Larry Daley
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Quotes for
Larry Daley (Character)
from Night at the Museum (2006)

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Night at the Museum (2006)
Jedediah: Fire up the iron horse, boys.
Larry: Hey, blondie!
Jedediah: Name's Jedadiah.
Larry: Alright, Jedadiah, stop the train, please!
Jedediah: Big no can do, crackerjack.
Larry: What's going on here, huh?
Jedediah: Somebody's got to pay.
Larry: Pay for what?
Jedediah: I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and just take it like a man!
Larry: Seriously, stop the train!
Jedediah: Alright, stop the train.
Larry: Thank you.
Jedediah: [shouts] Now full speed ahead and ram 'im! Split his head like a watermelon!
Larry: [Train hits Larry in the face] Ooh! Ow...
Jedediah: Oh, for crying out loud!

Larry: You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.
[Gus punches Larry in the face]

Jedediah: I told you, I don't like to be manhandled!
Larry: No, I will manhandle you, Jedediah! Now listen, guys, what is your problem, huh? Why can't you just get along?
Jedediah: Look, we're men. We fight, okay? That's what we do!
Octavius: It's kinda how we pass the time.

Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
Larry: Um, my name's Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See, I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny, right?
Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?
Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?
Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me feel like some sort of freak.
Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.
Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.

Easter Island Head: Hey! Dum-dum!
Larry: Yes?
Easter Island Head: You give me gum-gum!
Larry: I give you gum-gum?
Easter Island Head: You new Dum-dum. You give me gum-gum.
Larry: Gee, okay, you know what? I have no gum-gum. Sorry. And my name isn't Dum-dum. My name's Larry.
Easter Island Head: No, your name Dum-dum.
[People screaming]
Easter Island Head: Oh, you in trouble, Dum-dum. You better run-run. From Attila the Hun-hun.
[Larry runs as Attila and his gang are chasing him]
Easter Island Head: See you later, Dum-dum!

Larry: [on his second night at the museum] Morning, dum-dum.
Easter Island Head: Me no dum-dum. You dum-dum. You bring me gum-gum?
Larry: Yes I did, fathead.
[holds up a handful of gum]
Larry: Lots and lots of gum-gum.
Easter Island Head: Mmm!

[about Sacajawea]
Larry: Was she deaf? She seems a bit unresponsive.
Rebecca: That's because she's a statue...

Larry: [looks up at Dexter] Hey, Dex, so, look. No hard feelings, all right?
Teddy Roosevelt: [Dexter slaps Larry in the forehead and Larry raises his clipboard to hit him] Lawrence!
Larry: You saw - you saw what he did just then...
Teddy Roosevelt: [interupting him] Who's evolved?
Larry: I am.
Teddy Roosevelt: Who's evolved?
Larry: I am!

Larry: [speaking to Civil War diorama figures] Civil war dudes... You guys are brothers, for God's sake... You gotta stop fighting... North wins... Slavery is bad... Sorry... Don't want to burst your bubble but South, you guys get Allman Brothers...
Larry: ...and... Nascar. So just chill!

Larry: [showing lighter to cavemen] Hey guys. Quest for fire, over.

Larry: Moose! Not gonna happen, buddy. Alright? I told you three times. You can't come through this door with those antlers. So you and your caribou buddy gotta go around to the loading dock.

Larry: [about Teddy Roosevelt] He was our fourth president, right?
Rebecca: Twenty-sixth.

Jedadiah: I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.
[gun clicks empty]
Larry: Yeah. Keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen.
Jedadiah: Now you know my shame. Jedediah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.

Sacajawea: [Trying to track Cecil and examining the tire tracks in the snow] He went east, but he lost control and crashed.
Larry: You're amazing! How can you tell that?
Sacajawea: [Points behind them where the van has crashed into the wall behind the dumpster]

Larry: End of the line, cool breeze. End of the line.

Mr. McPhee: [fake laughing] Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard. No is the answer. Sarcasm back at you, with your humor box. I wasn't laughing. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor. Do you?
Larry: No, I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: No, you don't, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Big Horn!

Cecil: [while Larry is chasing Cecil] These are money carriers. Larry. They were trained not to stop for anything but a secret word.
Larry: Really? You mean a word like...
Larry: [shouts] Dakota!

Larry: I'm trusting you guys, alright? And if you don't do what I say, you'll end up like your little buddies in the Mayan world over there, locked up. Take a look. Do they look happy?
[Shows a display with bars across it]
Jedediah: [Shakes head] No. They look sad.

Larry: [Dinosaur throws Larry a bone] Fetch?

Larry: A little birdie told me somebody likes... magic.
Attila the Hun: Magic?

Larry: Listen, Octavus, you gotta stop that!
Octavius: It's "Octavius", Mary.

Larry: Debbie - can I call you Debbie? 'Cause, um, I felt a connection when I entered this office, and I don't know if you did too.
Debbie: I didn't feel a connection.

Erica Daley: Hey, how's it going with that virtual reality driving range you wanted to open?
Larry: Getting there. Still waiting for the technology to catch up with the idea. I mean it's not easy, there are a lot of moving parts.

Gus: Instructions; you start with 1... 2... 3...
Larry: 4?
Gus: Are you crackin' wise? I oughta punch you in the nose, Hopscotch.

Larry: All right! Let's do this, people! And... animals! And... weird faceless puppet creatures!

Larry: I'm not a giant, guys, alright? You guys are really little.
Octavius: We may be small but our hearts are large... metaphorically speaking.

Rebecca: And up ahead is one of my favorite creatures in the whole museum: the capuchin monkey, a highly intelligent primate, known for its loving and generous nature.
Larry: Huh!
Rebecca: Excuse me?

Larry: [to the monkey, Dexter] Oh, hey, Dexter. I'm just locking up. Do you want in?
[Dexter walks in and climbs up to his tree]
Larry: [Dexter smiles from the tree, holding a set of baby toy keys] I don't think so. Looks like Uncle Larry pulled a fast one on little Dexy.
[locks up the entrance to the Hall of African Mammals]
Larry: Those are baby keys for a little baby. So have fun playing with your little baby keys, little baby monkey. Maybe tomorrow, I'll bring you a little baby "diapie" so you can go poo-poo in it. Then, I'll change it for you. Then I'll tickle you 'cause you're a cute little baby. Will you cry all night about how Uncle Larry fooled you? Told you there was a storm comin'.

Larry: This is not worth $11.50 an hour!

Rebecca: So! What can I tell you about the museum?
Larry: Ok, Attila the Hun: What is that guy's problem?

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (2009)
[from trailer]
Larry Daley: This is the Smithsonian! This is the big leagues!

Jedediah: Well, lookee here. If it ain't Mr. Big-in-the-Britches himself, come back in time to see us off?
Larry Daley: Yeah, Jed, I heard. Look, I don't even know how this happened.
[Larry's answers his cellphone]
Jedediah: Yeah. Yeah, real mystery how this happened. Maybe the answer's on that magic buzzin' box there in your hand! You weren't here, Gigantor! That's how it happened! Ain't no mystery!
Octavius: The fact is, Larry, there's no one else here to speak on our behalf during business hours.
Easter Island Head: None, none, dum, dum.

Larry Daley: Sorry. Last time I checked, I thought we lived in a free country, so...
Brandon: No, we don't.
Larry Daley: No?
Brandon: It's the United States of "Don't Touch That Thing Right in Front of You."

Larry Daley: Sorry, I don't mean to stare. You just look very familiar.
Woman: I get that a lot.

Larry Daley: You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love.
Teddy Roosevelt: I was going to say diet and exercise, but the love thing's good too.

[last lines]
Larry Daley: You know, a good place to check out is the miniatures.
Woman: Can you take me there? I always get lost.
Larry Daley: Yeah, no, sure. Yeah, come on...

Abraham Lincoln: If I may, you two make an adorable couple.
Larry Daley: Oh, we're not a... I mean, we're not...
Abraham Lincoln: [copying Larry] 'We're not a... I mean we're not a... ' blah, blah, blah, I never lie!

Amelia Earhart: [Sees Kah Mun Rah's men approaching] Crimey, we're jimmy-jacked!
Larry Daley: Jimmy-jacked?
Amelia Earhart: It's the way I speak!
Larry Daley: Yeah, but that sounds made-up, even for you...
Amelia Earhart: [flatly] 'Oh no, our path has been blocked by bad people' what's the fun in that? The point is, we're not getting into 'Air and Space' right now.
Larry Daley: Yeah, you're right. We are...
Both: Jimmy-jacked...

The Thinker: I'm thinkin'...
Larry Daley: This is hopeless.

Amelia Earhart: Do you know why I became a pilot?
Larry Daley: I have no idea.
Amelia Earhart: For the fun of it. Why else would anyone do anything?

General George Armstrong Custer: I'm a failure.
Larry Daley: No, you're not.
General George Armstrong Custer: Did you lead 208 Americans to their deaths in the Battle of Little Bighorn?
Larry Daley: No.
General George Armstrong Custer: No not good, not good at all.
Larry Daley: that's not good.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sure, i talk in a good game. But the truth of matter is i don't deserve these stars. I will always be famous for my biggest failure.

General George Armstrong Custer: The battle of the Smithsonian. The greatest battle the world will never know.
Larry Daley: We'll know.

Amelia Earhart: I take it you have a plan?
Larry Daley: I'm gonna divide the house.

Larry Daley: [while the cherubs are singing "My Heart Will Go On"] Oh, Love Theme from Titanic, good but not really appropriate...

Kah Mun Rah: I am Kah Mun Rah, the great king of the great kings, and from the darkest depths of ancient history. I have come BACK to life!
Larry Daley: [Awkwardly] Uh-huh.
Kah Mun Rah: Perhaps you did not hear what I just said. I am a centuries-old Egyptian Pharaoh. I was dead, but now I have come BACK to life!
Larry Daley: Yeah, no. I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.
Kah Mun Rah: [baffled and stammering] Who are you?
Larry Daley: I'm Larry. Larry Daley. I own Daley Devices. It's up in New York. It's funny, I actualy know your brother, Ahkmenrah.
Kah Mun Rah: Oh, he knows baby brother. The favorite son.
Larry Daley: Yeah, good kid.
Kah Mun Rah: Oh, isn't he just. You know, mother and father always gave him the best of everything, and I do mean everything. They even gave him the throne. The throne which was rightfuly MINE!
Larry Daley: Oh, he never mentioned that...
Kah Mun Rah: No, I bet he didn't. Well, now begins the era of Kahmunrah, beacause I have come BACK to... Never mind, just hand me the Tablet.

Amelia Earhart: I just feel as if I've been asleep for along time and now suddenly I'm awake.
Larry Daley: I can explain that.

Amelia Earhart: Well, Larry Daley, in case you weren't listening, I'm not one to shy away from danger.
[Four spears thrown by Kahmunrah's men go flying past her]
Larry Daley: How about spears? Are you one to shy away from spears?

Amelia Earhart: You haven't been able to take your cheaters off my chassis since we met.
Larry Daley: I literally didn't understand a word you just said.

Larry Daley: What, did they run out of U's on your name plate?
Brandon: I dunno, did they run out of jokes at the Interesting Joke Store that you shop at?

Sailor Joey Motorola: [sees Kahmunrah's men] What am I lookin' at here, Mardi Gras? Where unit are you from?
Larry Daley: Uh, I'm from Brooklyn.
Sailor Joey Motorola: Brooklyn? Are you serious? I'm from Flatbush! Hey fellas, these so-and-sos are tryin' to rough up my pal here just because he's from Brooklyn!

Larry Daley: I am an inventor, I invent things.
Amelia Earhart: Oh, like the rocket ship?
Larry Daley: No.
Amelia Earhart: The sea plane?
Larry Daley: No.
Amelia Earhart: The dirigible?
Larry Daley: No.

Nick Daley: So you're working tonight?
Larry Daley: Used to work every night, remember?
Nick Daley: Yeah, that was back when you had, like, the coolest job in the world.
Larry Daley: Well, cool doesn't pay for your Guitar God 6 or whatever.

Napoleon: [asking about Larry and Amielia] Were you guys like friends in college and now just afraid to ruin your relationship with each other by telling the other person that you want to be more then friends, that you like-like each other?
Larry Daley: [confused] One more time... I'm sorry...
Napoleon: Were you guys like friends in college and now just afraid to ruin your relationship with each other by telling the other person that you want to be more then friends, that you like-like each other?
Larry Daley: Oh, no...
Napoleon: Oh, just friends?

Kah Mun Rah: What are you?
Larry Daley: [pause] I'm the Night Guard.

Larry Daley: Great, well, I'll give you the combination after you give him back!
[reaches for the tablet]
Kah Mun Rah: How dare you! If you touch that again I shall kill you right now. Do not touch this.
[makes a line in front of the hourglass with his hand]
Kah Mun Rah: This is a 'No-Touching' zone!
Larry Daley: Good, well, then...
[reaches for it]
Kah Mun Rah: Oh my GOD! I can't believe you reached across like that again! I can't even believe it! Oh, God! I want to kill you right now! If you didn't know this combination, you would be so dead right now, it would be unbelievable!
Larry Daley: Great, well, I do know the combination...
Kah Mun Rah: [making a line with his arm] DON't CROSS THIS LINE with your hand!
[Larry starts to say something]
Kah Mun Rah: How dare you! If you speak again, if you SPEAK AGAIN, I'm going to kill you! Do you understand this? Don't say it! Oh, God I see you getting ready! Oh, my GOD! Don't say anything! Now, give me that Tablet and tell me the combination.
Larry Daley: Alright, after you give me Jed and release my friends.
[reaches for the hourglass]
Kah Mun Rah: [he freaks out] You did all three! You spoke and you reached your hand across!
Larry Daley: Look, I can talk to you about this all night!
Kah Mun Rah: How about this? How about I DON'T kill you, like I really, really want to, and I give you precisely five seconds to hand over that Tablet and tell me the combination?
Al Capone: [coming in carrying Einstein] We already got the combination! It's pi. 3.14159265! This little guy sang. Oh did he sing? Like a canary!

Kah Mun Rah: You certainly know how to make an entrance, Mr. Daley. Hope for your little friend's sake here,
[he shakes the hourglass]
Kah Mun Rah: that you also figured out the combination.
Larry Daley: [reaching for the hourglass] Give me Jed!
Kah Mun Rah: Oh no, no, no, first give me the combination and hand over that Tablet.
[reaches for the Tablet]
Larry Daley: I'll give you the Tablet and the combination when you release my friends and give him back to me.
Kah Mun Rah: I shall release what I want to release at the moment I want to release it.
Larry Daley: Great, and I'll release what I want to release at the exact moment that I want to release it, okay?
Kah Mun Rah: Tell me the combination and give me the tablet right now or i shall KILL all of your friends starting with this little shaggy-headed little cowman here!
Jedediah: I ain't shaggy-headed! Gigantor, let me take this guy!
Larry Daley: Don't worry, I got this handled.
[to Kahmunrah]
Larry Daley: You don't want to give me my friends, then you're not gonna get your combination or your Tablet.
Kah Mun Rah: Alright, I'll tell you what, alright. They didn't call me Kahmunrah the Trustworthy for nothing, alright?
[starts to hand him the hourglass]
Kah Mun Rah: Here you go...
[jerks it back]
Kah Mun Rah: They DIDN'T call me Kahmunrah the trustworthy! They called me Kahmunrah the BLOODTHIRSTY, who kills whoever doesn't give Kahmunrah exactly what he wants in the moment that he wants it, which is RIGHT NOW, when I had also better get the combination and the Tablet!
Larry Daley: That's what they called you?
Kah Mun Rah: It was shorter in Egyptian.

Larry Daley: [wanting to make a call] Wow, four bars in 1945!

Larry Daley: What are you staring at?
Amelia Earhart: I don't want to miss a moment.

Larry Daley: [tries to steady his bobblehead]
Albert Einstein: Don't touch the hair!

Night at the Museum 3 (2014)
Merenkahre: You are speaking to the Pharaoh. Kiss my staff!
Larry Daley: Oh, uh... is it okay if I don't?

Larry Daley: These guys depend on me.

[from trailer]
Laa: Dada!
Larry Daley: No, no, i'm not your dada. Yes, we look similar.
Laa: Dada.
Larry Daley: No touching.
[He slaps Laa's hand]
Larry Daley: Stop it.

[from trailer]
Sir Lancelot: You always put the monkey in charge?
Larry Daley: Oh, he's not in charge, we're just following him.
Sir Lancelot: That's what being in charge means.

[from trailer]
Larry Daley: You know what you have to do?
Laa: Stay.
Larry Daley: That's right, just make sure she stays in there.
[Laa is blocking the security guard door]
Tilly: You better let me out! What are you staring at? What, have you never seen a beautiful, attractive, gorgeous woman before... who could be a model if she didn't love pizza so much.

Teddy Roosevelt: We're ready.
Larry Daley: I'm not.
Teddy Roosevelt: Let us go, son.

Teddy Roosevelt: You're done your job. It's time for your next adventure!
Larry Daley: I have no idea what I'm going to do tomorrow.
Teddy Roosevelt: [reassuring] How exciting.

Larry Daley: I'm Half-Irish, Half-Jewish, so...
Merenkahre: You are! I love Jews! We owned 40,000 of them!
Shepseheret: Such lovely people.
Ahkmenrah: Here we go...
Larry Daley: They were very happy, always singing with candles...
Larry Daley: Yeah. They really weren't happy.
Shepseheret: Really?
Larry Daley: No, they left. They spent about 40 years in the desert trying to escape.
Shepseheret: Oh!
Larry Daley: Yeah, we have dinner once a year and talk about it. It's a big deal.