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[all praying to God
] Tracy Flick
: Dear Lord Jesus, I do not often speak with you and ask for things, but now I really must insist that you help me win the election tomorrow because I deserve it and Paul Metzler doesn't, as you well know. I realize that it was your divine hand that disqualified Tammy Metzler and now I'm asking that you go that one last mile and make sure to put me in office where I belong so that I may carry out your will on earth as it is in heaven. Amen. Tammy Metzler
: Dear God, I know I don't believe in you, but since I'll be starting Catholic school soon, I thought I should at least practice. Let's see, what do I want? I want Lisa to realize what a bitch she is and feel really bad and apologize for how she hurt me and know how much I still love her. In spite of everything, I still want Paul to win the election tomorrow, not that cunt Tracy. Oh, and I also want a really expensive pair of leather pants and someday I wanna be really good friends with Madonna. Love, Tammy. Paul Metzler
: Dear God, than you for all your blessings. You've given me so many things, like good health, nice parents, a nice truck, and what I'm told is a large penis, and I'm very grateful, but I sure am worried about Tammy. In my heart, I still can't believe she tore down my posters, but sometimes, she does get so weird and angry. Please help her be a happier person because she's so smart and sensitive and I love her so much. Also, I'm nervous about the election tomorrow and I guess I want to win and all, but I know that's totally up to you. You'll decide who the best person is and I'll accept it. And forgive me for my sins, whatever they may be. Amen.
] None of this would have happened if Mr. McAllister hadn't meddled the way he did. He should have just accepted things as they are instead of trying to interfere with destiny. You see, you can't interfere with destiny, that's why it's destiny. And if you try to interfere, the same thing's just going to happen anyway, and you'll just suffer.
] Now that I have more life experience, I feel sorry for Mr. McAllister. I mean, anyone who's stuck in the same little room, wearing the same stupid clothes, saying the exact same things year after year for his whole life, while his students go on to good colleges, move to big cities and do great things and make loads of money... He's got to be at least a little jealous. It's like my mom says, the weak are always trying to sabatoge the strong.
[Jim and Diane are having sex
] Diane McAllister
: Oh, God, oh, just like that, yeah. Fill me up. Fill me up. Yeah! Fill me up!
[Jim imagines Linda's face on Diane's head
] Linda Novotny
: Oh God, just like that. Oh yeah, fill me up. Oh God, just like that. Do it, Jim, fuck me!
[suddenly Tracy's face pops over Linda's
] Tracy Flick
: Do it, Jim. Just like that. Do it, Jim, fill me up. Just like that. Do it, Mister M, do it. Fuck me, Mister M, fuck me.
[Jim is a bit disturbed but somehow it makes him even more enthusiastic
] Tracy Flick
: Fuck me hard, Mr. McAllister. Harder! Harder! Fuck me, Mr. McAllister. Fuck me hard. Harder! Fuck me! Please!
] When I think back on my relationship with Mr. Novotny, what I miss most is our talks.
: Good morning, Mister M. Looks like you could use a cupcake!
] You might think it upset me that Paul Metzler had decided to run against me, but nothing could be further from the truth. He was no competition for me, it was like apples and oranges. I had to work a little harder, that's all. You see, I believe in the voters. They understand that elections aren't just popularity contests. They know this country was built by people just like me who work very hard and don't have everything handed to them on a silver spoon. Not like some rich kids who everybody likes because their fathers own Metzler Cement and give them trucks on their 16th birthday and throw them big parties all the time. No, they don't ever have to work for anything. They think they can just, all of a sudden, one day out of the blue, waltz right in with no qualifications whatsoever and try to take away what other people have worked for VERY, VERY hard for their entire lives! No, didn't bother me at all!
: Tracy, you're a very intelligent girl. You have a lot of admirable qualities. But one day maybe you'll learn that being smart and doing whatever you need to do to get ahead, and stepping on other people to get there... well, there's a whole lot more to life than that. And in the end you're only cheating yourself. Tracy Flick
: Why are you lecturing me? Jim McAllister
: This isn't the time or the place to get into it, but there is, for just one example, a certain former colleage of mine, who made a very big mistake, a life mistake. Now, I think the lesson here is, old or young, we all make mistakes. And we have to learn that our actions, all of them, can carry serious consequences. Tracy Flick
: I don't know what you're referring to, but maybe if certain older, wiser people hadn't acted like such little babies and gotten so mushy, then everything would be OK. Jim McAllister
: I agree. And I also think that certain young and naive people need to thank their lucky stars and be very, very grateful that the entire school didn't find out about certain indiscretions that could have ruined their reputations and their chances to win certain elections. Tracy Flick
: And I think certain older people, like you and your colleague, shouldn't be leching after their students, especially when some of them can't even get their own wives pregnant. And they certainly shouldn't be making slanderous accusations, especially when certain young, naive people's mothers are paralegal secretaries at the city's biggest law firm, and have won many successful law suits. And if you want to keep questioning me like this, I won't continue without my attorney present.
] Some people say I'm an overachiever, but I think they're just jealous.
] One thing that's important to know about me is that I'm an only child, so my mom is really devoted to me. And I love her so much. She wants me to do all the things that she wanted to do in life but couldn't.
[a boy grabs a handful of the complimentary chewing gum sticks from Tracy's stand
] Tracy Flick
: Hey! Hey! One per person! Put those back! 'Eat Me' Boy
: Eat me.
: I can't wait to start campaigning. Jim McAllister
: Ah, well, it should be easy for you, so far no competition. Tracy Flick
: Yeah, but you know, Coca-Cola is by far the world's number one soft drink and they spend more money than anybody on advertising. I guess that's how come they stay number one.
[lying in bed, unable to sleep, Jim McAllister imagines Tracy's mouth whispering into his ear, repeating what she said to him earlier
] Tracy Flick
: When I win the Presidency, we're gonna be spending a lot of time together... Lots and lots and lots of time. President and advisor. Harmonious and productive. Close and special. You and I.
[as the winner of the election is about to be announced
] Tracy Flick
] Act surprised. Walk slowly to the podium. Be modest. Thank them for this incredible honour.
: [giving her opening election speech in front of the assembled student body
] Poet Henry David Thoreau once wrote "I cannot make my days longer, so I strive to make them better." With this election, we here at Carver also have an opportunity to make our high school days better. During this campaign, I've spoken with many of you about your many concerns. I spoke with Eliza Ramirez, a freshman, who says she feels alienated from her own homeroom. I spoke with sophomore Reggie Banks, who said his mother works in the cafeteria and can't afford to buy him enough spiral notebooks for his classes. 'Eat Me' Boy
: Eat Me! 'Eat Me' Boy's Buddy
: Eat me raw!
[some of the students snigger. The principal comes over to the microphrone stand. He is a foot taller than the petite Tracy so he has to crouch to speak into it
] Walt Hendricks
: Hey, if you can't be adults and give these candidates the courtesy they deserve, then you don't deserve to be called adults, but children, because what children are and you'll be treated like children.