Simon Phoenix
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Quotes for
Simon Phoenix (Character)
from Demolition Man (1993)

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Demolition Man (1993)
John Spartan: Bad aim, Blondie!
Simon Phoenix: Spartan? John Spartan? Aw shit, they let anybody into this century! What the hell you doing here?

Simon Phoenix: Wait a minute, this is the future. Where are all the phaser guns?

Booth: Gun. Noun. Portable firearm. This device was widely utilized in the urban wars of the late twentieth century. Referred to as a pistol, a piece...
Simon Phoenix: Look I don't need a history lesson! C'mon, HAL, where are the god damn guns?
Moral Statute Machine: You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.
Simon Phoenix: What? Fuck you!
Moral Statute Machine: Your repeated violation of the Verbal Morality Statute has caused me to notify the San Angeles Police Department. Please remain where you are for your reprimand.
Simon Phoenix: Yeah, right.
[police sirens approach]
Simon Phoenix: Fuckers are fast too.
Moral Statute Machine: You are fined one credit for a violation of the Verbal Morality Statute.

Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Die."

Simon Phoenix: Simon says, "Bleed."

[Huge Explosion, John Spartan steps from the wreckage]
Simon Phoenix: I'll be god damned! Like a New York cockroach!

Simon Phoenix: I must've done something right in a previous life. Can't imagine what that could've been.

[a frozen naked criminal swings by overhead]
Simon Phoenix: I hope my butt didn't look like that! Okay, who do we have left that's good? Wilkes, Patrick... Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!

Simon Phoenix: So let me get this right, they defrosted you just so you could lasso my piddly ass? Damn, you been had! I been dreamin' about killin' you for forty years.
John Spartan: Well, keep dreaming!

John Spartan: You're under arrest, Phoenix.
Simon Phoenix: Arrest? Shit. And you're trespassing.

Squad Leader: Simon Phoenix! Lie down with your hands behind your back.
Simon Phoenix: What's this? Six of you. Such nice, tidy uniforms. Oh I'm so scared!
[the Police Officers look at each other]
Simon Phoenix: What you guys don't have sarcasm anymore?
[Police Officer talks to his automated assistant]
Squad Leader: Maniac has responded with a scornful remark.
automated assistant: Approach, and repeat ultimatum in an even firmer tone of voice. Add the words, "or else".

Automated Announcer: The Armory exhibit is now sealed. All museum patrons still occupying the facility should remain calm. Help is imminent.
[the sealed Armory door is blown apart by a canon]
Simon Phoenix: The museum is no longer sealed, is it? Ha-ha! What can I say, I'm a blast from the past!
John Spartan: You should've stayed there.
Simon Phoenix: Oh boy, that voice sounds familiar. Who is that?
[opens fire]

John Spartan: Is it cold in here, or is it just me?
Simon Phoenix: Good memory.

[John Spartan landed on the police car stolen by Simon Phoenix]
Simon Phoenix: No free rides!

Simon Phoenix: [after his gang kills Dr. Cocteau] Put another log on the fire!
[the gang throws Cocteau into the fireplace]

[Simon goes to a computer terminal and is surprised to find his fingers flying across the keys with ease]
Simon Phoenix: Damn, I'm possessed! Wonder if I can play the accordion too...

[Simon's museum piece "ray gun" beeps ready]
Simon Phoenix: It's about time! The past is over, John! Time for something new and improved!
John Spartan: Aw, hell...
[he leaps out of the way as Simon fires an energy blast from the rifle, blowing a hydrant apart]
Simon Phoenix: Holy shit! I love this gun!

Simon Phoenix: [to Cocteau] That's who you remind me of: an evil Mr. Rogers!

Warden William Smithers - Aged: Do you have anything new to say on your behalf?
Simon Phoenix: Yeah, I do. Teddy Bear!

Simon Phoenix: See, I told the city, I said "Look, nobody comes down here." Postmen figured it out. Policemen figured it out. But the goddamned bus drivers just wouldn't listen.

Simon Phoenix: You're dead, Spartan!
John Spartan: You forgot to say Simon Says.

Simon Phoenix: [checking the charge status of his futuristic plasma rifle] C'mon you space-age piece of shit!

Captain Healy: Dammit, Spartan. I'm sick and tired of this "Demolition Man" shit! You're not supposed to come down here, you're not supposed to apprehend Simon Phoenix single-handedly, and you're not supposed to blow anything up!
John Spartan: It wasn't me this time, he dumped the gas and had the placed rigged to blow.
Captain Healy: Yeah right, and you had nothing to do with it. I know you've been trying to nail this psycho for 2 years. But try to remember a little thing like official police procedure. Now where are the hostages?
John Spartan: They're not here.
Captain Healy: What do mean they're not here, are you sure?
John Spartan: Because I did a thermo check. They're only 8 people, all a part of his gang.
Simon Phoenix: [Being arrested] Wrong again.
John Spartan: Do you have something to say, scum bag?
Captain Healy: [to officer apprehending Phoenix] Get him out of here.
[to Spartan]
Captain Healy: You and I are gonna have a nice long chat.
Fire Fighter: [Coming in] Captain. Captain.
Captain Healy: What.
Fire Fighter: We've checked the building. There's bodies everywhere, there has to be about 20 or 30, they're everywhere.
[Spartan looks in disbelief]
Simon Phoenix: See Captain. I told him, he said he didn't care.
[Spartan charges at Phoenix but is restrained by his fellow officers]
Simon Phoenix: Oh shit, I can't believe that you gave up 30 hostages for little old me. We're gonna have a nice time together. See ya' sweetie. Honey! Sugar!
Captain Healy: Hope you called your lawyer, because you're gonna need him.

Simon Phoenix: [Opens a manhole ] Shit! I love that smell. Reminds me of biscuits 'n gravy.