Frank Costanza
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Quotes for
Frank Costanza (Character)
from "Seinfeld" (1989)

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"Seinfeld: The Strike (#9.10)" (1997)
Cosmo Kramer: So what happened to the doll?
Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. "A Festivus for the rest of us!"
Cosmo Kramer: That musta been some kind of doll.
Frank Costanza: [Nods head] She was.

Frank Costanza: At the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year.

Frank Costanza: Welcome, newcomers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!

Estelle Constanza: I think you can take him, Georgie!
George Costanza: Oh, come on! Be sensible.
Frank Costanza: Stop crying and fight your father!
George Costanza: Ow!... Ow! I give! I give! Uncle!
Frank Costanza: This is the best Festivus ever!

"Seinfeld: The Handicap Spot (#4.22)" (1993)
Frank: [Inspecting his newly polished shoes] I don't think you did such a good job on these...
George Costanza: What?
Frank: [shoving the shoe in George's face] You're supposed to your face there! Do you see your face in there?

Frank: George, forget about the shoes. Want you to do something for me This handicapped woman had an accident. Somebody gave her a used wheelchair with defective brakes.
George Costanza: Sunsabitches!
Frank: Anyway, I want you to pick up this big screen TV, and DE! LIVE! ER! IT! TO! HER!
George Costanza: Big screen TV?
Frank: You think you can handle that?

"Seinfeld: The Fusilli Jerry (#6.20)" (1995)
Estelle Costanza: Where have you been? You were supposed to fix the stove! I've been waiting for hours!
Frank Costanza: I fell on some Fusilli
Estelle Costanza: Fusilli?
Frank Costanza: You know, the corkscrew pasta. It was a Fusilli Jerry. It got stuck in me. Had to go to the proctologist.
Estelle Costanza: The proctologist? Are you okay?
Frank Costanza: Yeah.
Estelle Costanza: Oh, I was so worried.
[grabs a couple of tissues from the box]
George Costanza: Ma, don't cry!
Estelle Costanza: Oh, I can't help it!
George Costanza: Ma, your eyes!

Frank Costanza: [while on his way to confront Kramer for making a pass at his wife, he spot's Kramer's ASSMAN vanity license plate and immediately becomes embroiled in rage] ASSMAN? I'll give him ASSMAN!

"Seinfeld: The Conversion (#5.11)" (1993)
Estelle Costanza: Latvian Orthodox? Why are you doing this?
George Costanza: For a woman.
Frank Costanza: A woman? What are you out of your mind?
Estelle Costanza: Why can't you do anything like a normal person?
Frank Costanza: Wait. Is this the group that goes around mutilating squirrels?

"Seinfeld: The Rye (#7.11)" (1996)
Frank Costanza: Let me understand, you got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?
George Costanza: Why don't we talk about it another time.
Frank Costanza: But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!
Mrs. Ross: Something's missing all right.
Mr. Ross: They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.
Frank Costanza: That's perverse.

"Seinfeld: The Puffy Shirt (#5.2)" (1993)
Estelle Costanza: Georgie, would you like some Jello?
Frank Costanza: Why do you put the bananas in there?
Estelle Costanza: George likes the bananas!

"Seinfeld: The Caddy (#7.12)" (1996)
Frank: [on Jerry's answering machine] Jerry, it's Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner's here. George is dead. Call me back.

"Seinfeld: The Fire (#5.19)" (1994)
Frank Constanza: [George remembering his seventh birthday] Blow out the candles. Blow out the candles. I said blow out the damn candles.
Estelle Constanza: Stop it, Frank, you're killing him.

"Seinfeld: The Serenity Now (#9.3)" (1997)
George Costanza: What is *that*?
Frank Costanza: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, 'SERENITY NOW!'
George Costanza: Are you supposed to *yell* it?
Frank Costanza: The man on the tape wasn't specific.