Seymour Birkoff
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Quotes for
Seymour Birkoff (Character)
from "La Femme Nikita" (1997)

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"La Femme Nikita: Noise (#1.16)" (1997)
Birkoff: I can't leave knowing that I can die.
Nikita: Ahh.
Nikita: [Nikita pulls out her gun and points it to Birkoff's forehead]
[darker voice]
Nikita: You will die.
Nikita: [triggers the unloaded gun] See. You just did.
Birkoff: [crawls away from her] You're crazy!
Nikita: [skeptically] Come on.
[normal voice]
Nikita: Then you better get crazy too.
Birkoff: [crying] I'm so scared.
Nikita: Scared? Birkoff, you've got it backwards. Death's easy, not to do anything. It's life you have to face. Come on, let's go.

[last lines]
Seymour Birkoff: Nikita!
Nikita: Hey! I see you're back in the saddle.
Seymour Birkoff: Yeah! You wouldn't believe how disorganized this place can get in a couple of days. I get three FLT chips *totally* reprogramming...
Nikita: Birkoff, shut up.
Seymour Birkoff: Sorry.
Gail: [calling Birkoff attention] These EPROMs are ready for you. Do am I put them in your desk?
Seymour Birkoff: I'll take them. That's great. Thanks.
[pauses]
Seymour Birkoff: Gail. Are we still on?
Gail: I'll see you tonight, Seymour.
Nikita: [jokingly] Seymourrr!
Seymour Birkoff: Don't tell anybody, OK?
Nikita: Don't worry.
Seymour Birkoff: Nikita... I'm... not very good on this kind of thing.
Nikita: Birkoff... you're welcome.
[as she leaves, softly]
Nikita: Seymour.


"La Femme Nikita: Verdict (#1.21)" (1997)
Seymour Birkoff: Vakul was a small town in the North. Five years ago, while the men were away fighting, the women and children were wiped out by a group of commandos from the opposite side. The men swore vengeance. Their leader was named Zoran Bruner.
Operations: In other words, we were outflanked by a collection of farmers.

Seymour Birkoff: Who is the hitter?
Operations: Rogue's newcomer named Griffin. So new we don't have a physical description.
Operatve at first Briefing: Any good?
Operations: Good enough to take out Michael's source with a sophisticated car bomb, though, fortunately for us, not before the intel was passed on.


"La Femme Nikita: Sympathy for the Devil (#4.7)" (2000)
Seymour Birkoff: Walter, I gotta know.
Walter: What?
Seymour Birkoff: Do I have a twin brother?
Walter: If they find that you accessed those records, 'kemosabe', there's gonna be one less good guy for me to talk to around here!

[last lines]
Walter: It wasn't neccessary.
Seymour Birkoff: And then how do you decided?
Walter: [Walter tosses a coin; Birkoff catchs it] Tails.
Walter: [Birkoff shows the coin, and it was tails] You lost, 'amigo'.


"La Femme Nikita: Simone (#1.3)" (1997)
Michael Samuelle: [to Birkoff] What do you got?
Seymour Birkoff: It's an IRC in progress.
Nikita: What's an IRC?
Seymour Birkoff: [jokingly] Someone wasn't paying attention in the computer class.
Michael Samuelle: [Michael slaps Birkoff's head] Not today.


"Nikita: Sideswipe (#3.6)" (2012)
Seymour Birkhoff: Allright, allright, allright. Filter program, on. Server protocols, active. Flux capacitor, fluxing. Ready. See how your mole ass get out of this one.
Seymour Birkhoff: [after a while] Gotcha!


"Nikita: Broken Home (#3.18)" (2013)
[Birkhoff shuts Shadownet down]
Seymour Birkhoff: Alright, there... you happy? Shadownet's down. Little birds can fly free. But if you ask me, you are all a bunch of honey badgers.
Chris: It's really gone?
Seymour Birkhoff: Oh, it's never going to be gone.
[Birkhoff points at the computer]
Seymour Birkhoff: Shadownet not here...
[Birkhoff points at his head]
Seymour Birkhoff: Shadownet here...
[Birkhoff points at his heart]
Seymour Birkhoff: ...and here.


"La Femme Nikita: Rescue (#1.11)" (1997)
Nikita: [upset, kicking Birkoff's chair] What's that crap about overnight analysis and ten to one odds?
Seymour Birkoff: I... did a feasibility study, isolated key factors, run a sim...
Nikita: This is Michael we're talking about. Couldn't you fudge with the sim, maybe... rev the odds just a little?
Seymour Birkoff: I did. Objectively, it's a hundred to one against bringing out, maybe a hundred and fifty. I'm sorry, Nikita. Michael is on his own.


"La Femme Nikita: Cat and Mouse (#3.7)" (1999)
[Birkoff made love to the "fake" Nikita, and is talking to the real Nikita]
Birkoff: Uh, Nikita? Did I make a complete idiot out of myself?
Nikita: No, I don't think so. From what I saw you looked pretty delicious.


"La Femme Nikita: Brainwash (#1.20)" (1997)
Seymour Birkoff: He's telling the truth. Or I am Coleman Reilly.
Michael Samuelle: He is clean, Nikita. Come in.


"Nikita: Pilot (#1.1)" (2010)
Nikita: Don't call me Niki.
Seymour Birkhoff: Then don't call me Nerd.


"Nikita: Doublecross (#2.16)" (2012)
Sonya: I'm still not really sure what just happened.
Seymour Birkhoff: And that is why you fail. Except at hotness. At which you succeed.


"La Femme Nikita: Recruit (#1.13)" (1997)
Seymour Birkoff: [to Nikita] Whatever you do, don't get on this chick *bad* side.


"Nikita: 3.0 (#3.1)" (2012)
Sonya: Onsite Alpha team confirms Nikita has just taken the MSS station chief hostage.
Seymour Birkhoff: [referring to Ryan's expression] Yeah, we used to get that look all the time in the old rogue Nikita days, the 'oh-no-she-didn't'.


"Nikita: Inevitability (#3.15)" (2013)
Seymour Birkhoff: [to Alex] Ever since you've been back, you've been "I am Alex, hear me roar".


"La Femme Nikita: All Good Things (#3.17)" (1999)
Birkoff: There's no more right or wrong with Michael anymore, Nikita. He's the new Operations. He can do anything.


"Nikita: Pandora (#1.22)" (2011)
Michael: [Broadcasting his voice through the CIA intercom] Paging Agent Niki, paging Agent Niki; please proceed to the nearest phone line.
Nikita: [Ducks into a cubicle and answers] Michael? Is that you?
Michael: Nikita, you alright?
Nikita: Oh babe, I will be.
Seymour Birkhoff: God, get a room.
Nikita: [Overhears his comment] Is that Birkoff?


"Nikita: Canceled (#4.6)" (2013)
[phone rings; Birkoff answers]
Seymour Birkhoff: Hello?
Amanda: [harshly] Lionel.
Seymour Birkhoff: [bitterly] Amanda.
[upset]
Seymour Birkhoff: Why can't you stay dead?
Amanda: Wasn't a good color on me.


"Nikita: Invisible Hand (#3.21)" (2013)
[Birkhoff examines the computer chip that he and Sonya found inside the car]
Seymour Birkhoff: [quoting from "Lord of the Rings"] It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing.


"La Femme Nikita: Charity (#1.4)" (1997)
Birkoff: Oh - oh, she's hot for the guy.
Nikita: Up yours, Birkoff!
Birkoff: Anytime, Babe, my number's in the book!