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Sergeant Tom Hannon
: Hey, where the hell are you going, Shaft? John Shaft
: To get laid, where the hell are you going?
: Have a chair, John. Shaft
: I don't like your chair.
: I got to feeling like a machine, and that's no way to feel.
: Listen, Snow White. Me and you gonna tangle, sooner or later. Did you hear what I say? John Shaft
: Why don't you stop playing with yourself, Willy? You ain't gonna do SHIT!
: Watch your mouth, man. Ben Buford
: I'll say any damn thing I want.
: When you lead your revolution, whitey better be standing still because you don't run worth a damn no more.
: What'cha got? John Shaft
: I got laid.
: You are one wise Caucasian, Vic.
: Don't let your mouth get your ass in trouble.
: Call me when you get home. Shaft
: I will. Vic Androzzi
: [leaves, motions as if to close the door, and then...
] Close it yourself, shitty.
: Warms my black heart to see you so concerned about us minority folks. Vic Androzzi
: Oh come on Shaft, what is it with this black shit, huh?
[Vic holds a black pen up to Shaft's face
] Vic Androzzi
: You ain't so black. John Shaft
: [Holds a white coffee cup next to Vic's face
] And you ain't so white either baby.
: Up yours, baby.
: Wrong number. John Shaft
: Cut the crap, man, this is Shaft.
: [answering his phone
] Wrong Number. John Shaft
: Don't bull me, man. I got the right number. This is Shaft. Bumpy Jonas
: How'd the hell you get this number? John Shaft
: Off a bathroom wall in the god damn subway!
: I thought the money didn't matter to you. Just getting your baby back. Bumpy Jonas
: Money ALWAYS matters...
: Sorry, I can't make it. Ellie Moore
: You got problems, baby? Shaft
: Heh. Yeah, I got a couple of 'em. I was born black... and I was born poor.
: I'm lookin' for a nigger named John Shaft. John Shaft
: Just found him... wop.
: I get 50 bucks an hour... plus expenses.
: I love you. John Shaft
: Yeah, I know. Take it easy.
: Got to see if you're clean before you can see the Man. John Shaft
] Better get yourself six more helpers then, Willy. Willy
: That's how it's done. John Shaft
: Who searches you? Willy
: Nobody. John Shaft
: Then get the same cat to search us.
: You're a cagey spook, Bumpy. Bumpy Jonas
: You ride a tall horse, Mr Shaft.
] John Shaft
: [holding up his middle finger to a cab driver who is honking his horn at him
] Up yours! Get out the way!
: Hey, baby. Please close the door, huh? Woman from Bar
: Hey, close it yourself, shitty.
] John Shaft
: [on telephone
] Vic, your case just busted wide open. Vic Androzzi
: So close it for me. John Shaft
: Cut the crap man, this is Shaft. Looks like you gonna have to close it yo'self, *shitty*!
: When will I hear from you? John Shaft
: When I got something to say.
: It's Giuliani time!
: You know me. It's my duty to please that booty!
: This is Egyptian Cotton, motherfucker... two-twenty thread. That's like half your shitty-ass paycheck, okay? John Shaft
: You wouldn't know Egyptian cotton if the Pharaoh himself sent it to you, you knockoff-wearing motherfucker!
: Who lost your rap sheet for you? Big Raymond
: You... John Shaft
: Who got you that Jets tryout? Big Raymond
: You... John Shaft
: Who got you that gig at the club? Big Raymond
: You. John Shaft
: Who delivers ten times outta ten? Big Raymond
: Alright, dawg... You.
Walter Wade, Jr.
: Do you know who my father is? John Shaft
: No, do you?
: I see you someplace I don't think you belong... I will kill you.
[Inside Rasaan's apartment
] John Shaft
: Man, this is some repugnant shit.
: You're not a cop anymore. John Shaft
: Do you think that makes me less dangerous, or more dangerous?
: This is Detective Vasquez. She's... Carmen Vasquez
: She's unavailable at the moment.
: I'm gonna fuck you up for making me run!
: Yo, Luger, what's up with the "cornbread" talk, man? Luger
: And your problem is what? John Shaft
: Nazis with badges, that's my problem! Luger
] "Nazis?" You gotta lighten up, Shaft. I talk like this all the time... but I see your point. Maybe I should take an "ethnic sensitivity" workshop, huh? Fuck you! John Shaft
: Maybe I should "workshop" my foot up your ass!
: I know cats who'd take out whole zipcodes for that kind of cheese.
[Trey starts seizing on the gurney
] Walter Wade, Jr.
: Homeboy's got rhythm, huh? John Shaft
[Shaft punches Wade in the face
] Walter Wade, Jr.
: What? Was it something I said? I think my nose is broke! Lt. Kearney
: I've been waiting for this. You are gone from this precinct! John Shaft
: For what? John Shaft
: [punches Wade again
] For that?
Uncle John Shaft
: You're too hot, man. You gotta step off a bit.
: How long is your phallus, Mr. Shaft? Shaft
: My what? Jazar
: Your cock? Shaft
: Baby, by now it's shrunk down to 20 inches.
: Now wait a minute. Now I'm not James Bond. Simply Sam Spade.
: Well, Mr. Shaft, it seems we've brought you a long distance for nothing. Obviously the opposition knows about you. If you choose to call it off, we'll understand. Shaft
: What? And blow 25 grand? Col. Gonder
: Only money brings you here? Shaft
: Hell no! I just love to have my picture taken with lions.
: You know how to ride camel? Shaft
: No ride camel. Ride ass!
: Where did you study stick fighting, Mr. Shaft? Shaft
: Conducting the New York Philharmonica. Wassa
: The Emir will be pleased. Also by the fact that you're already circumsiced.
: How good are you with a stick? Shaft
: Cat named Shaft ain't gonna be bad with a stick.
: Look, why don't you get rid of that jolly giant over there, so you and I can get down to the finer strokes. Aleme
: Oziot has guarded me since I was a child. Sometimes I think of him as my living chastity belt. Shaft
: Damn! Man that size, baby, that's a whole lot of chastity! Aleme
: I'm still on my first age grade. We call that fareita. No one is permitted to marry while they are in fareita. Shaft
: What do you do for relaxation? Aleme
: I enter chala, my second age grade, this February. And even the emir's daughter may have sex and marry, after my clitoradectomy. Shaft
: Your what? Aleme
: My clitoradectomy. Female circumcision. Shaft
: You mean when they cut off your...? Aleme
: Are you afraid to say the word? My clitoris! Yes! That's what they do in the time of chala. Shaft
: Hell, no wonder the natives get restless! Aleme
: Mr. Shaft, the emphasis in our marriage is not about sexual pleasure, but on the rearing of children. Shaft
: Listen, baby. February is just around the corner. Now how the hell are you gonna know what you are missing unless you give it a little wear and tear before they take it away? Aleme
: Are you volunteering? Shaft
: You damn right!
: [looking at a naked prostitute
] No wonder they call Africa the mother country! Mama, I ain't gonna fight it.
: [carrying a semi-automatic shotgun
] Drop the guns and freeze! When this baby starts kicking, it won't stop. So, nobody get cute!
[a thug goes for his gun and Shaft blows him away
: Who's Next?
: What are you buzzards doing here? Bumpy Jonas
: Well, well. Ha. We go to a lot of funerals, Shaft, Willy and me. One day, we'll drop in on yours. Willy
: Real soon. Shaft
: You're not invited.
: Do you just sit around and think these things up, or do they just come to you in a flash?
: [after beating two men unconscious
] Let's get the hell outta here. Willy
: You gonna leave him like that? A man can fall out the window, you know. And him, too. Shaft
: Man, don't you know we already got enough shit on the sidewalk?
: Did you tell him yet, Helen? Helen Rossi
: No, I wanted to wait until he was stronger. Lt. Al Rossi
: Tell me what it is. I can take it! Helen Rossi
: Well, when you were having surgery, he gave you some blood. John Shaft
] So if you feel a sudden craving for black eyed peas and cornbread ~ don't worry, baby, it's OK.