John Shaft
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Quotes for
John Shaft (Character)
from Shaft (1971)

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Shaft (1971)
Sergeant Tom Hannon: Hey, where the hell are you going, Shaft?
John Shaft: To get laid, where the hell are you going?

Vic Androzzi: Have a chair, John.
Shaft: I don't like your chair.

Shaft: I got to feeling like a machine, and that's no way to feel.

Willy: Listen, Snow White. Me and you gonna tangle, sooner or later. Did you hear what I say?
John Shaft: Why don't you stop playing with yourself, Willy? You ain't gonna do SHIT!

John Shaft: Watch your mouth, man.
Ben Buford: I'll say any damn thing I want.

John Shaft: When you lead your revolution, whitey better be standing still because you don't run worth a damn no more.

Vic Androzzi: What'cha got?
John Shaft: I got laid.

John Shaft: You are one wise Caucasian, Vic.

John Shaft: Don't let your mouth get your ass in trouble.

Vic Androzzi: Call me when you get home.
Shaft: I will.
Vic Androzzi: [leaves, motions as if to close the door, and then... ] Close it yourself, shitty.

John Shaft: Warms my black heart to see you so concerned about us minority folks.
Vic Androzzi: Oh come on Shaft, what is it with this black shit, huh?
[Vic holds a black pen up to Shaft's face]
Vic Androzzi: You ain't so black.
John Shaft: [Holds a white coffee cup next to Vic's face] And you ain't so white either baby.

Shaft: Up yours, baby.

Bumpy Jonas: Wrong number.
John Shaft: Cut the crap, man, this is Shaft.

Bumpy Jonas: [answering his phone] Wrong Number.
John Shaft: Don't bull me, man. I got the right number. This is Shaft.
Bumpy Jonas: How'd the hell you get this number?
John Shaft: Off a bathroom wall in the god damn subway!

John Shaft: I thought the money didn't matter to you. Just getting your baby back.
Bumpy Jonas: Money ALWAYS matters...

Shaft: Sorry, I can't make it.
Ellie Moore: You got problems, baby?
Shaft: Heh. Yeah, I got a couple of 'em. I was born black... and I was born poor.

Mafia contact: I'm lookin' for a nigger named John Shaft.
John Shaft: Just found him... wop.

John Shaft: I get 50 bucks an hour... plus expenses.

Ellie Moore: I love you.
John Shaft: Yeah, I know. Take it easy.

Willy: Got to see if you're clean before you can see the Man.
John Shaft: [laugh] Better get yourself six more helpers then, Willy.
Willy: That's how it's done.
John Shaft: Who searches you?
Willy: Nobody.
John Shaft: Then get the same cat to search us.

John Shaft: You're a cagey spook, Bumpy.
Bumpy Jonas: You ride a tall horse, Mr Shaft.

[first lines]
John Shaft: [holding up his middle finger to a cab driver who is honking his horn at him] Up yours! Get out the way!

John Shaft: Hey, baby. Please close the door, huh?
Woman from Bar: Hey, close it yourself, shitty.

[last lines]
John Shaft: [on telephone] Vic, your case just busted wide open.
Vic Androzzi: So close it for me.
John Shaft: Cut the crap man, this is Shaft. Looks like you gonna have to close it yo'self, *shitty*!
[cackles maniacally]

Bumpy Jonas: When will I hear from you?
John Shaft: When I got something to say.

Shaft (2000)
John Shaft: It's Giuliani time!

John Shaft: You know me. It's my duty to please that booty!

Peoples Hernandez: This is Egyptian Cotton, motherfucker... two-twenty thread. That's like half your shitty-ass paycheck, okay?
John Shaft: You wouldn't know Egyptian cotton if the Pharaoh himself sent it to you, you knockoff-wearing motherfucker!

John Shaft: Who lost your rap sheet for you?
Big Raymond: You...
John Shaft: Who got you that Jets tryout?
Big Raymond: You...
John Shaft: Who got you that gig at the club?
Big Raymond: You.
John Shaft: Who delivers ten times outta ten?
Big Raymond: Alright, dawg... You.

Walter Wade, Jr.: Do you know who my father is?
John Shaft: No, do you?

John Shaft: I see you someplace I don't think you belong... I will kill you.

[Inside Rasaan's apartment]
John Shaft: Man, this is some repugnant shit.

Peoples Hernandez: You're not a cop anymore.
John Shaft: Do you think that makes me less dangerous, or more dangerous?

John Shaft: This is Detective Vasquez. She's...
Carmen Vasquez: She's unavailable at the moment.

John Shaft: I'm gonna fuck you up for making me run!

John Shaft: Yo, Luger, what's up with the "cornbread" talk, man?
Luger: And your problem is what?
John Shaft: Nazis with badges, that's my problem!
Luger: [laughs] "Nazis?" You gotta lighten up, Shaft. I talk like this all the time... but I see your point. Maybe I should take an "ethnic sensitivity" workshop, huh? Fuck you!
John Shaft: Maybe I should "workshop" my foot up your ass!

John Shaft: I know cats who'd take out whole zipcodes for that kind of cheese.

[Trey starts seizing on the gurney]
Walter Wade, Jr.: Homeboy's got rhythm, huh?
John Shaft: What?
[Shaft punches Wade in the face]
Walter Wade, Jr.: What? Was it something I said? I think my nose is broke!
Lt. Kearney: I've been waiting for this. You are gone from this precinct!
John Shaft: For what?
John Shaft: [punches Wade again] For that?

Uncle John Shaft: You're too hot, man. You gotta step off a bit.

Shaft in Africa (1973)
Jazar: How long is your phallus, Mr. Shaft?
Shaft: My what?
Jazar: Your cock?
Shaft: Baby, by now it's shrunk down to 20 inches.

Shaft: Now wait a minute. Now I'm not James Bond. Simply Sam Spade.

Col. Gonder: Well, Mr. Shaft, it seems we've brought you a long distance for nothing. Obviously the opposition knows about you. If you choose to call it off, we'll understand.
Shaft: What? And blow 25 grand?
Col. Gonder: Only money brings you here?
Shaft: Hell no! I just love to have my picture taken with lions.

Zubair: You know how to ride camel?
Shaft: No ride camel. Ride ass!

Wassa: Where did you study stick fighting, Mr. Shaft?
Shaft: Conducting the New York Philharmonica.
Wassa: The Emir will be pleased. Also by the fact that you're already circumsiced.

Emir Ramila: How good are you with a stick?
Shaft: Cat named Shaft ain't gonna be bad with a stick.

Shaft: Look, why don't you get rid of that jolly giant over there, so you and I can get down to the finer strokes.
Aleme: Oziot has guarded me since I was a child. Sometimes I think of him as my living chastity belt.
Shaft: Damn! Man that size, baby, that's a whole lot of chastity!
Aleme: I'm still on my first age grade. We call that fareita. No one is permitted to marry while they are in fareita.
Shaft: What do you do for relaxation?
Aleme: I enter chala, my second age grade, this February. And even the emir's daughter may have sex and marry, after my clitoradectomy.
Shaft: Your what?
Aleme: My clitoradectomy. Female circumcision.
Shaft: You mean when they cut off your...?
Aleme: Are you afraid to say the word? My clitoris! Yes! That's what they do in the time of chala.
Shaft: Hell, no wonder the natives get restless!
Aleme: Mr. Shaft, the emphasis in our marriage is not about sexual pleasure, but on the rearing of children.
Shaft: Listen, baby. February is just around the corner. Now how the hell are you gonna know what you are missing unless you give it a little wear and tear before they take it away?
Aleme: Are you volunteering?
Shaft: You damn right!

Shaft: [looking at a naked prostitute] No wonder they call Africa the mother country! Mama, I ain't gonna fight it.

Shaft's Big Score! (1972)
Shaft: [carrying a semi-automatic shotgun] Drop the guns and freeze! When this baby starts kicking, it won't stop. So, nobody get cute!
[a thug goes for his gun and Shaft blows him away]
Shaft: Who's Next?

Shaft: What are you buzzards doing here?
Bumpy Jonas: Well, well. Ha. We go to a lot of funerals, Shaft, Willy and me. One day, we'll drop in on yours.
Willy: Real soon.
Shaft: You're not invited.

Shaft: Do you just sit around and think these things up, or do they just come to you in a flash?

Shaft: [after beating two men unconscious] Let's get the hell outta here.
Willy: You gonna leave him like that? A man can fall out the window, you know. And him, too.
Shaft: Man, don't you know we already got enough shit on the sidewalk?

"Shaft: Cop Killer (#1.5)" (1974)
John Shaft: Did you tell him yet, Helen?
Helen Rossi: No, I wanted to wait until he was stronger.
Lt. Al Rossi: Tell me what it is. I can take it!
Helen Rossi: Well, when you were having surgery, he gave you some blood.
John Shaft: [smiling] So if you feel a sudden craving for black eyed peas and cornbread ~ don't worry, baby, it's OK.