John Shaft
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Quotes for
John Shaft (Character)
from Shaft (1971)

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Shaft in Africa (1973)
Jazar: How long is your phallus, Mr. Shaft?
Shaft: My what?
Jazar: Your cock?
Shaft: Baby, by now it shrunk down to 20 inches.

Shaft: Now, wait a minute. Now, I'm not James Bond. Simply, Sam Spade.

Col. Gonder: Well, Mr. Shaft, it seems we've brought you a long distance for nothing. Obviously the opposition knows about you. If you choose to call it off, we'll understand.
Shaft: What? And blow 25 grand?
Col. Gonder: Only money brings you here?
Shaft: Hell no! I just love to have my picture taken with lions.

Zubair: You know how to ride camel?
Shaft: No ride camel. Ride ass!

Wassa: Where did you study stick fighting, Mr. Shaft?
Shaft: Conducting the New York Philharmonic.
Wassa: The Emir will be pleased. Also, by the fact you're already circumcised.

Emir Ramila: How good are you with a stick?
Shaft: Cat named Shaft ain't gonna be bad with a stick.

Shaft: Look, why don't you get rid of that jolly giant over there, so you and I can get down to the finer strokes.
Aleme: Oziat has guarded me since I was a child. Sometimes I think of him as my living chastity belt.
Shaft: Damn! - A man that size, baby, that's a whole lot of chastity!
Aleme: I'm still on my first age grade. We call that fareita. No one is permitted to marry while they are in fareita.
Shaft: What do you do for relaxation?
Aleme: I enter chala, my second age grade, this February. Then, even the emir's daughter may have sex and marry, after my clitoradectomy.
Shaft: Your what?
Aleme: My clitoradectomy. Female circumcision.
Shaft: You mean when they cut off your...?
Aleme: Are you afraid to say the word? My clitoris! Yes! That's what they do in the time of chala.
Shaft: Hell, no wonder the natives get restless!
Aleme: Mr. Shaft, the emphasis in our marriage is not about sexual pleasure, but on the rearing of children.
Shaft: Listen, baby. Now, February is just around the corner. Now how the hell are you gonna know what you are missing unless you give it a little wear and tear before they take it away?
Aleme: Are you volunteering?
Shaft: Your damn right!
Osiat: Where are your stick?
Aleme: It's time for your lesson.

Shaft: [looking at a naked prostitute with her arms crossed propping up her breast] No wonder they call Africa the mother country! Mama, I ain't gonna fight it.

Parking Garage Attendent: Hey, some Africans are lookin' for you, brother.
Shaft: I don't know any Africans, brother.

Emir Ramila: Mineral water, Mr. Shaft. Quite pure.
Shaft: Give me some Scotch, man.

Shaft: What's this - slave jive?

Shaft: I was 21 before I found out that isn't is another way of sayin' ain't.

Aleme: They vanished as mysteriously as they appeared. But, they left behind our spoken culture, their drums, their copper spears, their beaded crowns. Nobody knows what happened to them. But, our tribes are descendant from these proud and ancestors. Don't laugh, Mr. Shaft. Your survival depends on how much you can remember.
Shaft: Who's laughing? I was just thinkin', they made us study Shakespeare in school. Man, was he a Johnny-Come-Lately, compared to your Cats groovin' on poetry a thousand years ago.

Shaft: Who was the cat in drag who tried to kill me?
Col. Gonder: A Sardinian named Boko, an assassin, long criminal record.
Shaft: And the dude that - saved my ass?
Col. Gonder: He works for us.

Shaft: Now, you're wrong. See, my folks weren't in cotton, they were in tobacco.

Shaft: Okay, what about some iron?
Col. Gonder: Iron?
Shaft: A piece.
Col. Gonder: No gun. Too difficult to hide and dead giveaway if somebody searches your bag. Anyway, you've got your stick.

Aleme: Where you disappointed I wasn't a virgin? Hmm?
Shaft: Hell no, baby, you had some good teachers.

Shaft: Nobody's ever cried for ya, have they baby? Nobody even knows your gone.

Shaft: Next time, you mutha, don't bite off more than you can chew!

Jazar: If you help me, I'll help you.
Shaft: Your place or mine?

Shaft: You can usually tell by the size of a man's nose or the length and thickness of his thumbs. I always look for a man with prominent nose and long, thick thumbs.

Shaft: Baby, you're not turning me on. I got too many things on my mind.
Jazar: [Strips] A man who has been in the desert as long as you have? You know, the man you pays my bills, thinks I'm oversexed.
Shaft: And whatever gave him that idea?

Shaft: Baby, this may blow your mind, but, I ain't about to f*ck you. I'm taking you out of here right now, as a hostage.
Jazar: Do it later, please. Please.
Shaft: Move it, baby.

Jazar: You've been recorded.
Shaft: By what network?
Jazar: He asked me to put our love affair on tape.
Shaft: What's his name?
Jazar: If I tell you, will you come to bed?

Jazar: [Shaft takes off his pants] My God!
Shaft: Baby, my nose may not be too prominent. But, I got two of the longest, thickest thumbs.

Jazar: You know something? You are the first man who's ever made love to me the way a man should.
Shaft: Fantastic, baby. Write my Congressman later. Come on, get dressed.
Jazar: What ever you say, John. Oh!

Shaft: Look, get your stenographer in here and I'll give her ten minutes. And then I've got things to do.

Cusset: The law will punish him, Monsieur.
Shaft: F*ck the law! What is the law doing about the sh*theads who charge a hundred francs a month to stay in a crap house like this. Why don't you really clamp down on the slave trade? I'll tell you why. Because the black ghettos of Paris is as far away from the Champs Elysees as 125th Street is from Park Avenue! You need a bunch of po' bastards to work on your roads and your god damn kitchens! So, don't lay any of that law will punish 'em sh*t on me!

Aleme: [Last lines] Excuse me, sir. One of our passengers has asked if you'd mind comforting?
Shaft: Put it right here, baby.

Shaft (1971)
Sergeant Tom Hannon: Hey, where the hell are you going, Shaft?
John Shaft: To get laid, where the hell are you going?

Vic Androzzi: Have a chair, John.
Shaft: I don't like your chair.

Shaft: I got to feeling like a machine, and that's no way to feel.

Willy: Listen, Snow White. Me and you gonna tangle, sooner or later. Did you hear what I say?
John Shaft: Why don't you stop playing with yourself, Willy? You ain't gonna do SHIT!

John Shaft: Watch your mouth, man.
Ben Buford: I'll say any damn thing I want.

John Shaft: When you lead your revolution, whitey better be standing still because you don't run worth a damn no more.

Vic Androzzi: What'cha got?
John Shaft: I got laid.

John Shaft: You are one wise Caucasian, Vic.

John Shaft: Don't let your mouth get your ass in trouble.

Vic Androzzi: Call me when you get home.
Shaft: I will.
Vic Androzzi: [leaves, motions as if to close the door, and then... ] Close it yourself, shitty.

John Shaft: Warms my black heart to see you so concerned about us minority folks.
Vic Androzzi: Oh come on Shaft, what is it with this black shit, huh?
[Vic holds a black pen up to Shaft's face]
Vic Androzzi: You ain't so black.
John Shaft: [Holds a white coffee cup next to Vic's face] And you ain't so white either baby.

Shaft: Up yours, baby.

Bumpy Jonas: Wrong number.
John Shaft: Cut the crap, man, this is Shaft.

Bumpy Jonas: [answering his phone] Wrong Number.
John Shaft: Don't bull me, man. I got the right number. This is Shaft.
Bumpy Jonas: How'd the hell you get this number?
John Shaft: Off a bathroom wall in the god damn subway!

John Shaft: I thought the money didn't matter to you. Just getting your baby back.
Bumpy Jonas: Money ALWAYS matters...

Shaft: Sorry, I can't make it.
Ellie Moore: You got problems, baby?
Shaft: Heh. Yeah, I got a couple of 'em. I was born black... and I was born poor.

Mafia contact: I'm lookin' for a nigger named John Shaft.
John Shaft: Just found him... wop.

John Shaft: I get 50 bucks an hour... plus expenses.

Ellie Moore: I love you.
John Shaft: Yeah, I know. Take it easy.

Willy: Got to see if you're clean before you can see the Man.
John Shaft: [laugh] Better get yourself six more helpers then, Willy.
Willy: That's how it's done.
John Shaft: Who searches you?
Willy: Nobody.
John Shaft: Then get the same cat to search us.

John Shaft: You're a cagey spook, Bumpy.
Bumpy Jonas: You ride a tall horse, Mr Shaft.

[first lines]
John Shaft: [holding up his middle finger to a cab driver who is honking his horn at him] Up yours! Get out the way!

John Shaft: Hey, baby. Please close the door, huh?
Woman from Bar: Hey, close it yourself, shitty.

[last lines]
John Shaft: [on telephone] Vic, your case just busted wide open.
Vic Androzzi: So close it for me.
John Shaft: Cut the crap man, this is Shaft. Looks like you gonna have to close it yo'self, *shitty*!
[cackles maniacally]

Bumpy Jonas: When will I hear from you?
John Shaft: When I got something to say.

Shaft (2000)
John Shaft: It's Giuliani time!

John Shaft: You know me. It's my duty to please that booty!

Peoples Hernandez: This is Egyptian Cotton, motherfucker... two-twenty thread. That's like half your shitty-ass paycheck, okay?
John Shaft: You wouldn't know Egyptian cotton if the Pharaoh himself sent it to you, you knockoff-wearing motherfucker!

John Shaft: Who lost your rap sheet for you?
Big Raymond: You...
John Shaft: Who got you that Jets tryout?
Big Raymond: You...
John Shaft: Who got you that gig at the club?
Big Raymond: You.
John Shaft: Who delivers ten times outta ten?
Big Raymond: Alright, dawg... You.

Walter Wade, Jr.: Do you know who my father is?
John Shaft: No, do you?

John Shaft: I see you someplace I don't think you belong... I will kill you.

[Inside Rasaan's apartment]
John Shaft: Man, this is some repugnant shit.

Peoples Hernandez: You're not a cop anymore.
John Shaft: Do you think that makes me less dangerous, or more dangerous?

John Shaft: This is Detective Vasquez. She's...
Carmen Vasquez: She's unavailable at the moment.

John Shaft: I'm gonna fuck you up for making me run!

John Shaft: Yo, Luger, what's up with the "cornbread" talk, man?
Luger: And your problem is what?
John Shaft: Nazis with badges, that's my problem!
Luger: [laughs] "Nazis?" You gotta lighten up, Shaft. I talk like this all the time... but I see your point. Maybe I should take an "ethnic sensitivity" workshop, huh? Fuck you!
John Shaft: Maybe I should "workshop" my foot up your ass!

John Shaft: I know cats who'd take out whole zipcodes for that kind of cheese.

[Trey starts seizing on the gurney]
Walter Wade, Jr.: Homeboy's got rhythm, huh?
John Shaft: What?
[Shaft punches Wade in the face]
Walter Wade, Jr.: What? Was it something I said? I think my nose is broke!
Lt. Kearney: I've been waiting for this. You are gone from this precinct!
John Shaft: For what?
John Shaft: [punches Wade again] For that?

John Shaft: [passing Carmen on his way toward gang members] Anybody lookin' to maintain their employment with the NYPD
[draws his gun]
John Shaft: might be in their best interest to leave now...

John Shaft: April Fool, motherfucker. Told you not to make me run!

Luger: [to Shaft] Why don't you pick a color? Black or blue?
Carmen Vasquez: [to Luger] Hey, fuck you
John Shaft: [to Luger] How about I make you both?

Luger: [after robbing Walter in disguise] How'd I sound?
John Shaft: How did you sound?
Luger: "Freeze mofo I'll bust a cap in your dome"
John Shaft: You are a pure notorious P.I.G, how much we got?
Luger: [looking through the bag] forty two thousand , it's a lot of cash for a simple murder around here

John Shaft: [to Walter Wade] How you doing, Richie Rich? Remember me?

John Shaft: [hits Hernandez in the head with a basketball] Peoples Hernandez! Come on down!

Uncle John Shaft: You're too hot, man. You gotta step off a bit.

Shaft's Big Score! (1972)
Shaft: [carrying a semi-automatic shotgun] Drop the guns and freeze! When this baby starts kicking, it won't stop. So, nobody get cute!
[a thug goes for his gun and Shaft blows him away]
Shaft: Who's Next?

Shaft: What are you buzzards doing here?
Bumpy Jonas: Well, well. Ha. We go to a lot of funerals, Shaft, Willy and me. One day, we'll drop in on yours.
Willy: Real soon.
Shaft: You're not invited.

Shaft: Do you just sit around and think these things up, or do they just come to you in a flash?

Shaft: [after beating two men unconscious] Let's get the hell outta here.
Willy: You gonna leave him like that? A man can fall out the window, you know. And him, too.
Shaft: Man, don't you know we already got enough shit on the sidewalk?

"Shaft: Cop Killer (#1.5)" (1974)
John Shaft: Did you tell him yet, Helen?
Helen Rossi: No, I wanted to wait until he was stronger.
Lt. Al Rossi: Tell me what it is. I can take it!
Helen Rossi: Well, when you were having surgery, he gave you some blood.
John Shaft: [smiling] So if you feel a sudden craving for black eyed peas and cornbread ~ don't worry, baby, it's OK.