Dr. John Dolittle
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Quotes for
Dr. John Dolittle (Character)
from Doctor Dolittle (1998)

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Doctor Dolittle (1998)
Dr. John Dolittle: You know how to do CPR?
Rat #2: CPR? I can't even spell it!

Dr. John Dolittle: Hey, give me a break. I saved your life.
Rat #1: That's yesterday's news. Take a hike. You want gratitude? Get a hamster!

Rodney: [on telephone] Hey, honey, feeling better?
Dr. John Dolittle: Who's this?
Rodney: I'll give you a hint: I'm cute, I'm furry, and I make five hundred babies a year!
Dr. John Dolittle: Rodney. Get back in your cage.
Rodney: What's up with that trap behind the fridge? You trying to kill me?
Dr. John Dolittle: Never mind that. Get your little furry ass back in your cage. Now. I don't want your droppings on... Bye-bye.
[to security guard]
Dr. John Dolittle: My son Rodney. Little hairy boy, sleeps in the cage. I have to keep him in the cage because he has hygiene problems.

Tiger: [atop an observatory] ... And now, on the day I end it all, I'd like to leave Margaret the bearded lady my rhinestone collar and my wet-dry shaver. I'd like to leave Jack the midget nothing. It's too late for you, Jack. You're a short...
[John's Range-Rover pulls up at the main entrance, far below. With John are Lucky and both of the Rats]
Tiger: ... Hey, get out of there! You're in my landing space!
Rat #2: [from the Range-Rover] See if you land on your feet, Road-Kill.
Lucky: [following John up to confront the tiger] ... Coming right up - one order of man, side of dog.
Tiger: Good-bye, cruel world. Oh no, I just remembered. I wanted to leave the whip to the baboon. One of the few animals which enjoy that kind of thing.
Dr. John Dolittle: [attempts to talk the tiger out of jumping from the observatory] Hey, whoa. Take it easy now... Remember that song "Eye of the Tiger," from ROCKY 3? When Rocky was fighting Mr. T, couldn't beat him - then Apollo Creed played "Eye of the Tiger" for him. Rocky beat the snot out of Mr. T because of "Eye of the Tiger." Because that song moved Rocky inside...
[He sings the song, way out of tune, to demonstrate]
Dr. John Dolittle: ... Not Eye of the Moose, not Eye of the Bull, Eye of the TIGER.
Tiger: That's it. I'm jumping.
Dr. John Dolittle: Listen, I'm a doctor. Maybe I can help you. If I can't, then you can eat me AND Lucky.
Lucky: Or just him.
Tiger: All right. I just hope you're a better doctor than you are a singer.
Lucky: Good job, Doc. Although, seeing a tiger jump 5 stories would have been really cool.
Tiger: I heard that.

Lucky: ...Just like his dad wanted, John Dolittle grew up to be a normal and regular guy - you know, miserable.
Dr. John Dolittle: [John emerges from his apartment to get his newspaper; he notices a stray puppy in the hallway] Hey, get out of here!
[the puppy wimpers and takes a squirt right there in the hallway. John yells inside]
Dr. John Dolittle: Hey, there's a vicious animal in the hallway!

Dr. Mark Weller: ...John, Gene has got qualms about the new proposal.
Dr. Gene 'Geno' Reiss: I'm worried that, if we let a big company like Calnet take us over, we're not gonna be us anymore. We'd be - THEM.
Dr. John Dolittle: Let me explain something: THEM has the best hospitals and laboratories; and THEM is gonna pay us a very big, giant amount of money.
Dr. Mark Weller: When I think about the money, I get teary... Saturday morning, we're meeting the Calnet people.
Dr. John Dolittle: Whoa. I'm supposed to take my family to the country this weekend.
Dr. Mark Weller: Well, don't.
Dr. Gene 'Geno' Reiss: You see, it's happening already: you're being forced to neglect your family.
Dr. Mark Weller: Gene, relax. No such thing. OK, Saturday morning. And Gene - no tank tops, please.

Dr. John Dolittle: ...Your daughter's turning into a little wise-ass.
Lisa Dolittle: Worse. She's turning into a little YOU.

Lisa Dolittle: ...There's more to this HMO deal than money. You sell, they own you.
Dr. John Dolittle: Lisa, this is gonna be good for us.
Lisa Dolittle: I'm so tired of that rap. It's always for US, but sometimes I don't know who US *IS!*

Lisa Dolittle: [John has bought Lisa a fancy new sports car] Oh, my God! John, you didn't!
Dr. John Dolittle: No, I didn't. The van's around the corner. But don't tell me you don't care about money.

Maya Dolittle: [Her pet guinea pig is missing] Dad, you HAVE to find Rodney.
Dr. John Dolittle: Sure, I'll find your rat.
Maya Dolittle: He's a guinea pig.
Dr. John Dolittle: Whatever; they're both rodents. I'll find your rodent; I'll put down some of that sticky paper for him.
Maya Dolittle: No, not that!
Dr. John Dolittle: It'll be fine; you peel him right off it, and he'll live.

Dr. John Dolittle: [to a 26-year-old intern who has summoned him to the hospital at 2 AM to deal with a difficult patient] ... You spend all your time here, right? Probably grab your naps curled up in the break room; Little occasional nookie with one of the interns in the closet. But I have a real life, and I'd appreciate it if you only call me down here when there's a REAL emergency. If one of my patients comes in carrying his own head, call me. If somebody comes in with a bicycle halfway up their ass, call me.

Dr. John Dolittle: [to fellow doctor Sam Litvack] ... I don't want to wind up like one of those street guys: talking to myself; with dirt under my fingernails; stinking; with my hair all matted. It's not a cool look.

Rodney: [Rodney's cage is strapped to the top of John's Range-Rover, which is cruising down the highway] ... Come on, Doc! I'm getting whisker-whipped up here! Hey - this is cruel to animals!
Dr. John Dolittle: One more word, and I'm letting you out! I'll leave you in the wild! With the REAL animals! See how much talk you do when squirrels are kickin' your ass in!
Rodney: Fine, then I'll just sing!
[proceeds to sing Bob Dylan's "Blowin' In the Wind," way out of tune]
Rodney: ..."The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind..."
Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP!
[turns the radio way up]
Rodney: [singing] ... This guinea pig is blowin' in the wind!
Dr. John Dolittle: I can't hear you! I'm groovin'!
Rodney: ...Why do they call me "guinea pig," anyway? I'm not Italian, and I'm not pork...!
Dr. John Dolittle: SHUT UP, I SAID!

Maya Dolittle: Grandpa, did Daddy learn how to be bossy from you?
Archer Dolittle: He certainly didn't learn it from his mother, God rest her soul.
[John's Range-Rover drives up, with Rodney's cage strapped to the roof]
Maya Dolittle: Daddy, what's Rodney doing on the roof?
Dr. John Dolittle: I thought the fresh air would do him good.
Rodney: Lunatic! Crazy man! Psycho!
Dr. John Dolittle: [looks at Rodney murderously] ... Daddy, we still got those BB guns I used to play with when I was little?

Lisa Dolittle: [John has just been talking to an owl when Lisa joins him outside] Oh, my goodness - It's an owl.
Dr. John Dolittle: Yeah - it's a big, nasty owl. Let's go in.
Lisa Dolittle: It's beautiful.
Dr. John Dolittle: They're very dangerous: they can poke your eye out; take your finger off very easily... all of that.

Dr. John Dolittle: [driving back to San Francisco from his father's home] ... Hi, Sam! I was just on my way into town; I wondered if you might want to get together for a drink or a CAT scan or something.
Dr. Sam Litvack: John, it's 1:00 in the morning. Can't it wait until dawn?
'I Love You' Dog: [John pulls up alongside another car; the huge, sad-looking dog in its passenger-seat looks over at him] ... *I LOVE YOU.*
Dr. John Dolittle: ...No it can't, Sam. I have to come over right now.

Rat #1: [John has just arrived at the home of his old friend, Sam Litvack, for a CAT scan] ... What's your problem?
Rat #2: Your face.
Rat #1: I'll hit you so hard, you'll see 10 more of me.
Rat #2: It already SMELLS like 10 more of you. So just bring it on, cheese-eater... Hey, you gerbil!
Rat #1: [They both notice John staring at them for the first time] ... What are YOU looking at?
Dr. John Dolittle: I'm just looking at a couple of greasy rats fighting over some garbage.
Rat #2: Come HERE and say that, you 4-eyed bubble-headed doofus biped! I'll get bubonic on your ass!
Dr. John Dolittle: What if I take that light bulb there, and put it between your little rat butt cheeks, and make a little rodent lamp out of you?
[notices that Sam Litvack has joined him]
Dr. John Dolittle: ... I'm sorry, Sam; how are you?

Blaine Hammersmith: [John has been admitted to the "retreat" of his old medical school-nemesis, Blain] ... John Dolittle. Who would have ever thought YOU would end up in a mental institution? Number one in our medical school class. Not that I'm jealous, John. Someone had to finish first.
Dr. John Dolittle: Someone had to finish last, too.
Blaine Hammersmith: So, John... You talk to animals now, do you? Would you like to tell me about it? Or would you rather tell my friend here - Bettelheim?
Dr. John Dolittle: I don't need to talk to your cat, Blain.
Blaine Hammersmith: Why, do you think he would talk back to you?
Dr. John Dolittle: He just might.
Blaine Hammersmith: And what would he say?
Bettleheim the Cat: I'd say Blain Hammersmith was a butthead.
Dr. John Dolittle: I really like this cat.

Dr. John Dolittle: [to Lucky] ... You are NOT my pet. I wouldn't get one as annoying as you.

Maya Dolittle: [Lucky has conned John into taking him to Camp Hawkeye as a pet for Kyla] ... Does he do any tricks?
Dr. John Dolittle: He does a neat trick with a thermometer that's funny.

Dr. John Dolittle: ...This should take care of the inflammation. The only problem is, who'll wipe it on for you?
Goat: Does Brad Pitt need a goat?

Dr. John Dolittle: [Lucky walks in on an intimate moment between John and Lisa] ... Oh, Mrs. Dolittle...!
Lucky: Yeah, baby!
Dr. John Dolittle: [to Lisa] Excuse me just one second, OK?
[to Lucky]
Dr. John Dolittle: Let's go.
Lucky: What a gyp.
Dr. John Dolittle: You mind if I have a little privacy, please?
Lucky: But it's fine when people watch us dogs do it, huh?
[John shuts the door on him; he continues]
Lucky: ... Fine to turn on the garden hose. Hey, you want a tip on a good position...?

Pig: [Various animals are pouring into John's apartment] ... Good evening, Doctor.
Dr. John Dolittle: ...No. You're gonna have to take your fat ass back out.
Penguin: Oh, my God. What a zoo.
Pig: Hmm, obviously not a kosher establishment.
Rooster: Where are the chicks? Ooh! I'm cool.
Pig: [belches] ... Very well-appointed sty.
Dr. John Dolittle: What's going on? What is all this?
Owl: I don't know. You know, tell a friend. Ha ha.
Lucky: Looks like they need to talk to a doctor, Doc.
Sheep: Our butts hurt.
Dr. John Dolittle: Okay. Let's do this. And watch your droppings.
Rodney: Tonight, this is the house of love! East Coast! West Coast! Let's unite! Is Brooklyn in the house...?

Dr. John Dolittle: [John is acting as a marriage counsellor to a couple of pigeons] ... It's not something you should be ashamed of. It happens to most men occasionally. You're probably under a lot of pressure.
Female Pigeon: He's not under pressure. He's not atracted to me, because I'm just a pigeon. He's a self-hating pigeon... As him what he does all day... He sits in a tree by himself - because he's too good to eat with the rest of us, when the old people feed us in the park. And the way he stares at a robin's breasts, it's enough to make you sick.
Male Pigeon: I happen to be attracted to orange breasts.
Female Pigeon: [to her husband] You're not a robin, or a dove, or a hawk. You're a pigeon, and I'm a pigeon...
Male Pigeon: [to John] She sits on the nest all day and gets crazy.
Female Pigeon: ...With three eggs, and they're gonna be pigeons, too.
[flies off]
Male Pigeon: [to John] May I ask you something? If I turn THIS way, don't I look a LITTLE like a blue jay?

Dr. John Dolittle: [John plays rehab counselor to an alcoholic monkey from the circus] ... The problem with your equilibrium might be due to an inner ear infection...
[the monkey grunts, belches, and produces a small empty bottle]
Dr. John Dolittle: ... Or it may be due to THIS.
French Monkey: I'm a social drinker. Ha ha.
[grunts]
French Monkey: Very social. Ha ha.
[belches]
Dr. John Dolittle: I think you're wasted. Nobody likes a drunk monkey.

Dr. John Dolittle: ...You're suffering from obsessive-compulsive behavior...
Compulsive Dog: [bouncing like a pogo stick] Throw the ball!
Dr. John Dolittle: When you want the ball, think about something else...
Compulsive Dog: Don't say anything more! Throw the ball!
Dr. John Dolittle: You need to relax your mind...
Compulsive Dog: You're the person. You throw the ball. I'm the dog. I get it. Simple as that. I swear, I'll pee on your carpet. Please, please, please, throw the ball. Shut up and throw the ball. Am I alone here? Am I all by myself? Am I in ANOTHER UNIVERSE?
Lucky: THROW THE DAMN BALL!
[John resignedly does so]
Compulsive Dog: He threw the ball! Oh, he threw the ball! I'll get it! I'll get it! I love you! I love you! You threw the ball...!
Rodney: [to John] ... You can't save 'em all, Hasselhoff.

Dr. Mark Weller: [gushing - again - about the prospective Calnet merger] ... You're not gonna believe what I got for us, John: corporate cars every two years.
Dr. John Dolittle: [referring to how they've lost touch with what's really important] Hey, Mark... Do you remember when we first started out? We had those crummy offices, at the worst neighborhood in town. We got paid almost no money.
Dr. Mark Weller: I've blocked it out.

Lucky: What's he doing with that?
Dr. John Dolittle: You don't want to know.
Lucky: Just don't let him stick that thing up my... HELLO!

[Lucky is looking out of a car window]
Lucky: Oh, I'm so dizzy. All I see is line, line, line line.
Dr. John Dolittle: So look somewhere else.
Lucky: Okay. Tree, tree, tree tree.

[after performing CPR on a rat, the rat farts]
Dr. John Dolittle: He just had gas
Rat #2: Whoa! you're telling me!

Dr. John Dolittle: How come I can hear you talking?
Lucky: I dunno. Maybe you're just weird or something.
Dr. John Dolittle: Shut up. You're a dog. DOGS CANNOT TALK.
Lucky: What the hell do you think barking is, an involuntary spasm?

[after he starts hearing animal voices]
Dr. John Dolittle: Those guys in my dorm told me that stuff wouldn't mess me up, now fifteen years later, this shit happens!

Dr. John Dolittle: [Trying to keep the Tiger from jumping off a tower] There's been plenty of great tigers.
Tiger: Oh yeah? Name one
Lucky: How about Tony?
Dr. John Dolittle: Tony the cereal tiger?
Lucky: Well I didn't hear you come up with anything.

Woman: Need some help?
Dr. John Dolittle: Oh, no, I'm - we're - we're fine. I'm just stretching my legs a little here.
Rodney: Ask her if she's got any lettuce.
Dr. John Dolittle: Shut your mouth. Shut your furry little mouth right now!

Dr. John Dolittle: I didn't say you were crazy, you're special, and crazy, a lot of great people in history were crazy.
Maya Dolittle: Like who?
Dr. John Dolittle: Some of the greatest people in history. Albert Einstein, he came in with that wild hair and everybody thought he was crazy. And Muhammad Ali, he came out saying what rounds he was going to beat people in, going "I'm the greatest!", everybody thought he was crazy. And Joan of Arc, she heard voices.
Maya Dolittle: Like you, Daddy?

Rodney: [after Dr. Dolittle hears him talk for the first time] Okay, let's chill. Let's just chill.
Dr. John Dolittle: I'm not gonna chill.
Rodney: You gonna chill.
[Dr. Dolittle grabs his cage and removes it from the car]
Rodney: Uh, what are you doing, switching sides?

Dr. John Dolittle: [when Lucky comes to see him at the Hammerstein Retreat] What are you doing here?
Lucky: You're unbelievable. I cross three parkways at night, no less, to come to rescue you, and all I get is "What are you doing here?"
Dr. John Dolittle: This isn't a prison, it's a clinic.
Lucky: Look, the tiger's in bad shape.
Dr. John Dolittle: The tiger? Hey, listen, forget the tiger! Let me tell you something. I had a perfect life until you came along and started talkin' to me. Now I'm sittin' in a robe and slippers discussin' "Mister Ed" with these guys. You've ruined my life enough. I don't wanna talk to you anymore. Just get outta here, please? Go! This is crazy!
Lucky: Oh, I get it: now it's crazy to wanna save a tiger's life.
Dr. John Dolittle: Look, tigers die everyday. It's called nature.
Lucky: Well, let me tell you a little something about nature. I'm a dog, and I act like a dog. I don't try to be anybody else. We are who we are, and you are a doctor who can talk to animals. That's who you are.
Dr. John Dolittle: [defensive] That is not who I am!
Lucky: Stop lying to yourself!
Dr. John Dolittle: [his anger rising by the second] Didn't I tell you to get outta here? Get outta here! Go! Get outta here!
Lucky: [preparing to leave] Fine.
Dr. John Dolittle: Quit comin' around and talkin' to me!
Lucky: [looking over his shoulder] With pleasure!
Dr. John Dolittle: YOU BETTER NOT COME BACK! AAAGH!
Lucky: Bonehead.
[goes on his way]
Dr. John Dolittle: [shouting to no animal in particular] THAT MEANS ALL OF Y'ALL! LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP TALKIN' TO ME!
Lucky: Ruined his life. That's a laugh.
Dr. John Dolittle: AAAGH! AAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAGH!
[after he finishes shouting, he goes back inside where the two other guys are standing there confused]
Dr. John Dolittle: AAAAGH!

Rat #2: [regarding Rat #1] You got to help him.
Dr. John Dolittle: Oh, really? Why is that?
Rat #2: 'Cause you're the man. You're the man.
Dr. John Dolittle: Oh, I'm the man now. I thought I was the guy the other day that you wanted to get bubonic with.

Tiger: [John is about to operate on Jake, the tiger] Have you ever done this operation before?
Dr. John Dolittle: Yeah, once in medical school. But it was to a cadaver. But my professor told me I did such a good job that, had my patient not been dead, he would've lived.
Tiger: [sarcastically] Very comforting, Doc.

Dr. John Dolittle: [annoyed that Maya is pestering him about an egg] I don't know what all the fuss is about. We went and bought you that thing anyway. You got a pet. What was that pet rat thing that we bought?
Maya Dolittle, Lisa Dolittle, Charisse Dolittle: A guinea pig.
Dr. John Dolittle: We got you the guinea rat, and the thing died. It's not our fault that it died.
Maya Dolittle: It didn't die. His name is Rodney, and he's in my room.
Dr. John Dolittle: So why are you bothering me about this swan? I'm going to work. I'm out of here. Good-bye.

5-Year-Old John Dolittle: She was my best friend.
Archer Dolittle: You'll make some real friends now.
Lucky: [narrating] From that day on, John Dolittle never spoke to animals again.
Archer Dolittle: Someday, you're gonna thank me for this.
Lucky: [narrating] And after a while, all he could remember was that deep down inside, there was something missing.


Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)
Dr. Dolittle: How smart do you have to be to pull your head out of the water when you can't breathe?

Dr. Dolittle: You'll be the most famous bear in the world!
Archie: Bigger than Pooh?
Dr. Dolittle: If you get this right, everybody will be saying Winnie the Who!

Dr. Dolittle: You're an endangered species!
Archie: Is that a threat, buddy?

Dr. Dolittle: [Archie burps] Hey! Don't you dare throw up on me!
Archie: [Groaning] Ooh! That's not where it's gonna come out. Ooh!

Charisse: What am I supposed to do without my cell phone?
Dr. Dolittle: Here's some stamps. Learn how to write a letter or something.

Steve Irwin (II): I am here with Dr. Dolittle, who can actually talk with animals. We're here about to capture this alligator right behind us, The trick to capturing this guy is to put your arms around his neck...
Alligator: Hey, Dolittle, What I'm doing is letting Steve think I don't hear him, when he comes for me, I'm gonna turn around and, Bob's your uncle, snap his arm off!
[Steve is still talking to camera]
Dr. Dolittle: Steve, I think he knows we're here.
Steve Irwin (II): Quiet, I don't wanna spoil the element of surprise, NOW!
[SNAP]
Steve Irwin (II): Crikey! Me arm!

Racoon: Hey Doc. These are some nice wheels here what do ya call this thing?
Dr. Dolittle: Oh, this is a Mustang.
Possum: Hey Doc is there a car named after me?
Dr. Dolittle: Naw, I don't think they make a Possum.
Possum: WHY NOT?
Dr. Dolittle: They usually don't make cars named after rodents.

Dr. Dolittle: What are you guys, some kind of animal Mafia?
Raccoon: Mafia? Whoa, we don't know nothing about no Mafia. No, that's a myth.

Rat #1: [Rat 1# and Rat# 2 are being held over a balcony] Hey! you know what rats spell backwards? Star!
Dr. Dolittle: Well, do you know what hot spells backwards?
Rat #1: I don't know. it sounds like
[Rats are dropped]
Rat #1: Tooahhhh!
Dr. Dolittle: Exactly!
Rat #1: [the rats land in dumpster] Do you know what this is?
Rat #2: Yes it is! Diapers!
Rat #1: My Favorite! Chocolate!

Dr. Dolittle: Alright, Archie, I'm not playing anymore. I want you to come out of there right now, you big coward!
Archie: Uh, excuse me, but who are you calling a coward?
[comes out of the cave]
Dr. Dolittle: You! I'm calling you a coward! You're a big coward for quitting like this!
Archie: Well, it's hard.
Dr. Dolittle: You wanna know what hard is, Archie? My wife is mad at me, my daughter's mad at me, and I'm spending my vacation with a pizza boy who greets me by saying "Hey, Dr. D, what's up?" Now I'm listening to a big furry baby saying that he wants to quit 'cause it's too hard!
Archie: Well, Ava laughed at me.
Dr. Dolittle: Oh, boo hoo! Ava laughed at me! I love her and I need her and she laughed at me! You know what? You don't even deserve Ava! Why would she want to spend her life with a coward like you?
[pokes Archie on the nose]
Archie: Hey, don't poke the bear, buddy.
Dr. Dolittle: Oh, I didn't poke a bear, 'cause if I poked a bear, a bear would be mauling me, so I don't know what I poked, but it sure as hell ain't no bear!
[pokes Archie again]
Archie: Hey, I'm warning you.
Dr. Dolittle: Yeah, and I'm poking you!
[continues poking]
Archie: Stop it.
Dr. Dolittle: Alright, poke, poke, poke!
Archie: Alright, that's it.
[pushes Dolittle over the edge]

Dr. Dolittle: [after Archie pushes him over the edge] You know what, Archie? Just take your ass back to the circus!

Dr. Dolittle: How would you like to meet the man of your dreams?
Ava: You're real cute but I don't go inter-species.

Archie: Uh-oh! Uh-oh!
Dr. Dolittle: Uh-oh, what? What's the problem?
Archie: Ice cream is acting up.
Dr. Dolittle: What ice cream?
Archie: I got depressed after Sonny and Ava, and I went on a bender. And by the second gallon, I realized I'm in love with Ava and this ice cream called "Cherry Garcia."

Dr. Dolittle: [Trapped in the restroom while Archie is using the toilet] Oh, Archie!
Archie: [Breaks Wind] Oh, it ain't that bad. Come on. Whoo!

Animal Control Officer: Now, there's nothing more dangerous than a half-sedated, half-unsedated bear. They have big, sharp teeth and claws and...
Dr. Dolittle: [interrupts] Excuse me, I'm Doctor Dolittle. What happened in here?
Animal Control Officer: Oh, well, he broke down the back door and then we found him ransacking the kitchen.
Dr. Dolittle: No...
Animal Control Officer: Yeah, sorry Doctor Dolittle, I was rooting for you.

Judge B. Duff: Doctor Dolittle? Do you feel you could rehabilitate a tame bear and mate it in the wild with a female?
Dr. Dolittle: Yes, I do, your honor.
Judge B. Duff: Well, in that case, I'll grant a one month's delay on the harvesting of Campbell's Grove. For one month, Doctor Dolittle, and that's it.
Dr. Dolittle: Thank you, sir.
Judge B. Duff: And Doctor, if that bear should so much as set one paw in a campsite or this town, I'll rescind this order immediately.
Dr. Dolittle: I understand completely your honor, thank you your honor, thank you.


Doctor Dolittle (1967)
Polynesia: I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo and Unicorn.
Dr. Dolittle: Unicorn?
Polynesia: I had a classical education.

Dr. Dolittle: [consulting a medical book] This fellow obviously knows what he's talking about.
Matthew: Who wrote the book, Doctor?
Dr. Dolittle: [suddenly realizing] Er... oh, *I* did.

Emma Fairfax: I promise to ask for no special privileges.
Dr. Dolittle: I promise to grant none

Emma Fairfax: If I were his nephew instead of his niece...
Dr. Dolittle: If you were his nephew, you'd hardly be called Emma Fairfax.

Dr. Dolittle: Hello... Me Doctor Dolittle. Here little boy, late for school, here very cold. They all go home "Puddleby," yes?
Willie Shakespeare: [in perfect English] What a funny accent.

Dr. Dolittle: If one place is as good as any other, it's high time we decided. Otherwise when we get there, we won't know we've arrived.

Dr. Dolittle: Oh it's from Long Arrow.
Matthew: Who's he when he's at home?
Dr. Dolittle: An old friend of mine. He's a Red Indian gentleman.
Matthew: With a name like "Long Arrow" I didn't think he'd be Irish.

Dr. Dolittle: Tell me, Stubbins... what would you do if you had two heads?
Tommy Stubbins: I'd join a circus, sir!
Dr. Dolittle: Exactly.

Dr. Dolittle: [singing about why he's a vegetarian] I stay away from deviled ham on principle/I wouldn't eat roast duckling if I could/Willpower has made me invincible!/My word, those sausages look good...

Emma Fairfax: What are you trying to say?
Dr. Dolittle: What?
Emma Fairfax: I mean, why don't you say what you mean?
Dr. Dolittle: What do you mean, say what I mean?
Emma Fairfax: [singing] For a month or more/I have listened and dreamed/While the moon has glistened and a million stars have gleamed/Waiting/
Dr. Dolittle: Waiting?
Emma Fairfax: Waiting/
Dr. Dolittle: What for?
Emma Fairfax: What for!/For a man I know who is clever and kind/But a man who never, ever seems to know his mind/Waiting/Waiting/Waiting for you to say you like me/Or hate me/Or miss me/Or kiss me/Or something/But nothing!/Nothing do you say at all!/Little wonder I feel sorely/Neglected/Unwanted/Rejected/And small/Little more than two feet tall!

Dr. Dolittle: [talking about learning goldfish] Most fish languages are a combination of bubbles and mouth movement. At the moment, all I can make is large bubbles and they keep telling me I'm shouting.

Dr. Dolittle: I do not understand the human race/Has so little love for creatures with a different face./Treating animals like people is no madness or disgrace./I do not understand the human race.

Dr. Dolittle: Well, it's true/We do not live in a zoo/But Man is an animal too./So why can't you, like me/Like animals?

Emma Fairfax: General Bellowes...
Dr. Dolittle: He certainly does.
Emma Fairfax: General Bellowes is my uncle.
Dr. Dolittle: I'm sorry.
Emma Fairfax: Is that an apology?
Dr. Dolittle: I'm sorry he's your uncle.