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: George, this is so sweet of you to come to our rehearsal. I insist you stay on to lunch. Kimmy Wallace
: Oh yes. Julianne Potter
: No, no, no, no, no... Absolutely... George Downes
: Love to! Love the bag, love the shoes, love everything. Love to!
: Michael, I love you. I've loved you for nine years. I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and, well, now, I'm just scared, so - I-I-I realize this comes at a very inopportune time, but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. M-marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it? B-but...
: You kissed him! Ladies in the bathroom
] Kimmy Wallace
: At my parents' house! Ladies in the bathroom
: That's cold. Kimmy Wallace
: On my wedding day! Ladies in the bathroom
: Bitch. Ladies in the bathroom
: Tramp. Julianne Potter
: I... Kimmy Wallace
: Shut up! Now I love this man, and there is no way I'm gonna give him up to some two-faced, big-haired food critic.
: I think I'm going to cry. Julianne Potter
: Me too.
: When you kissed Michael, did he kiss you back? Julianne Potter
: What do you mean? We were lip to lip.
: Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment just... Julianne Potter
: Passes you by. Michael O'Neill
: Passes you by. Yeah.
: Now remember, it is the duty of the best man to dance with the maid of honor. Michael O'Neill
: Dance? You can't dance. When did you learn how to dance? Julianne Potter
: I've got moves you've never seen.
: Go on. This is so moving. Kindred spirits, eh? Julianne Potter
: No, he's nothing like me. He's like you, actually, only straight.
: I had the strangest dream. I dreamt that some psychopath was trying to break the two of you up. Luckily, I woke up and I see that the world is just as it should be. For my best friend has won the best woman. Um, I didn't buy you a gift. However, this is on loan until you two find your song. So...
: I have a confession. Another confession. Besides that I - love you, this is even worse. The e-mail that Walter sent to your boss - I wrote that. I'm the bad guy. Michael O'Neill
: Are you crazy? Jules, are you - are you completely insane? I mean - I mean - Jules, how could you do that? Julianne Potter
: Michael, it wasn't supposed to get sent. I just - I just wanted you to get mad at Kimmy.
] Julianne Potter
: God. I have done nothing but underhanded, despicable, not even terribly imaginative things since I got here.
] Julianne Potter
: But I was ju - Michael, I was just trying to - to win you, to win you back.
] Julianne Potter
: But that doesn't excuse any of it. I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the - the fungus that feeds on pond scum. Michael O'Neill
: Lower. The pus that infects the mucous... that cruds up the fungus... that feeds on the pond scum. On the other hand, thank you... for loving me that much. That way, it's - it's pretty flattering. Julianne Potter
: Except it makes me fungus.
: The misery, the exquisite tragedy. The Susan Hayward of it all. I can just picture you there, sitting alone at your table in your lavender gown. Julianne Potter
: Did I tell you my gown was lavender? George Downes
: Hair swept up. Haven't touched your cake. Probably drumming your fingernails on the white linen tablecloth, the way you do when you're really feeling down. Perhaps looking at those nails thinking: 'God, I should have stopped in all my evil plotting to have that manicure, but it's too late now. Julianne Potter
: George, I didn't tell you my dress was lavender. George Downes
: Suddenly, a familiar song. And, you're off your chair in one, exquisite movement... wondering, searching, sniffing the wind like a dapple deer. Has God heard your little prayer? Will Cinderella dance again? And then, suddenly, the crowds part and there he is: sleek, stylish... radiant with charisma. Bizarrely, he's on the telephone. But then, so are you. And then he comes towards you... the moves of a jungle cat. Although you quite correctly sense that he is... gay... like most devastatingly handsome single men of his age are, you think... what the hell. Life goes on. Maybe there won't be marriage... maybe there won't be sex... but, by God, there'll be dancing.
: Listen, Jules. Why don't we stop and have a drink? You can take a later flight. Julianne Potter
: No, no, no, no. I'm a busy girl. I've got exactly four days to break up a wedding, steal the bride's fella and I haven't one clue how to do it. He was in love with everyday for nine godddamn years. Me!
: He just came in for few hours to uh, to uh, FUCK ME. George Downes
: Huh! Takes a few hours.
: No. Crème brûlée can never be Jell-O. YOU could never be Jell-O. Kimmy Wallace
: I HAVE to be Jell-O! Julianne Potter
: You're never gonna be Jell-O! Now you need to come clean with your parents about this wedding because if you wait for the "Do you take this man?" part, it's considered poor form.
: You're going to humiliate me, aren't you? George Downes
: Only if I can.
: He sucks soup through his front teeth. Julianne Potter
: That's a trademark move. Don't touch that one. Kimmy Wallace
: But he sure can kiss.
: This is my one chance at happiness. I have to be ruthless!
: Michael's chasing Kimmy? Julianne Potter
: Yes! George Downes
: You're chasing Michael? Julianne Potter
: YES! George Downes
: Who's chasing you... nobody, get it? There's your answer. It's Kimmy.
: If he were feeling what I'm feeling then he would know how it feels.
: The ring.
[handing the box to Jules
] Julianne Potter
] Why are you giving this to me? Michael O'Neill
: Because I don't trust Scotty.
: [George is about to be introduced to Kimmy's family
] Oh my god, race you to the altar! Julianne Potter
: [under her breath
] Underplay. George Downes
: Got it.
[to a relative
] George Downes
: HEY! I'm Jules' fiance, George! Just stopped by for a little preconjugal visit if you catch my drift!
: It is not going well! This is what comes of telling the truth, or even part of it. You know, getting what you deserve is totally unfair.
: Takes one woman in a billion to put up with his array of shit. The guy's a one-man walking festival of idiosyncra - well, you've been introduced to the symponic range... Kimmy Wallace
: Of his snoring? Yeah, he says it's worse than ever. You know that "snarfle" one? Julianne Potter
: Oh, yeah.
: What I mean, when I say annoyingly perfect, is that there is nothing annoying about her perfection. It's vulnerable and endearing... and that is annoying as shit. George Downes
: Ahh... you like her... Julianne Potter
: If I didn't have to hate her, I'd adore her.
: You guys ran out of here before the commotion happened! Julianne Potter
: Commotion? Mandy Newhouse
: Well! My sister was licking an ice sculpture and her tongue froze right to it. Julianne Potter
: And that's a commotion? Mandy Newhouse
: It's a sculpture of the DAVID!
: Michael O'Neal: pointing to his dad And Julianne this guy you know. Julianne Potter
: Julianne Potter: kisses Joe on the cheek Papa Joe. Joe O'Neal
: Joe O'Neal: I told him he should make you his best man darling but had to go with his baby brother. ruffles his youngest son Scotty's head