Darryl Philbin
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Quotes for
Darryl Philbin (Character)
from "The Office" (2005)

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"The Office: Safety Training (#3.19)" (2007)
Darryl Philbin: We do safety training every year or after an accident. We've never made it a full year. This particular time, I was reaching for a supply box on the top shelf, when one office worker, who shall remain nameless, kicked the ladder out from under me and yelled...
[cut to Michael]
Michael Scott: [laughing hysterically] Hey, Darryl, how's it hanging?

Darryl Philbin: [trying to talking Michael out of jumping off the roof] Mike, you're a very brave man. I mean it takes courage just to be you. To get out of bed every single day, knowing full well you got to be you.
Michael Scott: Do you really mean that?
Darryl Philbin: I couldn't do it. I ain't that strong and I ain't that brave.

Michael Scott: [during safety training] Seasonal affective disorder. A depression that includes weight gain, fatigue, irritability, brought on by the low light of winter.
Darryl Philbin: Thank God we only had a baler to deal with.
Lonny: Yeah, that dim light is a bitch, ain't it?

Darryl Philbin: How many people a year do you think get their arms cut off in a baler?
Michael Scott: Bale 'er? I hardly know her.
Lonny: Damn it, Michael, pay attention, man.

"The Office: Nepotism (#7.1)" (2010)
Andy Bernard: That kid is the worst. Needs to be fired, Michael.
Michael Scott: He's not the worst. Okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy. Remember? That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though.
[starts drinking coffee]
Michael Scott: Mmm! It's not cappuccino.
Oscar Martinez: He messed yours up, too.
Darryl Philbin: He's got to go, Mike.
Michael Scott: It's just coffee, guys. But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?

Darryl Philbin: [on Michael's incorrect warning sign] Don't don't bother Luke! Got it.

"The Office: Money (#4.4)" (2007)
Darryl Philbin: [about Kelly] It's like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. It's getting to the point where I get excited every time I see that little dude walk through the door.

Kelly Kapoor: Well, I just need to know where this is going.
Darryl Philbin: Hey, I like you. All right? What's not to like? But you need to access your un-crazy side; otherwise, maybe this thing has run its course.

"The Office: Ultimatum (#7.12)" (2011)
Dwight Schrute: What'd you get?
Darryl Philbin: A book about oceans.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, really? What else? Let me see.
Darryl Philbin: That's porn. Pornography. Old lady. Nasty porn.

"The Office: Local Ad (#4.5)" (2007)
Darryl Philbin: [singing] Out of paper, out of stock / There's friendly faces around the block / So break loose from the chains that are causing you pain / Call Michael and Stanley, Jim, Dwight, Creed / Call Andy and Kelly for your business paper needs / Dunder Mifflin : the people person's paper people !

"The Office: Casual Friday (#5.24)" (2009)
Kelly Kapoor: Dammit Meredith, where are your panties?
Darryl Philbin: It's casual day!

"The Office: Koi Pond (#6.8)" (2009)
[Kids see Michael pretending to hang from a noose]
Michael Scott: Kids, just remember. Suicide is never the answer. All right.
[in talking head]
Michael Scott: Why is Christmas the only holiday that can have a message?
[to kids]
Michael Scott: It is the easy way out. You are not alone.
Darryl Philbin: What the hell is wrong with you?
Michael Scott: [short silence] Who wants candy?

"The Office: Golden Ticket (#5.17)" (2009)
Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey. You idiot.
Darryl Philbin: Start over.

"The Office: Lotto (#8.3)" (2011)
Darryl Philbin: My future isn't going to be determined by seven little white lotto balls. It's going to be determined by two big black balls.

"The Office: Boys and Girls (#2.15)" (2006)
Michael Scott: We'll get someone to clean that up.
Darryl: We're the ones that gotta clean that up!

"The Office: Casino Night (#2.22)" (2006)
Darryl: [explaining to Michael why he doesn't want fire-eaters in the warehouse for Casino Night] We just have a lot of stuff down there that could be stolen.
Michael Scott: That's ironic.
Darryl: What?
Michael Scott: That *you* are afraid.
Darryl: Why? 'Cause I'm from the hood?
Michael Scott: Dinkin flicka.
Darryl: [to film crew] I taught Mike some phrases to help him with his interracial conversations. You know, stuff like, "Fleece it out." "Going mach five." "Dinkin flicka." You know, things us Negroes say.
Michael Scott: Give me some.
[Mike and Darryl do choreographed handshake]
Darryl: [laughing] Oh, yeah, I taught him a handshake, too.

"The Office: Launch Party (#4.3)" (2007)
Dwight Schrute: [Irate that Kelly is buying from the computer that he is competing with] What're you doing? I am in the fight of my life against this computer and every sale counts!
Kelly Kapoor: But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says 'Thanks for shopping at Dunder Mifflin!'
Dwight Schrute: Damn it, Kelly, it knows! It knows what you did!
Darryl Philbin: Who knows?
Dwight Schrute: [Snatches ream of paper from Darryl and yells at Kelly] Return it! Return it now!
Darryl Philbin: [Snatches the ream back] Hey! How 'bout stop yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over 500 sheets of paper and you get back to your desk. Start selling multiple reams, like a man?
Dwight Schrute: Y-you don't understand. Okay, if this makes the difference
[points at the ream of paper]
Dwight Schrute: I'm gonna tell It that YOU were responsible.
Darryl Philbin: [with a threatening voice] Who's "It"?