The Cable Guy
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Quotes for
The Cable Guy (Character)
from The Cable Guy (1996)

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The Cable Guy (1996)
The Cable Guy: Women are a labyrinth, my friend. Can I be frank? I don't think you listen to her. I think you tell her what she wants to hear. She wants you to thirst for knowledge about who she is, all the complicated splendor that is women. When your love is truly giving, it will come back to you ten fold.
Steven Kovacs: You're right. That's incredibly insightful.
The Cable Guy: I know. It was Jerry Springer's final thought on Friday's show.

The Cable Guy: Pretty smooth work! I set 'em up, you knock 'em down.
Steven Kovacs: What?
The Cable Guy: Robin. I got her back for you. I juiced her up!
Steven Kovacs: How do you know we're back together?
The Cable Guy: Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac, Steven.
Steven Kovacs: I don't want you messing with my life!
The Cable Guy: I know! I felt bad about the other night. I wanted to make it up to you.
[pause]
The Cable Guy: So what are you doing? Wanna catch a flick?
Steven Kovacs: Look, I appreciate you helping me out with Robin. But you have to understand. I'm going to have to work *extra* hard to not screw this relationship up again. You're a very nice guy, but I just don't have any room in my life for a new friend. Okay?
The Cable Guy: So, what are you trying to say?
Steven Kovacs: I don't want to be your friend.

The Cable Guy: Sounds like heart break to me.
Steven Kovacs: Well I really don't want to discuss it with you. Could you just install my cable please? I'm gonna go get dressed.
The Cable Guy: Suit yourself. No sweat off my sac. Oh by the way, you might wanna put on a bathing suit 'cause you'll be channel surfing in no time!

Cable Guy: If Robin had seen you tonight, she'd be begging you to take her back. I'm telling you, these knights get laid all the time.
The Cable Guy: [He and Steve are on horses about to charge one another] This is our destiny!
Steven: No it's not!
The Cable Guy: Yes it is!
Steven: No it isn't!
The Cable Guy: Yes it is!
Steven: Isn't!
The Cable Guy: T'is!
Steven: Isn't!
The Cable Guy: T'is!

[the Cable Guy makes a slam dunk and breaks the glass panel above the basket]
The Cable Guy: I love this game!

The Cable Guy: Hey, Rick! I never made a slam dunk before. Thanks for the boost.

The Cable Guy: Cable Guy!
Steven Kovacs: [in the shower] Oh, shit!
The Cable Guy: Caable Guuuy!
Steven Kovacs: I'm coming!
[grabs a towel, heads for the door]
The Cable Guy: [yells] Caaable guuuy!
Steven Kovacs: Don't leave!
[Steven reaches the door, peeks outside]
The Cable Guy: [leaving, sounding angry] Jesu Cristo!