speedle: It's a sport?
Cell Phone Bomber: It's fun. Like fireworks. It doesn't hurt anybody. You know, where's the harm? It's not like I'm a terrorist or anything.
Tim Speedle: Well, you're looking at three years, minimum.
Cell Phone Bomber: I bought all the ingredients legally.
Tim Speedle: That doesn't matter. Possessing or manufacturing an explosive device is a felony.
Cell Phone Bomber: This is all 'cause some guy ripped me off?
Tim Speedle: That guy died of unrelated causes, but your bomb almost killed our medical examiner.
Cell Phone Bomber: Now, this... this isn't fair.
Alexx Woods: [entering] Want to talk about fair?
[Alexx puts a pair of pictures down on the table]
Cell Phone Bomber: Who are they?
Alexx Woods: My kids. They almost lost their mother because you like to blow things up. So tell me, is that fair?

"CSI: Miami: Losing Face (#1.2)" (2002)
Calleigh Duquesne: French lace - from the window at the Moreno house. It's also used on high-end toupees. It gives a more natural look to the hairline.
Tim Speedle: Lace on a rug.
Calleigh Duquesne: Un-huh.
Tim Speedle: Well, shoot me if it comes to that.

Calleigh Duquesne: And Moreno's wife said he liked to stay up late and watch TV. My guess is he got jumped right in the middle of Letterman.
Tim Speedle: Top ten ways to get your head blown off.

"CSI: Miami: Simple Man (#1.17)" (2003)
Tim Speedle: [watching a news report of Lorenzo Escalente's mistrial] I can't believe we're letting this jackass walk.

"CSI: Miami: Wannabe (#2.18)" (2004)
Carrie Delgado: Hey. Heard you have a, uh... groupie.
Tim Speedle: Our little creep's a forensic junkie.

"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cross-Jurisdictions (#2.22)" (2002)
Tim Speedle: Only way to outrun an alligator is swim faster than the guy next to you. Right Delko?
Eric Delko: I used to have a partner.
Horatio Caine: Guys, please.

"CSI: Miami: Double Cap (#1.19)" (2003)
Tim Speedle: I love hotel rooms - body fluids everywhere.

"CSI: Miami: Hurricane Anthony (#2.6)" (2003)
Eric Delko: Got a category two hurricane, and we get sent out to a traffic incident? What's up with Dispatch?
Tim Speedle: Well, they're slammed with thousands of calls, so we take 'em one at a time till order's been restored.
Eric Delko: I'd hate to see what a category four looks like.
Tim Speedle: So would Dispatch.

"CSI: Miami: Slaughterhouse (#1.8)" (2002)
Tim Speedle: We can't prove that he told his wife to close the safe.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Yes, but any plan proves premeditation. And that means he knew exactly what he was doing.

"CSI: Miami: Dead Zone (#2.2)" (2003)
[Calleigh and Speed have gone to see Vivian, a Southern woman, who bought an artifact that is evidence in a crime they are trying to solve]
Tim Speedle: You just destroyed any fingerprints the killer might have left.
Vivian: Well I had no idea,
[feigning regret]
Vivian: I'm terribly sorry.
Tim Speedle: Yeah, sure you are. You know what, we're going to need to take that from you anyway.
Vivian: Oh no you don't. This cross is mine until you youngsters bring me a warrant from a sitting judge.
Tim Speedle: Is that the sacred part you were talking about there, Vivian?
Vivian: You must be a Yankee.
Tim Speedle: Yeah, I'm from Jamaica, Queens.
Calleigh Duquesne: He's doing his best to serve the great state of Florida, Mrs. Kensington. He's a bit of a rebel himself. So if, uh, if it wouldn't be too much trouble would you mind if we got the name of the person who sold you the artifact?
Vivian: Well I might just be able to find that information for YOU somewhere.

"CSI: Miami: The Best Defense (#2.5)" (2003)
Tim Speedle: Tropos: Clubs where people come when the door guy turns you down everywhere else.
Eric Delko: So this is your hangout, Speed.
Tim Speedle: [deadpan] You know, did you ever think about taking up stand-up comedy or something like that? Because you're really very funny.
Eric Delko: Glad you noticed. I appreciate it. Thanks.

"CSI: Miami: Camp Fear (#1.11)" (2002)
Eric Delko: Engines on that baby cost more than your car.
Tim Speedle: Maybe your car.

"CSI: Miami: Money for Nothing (#2.17)" (2004)
Tim Speedle: I got the GPS tracking signal from those two money bags, but it's stationary. Now why would a guy who just robbed an armored truck be parked like a sitting duck?
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: It's possible because I put two in his gas tank.
Tim Speedle: You could have put two in him.

"CSI: Miami: Grave Young Men (#1.20)" (2003)
Tim Speedle: Did you press his face into the pillow, causing him to suffocate?
Alison: Yes and no.
Tim Speedle: Alison...
Alison: You're so sure I'm guilty. I could see it when you walked through the door.
Tim Speedle: You have an explanation?
Alison: Yes... I pressed his face into the pillow. No... I did not suffocate him. He did, however... orgasm.
Tim Speedle: Excuse me?
Alison: My marathon-running boyfriend was a pillow biter. Satisfied? He liked to give himself over to me. I, uh, could be more explicit, but...
Tim Speedle: I get it.

"CSI: Miami: Ashes to Ashes (#1.5)" (2002)
Tim Speedle: Last time I was in church was when Kurt Cobain died.

"CSI: Miami: Hard Time (#2.3)" (2003)
Dr. Alexx Woods: A thousand bodies under my belt, and I don't notice a live one.
Tim Speedle: First officer didn't, either. I mean, who can blame him? Place smells like decomp. Covered in maggots.
Dr. Alexx Woods: I'm an M.D. I'm trained to know the difference.

"CSI: Miami: Death Grip (#2.4)" (2003)
[reviewing a sex tape belonging to their victim's neighbors]
Tim Speedle: Now, that's different.
Calleigh Duquesne: Someone's been doing yoga.

"CSI: Miami: Entrance Wound (#1.12)" (2003)
Tim Speedle: You're trying to identify the DNA of the mold?
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: Yes, I am. Which would mean the smear from the bungalow could only come from a single host colony, like the killer's bathroom.
Tim Speedle: Mold's a primitive organism.
Lieutenant Horatio Caine: But if it's biological, it has DNA.

"CSI: Miami: Witness to Murder (#2.12)" (2004)
Alexx Woods: Please don't tell me we sent a body away with a complete stranger.
Tim Speedle: Alexx, we sent a body awa...
Alexx Woods: Timmy, I know.