Earl Bassett
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Quotes for
Earl Bassett (Character)
from Tremors (1990)

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Tremors (1990)
Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.

Earl Bassett: Damn it Valentine, you never plan ahead, you never take the long view, I mean here it is Monday and I'm already thinking of Wednesday... It is Monday right?

Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.

Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.
Valentine McKee: Well, sure.
Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.
Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!
Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.

Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Earl Bassett: [waking up] You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.
Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?
Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.

Earl Bassett: No way those things can outrun these horses!
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, for all you know, they can fly.

Earl Bassett: Well, there sure as hell ain't nothing to stop us now... everybody we know between here and Bixbe's already dead.

Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?

Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?
Valentine McKee: Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about them we just didn't tell you.

[Burt cuts off a piece of fuse for a bomb for Earl]
Earl Bassett: What kind of fuse is that?
Burt Gummer: Cannon fuse
Earl Bassett: What the hell do you use it for?
Burt Gummer: My cannon!

Earl Bassett: Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!
Valentine McKee: I'm gonna help you.

[Ground Starts to bulge]
Earl Bassett: Must be a million of them!
[Grabiod breaks through the surface of the ground]
Valentine McKee: Nope, just one!

Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do, once a plan fails!

Valentine McKee: Good luck shithead.
Earl Bassett: Don't worry about me jerkoff.

Earl Bassett: They must be long gone by now.
Valentine McKee: Yeah. Hey, why don't you go take a little stroll and find out?

Earl Bassett: No breakfast?
Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.
Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.
Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!
[They go through a quick game of paper-rock-scissors, which Valentine loses]
Valentine McKee: Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.

Earl Bassett: What're you bringin' that vacuum cleaner, for?
Valentine McKee: I like this vacuum cleaner.
Earl Bassett: Y'never use it.
Valentine McKee: Well, it's good for parts.

[repeated line]
Earl Bassett: Pardon my French!

[Monster slams into a concrete retaining wall]
Earl Bassett: Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!
Valentine McKee: Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! *Fuck you!*

[trapped on top of a boulder by a Graboid, Val, Earl, and Rhonda are thinking of explanations for where the creatures came from]
Valentine McKee: [joking] They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. *Big* surprise for the Russians.
Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record.
[not buying it herself]
Rhonda LeBeck: That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

Earl Bassett: [yelling] AHHH! AHHH!
Valentine McKee: What? What is it?
Earl Bassett: Damn prairie dog burrow.
Valentine McKee: Sons a bitches.

Earl Bassett: You little asswipe! You don't knock it off you're gonna be shittin' this basketball... pardon my French!

Earl Bassett: [Valentine has just freed the truck from a hangup, after a struggle] Y'know, that's a good way to break an axle.
Valentine McKee: Could you shut up?
Earl Bassett: Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!
Valentine McKee: [long pause] Crybaby.

Earl Bassett: Here's the plan. We don't even stop. Ride like hell. Tonight we keep right on going. We'll walk the horses.

Earl Bassett: Melvin! One of these days someone's gonna kick your ass!

Earl Bassett: So we're stuck here. That pisses me off.

Earl Bassett: [after digging out the dead graboid] There's no way Walter Chang's getting his slick mits on this for no 15 bucks.
Valentine McKee: You got that right!

Walter Chang: That's what I like... Graboids. That's it, Graboids!
Earl Bassett: Jesus, Walter.
Walter Chang: You're gonna be sorry if you don't give it a name.

Valentine McKee: So what if we make it back to the rocks? We'll only last for 3 days!
Earl Bassett: Well I wanna live for the 3 days!

[Melvin has a Graboid snake tongue wrapped around his neck]
Melvin Plug: [screams] It's got me! It's got me!
[Melvin bursts into laughter. Everyone realizes he was playing a joke]
Walter Chang: Melvin!
Burt Gummer: Damn it, Melvin!
[gets in Melvin's face and Melvin stops laughing]
Burt Gummer: You came that close, too close. No more games.
Earl Bassett: Melvin, one of these days, somebody's gonna kick your ass.

Valentine McKee: Was it a heart attack, Doctor?
Dr. Jim: No, died of dehydration, thirst.
Valentine McKee: That doesn't make any sense, that takes a couple days, doesn't it?
Dr. Jim: Maybe even three or four.
Earl Bassett: You mean he sat up there three or four days? He just sat up there and died of thirst?

Earl Bassett: You suppose he wanted to kill himself?
Valentine McKee: Come on, somebody must'a chased him up there.
Earl Bassett: You mean someone that ain't scared of a Winchester rifle? Then what'd they do? Camp out down below and wait for him to die?

Earl Bassett: You guys gotta get the hell out of here! There's a killer on the loose!
Howard - Roadworker: [shuts off jackhammer] What?
Earl Bassett: A murderer! Man a real psycho! He's he's cutting people's heads off! I'm not kidding!

Valentine McKee: What the hell are those things? And how can they bury a whole station wagon?
Earl Bassett: WHY would they do it?

Earl Bassett: [Graboid eats Rhonda's shovel] Don't he have a home to go to?
Valentine McKee: That's why Edgar never got down off that damn tower.
Rhonda LeBeck: I think I have an idea.
Earl Bassett: You know, we're gonna have to come up with some sort of plan, he's just going to wait us to death.

Earl Bassett: You're hung up I tell you.You're gonna burn the clutch!


Tremors II: Aftershocks (1996) (V)
Earl Bassett: [Grady and Earl have wrecked their truck and are stranded; however, they're excited as they've just caught a live graboid]
[to Kate over the radio]
Earl Bassett: Look, we need help. Will you tell Pedro to bring that big truck out here. It's got a crane on it, doesn't it?
Kate (White) Reilly: [over radio] Yeah. It's gonna take him hours to get there.
Grady: [Grady whoops in background]
[referring to the graboid]
Grady: We're gonna haul his ass off to Monster World!
Earl Bassett: WILL YOU SHUT UP AND GET OFF THE DAMN GROUND!

Grady: [Grady and Earl are discussing what they're gonna do with their money in the back of Earl's truck] I'm thinking big. I'm thinking theme park. Yeah, "Grady Hoover's World of Natural Wonders."
Grady: [the wind blows Grady's umbrella off the truck and jumps onto the ground to retrieve it] Or maybe Monster World, or Monster Land, or Worm World.
Earl Bassett: How 'bout Loony World. Seems to fit. Get off the ground!

Grady: [it's night, Grady and Earl are waiting on top of their stranded truck for Pedro to arrive, an explosion sounds in the distance]
[referring to Burt]
Grady: Jesus! He got another one.
Earl Bassett: That man never sleeps.
[two more explosions sound in the distance]
Burt Gummer: [over radio] Guys, Burt here. Doing a little night fishing. Got three of 'em on a cluster chare. I'd say we're about even now. Over.
Earl Bassett: Come on, Burt. This isn't a competition.
Burt Gummer: [over radio] Well, who's competing? I'm just saying the score is tied, that's all. Over.
Grady: Well, 'son', no it isn't, cuz we just caught a live one. How 'bout that.
Burt Gummer: [over radio] A live one? How in the hell...
Grady: Well, that's our little secret. Happy hunting, Burt.
[turns radio off]
Earl Bassett: [laughing] I'll bet that burned his skinny ass!

Kate (White) Reilly: Believe it or not I was actually a Playmate once. Almost gave my dad a heart attack.
Earl Bassett: Miss October 1974?
Kate (White) Reilly: Shit!

[about a groaning Graboid]
Earl Bassett: Must be sick.
Grady: Probably ate someone that didn't agree with it.

Earl Bassett: [to Grady] You know, you might come in useful. While they are eating you it will give me a chance to get away.

[Upon being introduced to Burt's anti-tank rifle]
Earl Bassett: Man Burt, you put a whole new shine on the word 'overkill'.
Burt Gummer: When you need it, and don't have it... you sing a different tune.

Burt Gummer: I didn't know... how could I have known? I wanted maximum penetration!
Earl Bassett: [Looks at destroyed engine] Well, you got it.

Earl Bassett: Oh man, this stuff tastes like toilet paper.
Grady: Earl, that is the toilet paper.

[Coyote howls]
Grady: Is that a Coyote?
Earl Bassett: Yup.
[it howls again]
Grady: Man he better keep quiet.
[another howl cut short by the sound of the coyote being eaten]
Earl Bassett: Yup.

Kate (White) Reilly: What's he doing? Has he got some kind of plan?
Earl Bassett: Burt always has a plan when he does something. Well... usually.

Earl Bassett: [loses at rock-paper-scissors] No!
[pauses]
Earl Bassett: Rock rips through paper!
Grady: Huh?

Señor Ortega: We have already contacted your partner, Señor McKee, but he was unwilling to help us...
Earl Bassett: Sure. Val married a good woman. Why would he want to die?

[hiding from the Shriekers, Earl, Grady, and Kate are on top of some containers, Burt is inside the scoop of a bulldozer]
Grady: Burt are you *sure* you don't have any more bullets? Did you check *all* your pockets?
Burt Gummer: You know, as I lie here, I can't help but notice... the reason I am out of nine millimeter rounds is that I was not properly briefed. And the reason for that is that this mission was not properly researched. If certain people had bothered to gather intelligence on the creatures before bumbling into the situation...
Earl Bassett: Burt, knock it off!
Burt Gummer: ...We wouldn't be down here with single-shot big bores when we should be packing full auto, preferably belt-fed!
[a Shrieker near Burt grunts loudly]
Burt Gummer: [to the Shrieker] Shut up!

Earl Bassett: You want to hunt graboids, you better know geology. You drive, I'm going to keep my eye on this seismojigger thing.

Kate (White) Reilly: Who named them graboids anyway?
Earl Bassett: [chuckles] A friend of ours, Walter Chang, he named them, then they ate him.

Earl Bassett: Jesus, Burt! You smoked his ass!
Burt: Just doing what I can with what I got.

Burt Gummer: [Earl has set a bomb to blow up a garage containing the Shriekers] Earl! Earl, the bomb, how long did you set it for?
Earl Bassett: Oh, I... I don't know, I just punched in some numbers and threw it in the back of your truck!
Burt Gummer: [horrified] You WHAT? That's 2,5 tons of high explosives, Earl!
Earl Bassett: You mean that's not enough?
[panicking]
Earl Bassett: Oh Burt, don't tell me it's not enough!
Burt Gummer: Not enou... Never mind, just run! Run!

Earl Bassett: [faced with a huge number of Graboids] We're gonna need some help!
Grady: Help? Who'd be crazy enough to wanna help us in this mess?
[scene cuts to Burt Gummer]

Grady: No offense Earl but you're nervous as a Chihuahua.
Earl Bassett: I'm not nervous, I'm alert.
Grady: Whatever.

Earl Bassett: That ain't no Graboid, it's something more dangerous.

Earl Bassett: Who are you, and why are you so dumb?

Burt Gummer: [solemnly] Heather's not coming back.
Earl Bassett: No?
Burt Gummer: She called and told me to send her the HK91.
Earl Bassett: Ouch!