Catherine Willows
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Quotes for
Catherine Willows (Character)
from "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000)

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"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Accused Is Entitled (#3.2)" (2002)
Atty. Marjorie Westcott: You took your clothes off for a living.
Catherine Willows: For a very good living.

Lawyer: You took your clothes off for a living?
Catherine Willows: For a VERY good living.

Catherine Willows: Grissom... they're beating our heads in. Judge is going to dismiss... you can feel it.
Gil Grissom: Don't get ahead of yourself.
Catherine Willows: I'm not ahead of myself. I'm up there front and center taking hits along with the rest of CSI. You know, you've turned into a really lousy leader. I need your help, and you're on the sidelines.

Catherine Willows: D.A. just got the call. Tom's manager hired Marjorie Westcott to defend him.
Nick Stokes: Soundbite Westcott?
Catherine Willows: Guilty, rich client, high-profile case it's right up her alley. Publicity for her new cable show.
Gil Grissom: Forget about who's involved. We do this like we do any other case.

Gil Grissom: Tom Haviland's attorneys are not waiving time.
Nick Stokes: Are you serious?
Sara Sidle: They're actually exercising their right to a speedy trial?
Gil Grissom: No requests for continuances, no stall tactics. They're pushing for their day in court.
Warrick Brown: Good defense attorney always does the last thing you expect.
Catherine Willows: Yeah. What typically drags on for months has now been put on the fast track and the prelim is less than 72 hours.
Greg Sanders: I'm only done processing half the evidence.
Catherine Willows: You're going to have to call in help, because if the judge thinks that our evidence isn't strong enough to go to trial, he's going to dismiss the charges on Tom.
Sara Sidle: Can't the D.A. drop the charges and we'll refile when we get our evidence together?
Catherine Willows: Sure, but the odds are that Tom will relocate to Europe and pull a Polanski.
Greg Sanders: And what's a Polanski?
Gil Grissom: Get-out-of-jail-free card. One more thing: Westcott just added a forensic scientist to their roster. She wants him to examine every piece of evidence we have against Haviland.
Nick Stokes: As soon as it's processed they'll get a copy of our report.
Gil Grissom: They're entitled to see it as it's processed.
Nick Stokes: I've never done a case where the defendant took advantage of that rule of discovery.
Gil Grissom: Well, when you can't attack the evidence itself, you attack the method of gathering the evidence.
Sara Sidle: So who's their guy?
Gil Grissom: Dr. Phillip Gerard.
Sara Sidle: Phillip Gerard? Your mentor is their forensic scientist?
Gil Grissom: Yeah. Marjorie Westcott's a smart lawyer.

Catherine Willows: So, I've checked every plumbing fixture in this place. There's no blood.
Sara Sidle: Grissom said he found blood under Movie Boy's nailbeds.
Catherine Willows: And that sheet looks like a butcher's apron. Movie Boy had to wash his hands someplace.

Catherine Willows: Marjorie's requesting copies of CSI's proficiency test records, by midnight.
Gil Grissom: So relax. If any of us had failed the yearly proficiency test, we wouldn't be here.
Catherine Willows: You completely forget, don't you? My test is on appeal.
Gil Grissom: Oh, right.
Catherine Willows: Board said I was wrong on one question. I said the question was ambiguous. They're going to rule my way, but not before the prelim.
[sighs]
Catherine Willows: Just trying to rattle me.
Gil Grissom: Is it working?
Catherine Willows: Maybe I should just take a page out of your book. If I don't collect or analyze anything, I don't have to testify. Of course, it helps to be boss. Very politic. Ecklie must be rubbing off on you.
Gil Grissom: Yeah, that's it. Ecklie.

Catherine Willows: [to Nick] Remember, if you get stuck just maintain the same posture. If there's any adjustments, you're seen as squirming. It's going to make you look shifty.
Nick Stokes: Thanks, Cath. You know, I've done this before.
Catherine Willows: Well, I've done it longer.

Nick Stokes: [Catherine waits outside the courtroom on the bench; Nick comes out] Damn!
Catherine Willows: What?
Nick Stokes: Damn, damn, damn. I forgot to put case identifiers on my dice photos.
Catherine Willows: Date, time and file number?
Nick Stokes: Yeah.
[Catherine doesn't say anything]
Nick Stokes: Don't look at me that way, okay? I wrote it down on the evidence envelope. I had to move fast. The casino manager wanted us out of there.
Catherine Willows: The dice places Tom at the murder. Victim's blood mixed with his saliva.

Nick Stokes: I was sweating bullets looking at those photos.
Catherine Willows: Did the judge exclude the dice?
Nick Stokes: No. No, just my credibility.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Unfriendly Skies (#1.9)" (2000)
Gil Grissom: [the group is re-enacting a fight on a plane, and Grissom is giving everyone their roles] Catherine, you will be playing Dr. Behrle.
Catherine Willows: Single mom. What an imagination you have.

Gil Grissom: I need to see their shoes.
Catherine Willows: Why are you asking me?
Gil Grissom: Cause you're the people person, right?
Catherine Willows: Why don't you tell them that? They're not giving me bubkas.

Catherine Willows: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say they're hiding something.

Catherine Willows: More flies with honey.

Catherine Willows: So you slept through the whole thing and woke up next to a dead body?

Catherine Willows: Ok people. Shoes off.
[no reaction]
Catherine Willows: Now?

Catherine Willows: So you went to sleep and woke up next to a dead body?

Sara Sidle: We were just talking about murder and whether we would commit it. I couldn't, Warrick could and Nick's on the fence. We're taking an exit poll.
Nick Stokes: Catherine, you're a mother. You and Lindsey are on that plane. How far do you go?
Catherine Willows: All the way.
Sara Sidle: [surprised] You didn't even hesitate.
Catherine Willows: That's right. If it involves the protection of my child I fight to the death.
Warrick Brown: See? We have four people here, all with different opinions. Think of how the passengers must have felt.
Sara Sidle: What do you think, Grissom?
Gil Grissom: I can't answer that question.
Catherine Willows: That's a cop-out. It's a simple question. What would you have done if you had been one of those passengers?
Gil Grissom: It's not about that. You all have different opinions but you've taken the same point of view. You've put yourself in the shoes of the passengers, but nobody's put themselves in the shoes of the victim. That's the point.
Sara Sidle: I'm sorry. What are you saying?
Gil Grissom: Nobody stopped to ask Candlewell if he was all right. They just assumed, because he was kicking the back of Nate's seat, that he was a jerk - because he was pushing his call button that he was bothering the Flight Attendant - because he was trying to get into the lavatory he was making a scene - because he was going back and forth up and down the aisles, he was posing a threat.
Catherine Willows: He was a threat.
Gil Grissom: No. He turned into a threat. It didn't have to be that way. People make assumptions. That's the problem. You just did. And I think these passengers made the wrong assumption and now this guy's dead.
Warrick Brown: Well, if that's your stance how could it have been prevented?
Gil Grissom: If just one person had stopped and taken the time to look at the guy, to listen to him, to figure out what was wrong with him it might not have happened. It took five people to kill him. It would've only taken one person to save his life.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Table Stakes (#1.15)" (2001)
Catherine Willows: Well, according to her credit card records Portia Richmond hasn't spent a dime since she's been in the Mediterranean.
Sara Sidle: She's dead.
Catherine Willows: Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.
Nick Stokes: Some guys still like to foot the bill.
Sara Sidle: How would you know?
Nick Stokes: Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.
Catherine Willows: What question it that, Nick?
Nick Stokes: "What do you drive?"
Sara Sidle: It's a legitimate question.
Nick Stokes: No, it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".

Catherine Willows: What's with the smile?
Gil Grissom: They're playing our song.

Catherine Willows: Caught in the act.
Gil Grissom: I think that was the point.
Catherine Willows: Oh, yeah.

Warrick Brown: What ever happened, "To cross the tape, go the distance"?
Catherine Willows: [dials number on cell phone] I was probably saying that to get you to service my needs at the time.
Catherine Willows: [Sara answers]
[still half asleep]
Catherine Willows: Hello.
Catherine Willows: Hey Sara you sleepin'?
Sara Sidle: [sighs] Yeah.
Catherine Willows: Aww...

Warrick Brown: Whatever happened to, "You cross the tape, you go the distance."?
Catherine Willows: I was probably saying that to get you to service my needs at the time.

Catherine Willows: Well, in addition to exchanging bodily fluids, did you exchange gifts?

Warrick Brown: This is a big case, I'm in a groove here.
Catherine Willows: Well, groove on down to the strip.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Secrets & Flies (#6.6)" (2005)
[Grissom doesn't answer his phone]
Catherine Willows: Who do you keep avoiding?
Gil Grissom: Ecklie.
Catherine Willows: Ah, that means you should answer it.
Gil Grissom: No, he just wants to yell at me because I'm late with the personnel evaluations. It can wait.

David Hodges: You remember your geology.
Catherine Willows: Yes! Actually, senior year I took "rocks for jocks", I dated the TA.
Warrick Brown: Lucky guy. I'm sure you got an "A".
Catherine Willows: As a matter of fact, I did.
David Hodges: [to Warrick] You're married? Don't flirt.

Gil Grissom: I just finished your eval.
Catherine Willows: And?
Gil Grissom: In the comments section, I noted that if you had my job, these evaluations wouldn't be late.
Catherine Willows: Thank you.

Catherine Willows: [about Thayer] The guy's an ass.
Gil Grissom: He used to be a competent scientist. We actually co-authored a paper together 10 years ago. I believe greed has gotten in his way.
Catherine Willows: Well, I've seen him on the stand. He manipulates evidence.
Gil Grissom: He manipulates people. The public assumes that scientists are ethical, but many of us are no better than politicians, evidently.

Catherine Willows: I don't know who killed Christina Adalian, I don't know how she got pregnant, and I don't know the identity of the baby's biological parents.
Gil Grissom: It's always good to know what you don't know.

Sara Sidle: Project Sunflower promotes itself as doing God's work.
Catherine Willows: I knew a stripper who claimed the exact same thing.

Greg Sanders: That's all I got, so sorry.
Catherine Willows: Greg, never apologize for doing your job.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix (#7.23)" (2007)
Catherine Willows: Okay, come on, Jim. Give it up. I know you know something about Grissom and Lady Heather.
Captain Jim Brass: I know something a lot juicier than Grissom and Lady Heather.

Captain Jim Brass: Guess who he called yesterday: Lady Heather.
Catherine Willows: Might have threatened her.
Captain Jim Brass: And we both know how she likes to settle her own scores. I'm gonna get a warrant, but it may take me some time because I have to find a judge who isn't a client of hers.

Catherine Willows: You were with her all night, can you explain why? I know you don't go home and cuddle your insects every single night, but why would you go there knowing we're in the middle of an investigation? And now she's a prime suspect with you as her alibi.
Gil Grissom: It was a social call. That's all.
Catherine Willows: So, when your personal life gets tangled up in a case, that's off limits?
Gil Grissom: Yes.
Catherine Willows: Isn't that a little hypocritical?
Gil Grissom: Apparently so.
Catherine Willows: You know, I'd slap you but I think you'd enjoy it too much.

Catherine Willows: [after Sara has tried to change the subject three times] My fantasy does not include costumes. Not pain, and certainly not sawdust.
[she dusts off her leg]
Catherine Willows: You?
[Sara turns away awkwardly]

Sara Sidle: How much do you think a night like this would cost?
Catherine Willows: Heather told me, five years ago she was clearing twenty grand a week. And that was before Lady Heather dot com.
Sara Sidle: [after a moment] What is she like?
Catherine Willows: Beautiful, smart, intense... charming. The only woman I've ever seen rattle Grissom.
[Sara stops processing and looks up]

Catherine Willows: Who found her?
Captain Jim Brass: Guy over there in the ten gallon, Vernon Porter. He's the night watchman. All the employees are required to wear that cowboy getup. That's the job cops get after they retire.
Catherine Willows: You've got something to look forward to Jim.
Captain Jim Brass: Yes, Ma'am.

Catherine Willows: Heather on the other hand, uninhibited, and can beat him at mental chess...
Catherine Willows: [Sara can't believe what she's hearing] They had chemistry and he's a scientist, I have no proof and I know he'd never tell me, but I'm certain they spent the night together... I wonder which one wore the chaps.
Sara Sidle: [clears her throat] Lots of coins and toothpicks, they don't sweep under here.
Catherine Willows: More power to him really to find someone outside of work, 'cause... you start fishing from the company pier and asking for trouble.
[Sara has a look of total shock]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: To Halve and to Hold (#1.14)" (2001)
Gil Grissom: It's interesting to me how you always expect the worst.
Catherine Willows: You see, that way I'm never disappointed. And sometimes I'm nicely surprised.

[Grissom was licking rocks to see if they're bones]
Gil Grissom: Could be a piece of wrist bone.
Catherine Willows: Well, do you want to suck on it? To be sure?

Gil Grissom: Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body?
Catherine Willows: Yes professor. I too took osteology.

Catherine Willows: So, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Gil Grissom: How amazing the universe is. Everything made from the same carbon, stars to trees, trucks to human bones.
Catherine Willows: Uh, no, I was thinking that we have about 100 bone fragments. We could ID this body before the end of the shift.

[When Grissom puts his ear up to the pile of bones on the table]
Catherine Willows: Are the bones whispering to you?

Catherine Willows: [Grissom and Catherine are putting a skeleton together] That is correct... according to *this* book.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cross-Jurisdictions (#2.22)" (2002)
Horatio Caine: It's honey.
Catherine Willows: You say that like it means something.
Horatio Caine: Well, honey on its own is just honey. But add platic wrap and... it's a different situation.

Catherine Willows: Ready, honey?
Horatio Caine: Coming dear.

Calleigh Duquesne: Hi. Calleigh Duquesne. Don't ask how I spell it. Southern.
Catherine Willows: Catherine Willows. Southern... Vegas.

Eric Delko: Someone gonna cover me?
Horatio Caine: I got you.
Catherine Willows: Cover you for what?
Eric Delko: Alligators.

Gordon Daimler: The Corwins lent me their jet.
Catherine Willows: Just like they lent you their boat?
Gordon Daimler: Ask the pilot. Dylan called him in person telling him to fly me to Monaco.
Horatio Caine: Hmm. I'd rather call Dylan at the hospital to confirm.
Catherine Willows: The husband didn't die. You left us a witness and enough evidence to incriminate you in two states.

[Catherine returns to Vegas from Miami]
Catherine Willows: Hello.
Gil Grissom: Hey. Nice tan.
Catherine Willows: Nice suit.
Gil Grissom: Yeah, well, I knew you were coming back today, so I dressed up.
Catherine Willows: Yeah... right...
Gil Grissom: Really.
[Cath looks him up and down]
Gil Grissom: What?
Catherine Willows: Nothing. It's just unusual to... see you dressed... like that.
Gil Grissom: I had to go to the chief's funeral.
Catherine Willows: Missed me that much, huh?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Pledging Mr. Johnson (#1.4)" (2000)
Catherine Willows: Now tell me, why are we here?
Gil Grissom: Because this is the only place within 10 miles of Caulville Bay that serves Calamari.
Catherine Willows: And you know this because...?
Gil Grissom: I come here for calamari.
Catherine Willows: Alone?
Gil Grissom: No. Sometimes I have a beer with it.

Catherine Willows: You're right, you know. I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo, watching Discovery on the big screen, working genius-level crossword puzzles. But no relationships, no chance any will slop over into a case. Yeah, right. I want to be just like you.
Gil Grissom: Technically it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right, I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff.
Catherine Willows: Grissom... WHAT personal stuff?

[Cath's ex cheated on her]
Catherine Willows: I can tell you first hand, when you don't cheat, you don't suspect.
Captain Jim Brass: Oh, man, I wish I had been married to you.
Catherine Willows: Not a chance.

Dr. Jenna Williams: The leg was severed post-mortem.
Catherine Willows: Well, that's good news.
Dr. Jenna Williams: How do you figure?
Catherine Willows: Would you want to be alive while your leg's being cut off?

[after a huge argument]
Gil Grissom: Look, could we have a truce?
Catherine Willows: I would love to.

Gil Grissom: So, was the boat at the marina?
Catherine Willows: What do you think?
Gil Grissom: My spider sense says it wasn't.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Crate 'n' Burial (#1.3)" (2000)
Augie Heitz: My DNA is your DNA.
Catherine Willows: Great.

[about a hit and run case]
Catherine Willows: All we got is some paint that's going to match about twenty million other vehicles.
Warrick Brown: Yeah.
Catherine Willows: Bastard.

Sara Sidle: Hey, Grissom. Can you come tape me up?
Gil Grissom: [after Sidle goes back into the room] I love my job.
Catherine Willows: It shows.

Sara Sidle: Hey, Grissom, could you come tape me up?
Grissom: [to Catherine] I love my work.
Catherine Willows: It shows.

Nick Stokes: Hey, Catherine, when's your little girl comin' by?
Catherine Willows: She isn't.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
[looks over to see Grissom had bought the same gift]
Sara Sidle: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick Stokes: Stop flirting with me.

Sara Sidle: [about Catherine's daughter having a birthday] What's the rule, how long do I have to be here before I start kickin' in for gifts?
Catherine Willows: When spirit moves you, Sara, so in your case I guess, um, never.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Are You? (#1.6)" (2000)
[Cath is a former stripper]
Greg Sanders: So, the French Palace, huh?
Catherine Willows: Yup.
Greg Sanders: You know, my friends and I used to go there. Payday Fridays.
Catherine Willows: Uh-huh.
Greg Sanders: Maybe I saw you perform.
Catherine Willows: Oh, I doubt it.
Greg Sanders: Why?
Catherine Willows: You would've remembered.

[Eddie, Cath's ex is accused of rape]
Gil Grissom: What's the status?
Catherine Willows: Skin samples from under the women's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises. But Eddie's style has always been very... involved. Vigorous.
Gil Grissom: ...Vigorous.
Warrick Brown: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough.
Catherine Willows: Thank you, Warrick.

Gil Grissom: So. How's the thing Catherine passed off to you going?
Warrick Brown: What thing?
Gil Grissom: The thing with Eddie Willows?
Warrick Brown: Er, good.
Gil Grissom: You called the DMV yet?
Warrick Brown: I was just about to.
Gil Grissom: Hmm. Warrick, why would you call the DMV on a rape charge?
Warrick Brown: [looks at Catherine] If you want me to suave anybody, I gotta know the shot.
Catherine Willows: I'm sorry. I didn't pass it off.
Gil Grissom: Really?

Catherine Willows: Got anything for me?
Gil Grissom: Yeah, but I can't give it to you. Conflict of interest.
Catherine Willows: Why?
Gil Grissom: The victim's an exotic dancer.
Catherine Willows: And because I used to *be* one, I'll be biased?
Gil Grissom: No. The suspect's your ex-husband.

Gil Grissom: You bring in a specialist without consulting me?
Catherine Willows: What? And you don't bring one in, possibly compromising the case because you two had a relationship?
Gil Grissom: Relationship? I hardly know that woman.
Catherine Willows: Oh, so I guess that dopey look in your eye whenever she's around is just that.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Harvest (#5.3)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: [scolding Lindsey after she tried to get a ride off the highway] I don't know what I'm going to do with you. You've been talking back to your teachers, skipping school, and now hitch-hiking. What's next?
Lindsey Willows: [under her breath] Stripping.
Catherine Willows: Excuse me?

Dr. Al Robbins: Childhood keeps getting shorter and shorter... you know why that is?
Catherine Willows: [sobbing] Honestly, I DON'T!

Catherine Willows: [to Gil] Have you been to bed?
Gil Grissom: Yes.
Catherine Willows: Did you sleep?
[pauses]
Catherine Willows: Me neither. She was the same age as Lindsey. She was trying to hitchhike.
Gil Grissom: Where was she going?
Catherine Willows: Fremont Street.
Gil Grissom: Was she buying drugs?
Catherine Willows: No! She's twelve. She's... just so angry. She doesn't talk to me.
Gil Grissom: Well, if enough people knew what was out there hunting them, they'd never leave their house. I think you need to sit her down.
Catherine Willows: Well, I don't want to scare her. I don't want my daughter to be this... frightened, paranoid kid who's always looking over her shoulder.
Gil Grissom: Catherine, there's a big difference between scaring her and preparing her. And all the reasons why you should are in that room.

Catherine Willows: [to Lindsey] Mouthing off to teachers, slipping grades, and now hitchhiking. I mean what's next, Lindsey?
Lindsey Willows: Stripping.
Catherine Willows: What did you just say? Okay, no phone, no friends, no nothing.
Lindsey Willows: For how long?
Catherine Willows: A month.
Lindsey Willows: Whatever.
Catherine Willows: Hey, you want to make it two?
Lindsey Willows: Dad always said you were a drama queen.
Catherine Willows: Well, what do you expect, Lindsey, since he was always high.
Lindsey Willows: I'd take Dad high over you any day! Nana's coming to pick me up. I'll be out front.

Sybil Perez: [to Catherine about Alicia] You have no idea what it's like.
Catherine Willows: I saw her medical records. I looked at her x-rays. I know what that little girl suffered, what you put her through.
Sybil Perez: So you would let your child die and do nothing. Never. No, you'd talk to doctors and research. And then you'd find out that the national bone marrow registry can't help you 'cause your son is mixed race. And even if he wasn't, there aren't enough donors. Out of four million, only 205,000 are Latino. I did what I had to do.
Catherine Willows: You put one child over another.
Sybil Perez: [scoffs] I don't expect you to understand. You don't have kids.
Catherine Willows: Uh, I have a daughter.
Sybil Perez: So, what kind of mother are you? When do you see her? You work nights. You probably don't even know where she half the time. Alicia's life may not have been simple, but at least I knew her. Can you say the same?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Slaves of Las Vegas (#2.8)" (2001)
Catherine Willows: If there's one thing you learn on this job is that human beings are capable of anything.

Catherine Willows: Wake up and smell the species.

Gil Grissom: To get to the evidence, we may destroy the evidence.
Catherine Willows: Do you get these haikus out of a book, or do they just come to you?

Catherine Willows: I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship.
Gil Grissom: We do?
Catherine Willows: When we have a problem, I don't paint Greg in latex and stick a straw up his nose.
Gil Grissom: Good. He'd probably like it.
Catherine Willows: You're supposed to say something revealing back to me.
Gil Grissom: Okay. I never told anyone this, Catherine.
[screen fades to black]

Catherine Willows: How much does this place clear in a week?
Lady Heather: $10,000.
Catherine Willows: I'm not with the IRS.
Lady Heather: OK, $20,000.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Formalities (#5.7)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: Tough shift.
Greg Sanders: You did say "shift", right?

[first lines]
[Grissom struggles to tie a bowtie]
Catherine Willows: What are you doing?
Gil Grissom: I'm going insane. I don't understand this diagram.
Catherine Willows: You don't need a diagram. You need a woman.
[stands behind him and successfully ties the tie]
Catherine Willows: I'm looking forward to your speech.

Catherine Willows: Why are you talking to yourself?
Gil Grissom: I'm trying a new technique.
Catherine Willows: Is it working?
Gil Grissom: I have no idea.

Catherine Willows: You crack this kid's head open, all that would come out would be T and A.
Greg Sanders: I think you said that about me once.
Catherine Willows: Actually, more than once.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fur and Loathing (#4.5)" (2003)
[after finding traces of semen on Bud Simmons' cat costume]
Catherine Willows: Okay, well, I've heard of some guys getting off in some weird ways, but humping an animal suit? Whatever happened to normal sex?
Gil Grissom: What is normal sex?
Catherine Willows: So you think it's natural for a grown human to only be intimate with a talking animal?
Gil Grissom: Well, Freud said that the only unusual sexual behavior was to have none at all. And after that, it was only a matter of opportunity and preference. And evidently, some people prefer the feel of fur to the texture of human skin.
Catherine Willows: Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel.

Gil Grissom: Whoa, this is incredibly detailed. Eyelashes, nostrils...
Catherine Willows: Oh yeah, that's what you see out of. I once dated the Detroit Lions Mascot. Off season. Dutch was his name.
Gil Grissom: The breadth of your social experience never ceases to impress me.

[the CSIs are looking for suspects at a Plushies and Furries party]
Polar Bear: Password?
Catherine Willows: E-I-E-I-O?

Gil Grissom: Most mammals only copulate seasonally.
Catherine Willows: How boring.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Weeping Willows (#5.22)" (2005)
[first lines]
Catherine Willows: Hi.
Mia Dickerson: Hey.
Catherine Willows: Husband and wife got into it.
Mia Dickerson: What set them off?
Catherine Willows: She caught him with a hooker in their bed. She cut him. He killed her.
Mia Dickerson: What about the hooker?
Catherine Willows: She grabbed his wallet and took off.

Gil Grissom: Did you hear the one about the cop and the monkey who walk into a bar?
Catherine Willows: I'm not in the mood.
Gil Grissom: Neither was the monkey.

Adam Novak: [to Grissom and Vartann] I was deposing a witness. Left the office late. Stopped at the Peppermill for a burger - medium rare, no onions. Got to the Highball around eleven. Met this redhead. Bought her a drink and
[Catherine walks into the room]
Catherine Willows: Mr. Novak. I'm Catherine Willows, CSI.
Adam Novak: [to Grissom and Vartann] You wanna know what happened next?
[looks at Catherine]
Adam Novak: Ask the redhead.

[last lines]
Catherine Willows: Gil. I'd ask you out for a drink, but under the circumstances, it's, ah...
[Grissom ignores her]
Catherine Willows: OK, how long is this going to go on?
Gil Grissom: I don't know, Catherine.
Catherine Willows: Gil, it was an act of omission.
Gil Grissom: How many times have we heard a public defender say that?
Catherine Willows: I went out after work. Is it a crime to want a little human contact?
Gil Grissom: I guess that's why I don't go out.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bully for You (#2.4)" (2001)
Catherine Willows: So what were you in high school, Nick?
Nick Stokes: Me? I was... dependable.
Catherine Willows: Dependable?
Warrick Brown: He's trying to say he was unpopular.

Nick Stokes: Shut up. She was not.
Warrick Brown: I saw her in action.
Nick Stokes: Really?
Warrick Brown: Yeah, she was.
Nick Stokes: Catherine?
Catherine Willows: I was what?
Warrick Brown: I was just telling Nick how you were a big bully in high school.
Catherine Willows: A bully? All right, I guess I was. But, I mean, not the kind that people want to take a gun out and shoot.
Warrick Brown: No.
Nick Stokes: No, no. You were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress.
Catherine Willows: Like you, Nick, huh? Oh, Nick... what were you in high school?
Nick Stokes: Me? I was, uh... I was "dependable".
Catherine Willows: Dependable.
Nick Stokes: Mmhmm.
Catherine Willows: Dependable jock, dependable stoner?
Nick Stokes: No. Never a strap, never a smoker. Just all-around "dependable" guy, I guess.
Warrick Brown: Cath laughs. right before Sara walks into the break room: What Nick's trying to say he was unpopular.
Nick Stokes: pointing at Warrick for emphasis: No, no I'll tell you what I wasn't; I wasn't a Mac Daddy wannabe with a 'Members Only' jacket.
Warrick Brown: What's wrong with those Member's Only jackets? They were kinda cool back in the day.
Sara Sidle: Nick, Ronny's got something on Liquid Man, says it's hot.
Nick Stokes: Great.
Warrick Brown: Hey Sara, what were you in high school?
Sara Sidle: Nick walks past her and sniffs: Science nerd.
Nick Stokes: whispers: You changed? But you still smell. Let's go.

Catherine Willows: So that leaves you, Warrick. What were you?
Warrick Brown: Oh, I was short, I had big feet, thick glasses.
Warrick Brown: You?
Warrick Brown: Yeah. I got pushed around by all the guys and never got any play from the girls.
Catherine Willows: The girls didn't even notice your eyes?
Warrick Brown: No, they used to tease me about my eyes. Called me names.
Catherine Willows: Aww, well, what do they know? They're your best feature.

Catherine Willows: So how's your new toy working out?
Warrick Brown: It's been downsized.
Catherine Willows: Bummer. I know how you wanted to see that thing work.
Warrick Brown: Well, it's the same difference, really. Air is drawn into the last tube the chalk absorbs the chemicals from the air. And mass spec will break it down at the lab.
Catherine Willows: So why did you need the expensive one in the first place?
Warrick Brown: [Cath smiles at his honesty] 'Cause it was cool.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dead Ringer (#4.20)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: [after Grissom pulls the 4x4 to the road side during her training run] 20 C.S.I.s, 200 runners...
Gil Grissom: Don't blame me. Blame him
[Shines his torch onto a corpse by the side of the road]

[a corpse found on the roadside turns out to be a LAPD SES officer]
Catherine Willows: So much for the race.
Gil Grissom: At least we didn't come last.

Lieutenant Mendez: I just made Lieutenant. I've got nothing to prove.
Catherine Willows: A man with nothing to prove. That's a first.

Medic: There is something wrong in the world if all you do is handle test tubes.
Catherine Willows: If you think that's all I handle, you'd be very mistaken.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Getting Off (#4.16)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: [analyzing boxers] Alright, what do those look like to you?
Greg Sanders: Semen stains.
Catherine Willows: Yeah.
Greg Sanders: Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.
Catherine Willows: No.
Greg Sanders: I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine Willows: Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

Catherine Willows: So, if he was hooking it up in Tranny Town, we'd expect to find some man-on-man porn. All we've got here is varying sizes of jugs.

[picking Cath up for dinner]
Chris Bezich: So, what are you in the mood for?
Catherine Willows: Room service.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Living Doll (#7.24)" (2007)
Catherine Willows: Okay... we're in a David Lynch movie. Where's the dwarf?

Gil Grissom: My God. She was at the crime scene.
Nick Stokes: So she salvages the car, and somehow gets it out to the desert, and grabs Sara, and puts her under it?
Warrick Brown: I don't get it. What does Sara have to do with bleach?
Catherine Willows: I don't know. This just feels different.
Gil Grissom: It is different.
[flashback to crime scene where Grissom takes a camera from Sara and caresses her arm]
Gil Grissom: This girl holds me responsible for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she ever loved, so she's gonna do the same thing to me
[everyone looks confused]

Catherine Willows: A grown man, sticks his hand up the back of a doll, and speaks like a girl. Sounds healthy.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Chaos Theory (#2.2)" (2001)
Catherine Willows: Oh, and Nick?
Nick Stokes: Yeah?
Catherine Willows: When you find the car...
Nick Stokes: Yeah, I know, check the trunk.

Gil Grissom: We told them what happened.
Catherine Willows: Yeah. But we didn't give them what they needed - closure.
Gil Grissom: Truth brings closure.
Catherine Willows: Not always.

Gil Grissom: You showered.
Catherine Willows: Thanks for noticing Gil, you're very observant.
Gil Grissom: [studying a surveillance tape and inadvertently blocking Cath's view] Can't tell what I'm observing here. What does that look like?
Catherine Willows: A five-foot-eleven workaholic.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bodies in Motion (#6.1)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: So you get the team back together only to break us apart again. What kind of a perverse game are you playing here, Gil?
Gil Grissom: I'm not a pervert.

Catherine Willows: Why is there a ring on your ring finger?
Warrick Brown: Because I'm married.
Catherine Willows: What?
Detective Vartan: Congratulations. How much did you pay her?

Warrick Brown: You know, what happened to Nick - it just got me thinking. Life is so short, you know? It's almost... it's almost shorter than we wanna ever believe.
Catherine Willows: "Live for the day."
Warrick Brown: Exactly. So, I, ah, I've been heading to ask this young lady I've been seeing, Tina, to marry me.
Catherine Willows: You know that I'm happy for you.
Warrick Brown: Yeah?
Catherine Willows: Yeah.
Warrick Brown: Well, it also feels like you're not so happy for me.
Catherine Willows: Warrick...
[pause]
Catherine Willows: You know, the thing that makes a fantasy great is the possibility that it might come true. And when you lose that possibility - it just kind of sucks.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fannysmackin' (#7.4)" (2006)
Catherine Willows: Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen.
Warrick Brown: About time. Finally some good news.
Catherine Willows: Did you know Pig, a.k.a Cole Tritt, was the only adult? The rest were all under 18. One was 14.
Warrick Brown: You're kidding. Who raises these kids?
Catherine Willows: I mean, they weren't all delinquents. Demetrius James was a college student.
Nick Stokes: Hangin' out with the wrong crowd in the wrong town. I'm tellin' ya, havin' a fake I.D in Las Vegas is like havin' a - a free ticket on the hell train. Sex, drugs, gambling, no adult supervision, 24/7, by the time they're 21 they've done and seen it all.
Catherine Willows: Make me slit my wrists why don't ya? I'm raising a teenager here.
Warrick Brown: Ah, you're doin' a great job, Linds is gonna turn out to be a beautiful young woman. Besides, I grew up in Vegas, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?
Nick Stokes: Yeah. That was pre-Mirage. Back when you were goin' to the casino, playin' the arcade games. Nah, Vegas is a different animal now.
Warrick Brown: Yeah, these kids need to beat people up in the street to be entertained. They need some good discipline, they need their grandmother whuppin' their ass like I had.
Nick Stokes: Yeah, a good slap.
Sara Sidle: You know, it kinda sounds like you guys are blaming everyone but these kids. I mean, you don't get a bye just because you grew up here or your parents are on drugs or - - those kids were perfectly capable of telling the difference between a wild night out and beating somebody to death.
Gil Grissom: The truth is, a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, it can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore. And unfortunately this city is built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want, we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from killing someone. And evidently you don't even have to feel bad about it.

Catherine Willows: [to Greg, who's all dressed up] All right, slick. Now what's with the suit?
Greg Sanders: Today was my first jury trial.
Catherine Willows: Today ended...
[checks watch]
Catherine Willows: an hour and a half ago.
Greg Sanders: Well, maybe I just don't want the day to end.

Cha Cha Romero: Man, everyone loves a good fannysmackin' session.
Catherine Willows: A what?
Cha Cha Romero: Beating up fannypackers. You know, tourists.
Catherine Willows: Why would you want to do that?
Cha Cha Romero: [shrugs] Nothing else to do.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Suckers (#4.13)" (2004)
Sara Sidle: [Checking the liquid on the floor] This is sweet.
Catherine Willows: Doesn't the room have a sign saying no food or drink allowed?
Gil Grissom: Make sure you get that to Greg!

Catherine Willows: [Looking at the bite marks] These marks arn't consistant with human teeth.
David Phillips: What about fangs?
Warrick Brown: Fangs? come on!

Catherine Willows: [Indicating the victim] If she's bit, there's spit. If there's spit, there's DNA. Swab her neck!


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cool Change (#1.2)" (2000)
[Beeper goes off; Catherine calls in]
Jerrod Cooper: Hello?
Catherine Willows: Oh, hey.
Jerrod Cooper: Who's this? I just dialed my own damn beeper.
Catherine Willows: It's my beeper now. I found it.
Jerrod Cooper: It ain't your beeper, girl. That's my beeper. I do a lot of business on that beeper.
Catherine Willows: What kinda business?
Jerrod Cooper: Oh, you know. Slangin' a little somethin' somethin'.
Catherine Willows: Oh, a little somethin' something'. Maybe a little bling-bling?
Jerrod Cooper: What do you know about some bling-bling?
Catherine Willows: Invite me over to your crib, baby, and you might find out.
Jerrod Cooper: It's on. Three Aces Motel. Room 202.
Catherine Willows: Three Aces Motel, room 202. See you soon.
[she hangs up, and looks at Sara who was listening]
Catherine Willows: Did I just do that?
Sara Sidle: What's a "bling bling"?
Catherine Willows: Got me.

Greg Sanders: Cath? Your DNA results are back. According to my DNA data, the chances are 814 quadrillion to one - that your suspect is our killer. Pretty good stats...
Catherine Willows: Yeah, considering there are only six billion people in world.

Catherine Willows: Is there anything in there with alcohol?
Sara Sidle: Root beer?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Pilot (#1.1)" (2000)
Holly Gribbs: Hi, I'm Holly Gribbs.
Catherine Willows: I'm Catherine Willows.
'Lesley Stahl' - Liquor Store Owner: [sarcastically] And I'm Lesley Stahl.
'Lesley Stahl' - Liquor Store Owner: [serious] Look, forget the formalities. Which one of you people's gonna clean my counter here.
Catherine Willows: Let me tell you something, lady: if you don't care about catching the suspect, neither do we. We're outta here. You can pick up your gun tomorrow.
Holly Gribbs: [whispers to Catherine] You can do that?
Catherine Willows: [whispers back] No!

[explaining the job to Holly, the new girl]
Catherine Willows: We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick with it. At least until you solve your first, and if after that, you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. But if you stay with it, my hand to God, you will never regret it.

Catherine Willows: What do you think?
Warrick Brown: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job, I can always tell when a whitey's talking out of his ass. It's a gift.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Inside the Box (#3.23)" (2003)
Catherine Willows: It's just such a lousy way to find out that you're my father.

Catherine Willows: How long have we known each other?
Gil Grissom: In weeks, months or years?
Catherine Willows: Can you hear me?

[Grissom notices something in the desert and starts to walk away from a crime scene]
Captain Jim Brass: Where's he going?
Catherine Willows: Let's just hope he stops.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Way to Go (#6.24)" (2006)
[At a crime scene]
Catherine Willows: Which of the seven deadly sins aren't represented here?

Catherine Willows: I got blood.
Warrick Brown: I got a noisemaker.

Catherine Willows: So that means he died with a smile on his face.
Dr. Al Robbins: Among other things.
[both laugh]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: King Baby (#5.15)" (2005)
Captain Jim Brass: Welcome to the party.
Catherine Willows: [to Grissom & Ecklie] What's going on? This is my scene.
Conrad Ecklie: High profile case - woke up the supervisors. All hands on deck, Cath. Grissom's lead on this, he's the senior supervisor... I'm an administrator, I run interference for you guys. Starting with the press.
Gil Grissom: It's nothing personal, Catherine. Cases like these rain down hard, you need all the help you can get.
Catherine Willows: I need help. Not supervision.

Catherine Willows: The only clue is no clue.

Gil Grissom: I've enjoyed working with you.
Catherine Willows: Which part? The part where I got in your face or the part where I, uh, lost evidence, or, uh, maybe you just missed me?
Gil Grissom: I did miss you. I missed your passion and your tenacity. I even missed your tush.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Organ Grinder (#2.11)" (2001)
Claudia Gideon: You don't know what you're talking about.
Catherine Willows: Well, that's dangerous to say to a scientist.

[Examining a crime scene]
Nick Stokes: So, what do you think it is? Cocaine maybe?
Catherine Willows: Nope.
Nick Stokes: How can you tell just by looking at it?
Catherine Willows: Never you mind.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Ending Happy (#7.21)" (2007)
Jim Brass: So the guy in took an arrow through the throat and it prolonged his life?
Dr. Al Robbins: Apparently.
Catherine Willows: And what are the odds of it not hitting any major artery?
Dr. Al Robbins: Whatever comes right before zero.

Nick Stokes: You know what a good defence lawyer's gonna say about all this?
Catherine Willows: What?
Nick Stokes: The lawn chair did it.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Night at the Movies (#3.19)" (2003)
Catherine Willows: Theaters are like nightclubs. They should always keep the lights off.
Gil Grissom: This is the last art house left in Vegas. I saw Baraka here, on a double bill with Koyaanisquatsi.
Catherine Willows: Was there anyone else here?
Gil Grissom: Sure.
Catherine Willows: With you?
Gil Grissom: No.

Catherine Willows: What'd I miss?
Gil Grissom: Murder, seduction, deceit. The usual.
Catherine Willows: Mmm. This one of your favorites?
Gil Grissom: Actually, I'm not a big fan of noir.
Catherine Willows: Okay... Well, what do you like?
Gil Grissom: I like silent movies.
[Catherine looks at him, then she looks at the screen when Gil looks at her for a second and turns back to the screen again]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Evaluation Day (#1.22)" (2001)
[about a decapitation case]
Catherine Willows: Definitely a crime of passion.
Gil Grissom: You think a female did this?
Catherine Willows: I could have.
Gil Grissom: Scared of you.

Nick Stokes: Hey, Catherine, say, "Silk, silk, silk."
Catherine Willows: Silk, silk, silk.
Nick Stokes: What do cows drink?
Catherine Willows: Water. Why?
Nick Stokes: [after a disappointed pause] Never mind...


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Time of Your Death (#6.22)" (2006)
[about pool chalk]
Hodges: The abrasives give grip to the tip, when it hits the ball.
Catherine Willows: [almost smiles, then shakes her head in digust] Stop trying to make that sound dirty. Our vic had a callous in his hand.
Hodges: [suggestively] Mmm!
Catherine Willows: [flatly] Don't.

Dr. Al Robbins: [discussing findings re: latest victim] Well, Tox detected methamphetamine, sildenafil, and oxycodone.
Catherine Willows: Stimulant, erection, and a painkiller. Party in a pill.
Dr. Al Robbins: Where was that on my wedding night?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Iced (#5.23)" (2005)
[Catherine, Warrick and David work on a body on a crop circle]
Catherine Willows: The only pathway is from the paramedics. How'd he end up in the middle of the circle?
[David looks up at the sky]
David Phillips: I have an idea.
[Warrick looks up]
David Phillips: I'll keep it to myself.
[Catherine smiles]

Catherine Willows: I thought you said you were a dork in high school.
Warrick Brown: I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
Catherine Willows: I don't doubt that.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: What's Eating Gilbert Grissom? (#5.6)" (2004)
[Greg works on live maggots in a container with a scotch tape along its edges]
Catherine Willows: What's with the tape?
Greg Sanders: The evidence wasn't cooperating, so I stuck it to them.
Catherine Willows: [smiling] Cute...

Catherine Willows: Come on, Sara. This can't wait.
Sara Sidle: It can't or you can't?
Catherine Willows: Both
[Sara sighes and gets up]
Catherine Willows: Get a up of coffee on me.
Sara Sidle: you know the coffee is free.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: After the Show (#4.8)" (2003)
Catherine Willows: Thousands of girls come to Vegas every year, just hoping to beat the odds.
Gil Grissom: Some of them do.
Catherine Willows: And some of them don't.

Catherine Willows: Your father ever tell you you were pretty?
Sara Sidle: I guess.
Catherine Willows: Did he ever tell you you were smart?
Sara Sidle: Yeah.
Catherine Willows: So it probably never occurred to you that you wouldn't be successful. If all you ever hear is that you're gorgeous, you can let everything fall away and leave you in a very dangerous place.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Early Rollout (#4.15)" (2004)
Gil Grissom: [discussing Catherine's goals when trying to finish her evaluation] You don't have a personal life?
Catherine Willows: Write this down. I haven't had sex in 6 - no, 7 months!
Gil Grissom: How can I help?
[Catherine looks shocked]
Gil Grissom: You. Advance, I mean.

[looking at pictures of a young, wealthy couple]
Warrick Brown: Bling, bling!
Catherine Willows: The old trophy wife.
Warrick Brown: You think?
Catherine Willows: Classic Vegas. He pays for her boobs, tummy tuck, Prada, weekly spa, French manicure. And she's just hanging on his arm like she belongs.
Warrick Brown: Tell us how you really feel, Catherine.
Catherine Willows: I wouldn't want to be her for the world.
[Warrick gives her a look]
Catherine Willows: Hey, I wouldn't mind it for a day...
Warrick Brown: Well, not this day.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Nesting Dolls (#5.13)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: You know, every time we get a case with a hint of domestic violence or abuse, you go off the deep end. What is your problem?
Sara Sidle: Yeah, I probably do, and you let your sexuality cloud your judgment about men, and I'm gonna go over your head.

Conrad Ecklie: You are a law enforcement officer, and a representative of this city, that means I expect you to conduct yourself in an appropriate manner in and away from this lab.
Catherine Willows: You know what, if this is gonna be one of your "for the good of the lab" speeches, don't bother. I've heard them.
Conrad Ecklie: Just, take a seat.
[Sara doesn't sit]
Conrad Ecklie: Willows is a supervisor which means you treat her with respect, insulting her in front of coworkers...
Catherine Willows: She's not my supervisor.
Conrad Ecklie: ...Alright, your superior. Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, you luck your way out of a DUI take a look! You've got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket. And if Grissom *really* documented your performance there'd probably be a dozen more. That's not the kind of person I want in my lab!
Catherine Willows: The only reason this is "your" lab is because Grissom doesn't kiss ass. You couldn't hack it in the field so you fail your way up, you break up our team, and now you just hang out in the hallways waiting for one of us to screw up!
Conrad Ecklie: Sidle, you're on one week's suspension without pay.
Catherine Willows: Great.
Conrad Ecklie: And when you get back you're apologizing to Catherine.
Catherine Willows: [frankly and with a smile] No I'm not.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Boom (#1.13)" (2001)
Greg Sanders: I would never doubt your word.
Catherine Willows: Smart man.

Catherine Willows: [Nick is suspected of murdering Kristy] I think we'd better head over to the police station.
Nick Stokes: DNA didn't pan out huh?
Catherine Willows: Never have I seen such a clean match. Jack Willman killed her.
Nick Stokes: Thank you.
Catherine Willows: Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides if they'd sent you to jail I'd get stuck with all your cases.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Shots (#7.19)" (2007)
Sofia Curtis: Looks like a bar napkin.
[shaped like a rose]
Catherine Willows: Yeah, that's been shaped, rolled and twisted. Las Vegas Origami. Pretty corny.
Sofia Curtis: Probably work on me.
Sofia Curtis: That bad, huh?

Catherine Willows: Don't tell me you're tired of the field already.
Hodges: No, I had to catch up on my Perez Hilton.
Catherine Willows: I take it you're not going to pull a Sanders, then?
Hodges: Let's see... Clean friendly lab, bullet strewn- urine soaked street? That's a tough call.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bad Words (#4.19)" (2004)
[investigators can't explain why a victim was home]
Catherine Willows: Hey, if you can explain the behavior of teenagers, more power to you.

Catherine Willows: We're going to need urine samples so we can test for nicotine in your systems.
Jessica Abernathy: My house is burned down. My daughter is dead. And you want me to pee into a cup. Sure. Why not?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bite Me (#6.3)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: Tequila will always remind me of Señor Frog's.
LVPD Capt. Jim Brass: Which one?
Catherine Willows: Cancun. My honeymoon. My dime.
LVPD Capt. Jim Brass: Well, if you ever want to go back, it's on me.
Catherine Willows: Is that a proposal?

Catherine Willows: What are you thinking?
Gil Grissom: Led Zeppelin.
[pause. Grissom glances up the stairs]
Gil Grissom: Stairway to Heaven.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: $35K O.B.O. (#1.18)" (2001)
Paul Newsome, District Engineer: Look, lady...
Catherine Willows: Catherine.
Paul Newsome, District Engineer: Sorry.
Catherine Willows: Don't say "Sorry". Just know who you're talking to.

Catherine Willows: [crawling through collapsed building] Am I almost at ground zero?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: No Humans Involved (#5.10)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: Now tell me why you really stopped by. You checking up on me?
Gil Grissom: No.
Catherine Willows: What've you heard? Who talked to you?
Gil Grissom: See? You've been on the job for a week and you're already paranoid.

Catherine Willows: Did you ever play politics?
Gil Grissom: I once ran for president of the science club in junior high. Mary Hardy beat me out by one vote.
Catherine Willows: I'm going to guess that you didn't vote for yourself.
Gil Grissom: I'm not any good at politics. And it's cost me. It's how I lost Nick and Warrick.
Catherine Willows: Your loss was my gain.
Gil Grissom: Yeah. And at least they're in good hands.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Last Laugh (#3.20)" (2003)
Gil Grissom: Excuse me. Can you please turn down the house lights and turn on the stage lights?
[stage light comes onto Grissom]
Gil Grissom: I want to see what he saw right before he died.
Catherine Willows: What do you see?
Gil Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine Willows: What are you looking for?
[beat]
Gil Grissom: A punchline?
Captain Jim Brass: Ba-dum-bum.

Captain Jim Brass: Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage, literally?
Catherine Willows: Ba-dum-bum.
Captain Jim Brass: I'll be here all week.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Recipe for Murder (#3.11)" (2003)
[Grissom and Willows enter a restaurant to investigate the death of one of its chefs. The hostess stops answering a very busy phone and turns to them]
The Hostess: Hi, last name?
Gil Grissom: We don't have reservation. We're here...
The Hostess: [taking back the phone] Party of four? Three weeks from Thursday? Let me see...
Catherine Willows: Excuse me but you don't understand...
The Hostess: [holding up the phone] No, I'm sorry you don't understand. Your walk-in's in a very busy night. We're short a chef.
Catherine Willows: We know. He's dead.
Gil Grissom: Not only dead. Dismembered. We're with the crime lab.
The Hostess: [putting down the phone] I'll get the owner.

Gil Grissom: [after identifying the kitchen knife used to dismember a chef] "Let us carve him as a dish fit for the gods"
Catherine Willows: I'm going to guess Shakespeare.
Gil Grissom: Julius Ceaser.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Big Middle (#5.16)" (2005)
Warrick Brown: Who do you like?
Catherine Willows: Charlotte. My mother grew up in North Carolina.
Warrick Brown: Okay, I'll give you Charlotte +2.
Catherine Willows: What do I get if I win?
Warrick Brown: How about a fabulous dinner.
Catherine Willows: I'll take your action.

Catherine Willows: The only thing that sports book means to me is guys without showers.
Warrick Brown: [laughs] That's actually true.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Burden of Proof (#2.15)" (2002)
[upon finding an insect on the victim's clothes]
Gil Grissom: It's a carpet beetle. It shouldn't be here.
Catherine Willows: The vic seem more like a hardwood floors kind of guy to you?
Gil Grissom: Carpet beetles are usually the last to arrive at a corpse, when only found on a body when its near becoming being a skeleton. This guy is still fresh.
[looks up at skeleton hanging from tree, sees other insects on it]
Gil Grissom: David! Get this body out of here right now! We've got cross-contamination!

[Cath comes back from a body farm]
Sara Sidle: Wow, you got to go to the body farm? I've always wanted to go there! What was it like?
Catherine Willows: Quiet.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Art Imitates Life (#9.3)" (2008)
Catherine Willows: [arriving at a crime scene where the body is propped up in an upright position] She forget to fall down?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Room Service (#6.2)" (2005)
David Hodges: Let me ask you something: How do you know when it's gone from just friends to more than?
Catherine Willows: Well, if you have to ask - it's just friends.
David Hodges: She's making dinner for me this weekend.
Catherine Willows: Are you the only guest?
David Hodges: Do her roommates count?
[Catherine looks at him significantly]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Primum Non Nocere (#2.16)" (2002)
[Gil and Catherine are investigating the bedroom of a stockbroker who was killed playing hockey]
Catherine Willows: It's never a good sign when a guy has more women than chairs.
Gil Grissom: What's the ratio here?
Catherine Willows: Judging from these stains, I'd say four women for every piece of furniture including the TV. At least we know what this guy was about - bucks, pucks and... chicks.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: I Like to Watch (#6.17)" (2006)
Director: Excuse me, hi, can you identify yourself for the camera, please? Just look right in the lens.
Gil Grissom: What is this?
Director: It's a reality crime show. We're following you for this investigation. Sheriff promised full cooperation.
Catherine Willows: We got that memo. They're "Hard Crime".
Director: That's us; we put the folks who look in the microscopes under the microscopes.
Catherine Willows: Right. You see, it's good P.R. for the department. Try not to bust their chops, okay?
Director: You ever see the show? It's got a lot of forensics.
Gil Grissom: There's too many forensics shows on TV.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Snuff (#3.8)" (2002)
Catherine Willows: [to Douglas Sampson about Susan Hodap] You killed her.
Sara Sidle: [to Douglas Sampson, referencing the fact that he became infected with HIV by exposing himself to Susan's infected blood while killing her] I guess she killed you back.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Lady Heather's Box (#3.15)" (2003)
Catherine Willows: Stranglings are intimate.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Bullet Runs Through It, Part 1 (#6.7)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: The sheriff said they were chasing another car. A...
Gil Grissom: Lemme guess, a Buick?
Catherine Willows: I hate it when you do that.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grissom Versus the Volcano (#4.9)" (2003)
[Grissom and Catherine are looking at a science project class volcano]
Catherine Willows: In fifth grade I built one of these as my science fair project, it was awesome. First place should have been mine, but they ended up giving it to this kid with some lame red ant colony.
[Catherine looks at Grissom who is smiling]
Catherine Willows: That was you!
Gil Grissom: Yeah, only my ants were black Argentineans.
Catherine Willows: Uh-huh...
Gil Grissom: I learned at a very early age that the bugs always win.
Catherine Willows: Right...


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Viva Las Vegas (#5.1)" (2004)
George Craven: I need a lawyer.
Catherine Willows: I need your clothes.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Who Shot Sherlock (#5.11)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: [slaps human-sized ballistics-gel dummy made by Warrick and Nick to test a theory] Do you know how much ballistic gel costs?
Warrick Brown: Didn't know you did.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Bullet Runs Through It, Part 2 (#6.8)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: So just how did the meeting with the undersheriff go?
Conrad Ecklie: Worse than the dentist. Better than the proctologist.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Fallen Idols (#7.17)" (2007)
Catherine Willows: [on seeing the crabs on the sleeping bag] Ugh.
Gil Grissom: You okay?
[Catherine turns the monitor so that he can see the crabs]
Gil Grissom: Pthirus Pubis.
Catherine Willows: Yeah, crabs. I am buying Lindsey a chastity belt.
Gil Grissom: There's a... hole in the metal to let the urine pass, so theoretically, she could still get them.
Catherine Willows: You are so creepy sometimes.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: XX (#4.17)" (2004)
[Dr. Robbins uses home pregnancy tests instead of buying from the lab's expensive supplier]
Catherine Willows: Eye on the bottom line. I find that...
Dr. Al Robbins: Sexy?
Catherine Willows: Prudent. That was a good try, though.
Dr. Al Robbins: Plus sign. You know what that means.
Catherine Willows: Who's yo daddy?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Sounds of Silence (#1.20)" (2001)
Nick Stokes: You really think Erin knew she was pregnant? I mean, six weeks?
Catherine Willows: Twenty-year-old girl, living at home? She would have taken a test if she was five seconds late - panic city.
Nick Stokes: Yeah. Brass talked to her parents. There was no guy in her life.
Catherine Willows: Well, it's not immaculate conception. If the guy was Mr. Right she would have told her folks. Which means he was Mr. Wrong. Maybe Mr. Married.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Friends & Lovers (#1.5)" (2000)
Nick Stokes: It's our job to know how. You heard Grissom: the more 'how' the less 'why'. The less the 'how' the more the 'why'.
Catherine Willows: Hey, Nick. Grissom's not always right. Do yourself a favor ; think for yourself. I mean that as a friend, okay?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: 19 Down (#9.9)" (2008)
Gil Grissom: So, let's assume that 'shoe print' was involved in all four murders. It's possible that he knew, Gerald, right? Is it also possible that he was an accomplice of D.J.K.?
Greg Sanders: That would explain the 9 post-mortem stab wounds in Ian Wallace. It's a continuation of the master's work.
Catherine Willows: But if he was D.J.K.'s helper, back in the day, why go quiet for 10 years then suddenly start killing again?
Greg Sanders: Maybe he was doing time?
Catherine Willows: And when he realized that his old partner turned informant, he got scared and killed him.
Gil Grissom: Maybe that's what brought the old thrill back. Once these guys get a taste, it never seems to go away.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leapin' Lizards (#7.22)" (2007)
Catherine Willows: Hey Greg. you up for a bite?
[Greg laughs maniacally]
Greg Sanders: [soberly] No. I am on antibiotics, I had a tetanus shot. I'm having a pretty bad year.
Catherine Willows: Oh it's only a bad year if you do a bad job Greg. You're having a great year.
[she winks at him, Greg rolls his eyes]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Descent of Man (#9.19)" (2009)
Catherine Willows: What are the odds, right?
Dr. Raymond Langston: Before it happened I would've said slim. But since it did happen - a hundred percent.
Catherine Willows: Seems like a lot of things keep falling out of the sky, right? Poison, people, turtles.
Dr. Raymond Langston: Tortoises.
Catherine Willows: Whatever. Maybe I should start wearing a helmet.
Dr. Raymond Langston: Or at least carrying an umbrella.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Let the Seller Beware (#3.3)" (2002)
[watching an attractive girl undress in a video]
Nick Stokes: BLAM.
Archie: You can say THAT again.
Nick Stokes: BLAM.
Catherine Willows: Down boys.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Sex, Lies and Larvae (#1.10)" (2000)
Catherine Willows: [after realising 'Sorenson' is a painting not a person] How dumb are we?
Warrick Brown: [scoff] What's he know about the forensic analysis of a friction ridge?
Catherine Willows: Right on.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Strip Strangler (#1.23)" (2001)
[about a serial murderer]
Catherine Willows: When we zig, he zags.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Cats in the Cradle... (#2.20)" (2002)
Greg Sanders: [Grissom and Catherine walk into Greg's lab to see him rocking out to blaring rock and roll music] I could have been a rock star.
Gil Grissom: There's still time, Greg. Tell us about the foreign substance we found in the vic's wound track.
Greg Sanders: Uh, well, I like to rub it all over a lady's body. Even better... I, uh... like it when she rubs it all over me. And it's also used as a stool softner.
Catherine Willows: It's also the only open lead in our case. Spit it out, Greg.
Greg Sanders: Mineral oil.
Gil Grissom: Possibly used as a preservative to prevent rusting of high-carbon steel.
Catherine Willows: Like the blades of knives.
Greg Sanders: Old knives. New ones are made from stainless steel. Yeah, I'm like a sponge. I just absorb information.
Gil Grissom: I thought that was my line.
Greg Sanders: Yeah, and I absorbed it.
Catherine Willows: Okay, so... knives, screwdrivers, ice pick, letter opener. We're looking for a weapon with a splash of mineral oil. I'll grab the ALS.
Greg Sanders: An ALS. For mineral oil?
Gil Grissom: Mineral oil fluoresces at 525 nanometers when filtered through a kv590. A little more absorbing... a little less rock and roll.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Loco Motives (#7.10)" (2006)
Catherine Willows: [to Max, stuck up to his waist in concrete] So, how's your day going?
Max Sullivan: Lady, the best day I've ever had is worse than the worst day you've ever imagined.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Theory of Everything (#8.15)" (2008)
Catherine Willows: [Referring to a burned spot on the floor] Now, get down and sniff the rug.
Hodges: That's all they ever want.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: A Little Murder (#3.4)" (2002)
[after she has fallen onto the victims' blood]
Catherine Willows: Don't touch me, I'm evidence.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Felonious Monk (#2.17)" (2002)
Jimmy Tadero: I can't believe you're doing this to me. I gave you your career.
Catherine Willows: I earned my career. And you did this to yourself. You fabricated evidence, Jimmy.
Jimmy Tadero: You were two steps from turning tricks. And this is the thanks I get?
Catherine Willows: I danced - period. And instead of feeling sorry for yourself, think about this: When you were out there planting evidence on a case that you couldn't break, Stephanie's real killer got away. And he's still out there. Because you sold the one thing a cop can't afford to sell: your integrity. So you tell me, between the two of us, who's the whore?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Kiss Kiss, Bye Bye (#6.13)" (2006)
[about a yellow diamond ring that Lois O'Neill wore the night her waiter was shot]
Catherine Willows: How apropos that she's named names: the Canary Diamond.
Sara Sidle: Wanna bet the birdie sings in the key of GSR?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Invisible Evidence (#4.7)" (2003)
Catherine Willows: Hey you.
Warrick Brown: Hey.
Catherine Willows: How... are you holding up?
Warrick Brown: I'm fine.
Catherine Willows: You sure?
Warrick Brown: Yeah.
Catherine Willows: You're in the women's bathroom.
Warrick Brown: [laughs] Oh, God. I'm sorry.
Catherine Willows: [laughs and puts her hands up] Hey. I'm all for it.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Dog Eat Dog (#6.9)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: How about the grill marks?
Hodges: Oh, yeah, I'll run it through the hot dog appliances database.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Shooting Stars (#6.4)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: [to Grissom] Who are you today? Moses?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Butterflied (#4.12)" (2004)
[Grissom is checking the floor of a crime scene when Catherine walks in]
Catherine Willows: Have you eaten?
Gil Grissom: What have you brought?
Catherine Willows: I'll see what's in the fridge
[Moves to kitchen]
Gil Grissom: We'll have to replace that!


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Blood Drops (#1.7)" (2000)
Catherine Willows: How's the little girl?
Sara Sidle: Uh, well, the *shrink* said she's in a catatonic state as a result of trauma. *I* could have told you that. Oh, but she *did* respond to the name Buffalo.
Gil Grissom: Respond how?
Sara Sidle: She freaked out.
Gil Grissom: And, what are doing about that now?
Sara Sidle: Going back to the girl. She's out in the car. The windows are cracked. Hey, give me a little credit, she's at the hospital.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Too Tough to Die (#1.16)" (2001)
Catherine Willows: It was a job, Ed, and it supported you just like every job I've had, including this one.
Eddie Willows: Yeah, and who paid to close up your nose.
Catherine Willows: You are such a pig.
[fight gets physical until Grissom breaks it up]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Living Legend (#7.9)" (2006)
Catherine Willows: Oh, you've been out of the game a while. The homies they have in the pen these days, never heard of you.
Mickey Dunn: That's impossible.
Catherine Willows: No Mickey, that's life.
[winks]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Justice Is Served (#1.21)" (2001)
[Catherine and Sara have just seized a carnival as evidence and Sara is grinning madly]
Catherine Willows: [Annoyed] What?
Sara Sidle: Well, this is fun.
Catherine Willows: As opposed to...?
Sara Sidle: A more scientific approach.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Spark of Life (#5.18)" (2005)
[Hodges watches Mia work in her lab and sighs]
Catherine Willows: [enters his lab] It's hard to look and not touch, isn't it?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Got Murder? (#3.12)" (2003)
Gil Grissom: Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore.
Catherine Willows: We're up a tree and you're quoting Poe? Give me something else.
Gil Grissom: Quoth the Raven, only this and nothing more.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: No More Bets (#4.22)" (2004)
Gil Grissom: He's wearing a wig... and a fat suit. Is it Halloween?
Catherine Willows: In this town, it's always Halloween.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: The Unusual Suspect (#6.18)" (2006)
Sara Sidle: Do you have any physical evidence that would conclusively rule Hannah out as a suspect?
Nick Stokes: Well... yeah. She's four-foot three and sixty-five pounds. The crime just required more strength than she's got.
Catherine Willows: How old is she?
Nick Stokes: 12.
Warrick Brown: In high school?
Nick Stokes: She's a high school senior. She skipped six grades. She's a prodigy.
Sara Sidle: Which means that she has the brains for murder.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Redrum (#7.13)" (2007)
Catherine Willows: [Referring to faking a crime scene] I'm not used to faking it.
Michael Keppler: [Smirking] When was the last time you had to?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Bad to the Bone (#4.18)" (2004)
Grissom: [after getting attacked]
[to Catherine]
Grissom: I'm fine.
Catherine Willows: [touches his wound on his neck] Nasty. Kinda looks like a hicky.
[he pushes her hand away]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Paper or Plastic? (#4.14)" (2004)
Catherine Willows: Do you have somewhere you need to be?
Employee: I have to change my pants.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Two and a Half Deaths (#8.16)" (2008)
Warrick Brown: [showing a Rorschach-like blood stain] What does this look like to you?
Gil Grissom: Hermaphrodite on roller skates.
Catherine Willows: A puppy.
[Grissom and Catherine look at each other quizzically]


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Grave Danger: Volume 1 (#5.24)" (2005)
Catherine Willows: One of my guys is in trouble: He's been kidnapped. I need a million dollars in cash. Large bills. And I need it now.
Sam Braun: Let me guess: The department won't pay the ransom.
Catherine Willows: No.
Sam Braun: Why should I?
Catherine Willows: Considering the problems that you've had with the law, you could use some good publicity.
Sam Braun: Do I look like a man that needs publicity? If you're coming to me like a cop with a tin cup in your hand, the answer is no.
Catherine Willows: I'm not here as a cop.
Sam Braun: Then ask me like you were my daughter.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Stalker (#2.19)" (2002)
Dr. Al Robbins: She's a natural blonde.
Catherine Willows: [after seeing Grissom looking at her] Why are you looking at me?
Gil Grissom: [shakes his head] Sorry.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Sweet Jane (#7.12)" (2007)
Catherine Willows: [refering to the killer] Unlike most guys, this one knows how to clean up after himself.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Leaving Las Vegas (#7.11)" (2007)
Nick Stokes: "Sabbatical" is usually a euphemism for "sayonara." I don't think Grissom's coming back.
Catherine Willows: Why wouldn't he?
Nick Stokes: I don't know. He shaved his beard, he's lost a little weight, he's been leaving when shift is over. I think he even took a day off last week.
Catherine Willows: Maybe he's got himself a girlfriend.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Revenge Is Best Served Cold (#3.1)" (2002)
Catherine Willows: [loud music blaring from Thumpy G's car] Hey! You deaf?
Thumpy G: Thanks a lot. What's up? I'm Thumpy G.
Catherine Willows: A jackhammer is about 50 decibels quieter.
Thumpy G: Y'know, the only way to beat a jackhammer is to bust 15,000 watts of Run-DMC's "Dumb Girl," or, or LL Cool J's "Going Back To Cali?"
[from offscreen, a friend calls to him; Thumpy G answers]
Thumpy G: What up, dog?
Catherine Willows: Yo, Thumpy, you blow out a lot of eardrums?
Thumpy G: Try to.
Detective Cyrus Lockwood: You know this cat, Jace Felder?
[shows Thumpy G photo]
Thumpy G: Negative!
[is distracted by a girl walking by offscreen]
Thumpy G: Hey, what's up, baby?
[eyes follow the girl as she walks away]
Catherine Willows: Hey, Thumper! How about we impound your car, seize your stereo system, and charge you with disturbing the peace?
Thumpy G: Oh, but it's hot now, it's real hot. All right, you know, yo, it's coming back to me.
Nick Stokes: We're all ears.


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Meet Market (#7.14)" (2007)
Cotton Candy: [carefully lays down some hundred-dollar bills that she says will confirm her alibi]
Catherine Willows: And what would you like us to do with those?
Cotton Candy: You're CSI! You can take a print off of there, easy. Duh!


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Goodbye and Good Luck (#8.7)" (2007)
Nick Stokes: [about Marlon West] He confessed. It was later thrown out on a technicality. We really didn't need it. The prosecution's case against Marlon was very strong.
Sara Sidle: Until Marlon's little sister Hannah got on the stand and confessed to the murder herself.
Catherine Willows: Oh, yes, I remember this case. A high school senior at age 12.
Nick Stokes: She's a pint-size Machiavelli. She manipulated events, fabricated evidence, and in the end...
Sara Sidle: She claimed that she did it because she loved Marlon. Some warped sense of justice... She graduated later that summer, became legally emancipated from her parents and went off to Harvard, pre-med.
Gil Grissom: You keeping tabs on her?
Sara Sidle: Not recently. Look, accident or no accident, Marlon killed before. Hannah sunk this case, Marlon got a free pass, and now he's killed again.
Catherine Willows: Well, we don't know that just yet. I mean, we don't have Marlon's DNA to compare with the semen that was found in the victim. All the old evidence was expunged with the verdict.
Sara Sidle: I want this case.
Gil Grissom: The one that got away?
Sara Sidle: We're not supposed to let them get away, right?


"CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Overload (#2.3)" (2001)
Catherine Willows: Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there.
Greg Sanders: Yeah, your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird.