Carmen Ghia
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Quotes for
Carmen Ghia (Character)
from The Producers (1967)

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The Producers (2005)
Roger De Bris: Oh dear, your Mr. Bloom is staring at my gown. I should explain. I'm going to the choreographer's ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia: We always win.
Roger De Bris: I'm not so sure about this year. I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!
Carmen Ghia: Well, as far as I'm concerned, without your wig on, you're only half-dressed.
Roger De Bris: Well then, why don't you go and get it, o Wicked Witch of the West?
[pause]
Carmen Ghia: If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... bulls-eye!

Roger De Bris: This crazy Kraut is crackers! He crashed in here and crassly tried to kill us!
Carmen Ghia: Oh, Roger, what alliteration!
Roger De Bris: Thank you, darling.

Carmen Ghia: [Leo and Max have just left Franz, wearing swastika armbands and arrive at Roger's penthouse, forgetting they're wearing them. Carmen greets them at the door] May I take your hat, your coat, and your swastikas?

Carmen Ghia: And so the rule is, when mounting a... play. Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay.

[Carmen answers the phone, a piano underscore playing]
Carmen Ghia: Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger De Bris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Whom may I say is calling?
[Carmen frowns and the piano abruptly stops]
Carmen Ghia: Listen, you broken down old queen. He was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky! Don't ever call here again!
[he slams the phone down]
Roger De Bris: Who was that?
Carmen Ghia: Wrong number!

Carmen Ghia: [answering the door at Roger's house] Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss?
Max Bialystock: I...
Carmen Ghia: ...sss!

Roger De Bris: I am going to the choreographers' ball this evening. There is a prize for best costume.
Carmen Ghia: We always win.
Roger De Bris: I am not so sure about this year. I am supposed to be the Grand Dutchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building.

Franz Liebkind: [while waving a gun around] You made a fool of Hitler!
Carmen Ghia, Roger De Bris: [Carmen and Roger peer over the couch where they are hiding] He didn't need our help.

Roger De Bris, Carmen Ghia: [sung] A Happy Ending will pep up your play...
Roger De Bris: [sung] Oedipus won't bomb...
Carmen Ghia: [sung] If he winds up with Mom! / Keep it gay...
Roger De Bris: [sung] Keep it gay...
Roger De Bris, Carmen Ghia: [sung] Keep it gay!

Carmen Ghia: He's having a stroke!
Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: What?
Carmen Ghia: Of Genius!

Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock, Carmen Ghia, Roger De Bris: Break a leg!
[CRASH!]
Max Bialystock: Franz, what happened?
Franz Liebkind: I broke my leg!

Carmen Ghia: Roger, We're not alone...

Carmen Ghia: [At Hitler auditions] Jason Green.
Roger De Bris: Well Jason, what have you been up to lately?
Jason Green: For the last 16 years, I've been touring in "No, No Nietzsche."
Roger De Bris: You played Nietzsche?
Jason Green: No, no.
Roger De Bris: What are you going to sing for us?
Jason Green: Have you ever heard the German band?
Roger De Bris: No.
Jason Green: That is the name of the song I am going to sing.
Roger De Bris: Oh.

Roger De Bris: Oh and Max darling we LOVED Funny Boy, didn't we Carmen?
Carmen Ghia: Oh WORSHIPPED it! Uh... To be or not to be...
Roger De Bris: You mean a lot to me!
Roger De Bris: Show stoppah!
Carmen Ghia: FABULOUS!
Max Bialystock: ...Right.

Carmen Ghia: [coming out of the closet] OCIFFERS!

Carmen Ghia: If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart... Bull's-eye!

Roger De Bris: Carmen, call in a singing Hitler, please.
Carmen Ghia: Yes, darling- Roger.

Carmen Ghia: May I take your hats, your coats, and your Swastikas?
Max Bialystock: Oh, these?
[Max and Leo take off their Swastika armbands and hand them to Carmen]
Max Bialystock: [laughs nervously] We just came from this big rally. Everyone was wearing one!


The Producers (1967)
Max Bialystock: Roger, did you have a chance to read "Springtime for Hitler?"
Roger De Bris: [emerges from behind a partition wearing a dress] Remarkable, remarkable! A stunning piece of work.
Leo Bloom: [under his breath] Max... he's wearing a dress.
Max Bialystock: No kidding.
Roger De Bris: Did you know, I never knew that the Third Reich meant Germany. I mean it's just drenched with historical goodies like that... Oh dear, you're staring at my dress. I should explain. We are going to the choreographer's ball tonight and there's a prize for the best costume.
Carmen Giya: And we always win!
Roger De Bris: I don't know about tonight. I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie. What do you think, Mr. Bloom?
Leo Bloom: ...Where do you keep your wallet?

Carmen Giya: We're not alone!