Annie Wilkes
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Quotes for
Annie Wilkes (Character)
from Misery (1990)

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Misery (1990)
Annie Wilkes: What's the ceiling that Dago painted?
Paul Sheldon: The Sistine Chapel?

Annie Wilkes: The swearing, Paul. There, I said it.
Paul Sheldon: The, uh, profanity bothers you?
Annie Wilkes: It has no nobility.
Paul Sheldon: These are slum kids, I was a slum kid. Everybody talks like that.
Annie Wilkes: THEY DO NOT! What do you think I say when I go to the feedstore in town, "Oh, now Wally, give me a bag of that F-in' pig feed, and ten pounds of that bitchly cow corn"? And the bank do I tell Mrs. Bollinger, "Oh, here's one big bastard of a check, give me some of your Christ-ing money?" THERE, LOOK THERE, SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

Paul Sheldon: You know I never tasted meatloaf quite like this, what's your secret?
Annie Wilkes: My secret is, I always use fresh tomatoes, never canned. And to give it that extra zip, I mix a little Spam with the ground beef!
Paul Sheldon: Can't get this in a restaurant in New York.
Annie Wilkes: Oh, no.

Annie Wilkes: Anything else I can get for you while I am in town? How about a tiny tape recorder, or how about a handmade pair of writing slippers?
Paul Sheldon: No, just the paper would be fine.
Annie Wilkes: Are you sure? Because if you want I can bring back the whole store for you!
Paul Sheldon: Annie, what's the matter?
Annie Wilkes: WHAT'S THE MATTER? I'll tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Annie, I can't write on this paper, Annie!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN!

Annie Wilkes: God came to me last night and told me your purpose for being here. I am going to help you write a new book.
Paul Sheldon: You think I can just whip one out?
Annie Wilkes: Oh, but I don't think Paul, I know.

Annie Wilkes: [Right after smashing Paul's ankles with a sledgehammer] God I love you.

Annie Wilkes: Here's your pills.
Paul Sheldon: Annie? Annie, what is it?
Annie Wilkes: The rain. Sometimes it gives me the blues. When you first came here, I only loved the writer part of Paul Sheldon. Now I know I love the rest of him, too. I know you don't love me, don't say you do. You're beautiful, brilliant, a famous man of the world and I'm... not a movie star type. You'll never know the fear of losing someone like you if you're someone like me.
Paul Sheldon: Why would you lose me?
Annie Wilkes: Book's almost finished, your legs are getting better. Soon you'll be wanting to leave.
Paul Sheldon: Why would I leave? I like it here.
Annie Wilkes: That's very kind of you, but I'll bet it's not all together true.
[pulls out a gun]
Annie Wilkes: I have this gun.
[pulls the trigger]
Annie Wilkes: Sometimes I think about using it. I'd better go now. I might put bullets in it.

Annie Wilkes: I'm your number one fan. There's nothing to worry about. You're going to be just fine. I will take good care of you. I'm your number one fan.

[Annie has just read Paul's latest novel]
Annie Wilkes: YOU! YOU DIRTY BIRD, HOW COULD YOU!
Paul Sheldon: What?
Annie Wilkes: She can't be dead, MISERY CHASTAIN CANNOT BE DEAD!
Paul Sheldon: Annie, in 1871, women often died during childbirth. But her SPIRIT is the important thing, and Misery's spirit is still alive.
Annie Wilkes: I DON'T WANT HER SPIRIT! I WANT HER! AND YOU MURDERED HER!
Paul Sheldon: No... I didn't.
Annie Wilkes: WHO DID?
Paul Sheldon: No one! She... she died! She just slipped away!
Annie Wilkes: SLIPPED AWAY! SLIPPED AWAY? SHE DIDN'T JUST SLIP AWAY! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YOU MURDERED MY MISERY!

Annie Wilkes: MISERY IS ALIVE, MISERY IS ALIVE! OH, This whole house is going to be full of romance, OOOH, I AM GOING TO PUT ON MY LIBERACE RECORDS!

Annie Wilkes: Oh forgive me Paul for prattling away and making everything all oogy.

Annie Wilkes: Now the time has come. I put two bullets in my gun. One for me, and one for you. Oh darling, it will be so beautiful.

Annie Wilkes: He didn't get out of the COCKADOODIE CAR!

Annie Wilkes: When I was growing up in Bakersfield, my favourite thing in the whole world was to go to the movies on Saturday afternoons for the Chapter Plays.
Paul Sheldon: [nodding] Cliffhangers.
Annie Wilkes: [shouting] I know that, Mr. Man! They also called them serials. I'm not stupid ya know... Anyway, my favourite was Rocketman, and once it was a no breaks chapter. The bad guy stuck him in a car on a mountain road and knocked him out and welded the door shut and tore out the brakes and started him to his death, and he woke up and tried to steer and tried to get out but the car went off a cliff before he could escape! And it crashed and burned and I was so upset and excited, and the next week, you better believe I was first in line. And they always start with the end of the last week. And there was Rocketman, trying to get out, and here comes the cliff, and just before the car went off the cliff, he jumped free! And all the kids cheered! But I didn't cheer. I stood right up and started shouting. This isn't what happened last week! Have you all got amnesia? They just cheated us! This isn't fair! HE DID'NT GET OUT OF THE COCK - A - DOODIE CAR!
Paul Sheldon: [long pause] They always cheated like that in cl... chapter plays.

Annie Wilkes: I thought you were good Paul... but you're not good. You're just another lying ol' dirty birdy.

Annie Wilkes: [turning to Sheldon] And don't even think about anybody coming for you. Not the doctors, not your agent, not your family. 'Cause I never called them. Nobody knows you're here. And you better hope nothing happens to me. Because if I die... you die.

Annie Wilkes: Now that's an oogie mess.

Paul Sheldon: [holding a rolled-up page of his manuscript] Remember how for all those years, nobody knew who Misery's real father was, or if they'd ever be reunited? It's all right here. Does she finally marry Ian, or will it be Winthorne? It's all right here.
[lights a match and with it, lights the page]
Annie Wilkes: Paul you can't!
[drops her glass]
Paul Sheldon: [Still holding the burning page] Why not? I learned it from you.
[Puts the burning page down onto his manuscript, already on the floor, burning it]

Paul Sheldon: The Sistine Chapel?
Annie Wilkes: YEEEAAAHHH! That and "Misery's Child", those are the only two divine things in this world!
[Annie chases her pet pig out of the room, then turns around and makes pig oink noises at Paul. Paul smiles thinly as she leaves, and he looks a little creeped out]

Annie Wilkes: YOU LYING COCKSUCKER!

Annie Wilkes: Oh, my goodness! Heavens to Betsy!

Annie Wilkes: No! Not my Misery! No, no, no! Not my Misery!
[Paul the grabs the typewriter and hits her violently in the head, causing that Annie's sleeve catches fire]
Annie Wilkes: No!
[Annie turns off the fire, moves the typewriter aside and gets up to grab Paul]
Annie Wilkes: I'm gonna kill you, you lying cocksucker!
[Paul gouges her eyes with his thumbs and hits her in the nose - Annie takes her gun and shoots Paul in the shoulder, then he jumps out of the wheelchair and attacks Annie]
Paul Sheldon: [Paul takes the burnt paper] You want it? You want it?
[He shoves the burnt paper down her throat]
Paul Sheldon: Eat it! Eat it till you choke, you sick twisted f**k!
[Annie kicks Paul and gets up - Too bad! Paul makes Annie fall and hits her head on the corner of the typewriter]


"Family Guy: Three Kings (#7.15)" (2009)
Joe Swanson: Mr. Sheldon?
Brian Sheldon: Oh, my God, I'm saved! Let's get out of here before Stewie gets back.
[Two shotgun blasts are heard and Joe's legs are blown off. Joe screams in agony]
Joe Swanson: AHH! My legs! Now I'm gonna have to spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair!
[Stewie enters the house and points the shotgun at Joe]
Stewie Wilkes: No, you're not.
[He shoots Joe and blood splatters all over his face]

Brian Sheldon: I taste lipstick. Am I wearing lipstick?
Stewie Wilkes: Not anymore.

Brian Sheldon: You fondled me while I was asleep?
Stewie Wilkes: Yeah.
Brian Sheldon: I don't think I like that.
Stewie Wilkes: Well, it's done.