The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: I don't like it. What do you make of it, Kowalski? Kowalski
: I'm not sure, Skipper. It could be anything. Skipper
: Oh really? Could it be Alaska? Kowalski
: Nooo... Its probably not A... Skipper
: Are you saying that Alaska might be stuck upside down to the clock tower of my zoo? Kowalski
: I guess... Skipper
: Because I think people would notice if the entire state of Alaska just packed up and moved to the zoo. Kowalski
: Alright! Maybe it couldn't be anything! Rico
: Wuuh. Skipper
: I'm sorry, boys. I sometimes resort to sarcasm when facing the unknown. Kowalski
: No duh.
: This does not wash! We're penguins, they're insects. We've got the size advantage. Private
: But Skipper, they've got the owie advantage. Rico
: Owie! Private
: We can't take out their nest without entering a world of pain. Skipper
: Kowalski, were are we on eliminating pain? Kowalski
: Way ahead of you, Skipper. I have been perfecting a pain elimination helmet.
[Puts on helmet and taps it to activate it
: As you will see, the nerve inhibiting matrix will provide 100% protection from any kind of...
[Lets a cinder block fall on his flipper
: Aah! It's not perfected! Oh, it hurts! It hurts so bad!
: Is he gone? Kowalski
: No sign of him - Aaah! Private
: What was that for? Kowalski
: I just assumed he was going to pop out of no- Look behind you! Private
: Aaaah! Kowalski
: And once again I appear to be mistaken. Hmm. Guess it just goes to show you can never tell...
[Suddenly Skipper pops up beneath them, and they all run away screaming
: Okay, let's get stupid!
[Turns on degausser on Private; he falls unconscious
: Private? Are you all right? Skipper
: Rico, my medical supplies.
[Rico coughs up two rubber gloves; Skipper slaps Private with them until he's conscious
: Ooh, is that a cotton candy machine? I like cotton candy.
[Goes to machine and gets shocked
: Eureka! Stupid mission accomplished! Skipper
: All we need to do now is to point him towards the hornet's nest and... Private
: Oh, pretty shiny light machine. Kowalski
: No, not the degausser! Private
: [Turns on degausser and waves it over his head
] I'm a disco penguin. Kowalski
: Be careful!
[the degausser drains all of their thoughts; they fall unconscious
: Hello? Kowalski
: I like degaussing!
[Rico laughs stupidly
: Thoughts returning. Kowalski
: Picked up some of Rico's... Ugh! So horrible. Rico
: You want me to talk to the bees? Skipper
: Hornets, and talking ain't gonna cut it. We need you to do something more decisive. Mort
: Kisses and huggies? Kowalski
: We... need you... to go up there... and remove... the hornet's... nest! Mort
: Then can I play in the bee's house? Skipper
: He's in trouble. Rico
: [starts to light a stick of dynamite
] Kaboom! Skipper
: Stand down, soldier. We're in observation mode.
: Shitake mushrooms! No more Mr. Cute and Cuddly. Rico
: [grabs stang of dynamite
] Kaboom-kaboom-kaboom! Skipper
: Rico! Enough with the dynamite already! Rico
: [sighs disappointed
: Lets blow this popsicle stand, boys! Rico
: [Grabs stick of dynamite
] Kaaboooom? Skipper
: Yes, Rico. Kaaboom.
: Eggno-o-o-og! Eggnog! Eggnog!
: How are we going to get inside? Rico
: [Lights a fuse
] Ka-boom! Ka-boom! Skipper
: I have a better idea.
[Puts out the fuse
: I guess my life will just be caramel apples, cotton candy and lollipops. Private
: Yum! Randy
: ...stuck to my wolly butt! Private
: Oh. Yuck. Rico
: Oh... Yum!
: Well, I call that mission accomplished. So, what do we do with the rest of our day? Private
: Oh! We could get temporary tattoos, and, um, motocycle club nicknames. Rico
: Vroom! Vroo-vroo-vroom, vroom! Kowalski
: I'll be Bobby Thunderskull! Skipper
: All in favor of Private's tattoos and nicknames plan say... Maurice
] Waaugh! Kowalski
: Waaugh! Um... we should probably do something.
: Men, I need options. And not our regular options. The options we bust out for special guests.
[Rico barfs out a balloon
: I admire your moxie, Rico, but I think we should save the victory party until after. Kowalski
: Skipper, I think what Rico means is to rub the balloon on Randy's coat to create a static charge that will prove most shocking. Rico
: Yep-a-doodle! Skipper
: Oh, well then, go for it.
: Kowalski, report. Kowalski
: The robot... Rico
: Boom. King Julien
: Aaaagh! What - what has been done by you to my poor Lemmy? Kowalski
: Well, we... It was an accident. Private
: We didn't mean to blow him up. Rico
: Kablamo! King Julien
: He was the only robot I was ever loving. Skipper
: We're sorry, Ringtail. We just knew what was best. Rico
: Kablamo! King Julien
: Kablowing him up was the best? Rico
: Kablamo! Skipper
: Okay, we said we knew what was best. We just didn't do what was best.
[Julien leaves, crestfallen
: Skipper, I feel bad about this. Skipper
: Same here, young Private. Kowalski
: It's as if there's a deep, dark abyss in the center of your soul, and all that is light and good in the world is slipping into it. Rico
: Yup. Kowalski
: This must be what it feels like when you've done the wrong thing. Private
: We've never done the wrong thing before. I don't like it.
: [collecting coins from the fountain
] I've got one dollar and seventeen cents. Rico
: [Barfs up a whole lot of coins
] Ta-da! Marlene
: And Rico got the rest, which is both impressive and gross.
: [reading from a folder and laughing
] That's classic! Private
: All right then, Skipper? Skipper
: At ease, Private. I was just laughing at a joke in our mission files. Private
: Is it a funny one? Skipper
: Oh, yeah. Private
: Can I see it, then? Skipper
: Classified! Kowlaski
: What's classified?
[Skipper shows Kowalski the file, he laughs
: Classic. Private
: Well, why does Kowalski get to see it? Skipper
: Because he's got security clearance. We can't go around showing our classified information to just anybody. Rico! You gotta see this! Rico
: [Reads and laughs
: Any more advice, trusty survival guide? Skipper
: [on recording
] This recording will self-destruct... right now!
[Rico appears and beats up recorder with bat
: Good luck!
: The penguin is native to Antarctica. Smart Kid
: Ooh, ooh, did you know a group of penguins is called a rookery? Alice
: It's a bird, but it doesn't fly. Smart Kid
: Did you know that penguins can swim 15 miles an hour? Skipper
: Keep an eye on Johnny Smart-glasses. The boy knows too much. Rico
: [gets behind the kid with a baseball bat
] Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter... Skipper
: Not yet. I wanna know where he gets his intel. Smart Kid
: Did you know the only way to tell boy penguins from girl penguins is a DNA test, huh? Skipper
: Never mind, boys. Kid's off his wingnut.
: Like we need some DNA test to tell us we're 100% Antarctic macho. Rico
: Hoo-ah! Alice
: Listen, kid! All I know is we've got three males and a female. The birds know which is which. Rico
: [looks down at his crotch
: I think a wonderful way to begin would be to say something positive about Phil. Mason
: Very well. I am positive that Phil is disgusting and inconsiderate.
: What did he say? Kowalski
: No idea. Mason
: Go pound bananas? Rico
: Ooooh! Kowalski
: Tell it like it is, primate! Skipper
: You go!
: Well, that was... What's the word I'm looking for? Rico
: Phbt! Skipper
: Yeah, that's the one.
] Fish... fish! Kowalski
: 67 hours without the succulent, salty tang of the sea. He can't take much more. Skipper
: Neither can I.
: Ah, closing time. Are there two sweeter words known to man or beast? Private
: Puppy love? Rico
: Ka... boom? Kowalski
: Plutonium-fueled-DNA-mutating-abomination-monster maker. Rico
: Huh? Kowalski
: The first word's hypenated. Skipper
: Yeah, yeah, all good. But the words I was thinking of were... Little Girl
: My dolly! Private
] Skipper? Skipper
: That wasn't me! That was... Little Girl
: I lost my dolly! Skipper
: Hot-molded plastic! Dolly down! Rescue operation is a go, go, go!
: You're a dirty, dirty liar! And your pants are on fire! Rico
: Whoa! Private
: And - and you go jump up and touch a telephone wire! That's what a dirty liar you are! Skipper
: Stand down, Private. We'll take it from here. Archie
: Thanks. Some of those things he said were really hurtful. Skipper
: Mister, you're just entering a world of hurt! Kowalski, hurt options. Kowalski
: The Vulcan towel snap? Skipper
: Possibly. Go on. Kowalski
: The Spanish wet willie? Skipper
: Intriguing. Kowalski
: The Croatian purple nurple? Skipper
: Bingo! Gentlemen, we have a winner. Rico, do the honors.
: Teeth! So many sharp, jagged teeth! Kowalski
: It was those black, soulless eyes that got me. Skipper
: Rico, get a load of these two yellow bellies. Rico
: [cowering behind a block
] Yeah! Yellow bellies. He-he. Skipper
: Don't tell me you're afraid too. Rico
: I'm so ashamed. Private
: Me too. Rico
: Uh-huh. Kowalski
: Not so ashamed that I'd go out there. Private
: Gosh, no! Rico
: The only thing that has kept me going all these years is my BURNING thirst for revenge...
[Skipper and Kowalski are confused
: ...and my precious souvenir snow globe collection.
[sees Rico swallowing all of his snow globes
] What is WRONG with you? Rico
] I dunno.
: [Dave drops from the ceiling in human disguise
] Who are you? Dave
: The humans know me as Doctor Octavius Brine, renowned geneticist, cheese enthusiast, and frequent donor to NPR pledge drives... but you know me by a different, much older name. A name perhaps you hoped you'd never hear again. A PHANTOM! A shadow of a former life! I... AM...
[rips off disguise, but wig remains on his head
: Dave! Skipper
] Kowalski? Kowalski
: [Whispers back
] Sorry, sir, no clue. Dave
: [Looks up, sees the wig on his head, and pulls it off
] Dave! Skipper
: Dave? Kowalski
: Dave...? Dave
: Dave! Private
] Dave! Dave
] DA-VUH! Rico
: [Rolls his eyes
: So, what's the trouble, Long Trunks? Burt
: You guys gotta help me. I need to get out of the zoo and across town, today! Private
: Ooh, a breakout. Kowalski
: Complicated by crosstown transport of the world's largest land mammal. Skipper
: That's a pretty tall order, my ginormous friend. May I ask why? Burt
: Let's just say an elephant never forgets. Rico
: Uhh... Skipper
: Ooh, dark and sinister sounding with the classic pachyderm cliché. Big man, you play me like a fiddle.
: [the penguins discover some photos pinned on Burt's habitat
] Well, this is, uh, disturbing, to me. Anyone else? Private
: I'm disturbed as well, Skipper. Kowalski
: [Focusing on a photo of a kid
] Look at that kid with the kazoo. Could it be? The legendary Kid Kazoo? Rico
: Kid Kazoo? Kowalski
: You know, Kid Kazoo? The scourge of the Central Park Zoo? Surely you've heard the tales. He was a Sunday regular, a real piece of work, with a smile like a bear trap, and a laugh like a deranged birthday clown. But the sickest thing was that kazoo, screeching incessantly like a kindergarten orchestra. Private
: That sounds horrible, Kowalski. Kowalski
: Kazoos always do, Private. But no one had it worse than poor Burt. With those jumbo-sized ears, that constant buzzing was unbearable. He hated that kazoo! I wonder what ever happened to the little maniac? Skipper
: [Looks at a picture of an adult man
] Wait a minute. Look at those shifty eyes. That devious half-smile. Those kazoo-kissed lips. Kowalski
: By Newton's apple, you're right! It's Kid Kazoo all grown up! Rico
: Wow! Private
: Burt really knows how to hold a grudge. For years, apparently.
: Eyes on the prize, Kowalski. Crack the new habitat security code, and we'll be swimming in all the fish we can stomach. Rico
: Fiiish! Ha-ha-ha! Kowalski
: I'm trying, but this is the most advanced encryption I've ever seen. It's got sudoku with fractions! Skipper
: Have you tried the master code? Kowalski
: One, two, three, four, five. Darn! Nothing! Skipper
: Now try it backwards. Kowalski
: Five, four, three, two, one. Aah! Skipper
: Now start at three... Rico
[Spits out a chainsaw and cuts through the computer
: Wow. We're in! Skipper
: Way to hack that mainframe, Rico!
: It's Animal Control! They're after me! Do you have any idea what those maniacs do to stray cats? Do you? Rico
: Uh-uh. Max
: Me neither. Skipper
: Well, you're not finding out tonight.
: Uh... Private
: Kowalski... Skipper
: Should we be concerned? Kowalski
: About what, Skipper? Skipper
: Oh, I don't know. Let's start with your monster! Kowalski
: Monster is a tad judgemental, isn't it? Skipper
: I call them as I see them. Kowalski
: Just because Jiggles has no central nervous system doesn't mean he has no feelings. Skipper
: He's a big blob of mad science, man! Kowalski
: Well, if he wasn't before, this scientist is mad now!
: Maurice thinks he can bribe us with his piñata promises. Pity for him, penguins are not for sale. Right, men? Private
: I wonder what's in that piñata? I bet it's full of butterscotch lollies and sour balls. Kowalski
: I'd say we're looking at a 50/50 mix of gummy fish and candy buttons. Rico
: Yay, buttons! Skipper
: We may never know, because today we are performing scheduled maintenance on the HQ. Kowalski
: Perhaps we can reschedule? Skipper
: We can't just reschedule scheduled maintenance that's been scheduled, right here on the schedule.
: Looks like someone got a new circuit board. Kowalski
: Yes, state of the art processor, hollah! Private
: So where did you get it? Kowalski
: Uh, I...
: Come again? Kowalski
: I got it from...
: You got it from where? Kowalski
: I took it from Mort's video game, all right? I stole from poor, innocent Mort to fuel my own scientific ambitions! But it was totally worth it. See?
[Turns on psychotron
: [thoughts transmitted from psychotron
] Oh, Kowalski. How could you? Skipper
: [Thoughts transmitted from phsychotron
] This side of you makes me want to throw up in my beak! Rico
: [Thoughts transmitted from psychotron
] Fiiiiish! Kowalski
: [Thoughts transmitted from psychotron
] They're right. I'm a monster. A selfish monster! Kowalski
: Oh, what have I done?
[Throws psychotron across room; King Julien enters and poses next to psychotron
] King Julien
: [thoughts transmitted from psychotron
] I would look good in pantaloons. King Julien
: Yes, I agree with the voice that sounds like me. Pantaloons would accent my regality, but that is not why I'm here.
[Kowalski's Adorablizer overloaded, which causes Private to perform an innocent-looking pose, which resulted in knocking everyone back
] Skipper, what happened? Skipper
] Kowalski, talk to me. Kowalski
] It appears that Private has discovered some sort of Quantum Hyper Cute! 132% adorability! Rico
: Wow! Private
: Is that even possible? Kowalski
: Scientifically, no. Skipper
] Way to stick it to science, Private. Now let's go cute us up some fish!
: Skipper, something's wrong with the sun. Skipper
: He finally did it! Private
: Who did what? Skipper
: My mad dolphin nemesis, Dr. Blowhole! He blew out the sun! Kowalski
: Actually, according to my calculations, it is the rare cosmic event known as a solar eclipse. Rico
: Huh? Skipper
: Are you sure it's not the crazed handiwork of my marine mammal foe? Kowalski
: It's totally natural. The moon is between the sun and the Earth... Ooh, it's a total eclipse! Wow! Are you as totally stoked about this as I am?
: Look alive, men. Time to get us some popcorn. Prepare to commence Operation: Popcorn. Kowalski
: A bit on the nose, isn't it, Skipper? Private
: Easy to remember, though. Rico
] Popcorn! Skipper
: Roger that, Rico.
: [Recuperating from the poison
] Sound off, Kowalski. Kowalski
: I can taste sound. But that's over now. Skipper
: [Playing checkers with Private, who's still wearing the metal suit
] King me! Skipper
: Is everyone else seeing a poisonous frog playing checkers with a robot penguin? Rico
: Uh-huh! Skipper
: Right. Back on the rack, men.
: Kowalski, analysis. Kowalski
: Ankle bracelets with tracking devices. They can monitor our every move. Skipper
: That ain't gonna fly! No one can know our whereabouts at any time, not even us. Rico, hacksaw me!
[Rico hocks out a hacksaw, Skipper catches it
: Skipper, are you going to saw off the bracelet? Skipper
: Bracelet? I was just going to saw off my foot. But you might have something there, Private. Kowalski
: Wait, Skipper! Tamper-proof lining. If you cut the bracelet, it would break and set off the alarm. Skipper
: Well, men, it looks like we've got us a waiting game. Kowalski
: I'm afraid we don't have time to wait, Skipper. We left the air conditioning room before I could install the cooling attachment. Without it, the heat inside the furnace will built up until... Rico
: Kaboom! Private
] Oh dear.
: Problem solved. Now go invent something that won't destroy the world. Private
: Like a snow cone machine. Rico
: Snow cone! Kowalski
: Snow cone, eh?
[Cut to New York submerged in snow cone
: Kowalski! You maniac! You did it! You finally did it! Kowalski
: Yes, but you've got to admit, these are great snow cones. Skipper
: Oh, yes. Definitely worth it.
: [starts dancing
] That ain't right! Kowalski, analysis. Kowalski
: Skipper, you seem to be shaking your booty. Private
: Quite impressively, I might add. Rico
: Uh-huh! Skipper
: I'm not doing this. Something's making me dance. King Julien
: You... you have my groove! It is not all bye-byed after all! Yes! Skipper
: Get it outta me! King Julien
: I don't know how. Darla
: Guess who does. Mort
: Is it Santa? Darla
: Yea... what? No! I'm the only one who can fix this. But am I gonna? Mort
: Santa would. Darla
: Well, I ain't Santa! Private
: What if Julien apologized? Darla
: That's all I'm asking. King Julien
: Have I not made my policy on apologizing clear? It is for the weak and wrong. Skipper
: Listen, Ringtail. I'm about to show you how weak and wrong you are. Apologize now. King Julien
: Uh-uh. Skipper
: Okay then. Let's dance!