Detective John Kimble
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Quotes for
Detective John Kimble (Character)
from Kindergarten Cop (1990)

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Kindergarten Cop (1990)
Low Life #1: So who are you, man?
[Kimble racks his shot-gun]
Low Life #1: Shit!
[he scrambles out of the way just before Kimble blasts the couch apart]
Detective John Kimble: I'm the party pooper.

[O'Hara rushes to the airplane's restroom]
Stewardess: Is your wife okay, sir?
Detective John Kimble: Compared to what?

Detective John Kimble: No more complaining. No more "Mr. Kimble, I have to go the bathroom". Nothing!
Detective John Kimble: There *is* no bathroom!

Detective John Kimble: We're going to play a wonderful game called, "Who is my daddy and what does he do?"

Detective John Kimble: I'm a cop, you idiot! I'm Detective John Kimble!

[Kimble knocks out two gang members with ease, then turns to two others standing by his car]
Detective John Kimble: Oh, excuse me. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is John Kimble...
[racks shotgun]
Detective John Kimble: And I love my car!
Street Tough #3: Yo, man, I'm just gonna keep a eye on it for you, all right?
Street Tough #4: You got a beautiful ride.
[as soon as Kimble is out of hearing range]
Street Tough #3: Shit. Who he think he is? He's lucky I didn't kick his ass.

Detective John Kimble: I have a headache.
Lowell: It might be a tumor.
Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor. At all!

Detective John Kimble: SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Miss Schlowski: What did it feel like to hit that son of a bitch?
Detective John Kimble: It felt great.

Detective John Kimble: Just don't throw up on me.
Phoebe O'Hara: Nah, it's OK, I'm not gonna throw up on you. But I am gonna kiss you.

Detective John Kimble: I really appreciate your honesty. You happen to know someone that is not better than me?
Dominic: I don't know that many people.

[John Kimble sees boy eating out of lunch boxes]
Detective John Kimble: Are these all your lunches?
[boy shakes his head]
Detective John Kimble: You mean you eat other people's lunches?
[boy nods]
Detective John Kimble: STOP IT!

[after the kids start complaining about "police school"]
Detective John Kimble: Oh, come on...
Detective John Kimble: Stop whining! You kids are soft. You lack discipline.
Detective John Kimble: Well, I've got news for you. You are mine now. You belong to me.

Detective John Kimble: How do I look?
Phoebe O'Hara: Take off the gun.
[Kimble realizes he has strapped on his shoulder holster]
Detective John Kimble: That's a good idea.
Phoebe O'Hara: Little bastards are gonna eat you alive.
Detective John Kimble: Get some rest and don't worry. I've been working undercover for a long time. They're six-year-olds. How much trouble can they be?
Phoebe O'Hara: On second thought, take the gun.

Phoebe: Well, what are you going to do? Handcuff her to the bumper of your car and take her for a ride?
Detective John Kimble: Let's just say I'm not going to offer to cook her dinner.

Detective John Kimble: Emma, take your toy back to the carpet and sit down.
Emma: I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess!
Detective John Kimble: Take your toy back to the carpet!
Emma: [softly] I'm not policeman, I'm a princess.
Detective John Kimble: TAKE IT BACK!
Emma: [miserable] All right.

[to some kids who keep bumping his airplane seat]
Detective John Kimble: Hey, come here.
[he beckons a kid with one finger, while holding a pencil in the other]
Detective John Kimble: If you don't stop screwing around back there, this is what I'm gonna do with you.
[he snaps the pencil in two with his thumb. The kid sits back, wide-eyed]

Joshua: Are you married, Mr. Kimble?
Detective John Kimble: No, I'm not.
[Joshua sticks his head into the hallway]
Joshua: [shouts] He's not married, Mom!

[after his first day, John comes back and collapses on his bed]
Phoebe O'Hara: How'd it go?
Detective John Kimble: Go away.
Phoebe O'Hara: That well, huh?
Detective John Kimble: You take over tomorrow.
Phoebe O'Hara: And blow our cover? Can't do it.
Detective John Kimble: They're horrible. They're like little terrorists.
Phoebe O'Hara: Tell me about it.

Phoebe: [advising Kimble on how to be a teacher] Look, you've got to treat this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared.
Detective John Kimble: [looks at her a moment then nods] No fear.
Phoebe: No fear.

Eleanor Crisp: [Eleanor Crisp enters locker room, where she finds and unloads Kimble's gun, and also finds her dead son's bullet-ridden body and Kimble slumped and bleeding on floor against the shower wall] Where's my grandson?
Detective John Kimble: [gasping] I don't know!
Eleanor Crisp: [Eleanor fires gun into wall, just inches above Kimble's head, hissing] Where's... my... grandson?
Detective John Kimble: [gasping continues] Go to hell!
Eleanor Crisp: That's exactly where you're going, you son of a bitch!
[moves towards Kimble and taking aim with pistol, suddenly accosted by an injured and bat-wielding Phoebe, who strikes her in the shoulder and knocks her to the floor]
Phoebe: You're not so tough without your car, are you?

Detective John Kimble: You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping!

Detective John Kimble: [banging on fire bell] Yes, this is fire drill! Come on!
Detective John Kimble: [looks down at stopwatch] Aww! This is terrible!

Cullen Crisp: [holding Dominic at gunpoint] Kimble!
Detective John Kimble: He's not your hostage; he's your son.
Cullen Crisp: Drop it. On the floor.
Detective John Kimble: You want to do this to your own son?
Cullen Crisp: Drop it. I'm losing it. Hurry.
Detective John Kimble: [puts his gun down] Okay. Now let him go.
Cullen Crisp: The boy is mine. He's *my* boy. You get your own goddamn family!
[Kimble's ferret bites Cullen's neck, then Kimble shoots him dead]

Zach's Father: You must be the new teacher.
[offers to shake Kimble's hand, but Kimble pushes him against his car]
Detective John Kimble: You hit a kid, I hit you.
Zach's Father: You bastard.
[the man tries to hit Kimble but Kimble blocks the hit, then Kimble punches him in the stomach, grabs him by the shirt about to punch him in the face, but looks back to see the kids and the principal]
Detective John Kimble: [lets go of him] You're not worth it. I'm pressing charges against you.

Detective John Kimble: Who is your daddy and what does he do?

Joseph: Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.
Detective John Kimble: Thanks for the tip.

[pointing his gun at schoolchildren]
Detective John Kimble: Freeze! Don't you know the building is on fire?

Detective John Kimble: I'm back!