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: Dude, don't mess this up. Matthew
: Mess what up? Eli
: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast! Matthew
: Eli, I like this girl. Eli
: And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass. Matthew
: Eli, I'm never going to see her again. Eli
: Oh, you know what? Fine! Matthew
: Fine! Eli
[pause during scene change
: Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please, Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!
: Dude! Matthew
: I know. Klitz
: Dude! Matthew
: I know.
: Minions, let's move.
: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod. Klitz
: A tripod? Eli
: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!
: Eli, do those girls go to your school? Eli
: Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.
: What happened? Eli
: Things got bad. Klitz
: BOLT! BOLT! Klitz
: [running away
] Dude, wait up! Eli
: [running in front of Klitz
] Fuck you, dude!
: God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!
: I could make a better sex-ed film with my mom!
: Oh my god, she's so hot. Eli
: What channel, dude?
: Do you have the fever? Klitz
: No. Why? Do you? Matthew
: I don't know. Maybe.
[turns to Eli
: 'Bout you? Eli
: I just gotta fuck something.
[at Q&A with Eli at a college school
] Film School Student
: Why'd you skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young? Eli
: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Next question.
: [after realizing that Matt has accidentally taken E
] Oh, my God, this is gonna be *amazing*!
Karate Guy in Porn Film
: Oooh, excellent, grasshopper. And now, for the final task of your training. Danielle
: You're gonna need a harder piece of wood that that, cowboy. Matthew
: That's not her. Eli
: Yeah, it is. Matthew
: Oh, no.
: Learn to like it.
: Do these girls go to your high school? Eli
: No, Mrs Kidman. They're porn stars.