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Quotes for
Alex (Character)
from Madagascar (2005)

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Madagascar (2005)
Alex the Lion: The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst idea I have ever heard!
Melman the Giraffe: It's unsanitary!
Marty the Zebra: The penguins are going, so why can't I?
Alex the Lion: The penguins are psychotic!

Alex the Lion: Did he just say "Grand Central Station," or "My aunt's constipation"?

Alex the Lion: Here come the people, Marty! Oh, I love the people! It's fun people fun time!

Alex the Lion: Come on! What does Connecticut have to offer us?
Melman the Giraffe: Lyme disease.
Alex the Lion: Thank you, Melman.

Julian: After much deep and profound brain things inside my head, I have decided to thank you for bringing peace to our home. And to make you feel good, I'm going to give you this lovely parting gift.
[presents Alex with his crown]
Alex the Lion: No, I couldn't. Really, I can't take your crown.
Julian: Oh, that's OK. I've got a bigger crown. It's got a gecko on it. Look at him shake! Go, Stevie, go!

Alex the Lion: I feel like a mile-high, pastrami on rye, on the fly from the deli in the sky!

[first lines]
Alex the Lion: Surprise!
Marty the Zebra: Aaahhh! Alex! Do not interrupt me when I'm daydreaming. When a zebra's in the zone, leave him alone.

Alex the Lion: Happy...
Gloria the Hippo: Birth...
Melman the Giraffe: Day...
Alex the Lion: To...
Gloria the Hippo: You...
Alex the Lion: You...
Melman the Giraffe: Live...
Gloria the Hippo: In...
Alex the Lion: A zoo...
Gloria the Hippo: You...
Melman the Giraffe: Look...
Alex the Lion: Like a monkey...
Melman the Giraffe: And...
Alex the Lion: You smell...
Gloria the Hippo: Like...
[all together]
Alex the Lion, Melman the Giraffe, Gloria the Hippo: One too!

Alex the Lion: [talking in his sleep] Come on now, baby. My little filet. My little filet mignon with a little fat around the edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak. My sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy.

Alex the Lion: Lady! What is wrong with you? Get a grip on yourself!

Marty the Zebra: Who is it?
Alex the Lion: It's the pizza man. Who the heck do you think it is?

Marty the Zebra: Come on, Alex. Do you honestly think I intended all of this to happen? You want me to say I'm sorry? Is that what you want? Okay, I'm so...
Alex the Lion: Shush!
Marty the Zebra: He just shushed me.
Gloria the Hippo: Look, Alex, you have to be more understanding...
Alex the Lion: Shush!
Gloria the Hippo: Don't you shush me!
Alex the Lion: Do you hear that? Can't you hear that?

Alex the Lion: They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First they tell you, "Hey, we got this great open plan, where animals can run wild." Next thing you know, you have flowers in your hair, and everybody's hugging everybody.

Marty the Zebra: You guys look hungry. How would you like some of nature's goodness?
Gloria the Hippo: You have food?
Marty the Zebra: One Fun Side special, coming up. Seaweed on a stick.
Alex the Lion: Seaweed?
Marty the Zebra: On a stick. Don't love it 'till you try it.

Marty the Zebra: Here, have a drink.
Alex the Lion: [Spits it out] This is sea water!
Marty the Zebra: [Spits out his drink] Oh, you don't swallow it. This is just temporary until the plumbing comes in.

Alex the Lion: 27, 28, 29, 30. Hmm, 30 black and only 29 white, looks like you're black with white stripes after all. Dilemma solved. Good night!

Gloria the Hippo: Melman! Are you okay?
Melman the Giraffe: Yeah. I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI.
Alex the Lion: Melman, you're not getting an MRI.
Melman the Giraffe: CAT scan?
Alex the Lion: No! No CAT scan! It's a transfer! It's a zoo transfer!
Melman the Giraffe: Zoo transfer? Oh, no. No, no. I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at five. There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care! And I am not going HMO!
Marty the Zebra: Take it easy, Melman. We are gonna be o-kizzay.
Alex the Lion: No, we're not gonna be o-kizzay! Because of you, we're ruined!

Alex the Lion: Giraffe! Corner pocket!

Alex the Lion: [shouts] You maniac! You burned it up! Darn you! Darn you all to heck!
Melman the Giraffe: Can we go to the fun side now?

Marty the Zebra: You the cat.
Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra: You the cat.
Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra: You the cat.
Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra: You the cat.
Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?
Marty the Zebra: You the cat.
Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Alex the Lion: Whoa! Hold up there a second, fuzzbucket. You mean like, uh, the "live in a mud hut, wipe yourself with a leaf" type wild?
Julian: Who wipes?
Gloria the Hippo: Oy vey.
Julian: Oy vey!
Maurice: Oy vey, everybody!
[Lemurs Shout "Oy vey"]

[repeated line]
Alex the Lion: Who's the cat?

Marty the Zebra: Did you ever think that there might be more to live than steak, Alex?
Alex the Lion: [to his steak] He didn't mean that, baby. No, no, no.

Alex the Lion: Come on! Melman, Melman, Melman! Melman, Melman, Melman! Wake up! Rise and shine! It's another fabulous day in the Big Apple. Let's go.
Melman the Giraffe: Not for me. I'm calling in sick.
Alex the Lion: What?
Melman the Giraffe: I found a bro... another brown spot on my shoulder, right here. See? Right th... right there. You see?
Alex the Lion: Melman, you know it's all in your head. Hm?

Marty the Zebra: [about King Julian] He's got style.
Alex the Lion: What is he, like, king of the guinea pigs?
Melman the Giraffe: I think it's a squirrel.
Julian: Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow.
Alex the Lion: Definitely a squirrel.
Melman the Giraffe: Yep, a squirrel.

Alex the Lion: [exhausted from running and calling all night] Marty, Melman, Gloria. Gloria, Melman, Marty. Marty, Gelman, Gloria, Marty, Melman, Morty, Morty, Gelman, Regis, Kelly. Matt, Katie, Al.

Julian: Where are you giants from?
Alex the Lion: We're from New York.
Julian: All hail the New York Giants!

Alex the Lion: Shut up Spalding!

Alex the Lion: Oh, great! San Diego. That means I have to compete with Shamu and his smug little grin. I can't top that! Can't top it!

Alex the Lion: [to Marty] You know your black and white stripes? They cancel each other out!

Marty the Zebra: You're biting my butt!
Alex the Lion: [with Marty's butt in his mouth] No, I'm not.

[Marty the Zebra and Alex the Lion running towards each other on the beach in slow motion with arms outstretched and Chariots of Fire music]
Alex the Lion: Marty!
Marty the Zebra: Alex!
Alex the Lion: Marty!
Marty the Zebra: Alex!
Alex the Lion: Marty!
Marty the Zebra: Alex!
Alex the Lion: [angrily] Marty!
Marty the Zebra: [afraid] Alex?
Alex the Lion: [real-time] Marty!
Marty the Zebra: Oh, Sugar Honey Ice Tea!

Alex the Lion: I'm gonna kill you, Marty!
Marty the Zebra: Take it easy! Take it easy!
Alex the Lion: And strangle you!
Marty the Zebra: Calm down!
Alex the Lion: Then I'm gonna bury you, then dig you up and clone you, and kill all your clones!
Marty the Zebra: 20-second time-out!
Alex the Lion: And then I'm never talking to you again!

[Maurice just told Marty that he was steak]
Marty the Zebra: Oh, c'mon! Do I look like a steak to you?
Alex the Lion: Yeah!
Marty the Zebra: See I told you I don't look like no... wait, what'd you say?

Melman the Giraffe: Hey, Alex. Psst, Alex. Alex.
Alex the Lion: What is it, Melman?
Melman the Giraffe: OK, you know how I have to get up every two hours because of my bladder infection? Well, I get up to pee, and I was walking past Marty's pen, and usually I dont look in it, but this time I was walkin' past, and I?
Alex the Lion: What, Melman? What is it?
Melman the Giraffe: It's Marty... He's gone!
Alex the Lion: He's what?
Melman the Giraffe: [looks at hole in ground the penguins have dug] How long has he been working on this?
Melman the Giraffe: [shouts gently down hole] Marty. Marty!

Gloria the Hippo: Go talk to him, you know, go over and give him a little pep talk.
Alex the Lion: Hey, I gave him a snow globe! I can't beat that!

Alex the Lion: Well, I say we just ask these bozos where the people are.
Julian: [from the ground underneath Alex] Excuse me. We bozos have the people of course!
Melman the Giraffe: Hey, the bozos have the people.
Alex the Lion: Oh, well, great. Good. Phew!
Julian: They're up there.
[points up at skeletons dangling from tree, wearing a parachute harness]
Julian: Don't you love the people? Not a very lively bunch, though.
Alex the Lion: Oh... wow... so, do you have any *live* people?
Julian: Uhh... no, only dead ones.
Maurice: I mean, if we had a bunch of live people running around, it wouldn't be called the wild, would it?

Alex the Lion: I defy any rescue boat within a million miles to miss this baby. When the moment is right, we will ignite the beacon of liberty and be rescued from this awful nightmare!

Alex the Lion: What do you think? Pretty cool, huh?

Alex the Lion: How's the liberty fire going, Melman?
Melman the Giraffe: Great.
[in hushed voice]
Melman the Giraffe: Idiot.
Alex the Lion: I heard that.

Alex the Lion: She is finito!

Marty the Zebra: Okay! You all have your side, and I'll have mine. And, if you need me, I'll be over here! On the FUN side of the island, havin' a good ol' time. A great ol' time! A GREAT ol' time. A yabba-dabba-doo ol' time! WILMA!
Alex the Lion: That's not the fun side. THIS is the fun side! This is the fun side where we're gonna have a great time surviving until we go home! Whoo! I love this side; this side's the best! That side STINKS! You're on the JERSEY side of this cesspool!
Melman the Giraffe: Well, now what do we do?
Alex the Lion: Don't worry Melman, I have a plan to get us rescued.

Gloria the Hippo: Does anyone else feel nauseous?
Melman the Giraffe: I feel nauseous.
Alex the Lion: Melman, you always feel nauseous.

Alex the Lion: Today was a great day. It just doesn't get any better than this, you know? Oh, look, it just did. Even the star is out. You won't find a star like that in the wild.
Marty the Zebra: Helicopter.

Alex the Lion: You know, by the time we get back to New York, it'll be the middle of winter. So I was thinking, why rush? Maybe we could make a few sidestops along the way.
Marty the Zebra: How about Paris?
Gloria the Hippo: Ooh, you've read my mind.
Alex the Lion: I was thinking Spain.
Marty the Zebra: Yeah. A little running with the bulls.
Gloria the Hippo: How about Fiji?
Melman the Giraffe: Or Canada? Can't we? Cheap meds. Huh?

Alex the Lion: Be sure to visit my web site. 24-hour webcam. Watch me sleep.

Alex the Lion: Come on, look at this. you won't fine any of this in the wild. This is the kind of refined, food-type thing that you do not find in the wild.

Marty the Zebra: Hey, have a drink. It's on the house.
Alex the Lion: [drinks water then spits it out] This is seawater!
Marty the Zebra: Oh, you don't swallow it.
Marty the Zebra: It's just temporary 'til the plumbing's done.

Julian: Wait! I have a plan.
Maurice: Really?
Julian: I have devised a cunning test to see whether these are savage killers.
[Julian kicks Mort out in the open]
Marty the Zebra: Hi there!
Alex the Lion: No, I will handle this. Alex handles it. Marty says nothing.
[approaches the frightened Mort]
Alex the Lion: Hi there!
[Mort starts to cry]
Alex the Lion: Oh, geez!
Melman the Giraffe: Oh, Alex. What did you do?
Alex the Lion: No, it's okay, it's okay. I'm just a silly, just a silly lion.
[Mort cries louder]
Alex the Lion: Oh, jeez!

Alex the Lion: I'm swimming back to New York! I know my chances are slim, but I have to try!
Gloria the Hippo: Alex, you can't swim!
Alex the Lion: I said my chances are slim!

Alex the Lion: Can't catch the cat! Cat's too quick!

Alex the Lion: Have to get an early start for tomorrow. It's Senior day. Gotta roar extra loud. Give'em a little jolt. Know what I'm talking about?

Alex the Lion: Don't worry, everything's under control. We just had a little situation here. Just a little internal situation. Our friend just went a little crazy. Happens to everybody. The city gets to us all. Just went a little cuckoo in the head.
Marty the Zebra: Don't you be calling me cuckoo in the head!

Alex the Lion: Fear me! Savagery beyond comprehension!

Alex the Lion: Ten years old, huh? A decade. Double digits. The big one-O.

Alex the Lion: That is your side of the island, and this is our side of the island. That is the bad side, where you can skip and prance around like a magical pixie horse, and do whatever the heck you wanna do all day long. This is the good side, for those who love New York and care about getting back.

[on the subway, Alex roars at a guy hiding behind a newspaper]
Alex the Lion: Augh! Knicks lost again!
Melman the Giraffe: Eh. Whatcha gonna do?
Train conductor: [over PA] Grand Central Station.
Alex the Lion: Did he just say "Grand Central Station," or "My aunt's constipation"?

Gloria the Hippo: Lets, go. Make a wish babycakes.
[Marty blows out the candle and eats a chunk out of his birthday cake]
Alex the Lion: Come on, what you wish for?
Marty the Zebra: Nope! Can't tell you that.
Alex the Lion: Come on, tell.
Alex the Lion: No siree. I'm telling you'a, its bad luck. You want some bad luck, I'll blab it out, But if you want to be safe, I'll keep my mouth shut.
Gloria the Hippo: [interrupting] Could you just tell us? I mean, really. What could happen?
Marty the Zebra: Okay. I wish I could go... To the wild!
Alex the Lion: The wild?
[After Marty says this, Alex falls off the wall, Melman chokes himself and Gloria opens her mouth in shock]
Marty the Zebra: I told you it was bad luck.
[Gloria tries to stop Melman from choking]
Alex the Lion: The wild? Are you nuts? That is the worst ideal I've ever heard.
[Melman spits out what was choking him]
Melman the Giraffe: It's unsanitary.
Marty the Zebra: The penguins are going. So why can't I?
Alex the Lion: The penguins are psychotic.
Marty the Zebra: Come on, Just imagine going back to nature. Back to your roots, clean air, wide-open spaces!
Gloria the Hippo: Well, I hear they have wide-open spaces in Connecticut.
Marty the Zebra: Connecticut?
Melman the Giraffe: Yeah. What you gotta do is you go over to Grand Central, and then you gotta take the Metro-North Tran... North?
Marty the Zebra: So one could take the train? Just Hypothetically.
Alex the Lion: Marty, come on. What would Connecticut have to offer us?
Melman the Giraffe: Lyme disease.
Alex the Lion: Thank you Melman.
Marty the Zebra: No, no really, really. I just want...
Alex the Lion: There's certainly none of this in the wild
[Waves a steak at Marty]
Marty the Zebra: But... but... but...
Alex the Lion: This is a highly refined type of food thing. That you do not find in the wild.

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012)
Alex: [Marty drives a van] What're you doing? Zebras can't drive, only penguins and people can drive!

Alex: We're going the wrong way! Turn around!
Marty: Just call me Marty-o Andretti!
Alex: No, you're Sucky-o Andretti!
Marty: Stop back-seat driving!
Alex: I'm passenger-seat driving, and I want the wheel! Give me the wheel!
Marty: It's not a wheel, it's my baby!
Alex: Your hooves aren't meant to be on a wheel!
Marty: It's too late for you to drive now!

Alex: Stefano, you're a genius.
Stefano: No, I'm a not. I'm only average intelligence. Some even say slightly below.

Marty: [singing and dancing] Da-da-dadadada-da-da, circus, da-da-dadadada-da-da, afro! Circus afro, circus afro! Polka dot, polka dot, polka dot afro!
Alex: ...Really?

Alex: Well, I say they can take the animals out of the circus, but they can't take the animals out of the circus!
Alex: Uh, you know what I mean!

Alex: [in a dream] What happened to you? You're so *elderly*!

[the group is observing their old homes from outside the zoo gates]
Alex: Hmm... My rock looks smaller than I remember it being...
Marty: Hey, look, it's the mural! Heh, doesn't quite capture the real thing, does it?
Gloria: Well, there's our homes... I forgot about that wall between us, Melman. Was that always there?

Vitaly: It is impossible.
Alex: It was always impossible. That's why the people loved it.
Vitaly: That is why I loved it, because I did the impossible.

Alex: I just wanted to thank you for letting us get in the train. You know "the cat with the accent" wasn't so happy about this and...
Gia: Listen, lion guy. This circus means everything to us. And if you do anything that threatens this circus, you'll have to answer to me. Capiche?
Alex: Yeah, capiche. Cool! Trust me, we're cool.

Alex: Skipper, what about the plane?
Skipper: Well, the chimps will work all through the night, no breaks, no safety restrictions...
[Chimps run off]
Skipper: Hey! Where are you going? Get back here, we have a contract!
Mason: Yes, well, I'm afraid the labour laws are slightly more lenient in France. You see, they only have to work 2 weeks in a year.
Skipper: Well, someone else has the Canadian work ethic!

Alex: And Melman, you're the Brooklyn Bridge.
Melman: Actually, I'm the Triborough Bridge.

Marty: Man, that is one ugly, mag-ugly lady! That is roach-killing ugly!
Alex: Wait a minute, that's no lady, that's the King of Versailles; and that's not the King of Versailles, that's the chimps! And the chimps are smoke, and where there's smoke, there's fire, and by fire, I mean the penguins!

Alex: The Colosseum, the original theater in the round, Marty. You know, my ancestors used to perform here.
Marty: No kiddin'?
Alex: Yeah. Every show had a captive audience. Apparently, they killed.

Stefano: Maybe I am average intelligence after all.
Alex: Some would even say slightly above.
Stefano: No, I don't think so.

Gia: Alex? You are from a zoo?
Alex: Yes. Yes. But wait, there's more.
Gia: More?
Alex: Or less. There's less.
Vitaly: You were never circus?
Gloria: We had to say we were circus.
Melman: Or you'd never let us on the train.
Gia: After all we have been through together, you want to go live in a zoo?
Alex: Gia, I...
Vitaly: You used us.
Alex: No, no, no. I mean - I mean yes but,
Gia: Trapeze americano, you make that up, too?
Alex: It didn't exactly exist when I taught it to you.
Gia: Jet packs and aquatic cobras! I should've known.
Stefano: Balloons to the children of the world was not real, either?
Alex: Yeah, that's not real. But look at what we did.
Stefano: I was shot out of a cannon! I could've died!
Marty: But I thought it was your lifelong dream.
Stefano: For all I know, your name is not even Alice.
Alex: No, Stefano, but it never really was,
Stefano: I don't feel safe!
Alex: Gia, I...
Gia: We trusted you.
Stefano: My tears are real! You are not!

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008)
Julien: [pops out from a cake] Hey, freaks! You will be glad to learn that I am coming with you!
Alex: Oh ho ho, no, thank you.
Julien: Oh, *yes*, thank you. It's *my* plane!

Alex: Marty, it looks like this is it! I just want you to know, you're a one in a million friend!
Marty: Thanks, Alex! You are a true friend!
Alex: And I'm sure you won't mind when I tell you...
Marty: What? Tell me what?
Alex: I broke your iPod!
Marty: What?
Alex: The buttons were so small! It made me mad!
Marty: The horror!
Alex: It was an accident!
Marty: I'm gonna kill you!

Alex: I wanna prove to my dad that I'm a *real* lion.
Marty: As opposed, to a *chocolate* lion!

Nana: I know you!
Alex: You!
Nana: It's the bad kitty!

Alex: I like to move it, move it!
Gloria: He likes to move it, move it!
Marty: She likes to move it, move it!
Melman: We like to...?
Lemurs: Move it!

Gloria: Is this place great or what?
Alex: I'd go with "or what".

Marty: That is definitely not crackalackin'.
Alex: It is lackin' in the crackin', my friend.

Skipper: [to Alex] You! Pretty boy! Why don't you and your friends dig a latrine, maybe find water.
Alex: Hold on, hold on a second. Who made you... king of the plane wreck?
Skipper: 'Scuse me?
[Rico pulls out and deploys a switchblade]

Alex: Slow down! You're gonna kill us! There's got to be another way! Pass it on!
[the monkey chain relays the message up to the plane]
Mason: Don't slow down. Kill us. It's the only way. Basset Hound!
Skipper: The best sacrifice is the one made by others.
[Nana shoots through the plane's windshield and blows off the bobblehead doll's head]
Skipper: Doll! MEDIC!
[Private gets out the duct tape]

Alex: If you're ever in Manhattan, feel free to call first.
[Sees two lemurs picking each other's noses and eating the boogers]
Alex: Seriously though, call, okay?

Alex: Hey! Happy Slappers! Is there any reason to celebrate? Look at the plane!
Skipper: We'll fix it.
Alex: Fix it? How you gonna fix this?
Skipper: Grit, spit
[Private spits]
Skipper: and a whole lotta duct tape.
[Rico pulls out a roll of duct tape]
Skipper: We should be up and running in say...
[Kowalski shows him an abacus]
Skipper: six to nine months.
Alex: Sixty-nine months?
Skipper: No, six *to* nine months.

Alex: She's got a gun! Let's get out while we can! Pass it on!
[monkeys chain whisper the message up to the plane]
Mason: He said, 'Let's have some fun and take out the dam. Basset hound'.

Zuba: Good luck, Alakai.
Alex: Were we come from, we say "break a leg".
Zuba: That's my boy!

Alex: [Dancing as he speaks] How! Me and my friends fly... fly, on great metal bird... then we plummet...
Alex: Boom! Crash here. We offer only happiness and good greetings.
Hippo Girlfriend: Is he dancing about a plane crash?
Alex: Yeah, we are. Sorry.

Zuba: Alakay, look out!
Alex: [Fighting Teetsi] No, dad! It's 'Hop, Shuffle,Ball Change, Hip Swish, Turn Around!'!
[Gets sucker punched in the face by Teetsi]

Merry Madagascar (2009) (TV)
Marty: Candied yams from Sylvia's. That's what I want for Christmas.
Gloria: And I can't wait to get back to my hippo pool and that sweet smell of chlorine.
Melman: And I can't wait to see Dr. Maneesh, greatest chiropractor ever.
Alex: As for me, I just want to see snow fall down on my beautiful city. New York, here we come!

Alex: I shot down Santa.
Marty: Oh, you gonna be on the Naughty List for sure now!

Alex: I don't know. Why can't we just use the front door?
Marty: Come on! How hard can it be? Melman, you're up!
Melman: But I'm claustrophobic.
Marty: Yeah? Well now you could be Santa Claustrophobic. Now dive, fool! Dive! Dive! Dive!

Skipper: Way to drop the ball, you hippie freak.
Alex: Me? Melman was the one who lost it in the chimney.

Gloria: Wait a minute. These presents are for us!
Alex: What?
Marty: Candied yams from Sylvia's! And they're still warm! They're still warm!
Gloria: An inflatable hippo pool with chlorine!
[sniffs chlorine]
Gloria: Ahh, that's the stuff.
Melman: Doctor Maneesh's neck massager!
Gloria: What did you get, Alex?
Alex: [Holds a snow globe of New York City] Snow falling down on my beautiful city. How did Santa know?
Marty: That's why he's Santa. He's the best.

Madagascar (2005) (VG)
[Police cars arrive as Alex wanders the streets, looking for Marty]
Alex: Ah, finally! New York's finest! What took you so long? Spot any zebras?
Cop: Looks like he's hostile, boys. Set your tasers to zap.

Alex: This zoo sucks!