Aunt Josephine
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Quotes for
Aunt Josephine (Character)
from A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)

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A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
Aunt Josephine: The children are going to serve puttanesca.
Count Olaf: [gasps] The very meal I ate before they took me leg!

Klaus Baudelaire: You know, Curdled Cave is for sale.
Aunt Josephine: So?
Klaus Baudelaire: So, pretty soon people are going to come to look at it. And some of those people will be... realtors.
[Aunt Josephine gasps]

[about Aunt Josephine's deceased husband, Ike]
Klaus Baudelaire: Did Ike die in a fire?
Aunt Josephine: No, no, silly boy... he was eaten by leeches.
Sunny: [non-subtitled] Okay

Aunt Josephine: Where's your brother?
Violet Baudelaire: Kitchen.
Aunt Josephine: Klaus! What are you doing?
Klaus Baudelaire: Napkins.
Aunt Josephine: Napkins. Oh, napkins are here. Come away from the fridge. If it falls it'll crush you flat.

Aunt Josephine: [the children have gasped at recognizing Count Olaf] The black plague! Is it the black plague?

Aunt Josephine: I hate it here.
Violet Baudelaire: Well, maybe, Aunt Josephine, you should think about moving.
Aunt Josephine: Oh, I could never, ever sell this house.
[pause]
Aunt Josephine: I'm terrified of realtors.
[flashback]
Realtor: Is this a bad time?
Aunt Josephine: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Aunt Josephine: Come in quickly children...
[the children rush in; she freaks out]
Aunt Josephine: Aah! Not that quickly! You could trip over the welcome mat and decapitate yourselves.

[after telling the children how Ike died]
Aunt Josephine: Oh, God, I hate it here.
Violet Baudelaire: Well, Aunt Josephine, have you ever thought of, maybe, moving someplace else? Maybe, if you moved away from Lake Lachrymose, you might feel better.
Aunt Josephine: Oh, I could never, never, never, never sell this house.
[pause]
Aunt Josephine: I'm terrified of realtors.
Lemony Snicket: There are two kinds of fears. Rational and irrational. Being afraid of realtors is an irrational fear.
[in a flashback]
Realtor: [shows her card to a tentative Josephine] Is this a bad time?
Aunt Josephine: [screams at the top of her lungs]
[in the present]
Klaus Baudelaire: [to Violet] We gotta get her out of the house.

Aunt Josephine: Haven't.
Count Olaf: What?
Aunt Josephine: You said hadn't. That's bad grammar. You should have said, "You haven't been a trustworthy person."
Count Olaf: Thank you... for correcting me.