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: The soup! Where is the soup? Out of my way. Move it, garbage boy!
[sees a ladle in Linguini's hand
: You are COOKING? How DARE you cook in MY kitchen! Where do you get the gall to even attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I should have you drawn and quartered! I'll do it! I think the law is on my side! Larousse, draw and quarter this man - after you put him in the duck press to squeeze the fat out of his head!
: [to Linguini
] Welcome to Hell.
] Someone has asked what is new! Horst
: New? Mustafa
: Yes! What do I tell them? Horst
: Well, what *did* you tell them? Mustafa
: I told them I would ask! Skinner
: What are you blathering about? Horst
: Customers are asking what is new! Mustafa
: What should I tell them? Skinner
: What *did* you tell them? Mustafa
] I TOLD THEM I WOULD ASK! Skinner
: This is simple. Just pull out an old Gusteau recipe, something we haven't made in a while... Mustafa
: They know about the old stuff. They like Linguini's soup. Skinner
: They are asking for food from LINGUINI?
: What should I do now? Skinner
: Kill it! Linguini
: Now? Skinner
: No, not in the kitchen! Are you mad?
: You know something about rats, you know you do! Linguini
: You know who know, do, whacka-do. Ratta-tatta - Hey, why do they call it that? Skinner
: What? Linguini
: Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're gonna name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat patootie! Which does not sound delicious.
[holds out his glass for more wine
] Regrettably, we are all... out... of wine.
: Toasting your success, eh, Linguini? Good for you. Linguini
: [indicating his wine glass
] Oh, I just took it to be polite. I don't really drink, you know. Skinner
: Oh, of course you don't. I wouldn't either if I was drinking *that*. But you would have to be an idiot of elephantine proportions not to appreciate this '61 Château Latour, and you, Monsieur Linguini, are no idiot. Let us toast your non-idiocy!
: Hey, boss, look who it is! Alfredo Linguini! Renata's little boy! All grown up, eh? You remember Renata. Gusteau's old flame? Skinner
: Ah, yes. How are you, uh... Larousse
: Linguini. Skinner
: Yes, Linguini, so nice of you to visit. How is, uh...? Linguini
: My mother? Skinner
: Yes... Larousse
: Renata. Skinner
: Yes, Renata. How is she? Linguini
: Good... well, not... good... She's been better. She's, uh... she... Horst
: She died. Skinner
: [attempting to care
] Oh, uh, I'm sorry. Linguini
: Well, don't be. She believed in Heaven, so she's covered... you know, afterlife-wise? Uh...
[clumsily gives Skinner a letter
: What is this? Linguini
: She left it for you. I think she hoped it would help... me. You know, get a job... Here?
: Surely you don't expect me to believe this is your first time cooking? Linguini
: It's not. Skinner
: I KNEW IT! Linguini
: It's my... second, third, fourth, fifth time. Monday was my first time. But I've taken out the garbage lots of times before that... Skinner
: Yes, yes, yes, have some more wine.
: [interrogating Linguini after plying him with wine
] Have you ever had a pet rat? Linguini
: No. Skinner
: Did you work in a lab with rats? Linguini
: Nooope. Skinner
: Perhaps you lived in squalor at some point? Linguini
: Nopity, nopity noo.
: Well, the will stipulates that if after two years from the date of death, no heir appears, Gusteau's business will pass on to his sous-chef, you. Skinner
: I know what the will stipulates! What I want to know, is if this letter - if this *boy* changes anything!
[the lawyer looks at Linguini through the window, comparing it to Gusteau's picture on the wall
: There's not much resemblance. Skinner
: There's NO resemblance at all! He's not Gusteau's son, Gusteau had no children! And what of the timing of all this? The deadline in the will expires in less than a month! Suddenly some boy arrives with a letter from his recently deceased mother claiming Gusteau is his father? Highly suspect! Lawyer
: [about a chef's toque in a glass container
] ... This was Gusteau's? Skinner
: Yes. Lawyer
: May I? Skinner
: Of course, of course.
[the lawyer takes a hair out of the toque
: But, the boy does not know? Skinner
: She claims she never told him, or Gusteau, and asks that I not tell! Lawyer
: Why you? What does she want? Skinner
: A job, for the boy. Lawyer
: Only a job? Well, then this is easy. If he works here, you can keep an eye on him while I do a little digging, find out how much of this is real. I'll need you to collect some DNA samples from the boy, hair maybe... Skinner
: Mark my words, the whole thing is *highly* suspect. He knows... something. Lawyer
: Relax, he's a garbage boy. I think you can handle him.
: [to Linguini
] Got your toque!
: What are you so worried about? Isn't it good to have the press? Isn't it good to have Gusteau's name getting headlines? Skinner
: Not if they're over his face! Gusteau's already has a face, and it's fat and lovable and familiar. And it sells burritos! Millions and millions of burritos!
: I want you to work up something for my latest frozen food concept: Gusteau's Corn Puppies. They're like corn dogs, only smaller. Bite size. Francois
: What are corn dogs? Skinner
: Cheap sausages dipped in batter and deep fried. You know, American. Whip something up. Maybe Gusteau in overalls and Huckleberry Tom hat. Francois
: Or as a big ear of corn in doggie make-up. Skinner
: Y-yes. But, please, with dignity.
: [on Linguini
] Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot! He's toying with my mind like a cat with a ball... of something! Lawyer
: String? Skinner
: Yes! Playing dumb, taunting me with that RAT! Lawyer
] Rat? Skinner
: Yes! He's consorting with it, deliberately trying to make me think it's important! Lawyer
: The... rat? Skinner
: EXACTLY! Lawyer
: Is the rat important? Skinner
] Of course not! He just wants me to THINK that it is! O-ho, I see the theatricality of it! A rat appears on the boy's first night, I order him to kill it, and now he wants me to see it everywhere! Skinner
: [high voice
] Ooooh! It's here! No it isn't it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy, is there a phantom rat or is there not, but oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game... of... Lawyer
: Should I be concerned about this? About you?
: [to Linguini
] You are either very lucky or very unlucky. You will make the soup again, and this time I'll be paying attention. Very close attention. They think you might be a cook. But you know what I think, Linguini? I think you're a sneaky, overreaching little... Skinner
: [sees Remy escaping
: [to Linguini
] Do you know what would happen if anyone knew we had a rat in our kitchen? They'd close us down. Our reputation is hanging as a thread as it is. Take it away from here. Far away. Kill it. Dispose of it. Go!
: Table five coming up right now. Skinner
: Coming down the line. Colette
: Set. Hot. Open oven. Skinner
: Coming around. Colette
: Oui, chef. One filet mignon, three lamb, two duck. Skinner
: Fire those soufflés for table six, ja? Colette
: Five minutes, chef. Remy
: Oh, God. Mustafa
: Tonight, I'd like to present the foie gras. It has a wonderful finish. Skinner
: Ready to go on table seven. Come on! Let's go! Colette
: Oui, chef.
: [seeing a ladle in Linguini's hand
] You are COOKING? How DARE you cook in MY kitchen! Where do get the gall to attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I should have you drawn and quartered! I'll do it! I think the law is on my side! Larousse, draw and quarter this man! *After* you put him in the duck press to squeeze the fat out of his head!
[as he's shouting, Lalo ladles some soup into a tureen and brings it to the waiter
: Oh no no no, OH NO, don't let them, don't eat... Skinner
: What are you blathering about? Linguini
: ...the soup! Skinner
: [sees the soup going out runs to stop it
] Soup? Stop that soup! Noooooooo!
[bursts into the dining room to the stares of the diners, retreats back into the kitchen and watches through the window as the waiter serves the soup
] Solene LeClaire
: [tasting the soup
] Waiter! Skinner
] Linguini! You're fired! F-I-R-E-D! Fired! Mustafa
: She wants to see the chef. Mustafa
] B-but he...
[clears his throat and goes to speak to the customer; Colette tastes the soup; Skinner re-enters
: What did the customer say? Mustafa
: It was not a customer. It was a critic. Colette
: Ego? Skinner
: Solene LeClaire. Colette
: LeClaire. What did she say? Mustafa
: She likes the soup.
] What are you playing at? Linguini
] Um, uh... am I still fired? Colette
: You can't fire him. Skinner
: What? Colette
: LeClaire likes it, yeah? She made a point of telling you so. if she write a review to that effect and find out you fired the cook responsible? Skinner
: He's a garbage boy. Colette
: Who made something she liked! How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't uphold his most cherished belief? Skinner
: And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou? Colette
: Anyone can cook.
[pause, Skinner looks around at the other cooks, who are smiling with approval
: Perhaps I have been a bit harsh on our new garbage boy. He has taken a bold risk, and we should reward that, as Chef Gusteau would have. If he wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny him?
: [to Collette
] Since you have expressed such an interest in his cooking career, you shall be responsible for it. Anyone else? Then back to work!
: Get the rat! Linguini. Get something to trap it. Horst
: It's getting away. Get it, get it, get it.
: [to Linguini
] Collette will be responsible with teaching you how we do things here.
: And don't forget to stress its Linguini-ness. Horst
: Oui, chef.
: I will have whatever he is having.