Quotes for
Mahatma Gandhi (Character)
from I Am Bob (2007)

"Clone High: Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand (#1.1)" (2002)

Van Gogh: Am I on speaker-phone?
Gandhi: Hey, everyone, would Gandhi put someone on speaker-phone?
Partygoers: No!
Van Gogh: Gandhi, how could you?
Gandhi: Hey, Gandhi's anti-violence, not anti-comedy.

Gandhi: [Joan wants Gandhi to cover the Teen Crisis Hotline that night] Sure I buckled under the pressure of living up to the original Gandhi and became a non-stop party machine, but damnit, I still care. So, Joan, you can count on me.
Gandhi: [later, on the phone at a huge party] Oh, no, not a party, we're just really busy here at the teen hotline. Whooooo! Suzie, Kelly, do me a favor and make out, aha ha ha ha.
Gandhi: [returns to the phone]
Gandhi: So, you're depressed...

Abe Lincoln: How am I gonna get the beers?
Gandhi: I've got an idea. Tell him he heard you wrong - tell him what you actually said was "I'll get the *beards*...
Abe Lincoln: That doesn't make sense.
Gandhi: But if you think about it, it would still be a pretty sweet party.
Partygoer: [in Gandhi's thought bubble, wearing a beard] Whoo! Great party!

Gandhi: [on the phone for the Teen Crisis Hotline] Look, I'll talk to you when you stop crying.

Gandhi: [to JFK] Party at your place on Friday, right? Rockin!
Abe: Yeah, psyched for the rager, JFK... dog!
JFK: I will see you there, and by will, I mean won't! Hahaha!
JFK: [walks out, comes back in] 'Cause you're not invited. I, uh, wasn't sure if I was clear earlier. So, uh, you're not. Invited, that is.
JFK: [walks out, comes back in] To my party!
JFK: [walks out, comes back in] Forgot to wash my hands!

Gandhi: Well, Abe just think that you're the biggest loser in the school.
Joan of Arc: [Everyone laughs at a mural of Gandhi that Van Goh has painted on the wall of the school depicting him in his birthday suit with a tree branch covering his erogenous zone] Thanks Van Goh.
Gandhi: I hate this school.

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Hey Ram (2000)

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi: See mister Uppili, your son in law is also a mahatma!
Saketh Ram: No, I am not!
Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi: Most mahatmas don't admit they are one. Do you think I am a mahatma?
Saketh Ram: You will deny it if I say you are, So I shall deny you another denial sir.

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi: I am willing to take all this communal hatred in the form a bullet, If I am promised that along with that they will also bury this communal hatred and live together as one community.

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"Clone High: A.D.D.: The Last 'D' Is for Disorder (#1.3)" (2002)

Gandhi: I don't wanna live in a world where buds dis their homeboys. You're a high-school principal, you don't know what it's like to be lonely!
Scudworth: On the contrary, Gandhi. Some principals do feel loneliness. We're not the invincible gods that teen magazines would have you believe.
Gandhi: Then I guess there's no hope for guys like us...
Scudworth: There's always hope, Gandhi. When life gives you lemons, you clone those lemons and make super-lemons. So go down to that Awareness Fair, stand up for what's right, and bring me back a funnel cake!

Gandhi: Rhythm is everywhere!

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"Clone High: A Room of One's Clone: The Pie of the Storm (#1.9)" (2003)

Marie Antoinette: [unenthused] Welcome to the Grassy Knoll. Try our new smoothie with pomagranate juice.
JFK: Can I try that with melons? And Coconuts?
Gandhi: Can I have some yams?
JFK: Hey get your own jokes. The booby bit is MINE!
JFK: Can I have some "cans" of milk.
Gandhi: Yeah and some "jugs" of cream.
JFK: Alright you just brought yourself a knuckle massage!
[Crowd begins to chant fight]
Abe: A fight? Guys? GUYS? My conflict mediation seminar taught us how to reslove conflict.
JFK: [JFK punches Gandhi in the chin] I've got your "berries" right here and by berries I mean my foot in your berries.
[Spits]
JFK: Pun thief.
Joan of Arc: I never thought hell could be this pink.
Cleopatra: [opens up a drawer in her jewelry box] You can put your stuff in here. If we're going to share a room I need you to sign this.
[produces a form]
Cleopatra: It's a non-disclosure agreement. It phrohibits you from discussing such things as my pre-morning make-up face and my mid-moring bowel movement.

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"Clone High: Changes: The Big Prom: The Sex Romp: The Season Finale (#1.13)" (2003)

Abe Lincoln: I think I might be in love with Joan! Do you think there's a chance she returns my feelings?
Joan of Arc: [montage of various scenes of Joan *almost* telling Abe she loves him]
Abe Lincoln: What?
Gandhi: [slaps Abe]
Abe Lincoln: I see.

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"Clone High: Election Blu-Galoo (#1.2)" (2002)

Gandhi: Hey, turn that frown upside down, Abe. At least it can't get any worse.
Abe Lincoln: How many times have i told you not to say that? Now something worse is gonna happen. I've seen it on Happy Days. Watch, in 3, 2, 1.
Cleopatra: Abe, I'm really confused about my feelings right now. I think I just need some time to be alone... with JFK.
[runs away]
Gandhi: Wait! At least it can't get any *better*!
Abe Lincoln: It doesn't work that way Gandhi.
[a butterfly holding money flies in front of Gandhi]

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Mohandas & Bette: A Love Story (2003)

Gandhi: Our favorite little haunt Sanjay's has shut down. I had such fond memories of my imaginings that we ate there together and I fed you sweet mater paneer with my fingers and it melted in your mouth. And you suckled my fingers, as I suckled yours. We were like human pacifiers!

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"Star Trek: Voyager: The Darkling (#3.18)" (1997)

Mahatma Ghandi: Men and women should refrain from enjoying each other. By that I mean to say, even their mutual glances must be free of all suggestion of carnality.
Lord Byron: Free of passion? One might as well be free of humanity.

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"Clone High: Plane Crazy: Gate Expectations (#1.7)" (2002)

Gandhi: G Spot rocks the G spot. G Spot rocks the G Spot.
JFK: Wow... that rhymed... say hello to the next Bubba Sparxxx!

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"Clone High: Sleep of Faith: La Rue D'Awakening (#1.5)" (2002)

Gandhi: Mom, Dad: I'm at a turning point in life. And today, I've made a life changing decision based on very poor information. I'm going to be... a trucker.
Ghandi's Foster Mom: I'm going... to hang myself.
Ghandi's Foster Dad: I have no son!
Ghandi's Foster Mom: I'm getting out the good noose!

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The Blood of Heroes (1989)

Gandhi: They dress you in special clothing... in silk.
Kidda: Silk?
Gandhi: A cloth so fine it's like wind on your cheek.

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