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Quotes for
J. Peterman (Character)
from "Seinfeld" (1989)

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"Seinfeld: The English Patient (#8.17)" (1997)
[Elaine and Peterman are watching "The English Patient". Elaine is about to freak out of boredom]
Elaine Benes: [quietly] No. I can't do this any more. I can't. It's too long.
Elaine Benes: [yells] Quit telling your stupid story about the stupid desert, and just die already! DIE!
J. Peterman: [surprised] Elaine, you don't like the movie?
Elaine Benes: [shouts] I hate it!
[the audience shushes Elaine]
Elaine Benes: [shouts back] Oh, go to hell!

"Seinfeld: The Bookstore (#9.17)" (1998)
J. Peterman: Elaine, do you have a moment? It's about your lover.
Elaine Benes: [Faking a broken heart] Oh yes. I know all about his little performance in the break room.
Elaine Benes: Elaine, who among us hasn't snuck into the break room to nibble on a love newton?
Elaine Benes: Love newton?
J. Peterman: I'm afraid the problem with Zach is more serious. He's back on the horse, Elaine. Smack. White palace. The Chinaman's nightcap.
Elaine Benes: An addict?... Well, it just keeps getting better!
J. Peterman: And, in a tiny way, I almost feel responsible. I'm the one who sent him to Thailand in search of low-cost whistles, filled his head with pseudoerotic tales of my own Opium excursions... plus, I gave him some phone numbers of places he could score near the hotel.
Elaine Benes: Look, uh, Mr. Peterman, the fact is that I was planning on breaking up with Zach anyway. He was cheating on me!
J. Peterman: Damn it, Elaine. That wasn't Zach. That was the yam-yam. Now, he is going cold turkey... And you will be at his side.
Elaine Benes: Oh. Well, you know, I had planned to uh...
J. Peterman: [Cutting her off] No buts, Elaine. Or I will strip you of your 'associate' status.
[Peterman goes to leave]
J. Peterman: Oh, P.S., the first twenty-four hours are the worst... Beeetter bring a poncho.

"Seinfeld: The Merv Griffin Show (#9.6)" (1997)
[J. Peterman is reading People magazine; Elaine enters]
Elaine Benes: Mr. Peterman, here are these pages that you wanted -
J. Peterman: One moment.
J. Peterman: I'm reading the most fascinating article on the most fascinating people of the year... And, done.

"Seinfeld: The Understudy (#6.23)" (1995)
J. Peterman: Then, in the distance, I heard the bulls. I began running as fast as I could. Fortunately, I was wearing my Italian cap toe oxfords. Sophisticated yet different; nothing to make a huge fuss about. Rich dark brown calfskin leather. Matching leather vent. Men's whole and half sizes 7 through 13. Price: $135.00.