Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr.
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Quotes for
Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr. (Character)
from The Waterboy (1998)

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The Waterboy (1998)
Bobby Boucher: Now that's what I call high quality H2O.

[after Bobby demonstrates his tackling ability]
Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game?
Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I'll do it for you.

Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.
Bobby Boucher: No, you people are drinkin the wrong water.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: [singing] Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.

Bobby Boucher: My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.

Mama Boucher: You gonna lose all your fancy "fools' balls" games! And your gonna fail your big exam! Because school is...
Bobby Boucher: The devil?
[Mama gasps]
Bobby Boucher: Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin' them both because they make me feel good!
Bobby Boucher: [Bobby runs out, slamming the door, then comes back in] And by the way, Mama. "Alligators" are ornery 'cause of their "Medula Oblongata"!
Bobby Boucher: [Bobby runs back out, then back in again] And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!
[slams door on Mama]

Guy Grenouille: Hey, moron! Hey! Moron! Duh! L-L-Look at me. I'm th-th-the waterboy. Duh! I got a wooden spoon! Duh!
Greg Meaney: [Bobby pictures the people who tomented him in the past] Smells like you need a shower, stinky!
[Meaney laughs evily]
Coach Red Beaulieu: You're fired!
[Red laughs evilly]
Bobby Boucher: [Captain Insano and Jim Simmonds laugh]
[Bobby becomes enraged]
Bobby Boucher: Stop makin' fun of me!
Guy Grenouille: Red thirty! Hut!
[Bobby chases Grenouille, screaming, then ramming and tackling him hard to the ground]
Coach Klein: [in amazement] Wow!
Derek Wallace: Damn!

Bobby Boucher: Nice hit, Mama.
Mama Boucher: Thanks, baby. Now you go on and have some fun becomin' a man.

Bobby Boucher: Look who's on TV, Mama... it's the devil.

Bobby Boucher: Mama, something bad happened today.
Mama Boucher: [Pulls up a knife] Did somebody hurt you my boy?

Guy Grenouille: Nice going, shithead. You lost us the football game.
Bobby Boucher: Sorry. Will you please still be my friend?
Guy Grenouille: No, get away from me.

Bobby Boucher: Excuse me, ladies, while I just go hang myself.

Mama Boucher: Bobby, deh ever catch dat gorilla that busted outa da zoo and punched you in da eye?
Bobby Boucher: No Mama, the search continues.

Vicki Vallencourt: [after Bobby has gotten his test scores back] Well, Bobby Boucher, welcome to manhood. I'll make sure to welcome you properly later.
Bobby Boucher: Once again, I'm not quite sure what that means.

Bobby Boucher: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.
Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.

Coach Klein: [after football player spits loogie in water tank] Are you all right?
Bobby Boucher: I wasn't gonna do nothin', coach!
Coach Klein: Well ya better do something. You gotta stick up for yourself, Bobby.
Bobby Boucher: But what about the finally tuned athletic machine?
Coach Klein: I am not telling you to go on a shooting rampage!

Coach Klein: [it's half-time at the Bourbon Bowl and they're in the locker room] Anybody got an idea?
[Silence]
Derek Wallace: Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake?
[Everybody chuckles]
Lyle Robideaux: Yeah, that was pretty funny. How 'bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville, and threw him into the stands?
[Everybody laughs]
Guy Grenouille: Y'all remember the time he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare ass?
[Everybody laughs]
Farmer Fran: Remember the time Bobby Boucher...
[Begins to mumble in his southern drawl, and everybody stares at him]
Bobby Boucher: [Bobby shows up in the locker room by surprise] Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl, do ya?
[Everybody starts cheering and shouting]

Casey Bugge: He poked me in the eye!
Bobby Boucher: Captain Insano shows no mercy.

Bobby Boucher: [after reading a question about Benjamin Franklin] Ben Franklin.
Young Bobby Boucher: [flashback to Bobby's childhood] Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity?
Mama Boucher: That's nonsense, I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the Devil!

Bobby Boucher: Good luck on the upcoming play.
West Mississippi Lineman: I'll be playing with your mama tonight.
Bobby Boucher: [stares at him] Sixty-two...

Bobby Boucher: [searching for #62] Sixty-two, sixty-two... there you are!

Rita: Is there a girl you're seein'?
Bobby Boucher: Seein'? Uh, I see a lot of girls... I see a lot of guys too.
Rita: I think that's sexy, you ever been with a guy and girl at the same time?
Bobby Boucher: Oh yea, plenty of times. The other night, I was with my Mama and Coach Klein at the same time.