Benedict
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Quotes for
Benedict (Character)
from Last Action Hero (1993)

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Last Action Hero (1993)
Tony Vivaldi: You've had Slater in front of the eight ball before, but you always screwed it up.
Benedict: [after Vivaldi leaves] It's behind the eight ball, you moron!

Benedict: If God was a villain, he'd be me.

Benedict: Gentlemen. Since you are about to die anyway, I may as well tell you the entire plot. Think of villains Jack. You want Dracula? Dra-cool-la? Hang on
[takes out the ticket]
Benedict: , I'll fetch him. Dracula? Huh. I can get King Kong! We'll have a nightmare with Freddy Krueger, have a surprize party for Adolf Hitler, Hannibal Lecter can do the catering, and then we'll have christening for Rosemary's Baby! All I have to do is snap my fingers and they'll be here. They're lining up to get here, and do you know why Jack? Should I tell you why? Hmm? Because here, in this world, the bad guys can win!

Tony Vivaldi: What is this, Benedict? First you're my friend; now you turn a... 360 on me!
Benedict: 180, you stupid, spaghetti-slurping cretin - *180*! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started!
Tony Vivaldi: What?
Benedict: Trust me!
[shoots him]

Benedict: I wonder if you'd help me test a theory?
Mechanic: Sure, what can I do for ya?
Benedict: Well...
[Benedict shoots him. He listens for a while, looks at his wristwatch, then shouts]
Benedict: Hello? I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose!
[listens some more, still nothing]
Benedict: I said, I have murdered a man and I want to confess!
[listens some more, someone tells him, "Hey, shut up, down there!". He looks pleased]

Jack Slater: Sir, are you a henchman?
Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey.

Benedict: Here, in this world, the bad guys can win!

Jack Slater: Did you make a movie mistake? You forgot to reload the damn gun.
Benedict: No, Jack. I just left one chamber empty.

Benedict: [to Danny] I must warn you, I've killed people smarter and younger than you.

Benedict: I understand you are interested in drug dealers.
Danny Madigan: [whispering] Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye.
Jack Slater: Sir, are you a henchman?
Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey. Anything else?
Jack Slater: Yeah, take off your sunglasses.
Benedict: Who's asking?
Jack Slater: [flashes Police badge] The tin man.
Benedict: Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.
Jack Slater: No, they're the wrong color.
Benedict: Are they? Oh dear. Let's change them. Would arterial red suit you?
[points to guard dogs]
Benedict: Make no mistake, they are exceptionally well-trained.
[snaps fingers, dogs form pyramid]
Benedict: I snap my fingers again and some time tomorrow, you emerge from several canine rector. Or you and Toto can return to the land of Oz. Questions?
Jack Slater: Yeah, two of them. Why am I wasting my time with silly putz like you when I could be doing something more dangerous - like rearranging my sock drawer? Two, how exactly are you going to snap your fingers, after I rip off both of your thumbs?
[pause, Benedict reveals smiley-face eye]
Benedict: Have a nice day!
[closing the door, he overhears Danny]
Danny Madigan: He had one with a bulls-eye when he was with your second cousin. He hates his boss, he calls him a "Sicilian schmuck."

Danny Madigan: Benedict! If you harm a hair on her head...
Benedict: Stop!
[Pulls one strand of Whitney's hair, presents it to Danny, and snaps it in two]
Benedict: You were saying?
[Pulls up a chair]
Benedict: Now, I believe it was Sherlock Holmes who said, "If you eliminate all logical solutions to a problem - all illogical solutions, however unlikely, become inevitably true." See, I know that your name is Daniel Madigan. What I don't know is how you know mine?
Danny Madigan: Slater showed me some mugshots. We made your face easy.
Benedict: Daniel Madigan from New York. A long way from home, aren't you. When did you get here?
Danny Madigan: Just.
Benedict: And how do you know what I said on Vivaldi's terrace?
Danny Madigan: I heard it in a recording.
Benedict: Microphones in the statues, are there?
Danny Madigan: You wouldn't believe how many.
Benedict: And the eye I was wearing?
Danny Madigan: I saw it. I saw it in a movie. There were micro-cameras in the statues.
Benedict: I should tell you, that I have killed people smarter and younger than you.

Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker: Sweetheart, wanna have a party?
Benedict: How old are you?
Tammy, Hell's Kitchen Hooker: Forget it.

Benedict: Take his shoes?

Benedict: The Fart goes off in seven minutes.