Quotes for
Jan Levinson (Character)
from "The Office" (2005)

"The Office: Dinner Party (#4.9)" (2008)

Jan Levinson: [after Michael says he wants a child] All right! You want to have a kid? Let's have a fucking kid!

Jan Levinson: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath.
[laughs]
Jan Levinson: But I don't have to tell you Pam.
Pam Beesly: [laughs] Oh yeah... wait what?

Michael Scott: [arguing] Man, I would love to burn your candles.
Jan Levinson: You burn it, you buy it.
Michael Scott: Oh good, I'll be your first customer.
Jan Levinson: You're hardly my first.
Michael Scott: That's what she said!
[Jan picks up one of Michael's Dundie awards and throws it through his 200 dollar plasma TV screen]

Jan Levinson: How about we do the short tour and then I'll start dinner.
Pam Beesly: Oh, I can help starting dinner if you need it.
Jan Levinson: No, no its just the asabuko needs to braise for about 3 hours, everything else is done.
Pam Beesly: Three hours from now, or 3 hours from earlier, like 4 o'clock.
Jan Levinson: You know Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
Michael Scott: When in Rome...

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"The Office: Boys and Girls (#2.15)" (2006)

Jan Levinson-Gould: There are always a million reasons not to do something.

Meredith: In five years, I'd like to be five years sober.
Jan Levinson-Gould: That is an excellent goal.
Meredith: Four and a half!

Jan Levinson-Gould: Sports metaphors are one of the ways women feel left out of the language of the office. Now, I know this might sound silly, but many women ask to go over it. So, fumble means...
Phyllis: Mistake.
Meredith: Slip.
Jan Levinson-Gould: Right. Par for the course is a golf term. It means right on track. Uh, below par means worse. Wait, that should mean better. That doesn't make sense.
Kelly Kapoor: What about second base? Like, if Michael said he got to second base with you? Does that mean you, like, closed a deal?
Jan Levinson-Gould: Excuse me?
Kelly Kapoor: I mean, that's a baseball term, right?
Jan Levinson-Gould: I don't know what... Michael was... talking about, I don't know.
Kelly Kapoor: [turns to the camera and winks]

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"The Office: Money (#4.4)" (2007)

[last lines]
Michael Scott: Don't sell your implants, Jan.
Jan Levinson: I won't. I know you like 'em.

Jan Levinson-Gould: So I forgot to tell you I need the car tonight.
Michael Scott: Um actually I need the car.
Jan Levinson-Gould: Why? For improv - well why don't you just pretend that you have a car?

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"The Office: The Negotiation (#3.18)" (2007)

Michael Scott: Negotiation is an art. Back and forth. Give and take. And today, both Darryl and I took something- higher salaries. Win, Win, Win. But you know, life is about more than just salary. It's about perks. Like having sex with Jan.
Jan Levinson: MICHAEL!

Jan Levinson-Gould: What's wrong with you?
Michael Scott: It's been a weird day. I accidentally cross dressed.

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"The Office: The Job (#3.23)" (2007)

Jan Levinson-Gould: [being fired] So long, assholes.

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"The Office: The Convention (#3.2)" (2006)

Jan Levinson: I admit it, I underestimated you.
Michael Scott: Well, Jan, maybe next time you'll... estimate me.

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"The Office: Sexual Harassment (#2.2)" (2005)

Michael Scott: Attention everyone. Hello? Ah, yes. I just want you to know that, ah - this is not my decision - but from here on out we can NO longer be friends. Aaaand when we talk about things here, we must only discuss, uh, 'work-associated' things. And, ah, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And, in the future, if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression, I will no longer... EVER... do... any of those things.
Jim Halpert: Does that include 'that's what she said'?
Michael Scott: Mmm-hmm, yes.
Jim Halpert: Wow, that is really... hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling, so...
Michael Scott: ...THAT'S what she said. Hahahahaha.
Jan Levinson-Gould: Michael... Michael. Please... please...
Michael Scott: Hahahahaha.

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"The Office: Cocktails (#3.17)" (2007)

[regarding her relationship with Michael]
Jan Levinson: Why is this so hard?... That's what she said. Oh my god, what am I saying?

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