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Quotes for
Eli (Character)
from The Girl Next Door (2004)

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The Girl Next Door (2004)
Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, I'm never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine!
[pause during scene change]
Eli: Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please, Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

Eli: Dude!
Matthew: I know.
Klitz: Dude!
Matthew: I know.

Eli: Minions!

[repeated line]
Eli: Minions, let's move.
[snaps]

Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Klitz: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!

Mrs. Kidman: Eli, do those girls go to your school?
Eli: Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.

Matthew: What happened?
Eli: Things got bad.
Klitz: BOLT! BOLT!
Klitz: [running away] Dude, wait up!
Eli: [running in front of Klitz] Fuck you, dude!

Eli: God, I just wanna bang hot chicks!

Eli: I could make a better sex-ed film with my mom!

Matthew: Oh my god, she's so hot.
Eli: What channel, dude?

Matthew: Do you have the fever?
Klitz: No. Why? Do you?
Matthew: I don't know. Maybe.
[turns to Eli]
Matthew: 'Bout you?
Eli: I just gotta fuck something.

[at Q&A with Eli at a college school]
Film School Student: Why'd you skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?
Eli: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Next question.

Eli: [after realizing that Matt has accidentally taken E] Oh, my God, this is gonna be *amazing*!

Karate Guy in Porn Film: Oooh, excellent, grasshopper. And now, for the final task of your training.
Danielle: You're gonna need a harder piece of wood that that, cowboy.
Matthew: That's not her.
Eli: Yeah, it is.
Matthew: Oh, no.

Eli: Learn to like it.

Mrs. Kidman: Do these girls go to your high school?
Eli: No, Mrs Kidman. They're porn stars.